Lily Bud
by schak
Summary: Before Lily Potter, there was Lily Evans. Before a martyr of the Light, there was a little girl that had to find her place in a world at war about her right to live. Lily Evans wasn't just a prologue or side note of other people's lives. She was the protagonist of her own story. This is Lily's story, told in small moments and oneshots.
1. Year 1 Chapter 1

Lily Bud

Year One Chapter One

Lily Evans sat on her new bed for the first time. It was huge and was surrounded by heavy red curtains. She pulled them open to talk with the other girls.

Lily shared the room with four girls. They all introduced themselves when they walked up the stairs. Gwen Glassor and Gundola Beararm were already thick as thieves. They knew each other long before Hogwarts. They sat together on one bed and had introduced themselves so fast that Lily wasn't sure who was who.

The other two girls were Dorcas Meadowes and Sulfia MacEllis. Dorcas was sweet, shy and spoke with a soft voice. Sulfia on the other hand seemed so sure of herself and carried herself in an aloof manner.

Lily continued telling them about her life, how she was muggleborn and she had a friend in Slytherin, who wanted her to be in that house instead. Dorcas looked a bit shocked and Sulfia screwed up her nose.

"Well he is either really mean or really stupid." Sulfia told her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Surprised by her comment, Lily's cheeks flushed with anger. "You don't know Sev! Why would you say something like that about him?" She didn't think she would like Sulfia. She reminded her of those arrogant boys on the train.

Sulfia's eyes widened in shock. "You are muggleborn and he wants you to go to Slytherin." She shook her head and spoke with such authority that Lily almost felt stupid asking the question.

"Sulfia," Dorcas said in a calming voice, "Lily is muggleborn. She doesn't know about Slytherin…" The shy girl obviously wanted to smooth the tension, but Lily only felt embarrassed. Sulfia looked taken aback about the idea that someone didn't have the same opinion as her about Slytherin.

To Lily's surprise Gwen and Gundola joined the conversation and explained the situation to her.

"Slytherin is all about purebloods and that stuff." One of them said, Gwen, maybe, or was it Gundola. They even looked a bit alike, with their long brown hairs and in their school uniforms.

"They are no muggleborns in Slytherin. They are basically not allowed in there." The other one continued.

"There has never ever been a muggleborn in Slytherin."

Lily was speechless. Slytherin had a problem with muggleborns? But Sev said it didn't make a difference. Lily bit her lip.

"Actual that's not true," Sulfia informed them with a smirk, clearly pleased to know more than the rest of them. "There were some muggleborns that got sorted into Slytherin."

"Really?"

"Are you sure?"

"I never heard that before ."

The other three all seemed to think that a muggleborn Slytherin was unbelievable or made up. But Lily wanted to puff her chest. Sev hadn't lied to her!

But Sulfia stood by her words. "Yes, a dozen or more even. They just never survived long enough to even make their O. . Never mind graduate from Hogwarts. They always have an ' _accident'_ or ' _kill themselves'_ before that." She raised her hands to put quotation marks around the words accident and kill themselves. She clearly didn't believe in accidents or anything of that sort.

Lily felt dread build up in her stomach. Surely, Sev didn't know about any of this or he would never have wanted to go to Slytherin. Once he found out about that, he wouldn't want to stay there, but he couldn't leave his house! Her feeling of dread was quickly joined by worry and sadness for her friend.

Some of the other girls asked Sulfia how she knew any of that.

"My mum is on the school board and there is a list with all students that somehow died while they were students in Hogwarts. Most of them are just illnesses and stuff, but Mum said that it is a little joke for the school board that if a muggleborn is sorted into Slytherin, they have to prepare for one less graduate at the end of the seven years." The other girls giggled uncomfortably.

"I don't think Sev knows about any of that…" Lily mumbled.

"Well then he is stupid and not mean." Sulfia said and swept her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "I mean, everybody knows that muggleborn are unwanted in Slytherin. To want to be in that house Slytherin but not know about their blood purity beliefs, you have to be a bit stupid…"

Lily didn't know what to say to any of this and was relieved when Sulfia started to talk about her family. She feigned interest as Sulfia droned on about her two older sisters, one in Ravenclaw and one in Hufflepuff.

* * *

First, a huge thank you to Hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader and putting so much work into my stories. I can't express how grateful I am to you.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and I don't make money with this story. I write and share it for my own entertainment and that of my readers.

AN: I hope you like the story. It will be a lot longer than The Best, mostly because it is not only about the relationship between Lily and James, but about Lily and a lot of people, including James, Severus, Petunia, her parents, the marauders and some other friends I made up or just borrowed the name from.

This first chapter is already a lot darker than most of The Best. Lily is confront with the fact that the magical world is not as Severus told her. There is some darkness there. Muggleborn are unwanted in Slytherin, where Severus wanted her to go. I always found it strange that Snape told Lily to try to get into Slytherin. One of the best known facts about Slytherin is that they don't want 'mudbloods' there. Everybody knows that, that grows up around magic. That only let me come to the conclusion that Snape didn't actual know as much about Hogwarts as he made Lily believe. Maybe his mother just didn't want to share is darker side with her son, but to Lily it most have been a shock. There are no mudbloods in Slytherin and if one dares to go there anyway, I would argue that you only need one person crazy enough to see it as an affront so deeply that they want to do something about it and considering the people we see in that house, it is not unlikely that someone would arrange for an accident to happen.

I hope you like it and please leave a review to help me improve and be motivated.

Have a nice day.


	2. Year 1 Chapter 2

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 2

Lily was still thinking about the conversation of her first night in Hogwarts. Did everybody else know that Slytherin didn't like muggleborns? Why didn't Sev's mum ever tell him that? Did Sev learn about it yet? Lily hadn't asked him about it yet. It just never came up.

Lily only half listened to Dorcas and Sulfia sitting next to her. It was dinner time and the Great Hall was buzzing with people. Lily liked Dorcas a lot, but she still wasn't sure about Sulfia. It wasn't really her fault that she knew more about Slytherin than Sev, right? But she could have been more polite about it. Lily still sat with her in class and at meals, because Sulfia and Dorcas got along fine. Their dads were cousins or something, Lily stifled an eye roll, but according to Sulfia she was related to practically everybody.

A loud laugh broke out, and Lily turned her head to see the rude boys from the train. Potter and Black if she remembered correctly. Lily tried to remember all the names, because Sulfia was constantly talking about people very fast and got very annoyed when she had to explain who she was referring to.

The boys had been very rude, but maybe they just knew about the same stuff Sulfia told her about the first night. Maybe, she had been too rash in her judgment of them. Maybe, if she had listened to them on the train, they would have explained it to her and Sev and then Sev could have been with her in Gryffindor instead. Maybe, she should give them another chance.

As Lily was thinking about starting over with her housemates, she didn't notice that the boys had stood up from the table and were walking past her and her friends. Until she felt a sharp pain on her head. Lily cried out and twisted around on the bench. Behind her stood Potter and stared at her wide-eyed. A couple of long red hairs hung between his fingers.

Sulfia and Dorcas turned around at her shriek.

"Lily what is going on?" Sulfia asked, looking from her to Potter.

"He pulled my hair!" Lily held her head and glared at that stupid boy. She reached behind her head. Her hair was all sticky. "And he put sticky stuff in it!"

"N-no. I didn't- I just wanted-" He stammered. His friends around him started to snicker, as he turned red. James was moving his hand up and down as if he was petting something.

"You're such an idiot, James Potter." Sulfia told him, before she pulled Lily with her out of the Great Hall. "Let's go wash your hair and get that jam out." Dorcas followed behind them.

Lily felt angry tears in her eyes. She had been right about that boy. He was rude and mean and she would not give him another chance! But, she thought while glancing at her defender, maybe she should try to be better friends with Sulfia.

* * *

Thank you again at Hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader.

AN. This is the follow up from the first chapter of The Best. James learned at touching hair with jam sticky hands can be considered hair pulling and just when Lily thought about giving him another chance... Lily is still thinking about Slytherin and that they don't like muggleborns, but didn't yet confronted Severus about it.

What do you think about this chapter? How to you like Dorcas and Sulfia? Please leave a review.

Have a nice day.


	3. Year 1 Chapter 3

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 3

Sev had been angry with her for a while. Lily wasn't sure what she had done to make him upset. But she could see something was bothering him in the way he pulled his book closer to him when she sat down next to him in the library. Lily was tired of the tension between them and just wanted to make up.

"Hey Sev." She put her book bag down. "What are you reading?"

He just gave her a grunt as an answer, which sparked Lily's annoyance.

"What is your problem, Sev? You act as if I have done something to you." Lily crossed her arms and stared at him until he answered her.

"You are always hanging out with those girls." He mumbled back.

"They are my friends. We share a dorm and every class. Of course I hang out with them." Lily was a bit taken back by the jealousy in Sev's words.

"Well what do you need me for then?"

"You can have more than one friend! I can be friends with Dorcas and Sulfia and with you." Lily put her hand on Sev's and squeezed it for a moment.

Sev finally looked up to her and Lily smiled at him. He answered her with a shy smile of his own.

It was nice to talk with Sev again and soon they started to talk about all the new things they learned and their new classmates.

"They are always walking around as if they own the school. Just because they played one stupid prank on Flitwick." Sev was complaining about James Potter and Sirius Black. Lily rolled her eyes. Sure it was annoying when they talked and laughed so loudly in the back of the classroom that it was difficult to concentrate, but she didn't see any reason to pay them any attention. "They think they can get away with everything, just because they are rich. They don't even have any talent." Sev spat out.

Lily couldn't help but disagree in her mind. Both Potter and Black were always two of the first students to understand a lesson, especially in Transfiguration, and that prank had been funny enough that even Flitwick laughed. But she had no desire to correct Sev, so she just nodded her head and hummed in agreement. She didn't want to fight with Sev again.

* * *

Thank you to my beta reader hurricanhairandemeraldeyes.

AN. This is only a short chapter. It's a bit about Severus early jealousy towards Lily's new friends and James and Sirius for how effortless they can be the center of attention and make everybody like them. A skill young Severus would like to have, but just doesn't. I don't think Severus had a lot of experiences in sharing his friend and he is not very good at it and Lily has to teach him how to. This isn't how he imagined their Hogwarts years. His plan was for them to be in one house and share every class and the two of them against he world. Now Lily is in Gryffindor while he is in Slytherin and she has other friends beside him.

Apart from that, I personally think that the rivalry between Snape and James was mutual and even early on both sides disliked the other.

I hope you like this chapter and leave a comment.

Have a nice day.


	4. Year 1 Chapter 4

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 4

" _Don't you know that you will get bitten when you hang out with snakes?"_

Potter's words rang in her head after she finished defending Sev against Potter and Black again. Their "pranks" made Lily angry. Just because Black got that stupid screaming letter from his parents didn't give them the right to play some stupid prank on Sev. Lily was sure that it was just a coincidence that Sev had laughed at the same time Black's letter arrived. Sev knew what it was like to have a parent scream at you. He wouldn't think it was funny, when it happened to others. Dorcas and Sulfia thought that Sev had laughed at Black too, but her friends just didn't know Sev like she did.

But even more than the stupid prank, it was Potter's words that annoyed her. She grasped Sev's hand tighter as she pulled him away from the taunting Gryffindors. If she was honest with herself she knew why, the words wouldn't leave her head. She still hadn't talked with Sev about Slytherin.

Maybe it was time. Lily brought Sev to a hault when they reached the outside.

"Sev?" Why was her voice so shaky? She cleared her throat before continuing, "Is it true that Slytherins don't like muggleborns?"

Lily absentmindedly played with her fingers while Sev was quiet for some time. "Why do you ask that?" Lily sighed as he had avoided her question. "Is it something Potter or Black said? Because you know, they are idiots."

"No… It's something that the girls said…"

"I told you that they don't like me!" Sev hissed back. "Why do you care what they say?"

"This is not what this is about!" Lily shouted back in turn. "Is it true that Slytherins don't want muggleborns in their house?" She asked again, intensely staring at her friend.

Sev looked away and shrugged his shoulders, as if the answer wasn't important at all.

"Well then it is probably better that I am in Gryffindor." Lily told him and crossed her arms as well. "If they wouldn't even want me in your _oh so great_ house."

"It's not like we would have told them that you are muggleborn…" Sev mumbled and kicked a stone away. "We could easily say that you are an illegitimate halfblood from a Weasley or Prewett or soemthing."

Lily stopped and watched him for a moment. Her tummy felt funny in an unpleasant way.

"I forgot my charms homework in my dorm." She told him and turned around to run back to the Gryffindor tower. Lily quickly brushed underneath her eyes as she left Severus. She wasn't crying though, she just got a water drop on her face.

* * *

AN. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being such a great beta reader.

In this we see an aftermath of The best second chapter. James' words stick with Lily for some time, because she still don't know what to think about Slytherin.

Severus here is very clumsy with his words. He just can't admit that he was wrong, that wishing Lily into Slytherin would be dangerous and wrong for her. He is just trying the justify why it wouldn't be so bad, but the idea that Severus wants her to deny her family in front of other people hurts. It feels like betrayal to her. Lily doesn't want to hide her family or be ashamed for them.

Snape ever seemed to be the guy that was good at maning up to his faults, considering that he still hates James for things that Snape isn't innocent in.

The world of magic isn't how Severus always described it and now that starts to have a troll on their friendship.


	5. Year 1 Chapter 5

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 5

Sev and Lily never stayed angry at each other for long. A few days after their fight, the two were back to studying in an unused classroom. Lily insisted on practicing the _Wingardium Leviosa_ charm a bit more, even though both of them managed to perform it in the lesson. Sev first thought that it was unnecessary to waste time on a spell they already knew when they could be learning new ones.

"Don't fear the man that practices 10000 kicks once. Fear the man that practices one kick 10000 times." Lily said while trying to put on a wise face. "Or something like that."

"What are you talking about?" Sev looked at her as if she lost her mind.

"You know Bruce Lee, from the movies." Lily punched and kicked the air for a moment, but stopped at the dismissive look on Sev's face. "Never mind." Lily mumbled, but quickly pepped up again. "What I mean to say is, that we might know the spell, but we haven't mastered it. I want to keep practicing it, so that we will always be in full control of the spell no matter what." She pulled her eyes wide open slightly stuck out her bottom lip, like she always did when she begged her dad for something.

"Ok fine…" Sev agreed with a sigh. "What do you want to do?"

A wide and sly grin grew on Lily's face. Suddenly, she made a quill fly up in the air and sent it at Sev to tickle his ears.

"No, stop that!" Sev shouted, trying to sound angry, but he soon started to giggle. Lily stopped the quill for a moment.

"Just you wait!" Sev said before making his own quill fly.

Soon their quills were dueling in the air as the two friends laughed and tried to tickle each other.

* * *

A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are the best beta reader I could wish for.

To the chapter: Severus and Lily are friends and they have fun with each other, even if some things are not easy to deal with for them. But they are young and the war is not something they think about at that time. Lily is of course into muggle culture in a way not even Severus is, because he is just not interested in that part of his heritage.

I hope you like this chapter and please leave a review.

Have a nice day.


	6. Year 1 Chapter 6

Lily Bud

Year one Chapter 6

Potions was fun and the teacher, Professor Slughorn, seemed nice. He didn't look as stern as Professor McGonagall. Not that McGonagall wasn't nice too, but Slughorn seemed more approachable.

Lily was fascinated by the color changing potions, the swirling fumes and the different ingredients. It had its own kind of magic. On top of that, it was one of the few classes she actual had together with Sev. For some reason, the teachers rarely put Gryffindors and Slytherins together in the same classes. So Lily happily sat down next to Severus, while Sulfia and Dorcas sat together at the table beside them.

She flashed a big grin at Sev when he returned with some of the ingredients for today's potion. Carefully, she caressed the different elderwood leaves with her fingertips, before picking two of them.

"These two are the best." She told Sev before handing him one of them.

"I still think it's hogwash that you can feel a difference in the leaves." Sev answered, but still took the leaf.

"Of course you can!" Lily told him. She took his hand and made him run his finger over the leaves as well. "Can you feel it? It just seems so much more alive than this one. Like there is this small pulse and the leaf-veins are softer in this one than the others."

Lily knew that Sev preferred the direct and more dramatic magic of the other subjects; like Defence, but Lily felt that the slow magic involved in brewing a potion was beautiful in its own way. She wanted to show Sev this magic, but he was a bit impatient to prove himself. Potions needed time and couldn't really be used in a duel and apparently being used in a duel was most important for something to be 'cool'. Severus looked down at their hands and slowly lifted the leaf up against the light.

"Oh!" He exclaimed and looked at Lily with excitement. "You are right!"

Lily felt happiness grow within her. Yes, she could share her passion for potions with Sev. He was already good at them but together they could be great.

* * *

Thank you to my beta reader hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. Not only for cleaning up my terrible spelling, but for always having an open ear if I don't know how to write an idea.

To the chapter: Very often I read how Lily only gets good grades in Potions because Severus helps her and I'm personally annoyed by that idea. Why can't it be Lily that first showed Snape the beauty of Potions? Snape always seemed to me like a kid that would be eager to prove himself and show some form of dominance and other fast and flashier magic is much better for that. He is still brilliant in Potions, but it is Lily who has real passion for the subject. Snape never showed any passion for it in the books. He is good at it, but not passionate about it. One of the first things we learn about him is that he wants to teach another subject. He has no interest to get the students excited for the subject and he has no interest in helping a brilliant student like Hermione. We know his true passion and that is the Dark Arts.

After Lily died the last of the passion Lily gave him for the subject died with him.

Please leave a review and tell me what you think.

Have a nice day.


	7. Year 1 Chapter 7

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 7

"Mudblood."

What a strange word. Lily had only asked some of the older Slytherins where she could find Sev but they refused to answer. They just told her to leave them alone before calling her...that word.

Lily didn't know what it meant, but the disgusted voice they used and the sneer on their faces made pretty clear that it wasn't a nice word.

Later when she found Severus she asked him what it meant. He looked startled for a moment and refused to meet her eyes when he answered her.

"Nothing… It means nothing. It's just a stupid word, some stupid people use." Severus said, tugging on his sleeves nervously. "Don't worry about it."

Lily nodded and didn't ask any more questions.

It was late in the evening when everybody was already laying in bed, when Lily found the courage to ask again. She silently crept across the room towards Dorcas' bed. Lily had noticed that Sev didn't know all the things about the magical world. Sulfia and even Dorcas knew more about lots of things, which Lily was grateful for most of the time. She was still nervous about asking Sev about the awful things Sulfia told her about Slytherin, because if Sev didn't know about other things he surely didn't know how his house treated muggleborns.

She still asked Sev, when she didn't understand something, but sometimes she would talk to Sulfia and Dorcas as well when they came back to the dorm for the night.

"Dorcas? Are you still awake?" She asked in a quiet voice. A few seconds passed before, Dorcas opened her curtains while rubbed her eyes.

"Lily? What's the matter?" Dorcas yawned.

"Can I ask you something?" Lily stared down on her feet,wiggling her toes.

Dorcas looked at her a long moment before she made some room for Lily on her bed. "What is it?" She asked once Lily sat next to her.

Lily leant over and whispered in Dorcas' ear. "Mudblood-"

Lily couldn't even finish her question before Dorcas reacted by flinching back. "What?!" Dorcas practically shouted. Lily had never heard Dorcas raise her voice so loudly. The other three girls woke up at the sound. "Where did you hear that- that _word_?"

"What is going on?" Sulfia pulled her curtains wide open and stepped out. She wasn't shy at all, when she quickly inserted herself into their conversation and stalked over to Dorcas' bed. "What word?" Sulfia demanded from them.

Two other curtains briefly ruffled and soon Gwen and Gundola were sticking their heads out of their bed curtains as well. With all those eyes on her, Lily felt her face heat up.

"Somebody called Lily a m- the- the- ehm- the, you know, _M-word_." Dorcas voice got quieter the longer she talked and by the end she was speaking in a whisper. But everybody else was completely quiet as well, so everyone heard her clearly. All the other girls loudly gasped for air.

"How dare they?!" Sulfia shouted, stomping her feet in anger. "Stupid Slytherins!"

"How do you know it was a Slytherin?"

"Because it's always a bloody Slytherin!" Sulfia said in another shout, Dorcas, Gwen and Gundola nodded in agreement. "Who was it?" Sulfia demanded to know.

Lily shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. An older girl, with black hair."

Sulfia pressed her lips so hard together that they were just a thin white line. Gwen and Gundola now opened their curtains completely and sat back down on the edge of their beds.

"What does it mean?" Lily was slightly afraid to ask again and embarrass herself further, as it seemed like everyone knew what that word meant except her, but she asked anyway.

"What do you mean? What does it mean?" Sulfia asked bewildered.

"Mudblood." Once again everybody around her sharply inhaled. "What does it mean? I know it's a bad word…"

"It's not only bad." Dorcas said in a quiet but firm voice. "It's a disgusting word that only the worst people use." The others all mumbled their agreement.

"It's what some morons call muggleborns." Gwen added. "To describe that their- your blood is dirty and not as pure as theirs."

"Gwen!" Gundola reprimanded her, which was strange because those two always agreed with each other.

"Well, Lily needs to know what all this is about." Gwen defended herself. "She can't protect herself from something she doesn't know about." The other girls looked uncomfortable at her words.

"Why would I need to protect myself against a silly name?" The tense air made Lily uneasy, but she tried to put on a brave face.

"It's more than just a silly name." Sulfia told her with pursed lips. She sat down on Dorcas' bed on Lily's other side. "Only people that don't want muggleborns here use that word."

"Here as in Hogwarts?" Lily asked Sulfia, but the blonde girl didn't meet her eyes.

"As in not alive…" Dorcas answered. Lily's head jerked around to stare at her in shock.

"Not alive?" Lily felt herself shiver. "As in killing?"

"There are only rumors. Nothing for sure… I heard my parents argue about it…" Sulfia looked uncharacteristically unsure of herself.

Lily shivered even more and her vision got blurry. Dorcas and Sulfia both put their arms around her. That night Lily slept in Dorcas bed, between Dorcas and Sulfia, who held her the whole night.

* * *

Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are the best beta reader I could wish for.

A.N. About the chapter. I said it before I say it again. The war was a lot longer than people like to pretend in fanfiction. You could argue that the character slowly start to notice it more, but he was already going on when this characters first set foot into Hogwarts. Lily never saw a magical world that wasn't at war about her very right to live. Lily is confronted with this ideology very early, all of this children are confronted with it early.

Lily first asks Severus about this insult, but he doesn't want to admit to the whole truth and danger this word and ideology pose to Lily. Part of him maybe wants to protect her by not telling her. Her new friends just have a much more detailed knowledge about the magical world, because they other than Snape grew up in that world. They tell Lily about the dangers and try to comfort her after it, but they are honest with her.

Please leave a review and tell me what you think.

Have a nice day


	8. Year 1 Chapter 8

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 8

Lily had been very curious, when she first heard about Quidditch. She imagined taking her dad to a match one day. But Sev didn't give her much information on the sport.

"Only dimwitted showoffs play it." He told her flippant. "You should not waste your time on it."

But then he never understood her excitement every month when she got to go to the football stadium with her dad. Her dad liked Chelsea, but he was also a devoted fan of their first division hometown club FC Cokeworth. Tuney and Lily would go there with him and Uncle Tommy. The two would hold the girls up on their shoulders whenever an interesting play was happening. Biting into a somewhat fresh pie, while singing off-key football songs were some of her favorite memories with her father. He always worked long and hard hours as a miner and in the evening he was often too tired to spend much time with his daughters, so all of them cherish the time they could spend together.

Now she listened to Dorcas, Gwen and Gundola all try to explain the game to her at the same time, while Sulfia was drawing a huge poster of a lion. She sat on the floor of the dorm and everybody had to move around.

"The seeker is the most important player." Dorcas said, before turning towards a mirror to paint her face red and gold.

"There are four balls." Gwen told her at the same time.

"The beaters are only allowed to target the keeper with bludgers when the quaffle is in the attack half of the field." Gundola emphasized her words by swinging an imaginary bat around.

"When a seeker catches the snitch the game ends and their team gets 150 points."

"The Quaffle, two Buldgers and the Golden Snitch."

"You are not allowed to touch another's player's broom, if it's not a life-threatening situation."

"The Quaffle is for the Chasers, there are three on each team."

The girls were all talking over one another, and Lily jerked her head back and forth between them but couldn't understand what they were saying. She still had no idea of the rules when they pulled her along to the Gyffindor stands half an hour later.

But that didn't matter, because she felt right at home as soon as the match started. She whined with the players when a bludger hit, held her breath when the other team flew an attack, shouted at her chasers to pass that stupid ball already, complained that the referee was clearly blind, hugged the people next to her when the seekers went into a nosedive and screamed herself hoarse with the rest of the Gryffindors when their team finally won.

You can spend all the time in the world learning the rules, but nobody can teach you how to get the game. You have to feel that one.

* * *

A.N. Thank you hurricanhairndemeraldeyes. You are still the best beta reader and you improve my writing so much and made the crazy ideas in my head readable.

To the chapter: Severus is a lot more isolated from the magical world than he likes to tell Lily and one of the things he is isolated from his quidditch. He probably never was at a game and couldn't find 'his' club when he was young. Additional he doesn't seem very into sports at all. He tries to turn Lily away from quidditch, because he doesn't know much about it and is embarrassed to tell her that. He likes to be the one to tell Lily everything and be admire by her for his knowledge, so whenever he doesn't know something he makes it seem like it isn't worth knowing about.

But Lily here wants to know about the sport. She maybe isn't a player, but every sports fan can tell you, that you don't need to be good at a sport to enjoy it. I like the idea that there are things and emotions from her muggle life and family that form her and her interests. And I don't want her to just hating or be interested in the sport for James. Watching a sport is fun and the idea that she would hide away from such an important social activity because she doesn't like one player seems ridiculous to me.

Please leave a review if you like it.

Have a nice day


	9. Year 1 Chapter 9

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 9

A loud bang, caused Lily to wince in her seat next to Sev. She immediately looked at her potion, to check if it was alright. After that she turned around to see what had caused the noise behind her.

Three rows back near the corner of the room, she saw Remus Lupin and Sirius Black with coal black faces and a few strands of burning hair. In front of them, were the remains of something that probably was once their cauldron. Black smoke rose from the ruins and formed dark clouds under the ceiling.

Professor Slughorn hurried over to them.

"Oh boys, what have you done?" The professor clucked his tongue while making sure that they were unhurt. "You are lucky that this is such a harmless potion."

Everybody's eyes were on the pair and Lily felt pity stir in her tummy at how embarrassed both Gryffindors looked. Next to her, Sev started to snicker. Lily quickly shot him a disapproving look. That wasn't very nice of Sev. Soon the rest of the class joined Severus in his fun. They pointed fingers in their direction and started mocking Black and Lupin. Professor Slughorn tried and failed to calm the class down.

It was James Potter who finally managed to shout over everybody's laughter. "At least they are fun and don't only live in books! Only know-it-alls and swots get everything right on the first try!" A couple of students mumbled agreement with him, but Sev glared at him with a sneer.

"Better a mischief maker than a teacher pet!" James said, daring anyone to continue laughing h at his friends.

Lily frowned and looked down at her own potion. It was perfect on the first try- Professor Slughorn had told her and Sev that just before the cauldron exploded. What right did Potter have to insult them because they did the potion right? Or was he only trying to defend his friends?

She still had those thoughts in the back of her head when the Gryffindor first years made their way to Charms after lunch. She managed the spell on her second try, but was the first person in class to do so. Professor Flitwick praised her, but apparently everyone else also l had Potter's words from Potion on their mind, because they all started to laugh at her when he shouted out;

"Of course Evans gets it. She has the best brain!"

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A.N. Thank you hurrricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader. Your hard work improves my writing so much. Thank you

To the chapter: This chapter correspond with a chapter of my other story ' **The Best** ', where James is actual in awe with Lily's cleverness, he is just really bad at communicating that to her. Here we see the reason why everybody of course takes his comment the wrong why. He was defending his friends earlier with something similar and just wasn't thinking about it anymore. The thing is James makes a couple of mistakes, he doesn't even notice he makes when dealing with Lily. But they have time to learn to talk with each other.

Please leave a review and tell me what you think. For those that read both stories, does this way of combining the two stories work or does it feel repetitive?

Have a nice day.


	10. Year 1 Chapter 10

Lily Bud

Year 1 Chapter 10

Lily's eyes flickered to her watch. She had a free period and normally she would go to the library to do some homework, but today the teachers were generous and didn't give them any. Should she still go? Lily often met with Sev in the library, but it wasn't a set date or anything. They just both happened to have a free period at the time and wound up meeting there.

However, the weather did look great outside. The afternoon spring sun was warm for Scotland and it would be fun to walk by the lake. .

"So the Featherlight spell. You are really good at it, right?" Sulfia packed her bag next to Lily and the two walked out of the classroom.

"I'm okay at it." Lily flushed lightly, she often got embarrassed whenever someone talked about the fact that she was top of the class. She was never sure if they meant it or were mocking her. Especially since, Dorcas said, that some people were irritated by her academic success, because she was muggleborn. When she complained about it to Severus, he once said that maybe she could hide how brilliant she was, that way the others would underestimate her and nobody would give her a hard time. But Lily didn't like that idea.

"You are great at that spell." Sulfia corrected her offhandedly. "I'm the one whose not so great at it. Do you have time to show me?"

If Lily had learned anything about Sulfia, it was that her pride wouldn't allow her to easily ask for help and this was probably the closest she would ever come to it. Sometimes, Lily found that annoying about her new friend, but at least she was getting better at asking.

"Sure. Is it ok, if we do this outside? It feels like we are always in the castle."

Sulfia gave her a relieved smile. "Yeah, that sounds great."

* * *

A.N Thank you Hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. I'm always impressed and grateful how much time and work you put into my story.

To the chapter: Severus and Lily are best friends, but there are moments when Lily would like to do other things than Severus normally likes to do or when she would like to spend time with her other friends. That doesn't mean that Lily is disloyal to Severus, it just means that she is a normal 12 year old girl.

Severus and her other friends have very different ways and opinions how to help Lily with a problem. While the Gryffindor girls stand by her side and are ready to take on the world with her, Severus prefers the sneaky way of avoiding the problem. Don't tell them you are muggleborn and nobody could attack you because of it. Don't show them how good you are and nobody is jealous of you. But Lily is a Gyffindor as well and not comfortable with this sneaky way of dealing with problems, because it doesn't really deal with the problem, it just avoids the consequences for it. But Severus wants to help as much as her new friends, just in a non-confront way.

This is the last chapter of the first year. Lily met a new world and new friends. She saw the first glimmers of the problems she will have to face for the rest of her life. But for now everything is mostly fantastic and she enjoys her new life with her old and new friends. James wasn't very important to her yet and so far he didn't make a very good impression on her.

Please leave a review.

Have a nice day


	11. Year 2 Chapter 11

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 11

The summer holidays back home were strange. After spending a year in Hogwarts and in the magical world everything seemed so ordinary and boring. Lily got a lot of letters from Sulfia and Dorcas and both had invited her over for a week, but she turned them down. Lily wrote back and replied that it was because she wanted to spend some time with her family, but really it was because Severus looked so hurt when she told him about the invitations.

"So you'll leave me for them even over the holidays?" His voice had sounded so desperate that Lily couldn't imagine upsetting him even more. She immediately told him that she wouldn't go and it was fine.

They had a lot of fun that summer, the two of them. Although the time when Lily invited him over to dinner didn't go very well.

"So how does transfiguration work? I mean, do you change the physical abilities of an object as well as its appearance? And if you changed something's mass where does this extra mass come from or go to?" Her father asked both Lily and Sev with shining eyes.

Lily looked over to Sev. She wasn't sure of the answer as well, so she hoped that Sev could explain it better.

"Oh, it's really complex," Sev answered in a haughty voice. "It's not something muggles like you could understand. It's just too complicated for you."

Her father looked taken aback at his response and her mum's spoon fell to her plate in shock. Lily was surprised as well. That was not very nice. Just because they weren't wizards didn't mean her family was incapable of understanding magic. But before Lily could correct him, Petunia started to talk.

"I told you he is a rude and terrible boy, Mum, and I really don't know why we should let him into our house." Petunia stood up and glared at Sev. "Either you send him home, or I will eat in my room! Sitting with this freak is not worth the new records you promised me!"

Lily's mum didn't look happy, but allowed Petunia to take her plate upstairs. But Lily had the gnawing feeling she would have preferred to send Sev home. The rest of the meal was quiet. Her parents only talked with each other and Lily ignored Sev's attempts to talk with her.

After that dinner, Lily's mum told her that it would be best not to invite Sev over anymore. Lily didn't argue with her and just nodded. Petunia got her records anyway.

Severus and Lily were only allowed to spend time together in the park, as Lily was not allowed to go to his house in Spinner's End. When they first became friends her parents once met with his parents, while the two of them played. Lily remembered that his mum had been funny but smelled like daddy did after Uncle Tommy's birthday. His dad had a cold look on his face as if he was unhappy about Lily's visit. It ended in a fight and after that they forbade Lily to go over there. Apparently his parents were not the kind of people her parents want Lily to associate herself with. Whatever that meant.

So Lily spent most of the summer packing some sandwiches for her and Sev, before meeting by swings to eat together and talk about magic.

* * *

A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are a brilliant beta reader. Thank you so much.

About the chapter: There are often people that criticize Lily and her parents for not stepping in on Severus' home life and compare it to the Potters taking in Sirius. That always confuse me. In that case Sirius was the one to seek help and Severus just didn't show the attitude that he would asked a muggle family for help. Additional this happens in the 70s and we have no reason to assume that Severus was in physical danger at home, the worst we see are warring parents and a father that is overwhelmed with magic. People just didn't see emotional distress as that harmful to a child and the Evans would see no reason the interfere with another family if Severus doesn't ask for help. And taking in a child is expensive and we have no idea what the financial situation of the Evans was. The Potters on the other hand were rich and didn't have to think about any expensives Sirius would cause to them.

Additional they already have two children, who are their priority and they had reason to assume that it at least would not be for the best of Petunia to take in another magical child. So yes, Petunia's happiness was always more important to them than Severus' happiness and there is nothing wrong with that. But they still try to reach out to Severus for Lily's sake.

But Severus showed a dislike of muggles early on. Muggle just didn't seem to matter much to him and he was unwilling to admit that he didn't know something in front of them and Lily. Because of that he appears rude to her parents and they just can't help, but to dislike the strange rude boy that they invite over, only for him to insult them. It wasn't necessary meant as an insult, but Severus pride and embarrassment made him choose those words. Her parents still didn't forbid Lily from meeting him, because they didn't want to cut her off the magical word, but they feel excluded from it and this unknowing to Lily causes a slow rip in her family, like you can see with Petunia.

Please tell me what you think and leave me a review. I love to hear other people's viewpoints on this topic.

Have a nice day.


	12. Year 2 Chapter 12

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 12

"Tut-tut." Dorcas said and Sulfia dissolved into another round of laughter.

"Obviously, young lady." Sulfia deepened her voice to answer and sent the two girls into another fit of laughter.

Lily sat across from the two girls at the welcoming feast in the Great Hall. Sulfia and Dorcas had spent a lot of time with each other over the summer and were too busy remembering their new inside jokes to talk to Lily. Lily sighed softly before turning back to look at the food on her plate. She had decided not to visit them, it didn't make sense that she felt left out now.

After another burst of giggles, Lily raised her head to find Sev at the Slytherin table. He was talking to an older student, who Lily didn't recognize, but the dark haired girl that called Lily that awful name was sitting next to him. Lily turned her head away and towards the other end of the Gryffindor table. She saw Gwen and Gunny talking. A bit, further down she saw the boys in her year. She couldn't understand them, but James was talking a storm, while Remus looked a slightly ill, Peter listened to every word and Sirius pushed some food around his plate.

Typical James Potter. Always had to be the centre of attention. Just as she was about to turn back to Sulfia and Dorcas, she saw how he put some food on Remus' plate and seemingly ordered him to eat before throwing his arm around Sirius and saying him something to make him laugh.

* * *

A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. I know you have a lot to do and still try to find the time to beta read for me. You are brilliant.

About the chapter: It is always strange to see your friends have inside jokes you don't understand and Lily starts to feel left out. About James I have to say that even the most die-hard James-haters have to agree that he is a fantastic friend and at twelve year old he tries his very best to help his two friends that didn't seem alright in the best way he knows. I always imagined James as the soul and cornerstone of the Marauders and after he is murdered the life of the others crumbled to ashes. It is a bit heartbreaking. Here Lily sees a glimpse of what kind of friend he is and even if she doesn't want to she admires that in him.

Please leave a review and help me get motivated to write some more.

Have a nice day


	13. Year 2 Chapter 13

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 13

When Dorcas first told her that James Potter made the Quidditch team, Lily wasn't sure what to think. She liked watching the matches and she was slowly starting to understand some of the rules. But James Potter wasn't her favorite person in the class. On the other hand it was terribly exciting that someone in her year was good enough to play with the older students.

Lily stood in the stands with the other girls to watch Gryffindor against Hufflepuff. Her fellow Gryffindors had made a 'Potter Score!' poster with a roaring lion. James looked very small next to the other players, who were all at least in their fourth year. He looked like a little twig next to the rest of the team, even with his hair giving him an extra few inches.

The whistle blew and all players pushed themselves off the ground. The game was extremely chaotic as the field with a mix of red and yellow blurs, however Lily had no trouble focusing her attention on James. He was fast and agile flyer that could avoid the opposing chasers and bludgers really well. He swiftly twisted in the air and at times flew even upside down. But when the other players got close enough to him, he didn't yet have the strength to defend the ball, quaffle, from them.

Lily watched him and had to admit that he was very good at this. She cheered with the other girls whenever he got the ball (quaffle she reminded herself), which was surprisingly often. Apparently the strategy was for James flew the ba- quaffle from one end of the pitch to the other before passing it to another player to score. Sometimes when none of the others were fast enough in following him he tried to score himself, a few times he even hit.

After Gryffindor won the game everybody exploded in cheers and when Lily saw James on the way back to the common room she ran over to him to congratulate him. Apparently he was really tied from the game and even missed the door and ran into a wall. First Lily was afraid that he hurted himself, but the goofy smile on his lips convinced her that everything was ok with him. He nearly looked cute, like a little kitten, when he sat there on the ground and grinned like an idiot and with hair that stood up in every direction. Lily shook her head to banish that thought.

* * *

Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my trusted beta reader.

About the chapter: I said it before I say it again; that Lily would exclude herself from such an important social interaction like Quidditch just because James is ridiculous. Additional my Lily grew up with the belief that you support your team no matter what. But I really think that for 12 year olds it must be exciting that one of their own is able to play on the team.

This is once again the other side of a story we already heard from James pov, but Lily here is clueless why he really ran into a wall ;) Who doesn't know should read my other story **The Best**.

Please leave a review for me to enjoy and

Have a nice day.


	14. Year 2 Chapter 14

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 14

"Now Potter thinks he is even greater. Just because he can throw a stupid ball through a hoop." Sev complained, while he grated a blackwood root.

"Mhmm…" Lily nodded her head absentmindedly but wasn't really listening to his words. Whenever Sev complained about Potter and his friends it got old really fast. She cubed the blackwood root as her friend continued to insult the messy haired quidditch player. Plus Lily actually liked the sport and was quite happy that Potter was able to 'throw a stupid ball through the hoops'. Sev sounded like a sore loser. Which was funny, because they haven't even played against Slytherin yet.

The two were both brewing the same potion, but they used different techniques to see which methods worked better. Lily had asked Professor Slughorn after their last potion class if he knew and if not how they could figure it out. Slughorn had been delighted and offered them an unused room for their experiment.

Cubing the root was a lot more difficult than the normal grating, and Lily's hands were sore from her efforts. But she didn't switch over to Sev's method as only the final test could reveal which was better. Once they both finished they made sure to weigh it to be exactly twenty-seven grams.

"Ok, it's time, Sev." She beamed at him, while both held the root over their cauldrons. "One, two, THREE!"

Both added their ingredients at the same time and watched the potions' reaction. Lily's potion took a moment longer to clear itself, but in the end was more transparent than Sev's. The put some samples in vials and went to Professor Slughorn's office to test the potions and see if their experiment had any effect on the quality.

* * *

Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes. You are as lovely and helpful as I could wish for.

AN. Lily and Severus need some more time to bond and enjoy each others company. They have some of the same interests and are curious about their magic. Severus likes to complain about James, but Lily can't really understand his fixation on the other boy.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and leave me a review.

Have a nice day


	15. Year 2 Chapter 15

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 15

Lily stared angrily at the four Gryffindor boys. They were making fun of Sev again. Sev had accidentally bumped into one of them and they were making a big show out of it.

"Eck! Now I'm all greasy!" Black whined, turning to the other three.

"Stay away from me, now you have Snivelitis!" Potter laughed and avoided being touched by his friend. The others snickered at Black's overly wounded face.

Lily tried to pull Sev along with her. They weren't worth it. But Sev didn't buckle and instead stared at them, his lips curled into a snarl. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Soon the grease will spread all over you and then you will build a grease cocoon and turn into a Snivellus as well." Potter continued.

"The horror!" Black screeched. The others laughed.

Lily tried again to pull Sev along. "Come on let's go to the library." She mumbled and turned away from the boys, but Sev still didn't follow.

Pettigrew then made some sniffing noises and mimicked Sev's voice. "Sniff, sniff, I'm the greasiest and creepiest of them all. Sniff, sniff."

After that everything happened really quickly, but as her back was turned Lily couldn't see it. All she heard was a curse being fired and a scream. When she turned around a _Petrificus Totalus_ hit Severus and he fell over. Lily screamed and immediately knelt down next to him. She turned around and glared at the four boys. Potter still had his wand out and pointed it at Severus. Lily was about to shout at him, when she saw that Black and Lupin stood next to a crying Peter. It looked like part of his face was burned.

"Don't you ever touch my friends again, Snivellus." Potter growled.

Lily looked from him to Sev and felt very confused. They mocked Sev and Sev was her best friend, but Sev reacted violently first… Lily waited until the four left with Peter to see the nurse before she lifted the body-bind on Severus. She didn't say anything to him, but left for the Gryffindor tower on her own.

* * *

Thank you hurrianhairandemeraldeyes for being my beta reader.

About the chapter: The fight between the Marauders and Snape was not one-sided. Both sides went after the other and both sides are guilty for how everything escalated. They don't fight with the same weapons in this fight. James and the Marauders humiliate Snape with their mocking and pranks, but Snape is using dark magic and tattle them off to teachers. Only because Snape feels like the victim, doesn't mean he isn't an aggressor as well.

Some will maybe say that he was only fighting back, but in a way that can be the Marauders excuse as well. They just made a few jokes and he threw dark curses at them, so they just fought back.

Lily here is conflicted. She knows of course that hurting somebody is worst than mocking them, but Severus is her best friend and she wants to be on his side.

I hope you like it and if not tell me why. Please leave a review.

Have a nice day.


	16. Year 2 Chapter 16

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 16

Christmas was one of Lily's favorite times of the year. Her house was always beautifully decorated and colorful and full of lights! She loved it. Even Petunia was kind of nice over Christmas, at least as long as Lily didn't talk about magic. The two of them even stayed up late on Christmas Eve and watched the stars with the muggle telescope they got three years ago. They had begged their parents for it after they saw the moon landing on TV.

"There is the Cassiopeia. Can you see the W?" Petunia told her sister in what Lily liked to call "her teacher voice".Tuney waved her over to the telescope and Lily looked through it.

"Where?" She asked. The truth was, Lily knew the answer, but Petunia looked so happy when she could explain something like _this_ to her. Before Lily went to Hogwarts and had astronomy once a week, Petunia was the more knowledgeable of the two about constellations. Petunia shooed her away once more and took another quick look through the telescope, then she stepped back again.

"Right there. The first star is at the right end, the next is down to the left and so on." Petunia first showed her the stars without the telescope.

"Yes, I see them now." Lily then smiled brightly at her sister. "Thank you."

The girls stood in silence while watching the stars a little bit more until Petunia said. "There are some astronomy and science fair in the planetarium in London. It's on the 28th. If we both ask Mum and Dad, I'm sure they would take us there…" Her voice was casual, but she was watching out Lily of the corner of her eyes.

Warmth spread through Lily and she felt her cheeks heat up. With far too much excitement Lily answered. "Yes, a thousand times yes!"

Petunia had a small smile on her face as she took in her sister's reaction.

* * *

Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being brilliant and lovely and so unbelievable helpful.

About the chapter: This is one of my favorite chapters in the second year. I love writing fluff and there is far to little fluff between those two.

Many people forget it, but it is far more difficult to hate a sibling you live with than often shown in fanfics. Petunia as we see her in the last book is hurt about never finding peace with Lily and losing her little sister and once best friend. People don't look at anything that happened from her point of view. She lost her sister and best friend to this rude and creepy boy and a world she couldn't follow.

Did she write to Dumbledore because she really wanted to be a witch or did she only search for a way to get back what she lost, her best friend and sister? I'm convinced that there is a lot of hurt and misunderstanding between them, but in a way both girls miss each other and now without Severus around it is easier for them to connect at least a little bit.

Please leave a review

And have a nice day and Easter for those that celebrate it


	17. Year 2 Chapter 17

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 17

Lily watched Sev from an obscure corner of the library. He was talking to his new friends. Seeing them made Lily uneasy. She knew that Sev struggled to bond with the people in his house and that she should be happy that he was making friends, but she just couldn't. They were creepy and there was something very mean about them. The hair on the back of her neck always stood up when she came past them in the halls. They always looked at her as if she was something stinky and disgusting.

Since the fight with Potter, when Peter was burned, those new friends started to spend time with Sev. Lily had come back from the Christmas holidays to find Sev huddled together with a few other Slytherins.

Lily tried to tell herself that it was no different than her spending time with Dorcas and Sulfia. But it didn't feel the same.

"Severus, someone with your talents could achieve a lot in life, if he chooses his companions with care. Always remember that," one of the older boys said to Sev. Lily wasn't sure what it meant.

Lily tried to tune out Sev and his friends while reading something about magical creatures. There were so many things that were new to she came to Hogwarts she expected to see some creatures, but she didn't meet many of them. Dragons, unicorns, ghosts, vampires and werewolves. That was what she expected. She saw ghosts everyday, but she was disappointed to find the rest were absent. Sure she heard that there are unicorns in the Forbidden Forest, but she never saw one. And dragons existed, lots of dragons, but they all lived far away from people, for everybody's safety.

Lily thought the same was true for vampires and werewolves, but she wasn't sure. She looked in her book. Maybe there was some more information. She read up on it and it sounded horrifying. Werewolves for example were normal people, most of the time, but were still classified as creatures. That didn't seem fair.

"Of course. I'll keep that in mind and stay away from bloodtraitors." Sev answered the boy. Lily's hands balled into fists at his tone. Bloodtraitor. What did that word mean? It definitely wasn't kind. Why was Sev even using it? Maybe the older students intimidated Sev and he was just saying what they wanted to hear.

Lily stared back at her book.

 _Werewolves are classified as half-breeds. For years, many advocated the creation of a register to track all kinds of half-breeds._

"Yes, those and other scum that pollutes our world," came a snide voice. It was the girl that first called her mudblood. Lily would never forget that voice.

She stared at the book harder and tried to ignore their conversation.

 _There are some that argue that this classification is unwarranted, because they only turn into a dangerous wolf once a month on full moon and that they don't hand down the curse to their offspring._

"Bellatrix is right. Even an halfblood like you has a place in this new world." Someone put his arm around Sev's shoulders and he didn't fight it off. They moved towards the door and pulled Sev with them. Did Sev always have to listen to that kind of talk in his house? He must be sick of it!

Pureblood. Halfblood. Mudblood. Halfbreed. Bloodtraitor. Blood, blood bleeding bloody blood. What is with this obsession with blood in the magical world?

Lily closed her book and looked for another one about werewolves. One that talked better, nicer about them.

* * *

A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for being my fantastic beta reader.

About the chapter: Once he showed his talent in the dark arts, those kind of people notice Snape and try to get them to follow their ways. Snape is all for a chance to be given a reason the fight against James and Sirius even more and have people at his back for it. That was why he concentrated on the bloodtraitors. The other students remind him that there is more, but don't push it. They want to catch more people for their plans and evil ideology and the best way is to let people first just agree with what they want to agree with. Snape wants to have something to feel superior over James and Sirius. They maybe have the purer blood, but at least Snape honors his blood.

Through that they pull him further in.

I'm not saying it is James and Sirius' fault that Snape goes that way. I'm a firm believer that everybody is responsible for his own decisions. But they were part of his motivation.

Lily here refuses to see Snape's darker side and makes excuses for her friend, while at the same time recognizing that something sinister is happening. She wants to believe in the best of Snape, while at the same time she develops morals so completely different than his.

Please leave a review and have a nice day


	18. Year 2 Chapter 18

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 18

Lily tried to pay attention, but Professor Binns made it really difficult. No she would pay attention! She looked down at her notes. The Second Goblin Revolt. She tried to write down all the important names and dates, but sometimes it was so hard to know what information was important. . She wrote down the day's date on the top corner of her parchment and then she looked in her astronomy calendar, before drawing a nearly full moon under it. She loved astronomy back home with her sister, but at Hogwarts it was so different that it was one of her weaker classes. She tried to get more of a feeling for it.

Lily found her mind wandering over to the Gryffindor boys. Remus looked ill again. He would probably have to miss some classes in a couple of days. He was ill a lot and Lilly worried a little bit that it was a serious illness off some kind. She and Remus, weren't really great friends or even good friends. He was only close to Potter and Black and Pettigrew as well, but that one was quiet most of the time and but the other two were always mean to Sev.

But most of the time Remus was nice. Sometimes they met in the library and a few times he borrowed her books. Lily shook her head and stared down at her own notes. She always made sure to have good notes. After class she would always read through her notes again and if possible read up some more in the library. Lily was always afraid that she would miss some critical piece of information that the professor just didn't mention, because of course everybody should know that already. For the last couple of months Lily thought to share her notes with Remus when hes fell ill, but she didn't want him to think the wrong things, like that she could _like_ him. Ick! But she had thought about it and even copied her notes the last two times he fell ill.

* * *

Thank you for being my beta reader hurricanhairandemeraldeyes.

About the chapter: Lily here feels and fears some of the differences between her upbringing in the muggle world and the one in the magical one. She struggles with completely integrating into her new world and fearing that she misses some important clues on the way. It sometimes feels like Hogwarts is missing a class just to show muggleborn children something of the magical world, it would probably help Lily and others to relax a little bit more.

Apart of that Lily worries about Remus, but they are still young and the embarrassment that somebody could think that she likes him is just too big for now.

I hope you like it and leave a comment for me to enjoy

Have a nice day


	19. Year 2 Chapter 19

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 19

It was Lily's birthday. She felt all giddy! But tried to play it cool. She was thirteen now and a teenager. Teenagers did not get giddy about presents. Still, when Dorcas and Sulfia pulled open her curtains and sang Happy Birthday to her she squealed and was so so very happy!

There were some presents waiting for Lily on the foot of her bed! Dorcas gave her a book named _Quidditch Through the Ages_. Since the first time watching the game together, Dorcas made it her mission to teach Lily everything about the sport. Lily laughed and hugged her friend. Sulfia gave her a nice new quill and a beautiful golden silk scarf.

"Well you naturally have the red, so you are only missing some gold to always show your Gryffindor spirit."

The scarf was so nice, Lily was nearly afraid to touch it, but Sulfia looked so eager and asked her to try it on. Lily caressed the fine material for a moment before wrapping it around her neck. She grinned at Sulfia, who watched her for a moment, before tucking it loose again and put it in a different knot around her neck, then she grinned back.

"Now it's perfect!"

Gwen and Gunny got her some sugar quills, her favorite magic sweet. Even if the others swore that there were lots of better sweets that they could show her at Hogsmeade, Lily swore up and down that they were the best. Lily just loved to suck on them when she studied or sometimes even during lessons! There was one strange box, that had a few things in it. A golden lion hair clip,a nice bookmark and a couple of chocolate fogs, the card next to it read 'From the Marauders'. Lily hadn't heard that name yet and when she asked the other girls they seemed just as clueless. But it was probably from the Gryffindor boys. The boys and girls in their Gryffindor year made it a tradition to always prepare a little present if one of them had their birthday. Never the less the hair clip was interesting. It roared when you touched it!

"That will look great at Quidditch matches!" Dorcas clapped her hands in excitement. "It could roar every time Gryffindor scores."

There was one more present on the pile. It was from her parents. There was no present from Sev, but she knew he would give it to her later. She and Severus liked to exchange gifts in person.

She opened the gift from her parents. It was a thick book. _Basics of Chemistry_. She flipped open the cover and noticed the material seemed advanced. There was a card from her parents between the pages.

 _Happy Birthday Lily_

 _I hope you celebrate with her friends and have lots of fun!_

 _We love you and miss you._

 _Feel a thousand hugs and kisses sent to you._

 _Love Mum and Dad_

 _And Petunia_

The last line was written in Petunia's handwriting and Lily's jumped in her chest.

Below that her dad wrote a P.S. with another pen.

 _PS: We hope you like the book. It was Petunia's idea. She said that at the science fair you were in awe of the chemistry tricks and were sad that you don't learn any at your school. We thought it would be nice to follow her idea._

Lily felt tears well up in her eyes. She had made that comment offhandedly to Petunia and been worried that she had broken the unspoken rules of their truce by mentioning Hogwarts, because Petunia had looked at her funny. But she remembered and thought of a perfect present for her.

Lily pressed the book to her chest and hugged it tightly. This was the best present. Lily had never felt so excited before.

* * *

A.N. Thank you hurricanhairandenerald eyes for being my beta reader.

In this chapter I wanted to show a bit of the relationship between the Gryffindors. Even if they are not good friend, they still spend a lot of time together, but the idea to give personal presents to a boy or girl is still a bit much, because of that the boys here made a present box together. On the other hand I wanted to show that there is still something between Lily and Petunia. Petunia is missing her sister from before Snape showed up as well. In a way Petunia keeps scores, whenever Lily shows interest in the normal muggle life it is a point for Lily and Petunia tries to encourage those things, but each time Lily runs of with Snape is a point against her. Lily don't really know that, but she is happy over each kind of peace offer from Petunia.

I hope you like this chapter and leave a review for me.

One other thing, I caught up with my beta reader for this story and because she is a wonderful but busy person, I don't know when she has time to work on this story again, it can take some time until I update again.

Have a nice day.


	20. Year 2 Chapter 20

Lily Bud

Year 2 Chapter 20

Potter was looking at her and it made Lily uncomfortable. Most the times when those boys were watching someone it was because they wanted to prank them. Lily didn't want to show fear and suppressed her urge to hide behind her book. If that, _that rascal,_ wanted to prank her; she would take him head on. She looked him right in the eyes and raised an eyebrow. Well, tried to. It was really difficult to only raise one eyebrow. Petunia and Sulfia were really good at it and sometimes in the evening, when she laid in bed and couldn't sleep Lily tried to learn to do it herself.

But it worked! James saw her challenging look and turned red before looking away. Lily 1, Potter 0.

"What are you looking at?" Sulfia asked next to her. When she followed Lily's line of sight, her voice got a bit higher. "Oh the boys! Aren't they cute!" Dorcas giggled next to her.

Lily pulled her nose up. "Cute? Kittens and baby owls with tiny hats are cute, but not some stupid boys." The other two just waved her off. As they always did when they talked about boys.

"Oh, poor Remy is ill again." Dorcas said. Lily wasn't sure when Sulfia and Dorcas decided to call them Remy, Siri and Jamsie, but she always had to snicker when she heard those nicknames. Silly nicknames aside, Remus was really ill again. Lily still hadn't give him her notes. He was friends with Potter and Black, surely they could take some notes for him. Lily looked down at her notes and frowned. The little circle under the date informed her that it was a full moon, again. Wasn't he sick last time at full moon as well?

Lily hastily pulled out the other notes she prepared for Remus and never gave him. On each she saw the same full circle.

Full moon… What was special about the full moon? Sure there were- Werewolf!

Remus was a werewolf! Maybe… Would they let a werewolf go to Hogwarts? But if Remus was one, then he was a normal student most of the time. Why wouldn't they let him learn? Everybody needed to go to school, right? Some books said that werewolves were tricky and backstabbing even in human form, but then Remus would be in Slytherin as well, right? But maybe she was wrong; maybe it was only a coincident. Lily tried to remember if there ever was an astronomy class at full moon with Remus around. She couldn't remember a single one.

She stuffed her notes and books back into her bag and got up.

"I have to look something up in the library." She told her friends. They only looked up from their boys-discussion for a moment.

Sulfia just waved her off and Dorcas reminded her: "But don't stay to long. In an hour we have curfew."

"Don't worry. I'll hurry." Lily nearly ran out of the common room and to the library.

She pulled books about werewolves from shelves and hurried to read up on them again. There was a list of symptoms and Lily checked off each and every one on her mental list against Remus. It matched.

What was she supposed to do now? Normally she would ask her mum for advice when she didn't understand something, but she couldn't really help her with werewolves, right? She put the books away again and slowly walked back to the Gryffindor tower. Should she just tell Remus that she knew? She was lost in her thoughts when she walked past the transfiguration classroom.

McGonagall! She would know what to do!

Lily ran to McGonagall's office. Only after she knocked on the door did another thought occurred to her. What if it was a secret? What if Remus had to leave if the teachers find out? She didn't want to cause problems for Remus. Before she could decide on anything the door opened.

For a moment Lily nearly didn't recognize the strict house teacher of Gryffindor. Her long dark hair was down for one and she was wearing a morning robe. She had slippers with little flying snitches on. She looked younger than normal and for a short moment Lily wasn't sure if it really was Professor McGonagall.

"Miss Evans, it is one minute before curfew. What exactly are you doing here?" Now the cutting voice couldn't be confused with anyone else.

"Eh, you see, I have this friend," Lily started and wasn't sure where to go with her sentence. McGonagall crossed her arms and pursed her lips. "Who has a friend that maybe hypothetical could be a werewolf."

McGonagall got unnatural still and looked at Lily for a long moment, before she stepped aside and opened the door. "Please come in, Miss Evans."

Lily stepped into the office. She never was in a teacher's office before and suddenly felt shy. Only naughty children had to go to the teacher's office, right? But Lily didn't do anything naughty.

"Take a seat, Miss Evans." The professor pulled out a chair and tipped it with her wand. The hard wood chair transformed into a soft and comfortable armchair. "Biscuits? Tea?" A tea set flooded into the room and filled two cups.

"Thank you, Professor." Lily timely took the cup and a biscuit. It tasted good, well.

"So that friend of yours…" The professor sat down opposite of her. She mustered Lily with an intense look.

"Eh, yes. My friend has another friend who could be a werewolf. Hypothetical!" Lily couldn't look the professor in the eyes and instead looked down at her tea cup.

"Hypothetical, of course… Why do you- Why does your friend think one of her friends could be a werewolf?" Lily could feel McGonagall's eyes on her and heat rose up on her cheeks.

"He shows all the signs. Always missing at the full moons, sick before and after, shaking hands, tired on new moons, scars and scratches…" Lily mumbled. "hypothetical."

"Interesting." McGonagall's voice was carefully neutral, but Lily still didn't look at her. "What exactly do you want to know?"

"Well, I'm not sure… How should I-" Lily cleared her throat. "I mean, how should my friend react to that? Hypothetical…"

"Werewolves don't have an easy place in our society. Many fear them and on a full moon, for a reason." The woman watched her over her glasses and started to pull her hair up. "But other than that they are as dangerous as any other witch or wizard. We can only learn to live together if we fight against the mistrust, hate and fear on both sides and for that we are the ones that have to reach out."

"Ah…" Lily thought about it. Yes, she read a lot of nasty stuff in books and only a few nice things, but the Professor made it sound so much easier. "So he won't be dangerous?" Lily had to make sure.

"If _your friend_ didn't plan to take full moon midnight strolls with him, she should be fine."Lily giggled at these words from the professor that would be really stupid. McGonagall continued. "But Miss Evans, I would like to remind you and your friend that a suspicion like that should be kept quiet even from your friends, especially your best friend." Her glace turned hard and strict. Lily swallowed and nodded. "Do you have any more questions?"

Lily shook her head. "Not right now." She mumbled. "Could I come back another time, if I have any more questions?" Lily nearly didn't dare to look up, but when she did McGonagall only had a patient smile on her face.

"Of course."

Lily smiled a toothy smile at her and jumped up from her armchair. "Thank you very much and good night Professor."

She raced to the door, but was stopped by McGonagall's voice. "Wait a moment." Lily turned around again. The professor handed her a piece of parchment. "It is after curfew. If somebody stops you on the way back to the tower, just show them this."

"Of course, thank you. Again." Lily put the parchment away and pulled open the door.

"Oh, and Miss Evans, you are an extraordinary clever girl and from what I saw and heard about you, you are kind as well. I'm sure you will come to the right conclusion on your own."

* * *

A.N. Lily finds out about Remus, mostly because once she notice that he is ill not once, but twice or more on a full moon, there is no other explanation to her but werewolf. I mean, there are only a handful of creatures Lily heard about as a muggleborn when she was young and those are ghosts, unicorns, dragons, vampires and yes werewolves. And she must have started her life in Hogwarts expected those things to be around every corner.

Lily here than seeks help about this new information and does what most of us that have a normal and healthy relationship with adults and authorities have (not Harry). She turns to her teacher, but even then she tries to avoid getting Remus in trouble, so both just avoid saying Remus' name.

Please leave a review and help be improve my writing. Does it feel natural and right how Lily acts here and can you recognize McGonagall. I always saw her as strict and yes she has students she likes more than others (something no teacher is free from) and she would protect her students fiercely, she is still fair to everybody.

Have a nice day.


	21. Year 2 Chapter 21

Lily Bud

Chapter 21

Lily still thought about what to do about Remus a week later. All her friends asked her what she was thinking about all the time. Severus was hurt when she was with him and didn't catch what he was saying because so many thoughts were running through her head. Sulfia and Dorcas giggled when they saw her watching Remus one day in class. Now they were all talking how she had a crush on him.

ECK! Crushes were stupid and for a short time Lily even avoided Remus, because she didn't want people to think that.

But truth be told, she would have probably decided on something sooner, if it weren't for that stupid Valentine's day prank the Marauders played. Normally Lily would be down with a prank on that stupid day. To see so many people kiss was just BAH!

So when a hundred or thousand slimy green frogs rained down in the great hall and all those kissing people, it should have been funny. Lily even laughed at the beginning. That was until she noticed that all of them had a tuft of bright red hair and some of them croaked her name. People started to point at her and laugh. She knew Potter had been planning a prank on her when he stared at her in the common room!

Stupid Marauders! All of them! Remus didn't deserve any notes or help from her!

These were her thoughts when she ran back from a small potion experiment. She had Petunia's book with her. It was sometimes difficult to understand, but it was very interesting. Lily was trying to see if catalysts would work with potions as well and if you could use muggle chemistry catalysts for potions. Apparently few wizards and witches ever worried about what was happening in a potion and if there were parts in it that just change other things but not itself.

Sev first thought that it was stupid and that nothing a muggle found out could ever help in a potion, but he still sat down with her and read with her through advanced potion books in hope to see similarities or at least Lily looked for them. Sev maybe was just reading the advanced potions.

Lily and Sev talked a little bit after and Sev complained again that the teachers let the marauders get away with so many pranks. Like last potion class, when they made all cauldrons randomly switch places. Slughorn found it amusing and thought that it could give them a deeper understanding for the pepper-up potion if they always had to check how far the potion in front of them was. Not a single successful potion was brewed that lesson, but Slughorn still gave everybody good grades for the lesson. But did Sev really have to tell Slughorn it was them that did it? But then again they got away with it because Slughorn didn't want to punish them when he didn't saw them do it himself. Yes, the boys got away with lots of stuff and that made Lily think about the stupid Valentine's prank again.

She turned around a corner and ran into someone. It was Avery. He was a Slytherin in their year and Lily often saw him sit with Sev at meals. Two other Slytherins were with him.

"Oh sorry." Lily didn't like him very much, but she wanted Sev to get along with her friends, so she should try to be nice to his friends, right? Lily forced a small smile on her lips and stepped around him.

"Can't you look where you're going?" He sneered down at her. Lily balled her fists, he ran into her as much as she ran into him. She didn't say anything else and walked away from them. She could still hear Avery. "Now I have to burn my robes. You never know that filth you could catch. Worthless mudbloods shouldn't even be here, my dad says. That's why he is now doing something about it. Lord Voldemort is going to finally clean up, dad says, so that we don't have to deal with vermins like mudbloods and halfbreeds."

It wasn't the first time Lily heard that name, Voldemort, whispered between students. Nobody really knew who he was and what exactly he was doing, but it never sounded good. Some said he had something to do with the missing and killed people. Lily shook with anger. So she was a vermin, along with halfbreeds right? Maybe it was time for the vermin to form their own group!

She stormed up to the Gryffindor tower and got out all the notes she made for Remus and cornered him to next chance she got. She was lucky. That evening Potter had Quidditch training and Black and Pettigrew had detention. Remus just got through the portal hole, when Lily grabbed his wrist and pulled him back out to an unused room. He looked a bit wary and surprised, but before he could say something, Lily shoved all the notes into his arms.

"Here. Those are from the days you weren't around." Lily told him. She could still feel the anger on her heated cheeks.

"Eh, thank you?" Remus didn't sound very convinced.

"You have to learn with it and be good with those notes. They don't have the right to say that we don't belong here, so you and me have to prove to them that we belong, that we are as good as anybody else. Better than anybody else!" Lily started to pace back and forth.

"Who?" Remus asked. "And why you and me?"

"They! Those people that say muggleborns and halfbreeds don't belong at Hogwarts or in the Magical world! We have to show them!" Lily was so frustrated, she stomped her foot down.

"W-what?" Remus' voice was shaking and when Lily turned back to him, he was pale like a sheet of paper. "I don't know what you-"

"I know about your illness. It's stupid and unfair and I asked McGonagall about it and she told me that you are not dangerous apart from the fu- from that one night a month." Lily was still feeling restless. "We can't let them win!"

"How do you know?" Remus sounded scare and a bit broken.

For the first time Lily stopped and really looked at Remus. "I'm muggleborn… I still don't know a lot about magical illnesses and creatures and stuff. I mean when I think of magical beings, I think about dragons, ghosts, unicorns, vampires and well werewolves. I kind of expected to meet all of those here. So when you are sick at the full moon, that is actual the first conclusion I jump to…" Lily wasn't sure what else to tell him and shrugged her shoulders.

"You are not afraid?" Remus asked.

"No, we ' _vermin and pariahs_ ' have to stick together. How else can we be a pest?" She grinned at him and finally a small smile formed on his own face. "I'm not going to tell anyone." Lily assured him. After that it got a bit awkward and neither of them knew what to say. Lily finally turned and waved him goodbye.

"Eh, Lily, thank you…" Remus blushed and smiled at her for real this time.

"No problem."

After that Lily would meet with Remus each month after a full moon and talk about the lessons and the notes she made. It was a nice and quiet library friendship. It bloomed between the heavy cover of the books around them.

* * *

A.N.

Lily starts to fight back, by being the best she could be and by helping Remus to be the best he could be. But she is not perfect, she takes some time to decide and even then it is a quiet protest against that way of thinking. But in the end Lily is just 13 and still growing and developing and her will to fight is shining through.

Something else , tiny James is really terrible at flirting.

Have a nice day.


	22. Year 2 Chapter 22

Lily Bud

Chapter 22

Gryffindors are brave. Lily reminded herself.

She forced an uneasy smile on her face and hurried past Mr. Filch the caretaker of Hogwarts. His lazy eye always made her shiver. But she was a Gryffindor and Gryffindors were not supposed to be frightened of the strange looking caretaker. Plus it was mean to be frightened of someone because of the way they look. Her parents always told her that it was unkind. But then again Mr. Filch never seemed very nice, to anyone. Still Lily forced herself to smile at him and felt a little bit braver for it. But he didn't even notice, because he was calling for his new kitten.

Lily went outside with Dorcas and Sulfia. The two had a magazine, _Weekly Witch_ , and giggled at some pictures. Lily didn't think those boys in there were very cute or anything, but if her friends liked it, that was fine. Lily meanwhile was reading a book about magical traditions and history that she found in the library. She didn't always want to ask Sev or the girls for explanations when something new happened.

Lily looked up from her book when she heard some strange noises. Her two friends were still engrossed in a quiz about who their ideal boy was and didn't seem to notice the sound. Curious about the noise, Lily put her book aside and stood up.

"I'll be back in a moment." She told them.

"Yes, yes… You see him for the first time and your heart beats faster. What is he doing? A) Helping a baby owl that fell out if its nest. B) Playing Quidditch. C) Sitting alone and reading a mysterious book. D) Telling some jokes with his friends. E) Dueling to protect you." Lily wasn't sure if Sulfia even heard her and for an awkward moment she hovered near them unsure if she should leave, but shook her head and went towards the strange noises.

A couple of older students were standing together and pointing their wands in the middle of their little circle. One of them said an incarnation and the rest started to laugh. There was another strange strangled noise from the middle of the circle. Lily stepped a bit closer and to her shock saw a kitten that was trying to flee.

She felt her face heat up and gripped her wand tighter. She ran over as fast as she could.

"Hey! What are you doing?! Leave the cat alone!" She slammed her whole weight against one girl and pushed her out of the circle. Lily stepped between them and over the kitten. "You are mean bullies!" She shouted in their faces.

Small angry sparks flickered on the tip of her wand. She raised it up. They looked taken aback at the interruption but more confused by it than afraid of her anger.

"Calm down, midget. That's just mean old Filch's beast." One of them told her and held her hands up. For a moment Lily paused. Filch was always a bit mean, but then her righteous fury returned. That didn't give them the right to pick on his cat or him.

"Right now you are the only ones being mean!" Lily shouted back.

They stared at her for a moment then one of them grabbed her by the back of her robes and tried to pull her out of the circle. "We don't have time for you midget. Get lost."

That made Lily very angry and she stomped on his toes and swung her elbow back with all her strength. "Don't touch me!" Lily shouted, while the other student yelped in pain.

Lily was afraid that they would all attack her now and readied her wand. Luckily Dorcas had recently shown her how to cast a shield charm. The others looked surprised for a moment, before they started to laugh. "David, got taken down by a midget! Really and that is our star beater?" Apparently they found their friend's pain more entertaining than hexing her. "No wonder we lost the last game!"

In the distance Lily heard some shouts and saw Sulfia and Dorcas running over to her.

"Hey! Leave her alone!" Sulfia shouted.

"Oi! More battle midgets!" One girl said.

"Yea! Maybe we should save David, before they completely beat him down." Another boy said still laughing.

They picked up their friend, David, who gave her the stink eye, but Lily glared right back and they left.

"Lily?! What are you doing? They could have hexed you." Dorcas was looking Lily over, as if to check that she still had the right among of limbs attached to her.

"They were picking on this kitten." Lily mumbled and turned around. The kitten still seemed half frozen and Lily picked it up and gently stroked her fur.

Sulfia rolled her eyes. "You are lucky that those were Hufflepuffs. Anybody else would have hexed you into next week."

Lily started to giggle in relief and the other two joined her, until they heard another angry voice.

"What are you dreadful children doing with Mrs. Norris!" Filch hurried over in his strange hopping run.

Lily froze up. Eyes wide she still had said cat on her arm. "eh- I- uhm"

"You are getting detention all of you!"

"Hey, she protected your stupid cat from those other students! You can't give us detention!" Sulfia pulled herself up to her full thirteen year old height. She was still a head shorter than the caretaker.

"Protected! HA! You attacked her!" He pulled the kitten from Lily's arm and Lily felt like crying.

That was when whatever hex affecting the cat wore off and she quickly jumped off Filch's arm and brushed herself around Lily's legs while purring. Filch furrowed his brow at the cat's reaction.

"You really protected my Mrs. Norris?" He still seemed to doubt the story. Lily nodded. He looked at his cat. "I'll believe you this time." He hopped off with his cat.

"Lily, you are so strange." Dorcas told her with a smile.

"The words you are looking for is stupid." Sulfia corrected her with a scowl.

"Hey!" Lily protested.

"You're fine going against a couple of older students, but still get scared of old Filch?" Sulfia asked her and crossed her arms. Lily shrugged her shoulders and then started to giggle.

"Well at least we know what kind of guy Lily needs." Dorcas said with a grin. Sulfia and Lily looked at her in confusion. "One that plays Quidditch or tells jokes or best both."

"What? Why?" Sulfia asked and they picked up their bags.

"Taking care of small animals, protecting the weak and being a nerdy bookworm are all things she checks of herself." Dorcas answered and Sulfia started to laugh. Even Lily had to giggle with them.

The next time Lily forced herself to smile at Filch, he actual nodded back to her and shot her a grimace that wasn't nearly as unfriendly as it usually was. Maybe he really wasn't so bad.

* * *

A.N.

Thank you hurricanhairandemeraldeyes for beta reading.

So this is the last chapter of Lily's second year. James will find out about this incident in third year and will be impressed by it.

I like Lily's fiery nature and that she stands up for what she thinks is right, even if we just saw a chapter earlier that she isn't so ready to pick fights, if it could disrupt her friendships, especially with Severus,but here she didn't feel like she had to hold back.

Her friends come to help her when they notice that she is in trouble in the same way Lily stormed in, shouting and angry and ready to fight, like the true Gryffindors they all are.

Being friendly to Filch is an active decision Lily makes and she is not ignorant to his grumpy and unfriendly nature.

I would be very happy if you would give me a review and please have a nice day.


	23. Year 3 Chapter 23

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 23

In the summer before her third year Lily met Mrs. Stern. She was a woman from down the street with a German accent. Lily had seen her before, but never talked much with her. But last year the neighborhood had participated in a garden show and Mrs. Stern had been in the committee with Lily's mum. She was probably ten or fifteen years older than her parents.

Mrs. Stern was a strange person at times. There was always something sad about her. Her mum often invited her over for tea in the afternoon. What was really strange was that the woman had a tattoo! Mum and dad always said that only good-for-nothing people had tattoos and that Lily should stay away from them, but they didn't seem to care about Mrs. Stern's tattoo. Maybe they hadn't seen her tattoo yet. It wasn't very big on her arm and she hid it most of the time. It was just a couple of numbers. It was a really strange tattoo. That night after Mrs. Stern left, Lily asked her parents, if they noticed the tattoo.

They looked uncomfortable at each other.

"It isn't the bad ki- It's another kind of tattoo." Her mum told her.

"Why?" Lily asked. Her parents normally always answered her questions and didn't avoid them like her mum did now.

"It's from the war." Her father grunted and normally was enough to end a conversation.

Her parents didn't talk a lot about the war. They had been children at that time when the despicable Nazi Germans attacked Britain. But dad's older brothers had been in the war. Uncle Frank never returned, only Uncle Tommy. He lost half his arm in that war. When Lily was younger she had found that saying funny, because really how do you lose an arm? It was attached to you at all times. Later she learned that there were bombs and that stuff and it wasn't funny anymore. But nobody talked about the war that much. Only that it was against the Germans and that the Allies won.

Lily knew that there was more to the story, but before she could ask more questions. The grandfather clock stroked four o'clock. She was late to meet Sev in the park!

Lily ran out of the room to put on her shoes. When she went back to say goodbye to her parents, she heard them argue.

"I don't like it when she hangs out with that boy. He is rude and talks down on us." Lily heard her mother.

"I know that, dear. But he is her magical friend. We shouldn't forbid her to meet her people." Her father answered her.

"Her people! We are her people." Her mother sounded so angry. "And even if, there must be nicer once than him. If they are all like that, I'm not sure if I like Lily going to that school anymore…"

"We can't forbid her to be a witch. We have to accept and embrace it and if that means we have to tolerate that rude boy, then so be it." Her father sounded resignedly and tired.

Lily felt tears in her eyes and she ran out of the house without saying goodbye. She knew that Petunia didn't like Sev and that Dorcas and Sulfia always frowned when she hung out with him, but that her parents didn't like him that much either hurt. Maybe she could ask Sev to be a bit nicer to her family and friends. And next summer she would invite Dorcas over. If there was a nice girl, her parents would absolutely love it was Dorcas, maybe Sulfia as well.

* * *

A.N. Lily is losing a bit of a connection with her muggle family. She is learning other things than she would at a muggle school, like the second world war. Here she meets a holocaust survivor, without even really knowing about it. The WW II ended not even 30 years ago when Lily was that age and the similarities between the nazi ideology and the pureblood supremacists is so great that you just can't ignore it. Her parents were the generation that grew up in that war and it formed them, but for a long time people stayed quiet about what happened in that war.

Lily's family didn't like Severus very much. He didn't make a good impression on them, but they feel like they don't have a choice but tolerate that friendship, even if they feel uneasy and even helpless about it. They feel like they are losing their daughter to a world they can't understand.


	24. Year 3 Chapter 24

Lily Bud

Chapter 24

Quidditch! Dorcas was bouncing on her feet and didn't care that it softly drizzled down on them. 'They' were Dorcas, Sulfia and Lily. Today were Quidditch tryouts and Dorcas was excited for a chance to get on the team.

"They need a new seeker this year!" Dorcas had loudly declared in their dorm the moment the flyer was pinned on the Gryffindor board. In the last two years it was downright impossible to live with Dorcas and not notice how much she wanted to play as seeker on the house team.

They were nearly half an hour early and Lily couldn't help and be annoyed about it, because Dorcas never cared much about being on time for anything else. But when it involved sitting outside and getting wet she discovers her punctuality.

Dorcas switched between ensuring her broom was in top condition, making sure her many braids were tied together and nervously biting her fingernails.

Lily and Sulfia were there as moral support for the try out.

"What if I freeze up and fall of the broom?" Dorcas asked and looked down the path were the quidditch team would show up soon.

"Then you break your neck and don't have to deal with anything again." Sulfia answered and rolled her eyes. "And stop doing that!" She slapped Dorcas' hand away from her mouth. "Your nails will look terrible."

They all started to giggle and Lily preformed some heating spells to keep them warm and dry until it finally started.

With relief Lily saw how the team after long last showed up. Lily had to grin when she saw that Potter wasn't the shortest anymore. Over the summer he had grown quite a bit and was now taller than his fellow chaser, a really short seventh year girl. But he was still the second smallest on the team. They called all the hopefuls closer and explained the plan for today.

The seekers had to wait until the very end and were tested after the possible keepers, beaters and chasers for this year. Sulfia and Lily cheered Dorcas on as loud as they could. Lily was so focused on her friend that she nearly missed how James landed between them. It wasn't like she and James were friends, but he was friends with Dorcas even before Hogwarts and Sulfia and him seemed to get along fine as well. Lily wanted them to get along with Sev and then it was only polite to do the same with their friends right?.

"Hey James." Sulfia greeted him with a far sweeter voice than normal. She was twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

"Hi Sulfia." James gave Sulfia a half-wave, before turning to Lily. "Hello Lily." He ran his hand through his hair and made it even messier. "You wear the lion hair clip." He grinned at her and Lily could have sworn that his ears turned a little bit pink.

Lily reached up to the hair clip and smiled back awkwardly. "Yeah… I thought I would be nice to support Dorcas all the way."

"That's cool." He ran his hand through his hair again and then played with a button on his Quidditch robes. A strange silence stretched between them and Lily just had to break it.

"I charmed it some more." She tipped the lion on its head and now it didn't just roar, but it roared Dorcas' name, ' _Go, Go Gryffindor!'_ and ' _Lions Always Win!'._

"Neat!" He just grinned at her, but didn't say anything more. He was still looking at her though. Should Lily say something else? Thankfully Sulfia freed her of that decision.

She cleared her throat and tipped James on the shoulder. His attention switched from Lily to Sulfia. "Do you think Dorcas could really make the team?" Sulfia asked him.

"I hope so." He answered with a new passion. "She is good enough for it. She has a good eye for the glitter and is swift on the turns." He sounded genuinely impressed, and then he frowned. "But for some time now most captains choose players from the higher classes, because they are friends and a bit stronger. Stupid if you asked me. We are not going to build a really strong team if we always have to replace half the team each year."

Sadly his prediction came true and a seventh year girl became seeker. Dorcas was devastated and James looked truly unhappy about the choice.

* * *

A.N. I like awkward James, but I like confident James as much. I wanted to show both in this chapter. And his chapter shows a bit of Dorcas' character. In this story she is Lily's quiet friend and it sometimes is difficult to let her shine, when surrounded by loud character, like James, Sulfia, Lily herself and yes Snape as well. Those characters dement attention in a way that Dorcas doesn't. But everybody with a 'shy friend' knows that they are just as loud and passionate about things they care about with people they like and trust.

What do you think of this dynamic in Lily's group of friends and that interaction of James with Lily and Sulfia?

Please leave a review and help me improve or to share your love for all those characters.

Have a nice day.


	25. Year 3 Chapter 25

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 25

Hogsmeade was awesome!, Lily thought. There was so much to see! It was like Diagon Ally all over again, but different. This village held a different kind of life. Here there were real wizards and witches that lived their magical lives free and without fear to be discovered. The houses were all different and some look like they should fall over, but didn't. People had strange pets running around. From the two-trailed little dog that kept barking at her to cat's in every and any way, someone had some kind of monkey while others have birds in every color and size under the sun. Lily couldn't even turn her head to fast as new impressions poured down on her.

And then the shops! Lily wanted to see each and every one. Sulfia rolled her eyes at her and Dorcas hid a soft giggle behind her hand.

Lily turned around and looked over her shoulder to Sev. When she told him that she already promised Dorcas and Sulfia to go to Hogsmeade with them (back in first year really) he had looked so hurt and betrayed that she begged and pleaded until they agreed to take him along as well. Lily hoped that it would help to make Sev and the girls get on along better. Surely they just needed to know each other and would see that the other were fun too. So far it didn't work very well. Sev would only talk with her and when the other two would try to get involved he would mumble and glare at them. On the other side he wouldn't even try to add to their discussions in any nice way.

"So what do you gir- _all_ think about the new subjects?" Sulfia asked and gave Lily a meaningful look when she changed from girls to all. It pretty much meant, 'see I'm trying, now make him try'.

"Runes is really interesting. I wish one of you were in it as well." Dorcas answered. "How is Divination?" Lily had chosen her new subject according to what sounded most magical, so she took Divination, Care for Magical Creatures and Arithmancy. But sometimes she looked at Dorcas' Ancient Runes book and felt envy. Lily would have loved to learn everything about her new world.

"The teacher is interesting. He is completely blind, but still manages to move around just fine." Lily answered. "I'm just not sure if I'm very gifted in Divination."

"Of course not. Divination is hogwash." Sulfia stated.

"And that's why you are taking it, instead of Runes with me right?" Dorcas asked in mockery.

"It's hogwash that gets you an easy grade. Same reason why I take Muggle studies." Sulfia just shrugged. Dorcas and Lily giggled with Sulfia good natured.

Sev gave a snipe snort. "If you are too stupid for anything else…"

Lily could see how Sulfia's patience snapped. Her face twisted into an arrogant sneer. "Piss off Snape! If all you do is making an ass out of yourself than get lost. It's not like we enjoy your company. You are only here because Lily is too kind and feels bad for you, because nobody else wants to hang out with you. I can see why."

"Sulfia please…" Lily pleaded. Tears stung in her eyes. Why couldn't her friends get along?

"What? He is insufferable rude and obnoxious. You wanted us to give him a chance. We did. But we don't have to tolerate it if he behaves like that!" Sulfia's ice blue eyes pinned Lily down. "You can take his shit and pretend it's chocolate cake if you want, but we won't suffer from somebody's company that can't be bothered to wash their hair." Sulfia grabbed Dorcas' arm and pulled her down the road. Dorcas looked back at Lily for a moment and just shrugged her shoulders.

The first tears ran down Lily's face. Sev put a hand on her shoulder.

"You don't need them. We don't need them. They are just stuck up holier-than-thou bitches." Sev told her and pulled Lily in a hug.

She fought against his arms. "No! They are my friends too and what you said was rude. You can't tell my friends that they are stupid." Lily's face turned red with anger and she shouted at Sev.

"You were laughing about it as well…" Sev glared back at her.

"Dorcas and I are her friends and we laughed with her. We didn't mock her like you did!" Lily dried her tears with the sleeve of her robe. "You can't talk like that to people, Sev."

Sev didn't answer and just kicked the dirt in front of him with a dark glare. After a moment he finally opened his mouth. "Can we now get a butterbeer?" He tried to smile, but Lily had none of it.

"No, Sev!" She crossed her arms. "We are not going to get a butterbeer! I want to be alone. Get one on your own." Lily turned away and marched down the main road on her own.

Was it her fault for trying to push her friends together? Lily thought while looking at the shops sadly. She just wanted for her friends to like each other.

Later that day she would return to her dorm with little gifts for Sulfia and Dorcas and they hugged her again.

Hogsmeade was not so awesome anymore. She never tried to make the girls and Severus hang out again.

* * *

A.N. We know from the books that her other friends had a problem with Snape for years and too often I read that it is only about Slytherin and that doesn't sit right with me. Snape in the books is very unlikable and he was probably terrible with other kids, especially those he didn't like to begin with, because they 'steal' Lily away from him. Maybe he didn't know better. Lily's friends tried to give him a chance, even if they didn't really feel like it, because he is strange and creepy and kids are mean like that, but they tried. Of course they could try harder, but why? Why did they have to try to get to know that person that didn't bother to know them or be nice to them? It didn't work out and they didn't hide that from Lily.

The friendship between Lily and Snape didn't break with a word or even within a day or that year. It broke for a long time, just really slowly. It was not something that was smashed by one sledge hammer hit. There was that hit, in the end, but it broke from all the small hits that picked away at their foundation for years.

I want to take the time to once again thank YouBlitherindIdiot for all your kind comments and that you are ready to overthink and analyse everything with me. But I want to thank the people that follow and favorite this story as well. It is nice to know that people like and read what I write. Thank you.

Have a nice day.


	26. Year 3 Chapter 26

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 26

Potter was a stupid git! He was always playing pranks with Black and sometimes with Remus and Peter as well. He had just walked up to her and called her name. Lily had even stopped for a moment. Then he just grabbed her hand and when she wanted to pull away, it was stuck!

Lily shouted at him to let go, but he just smiled his stupid grin at her. People were looking and pointing at them.

"Potter, let go off my hand you berk!" Lily's voice sounded even shrill to her own ears.

"Nay, not feeling like it…" He just replied and smiled some more.

Lily turned red with embarrassment and anger when all her pulling was fruitless and she was really stuck with him. "We are going to Madam Pomfrey!" She tried to pull him along, but he just wouldn't move no matter how much she tried to. After some minutes he suddenly pulled his own arm back and she stumbled against his chest.

"Lily-Silly, we'll go where I want us to go!" With those words, he pulled her after him and proceeded to tell her stuff about Hogwarts. He mimicked Binns while he told her about the different ghosts and paintings.

Finally Lily had enough and pulled out her wand at him.

"Listen you sewer rat that somebody accidental turned into a boy! We will reverse this!" She angrily shook their joined hands. "Right now! Or I'll hex your nose on your foot and your tongue into your ears. So that you forever smell nothing but your own cheesy feet and taste nothing but earwax!"

He turned pale and made cross-eyes at her wand, while stuttering. "Don't know how…."

Lily growled at him. "Madam Pomfrey! Now!"

He nodded and walked a few meters in the right direction. "You know, we can go to the infirmary…"

"What we are going to do!"

"But for that we have to go past the Great Hall and dinner is starting soon… Everybody is going to see us…"

Lily stopped and bared her teeth at him.

"Or we could go to the library and find a solution for ourselves…" He tried to sound nonchalant.

"It is not that much further from here to the library than the infirmary." She watched him suspiciously.

"Oh, but it is!" He pulled out his wand and tipped at two suits of armor, that moved their lances to the other hand and a corridor appeared between them. "It leads directly to the library." He grinned his wide and boyish grin at her and for some reason she decided to trust him. True enough, they appeared in a small back room of the library. James opened the door for her and with a small bow invited her through. "After you m'lady."

Lily suppressed the smile that wanted to form on her lips and tugged him along with her.

It took them nearly half an hour to find the right spell. Lily read through two whole chapters of household spells before she found it. Lily looked at him over the edge of her book. Potter really couldn't be still for a moment. Even now the hand that held hers was moving and his fingers darted over hers. He really was a silly boy with too much energy and stupid ideas in his head.

That evening Sulfia assured Lily that Potter made a much bigger fool out of himself than her and that everybody will forget about it by tomorrow.

They lay in bed and still talked about how big of an idiot Potter was when Dorcas giggled.

"Maybe he likes you?"

Lily and Sulfia looked equally horrified at the idea.

"Surely not!" Sulfia claimed. "He would be nicer and romantic and stuff, if he did."

Lily nodded eagerly to that idea. No way that idiot _liked_ her, right?

* * *

A.N. And we are back to that prank from The Best. Here we see it from Lily's perspective. Of course she is annoyed by him, but some little part of her can see that James can be charming and fun as well. We get a first look at Lily's ability to creatively insult James, I hope you like it.

I hope you like it, please leave a review and have a nice day.


	27. Year 3 Chapter 27

**Lily Bud**

Year 3 Chapter 27

There were more and more rumors flying around. Names were muttered between students. Voldemort, Death Eaters, new order, old rights, dark magic, blood, blood, blood, mud, pure, half. It sent chills down Lily's spin.

"Did you hear? Humming's dad went missing a few weeks ago." Lily heard some students whisper on her way to the library.

"Isn't his dad a muggleborn? I hear they don't think of marriages as important as purebloods do. I bet he just packed his bags and left." Lily gripped her books tighter. Her knuckles turned white and she clenched her jaw.

"You think so? I heard they found some evidence for a fight."

"Oh please those are just kids horror stories. It's surely just another muggleborn that couldn't be bothered to take care of his family."

"Yeah, you know muggleborns not caring for their family is as normal as purebloods marrying their siblings or banish their children because they marry somebody they love instead!" A new voice joined in on the conversation. This one was louder, so that everybody could hear them.

Lily turned around. There stood a girl with short brown hair, slightly taller than advance and wearing a muggle band shirt. She had her arms crossed and stared at the group who had talked. Lily recognized her. Mary MacDonald, a following Gryffindor and a year above Lily.

The members of the group reacted differently. Some blushed and looked embarrassed, some were shocked, others looked at her with hostility.

"This isn't your conversation. I don't see what you have to do with anything." A boy with the Slytherin crest sneered down on her. Some of his friends around him were Ravenclaw.

"Well, I see some pea-brained idiots talk rubbish about the fact that somebody's dad was kidnapped and possible killed, by some lunatic and his barmy minions. And you guys try to blame the victim for it. Somebody had to shut you up! You make everybody stupider just by being in the same room with you." Mary took a step forward and glared up at him.

Lily blinked.

Wow.

She was the coolest person Lily ever met!

There a rare moments in a person's life when they know without doubt that they met someone special. This was such a moment for Lily. Mary was unafraid and courageous to stand up for what she believed in. That was who Lily wanted to be.

* * *

A.N. So her is another important character in Lily's life, a role model, another muggleborn needs a hero to lookup to at times, beore becoming a hero themselves. Mary is a canon character we don't hear much about, only that she was attacked by Severus friends with serious dark magic and told Lily that Snape is waiting outside the Gryffindor tower. In most stories she is this meek little girl that was the victim of something cruel. I want to make her kick ass and someone that was not picked at random, but singled out for her outspoken nature. She gives Lily another perspective on the war once again.

Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	28. Year 3 Chapter 28

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 28

Lily saw James Potter's first kiss. To be fair nearly the whole school saw his first kiss. It happened in the middle of a Quidditch game. They played against Ravenclaw and it was a sunny, but windy and cold day in December.

James was in a fight with Valerie O'Neil over the quaffle. Valarie was two years above them and a pretty girl. She had long black hair and amazing blue eyes.

James managed to simultaneously snatch the quaffle out of her arm and duck from a bludger. But Valerie didn't see the little black ball and was hit badly. Together with the strong wind she lost her balance and was falling from her broom. All this happened at a terrible height. So far up that a fall would be really dangerous, but too far down that anybody really had the time to cast a spell.

James had already been on the way to the hoops when he heard her scream behind him. The moment he looked back and saw Valerie fall, he let go of the quaffle and nose dived after her. Just two meters from the ground he managed to catch her, kind of. He slowed her down a lot, but both tumbled on the ground, mostly unharmed. They only had a few scratches and the whole stadium sighed in relief that both were along with Sulfia and Dorcas, whose hands she held during all of that.

James helped her up on her feet, before giving her a cheeky grin, grabbing his broom again and racing towards the quaffle that fell to the ground in the middle of all this. Sadly he wasn't allowed to fly an attack, because Mr. Centimo, their flying teacher and referee, called for a time out.

Back in the air all the other players clapped James on the back and thanked him. James beamed at their praises. After a few minutes Valerie was on her broom again, she flew over to James. Then it happened, when she was right in front of him, she leaned forward and at the same pulled him closer with his robes and kissed him, on the mouth, in front of everybody.

James was so shocked he let go of the quaffle. He still stared unmoving after her after the kiss ended, much to the amusement of every other player on the field.

Later in the common room James was carried on the shoulders of the other players and they called him 'Quidditch Hero' for the first time. A name that would stick for all the years he would play.

Lily stepped closer to congratulate James and the rest of the team, but mostly James. She heard the captain tell a story in a booming voice.

"And then in the changing room he was running around like a headless chicken, because it was his first kiss!" Everybody started to laugh and James turned deep red. "Not sure what he was complaining about!"

"Maybe he had somebody else in mind for his first kiss." Somebody else asked with a wide grin.

"Oh! Is there somebody you wanted to save that kiss for Jamesie-boy?" The captain asked with a wide grin.

James ducked down a little bit and maybe turned even redder. He looked around and for one moment he looked Lily right in the eyes. Lily smiled at him. But nobody else seemed to notice they silent interaction.

"Tell us, who is the girl, I'm sure we can convince her to give our Quidditch Hero a small kiss as well!" Somebody asked and stepped between James and Lily.

"N-NO! There is nobody! Kissing is just ECK!" James finally answered. It made everybody laugh again. Now that was something Lily could agree on with him.

"Oh Merlin, why do you waste something like a kiss from Valerie on a little boy that can't appreciate it?" Somebody complained.

James leaned to the side and looked around his teammate. He smiled shyly at Lily and Lily waved back and gave him a thumbs up.

* * *

A.N. The fact that Quidditch Hero see to strick with James always appear strange. You maybe say that for a few days after a spectacular game, but after that such a name wouldn't stick, at least in my experience. In this case there is a reason why the name stuck around and James always seemed like the guy who would do something like this.

Lily is of course as impressed by James action, as is everybody else, but what she didn't really notice is that maybe her approval means a lot more to James than that of some other people. James here freaks out about being kissed, because really he is just 13 and just discovering all those new strange feelings and while he always was fascinated by Lily, now is the time where is starts to become physical as well. But those things are complicated and embarrassing first and he really doesn't want to be kissed yet (even if he maybe would make an exception for Lily...)

I'm personally in a very good mood because my dag has puppies , so I will probably upload more often in the next days/weeks.

Please leave a review and I hope you have a nice day.


	29. Year 3 Chapter 29

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 29

In the Christmas holidays home, Lily got the worst present ever.

Her first period.

Both her parents were out for a class reunion and Petunia and Lily were alone at home. She had had stomach aches for one or two days before that. But when she woke up and found a blood on her sheets, Lily was shocked, confused, embarrassed and in pain.

Quickly she pulled the sheets from her bed and hurried into the bath to wash them out. She scrubbed and scrubbed. A tear fell from her eyes. She sniffed and scrubbed some more.

"What are you doing in there so long?" Petunia's annoyed voice from the other side of the door started Lily.

"No-Nothing." Lily stammered back.

"Open the stupid door. I need the loo!"

"Go to the loo downstairs!" Lily shouted back.

The door clicked. Both sisters knew how to open the door from the outside. It wasn't very difficult, you could do it with a coin, screwdriver or even a long fingernail.

"What the hell do you think you are doing hogging the bathroom like this?" Petunia complained. Then she looked at the scene in front of her and the red spot on the sheets. She stood still for a moment. "Oh…"

Lily looked away from her sister and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Eh, is this your first…?" Petunia asked carefully.

Lily just nodded, still not looking at her. It was silent for a moment.

Lily heard footsteps and felt Petunia's arm brush against her own. "Go take a shower. I take care of this."

Lily whipped her head around and looked at Petunia was big eyes.

"And give me your nightgown as well. I put them in the washing machine." Petunia sounded calm and understanding.

"Ok…" Lily mumbled. She stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain close before removing her clothes and giving it to her sister. A moment later the bathroom door clicked again.

Lily took her time before putting on her bathrobe to grab some clean clothes. Petunia heard the door opening and stepped out of her room. She was as red in the face as Lily, while holding a pack of pads in her hands. "Here you just stick them in your pants and it's explained on the package so read or something…"

"Thank you…" Lily mumbled and fled back to the bathroom

A few minutes later Petunia knocked on the door. "Is everything ok?" She asked awkward through the door.

"Yes…" Lily answered, feeling as awkward.

"Ok… Good… You know, Doctor Who is on the TV, if you want to watch it with me." Petunia sounded embarrassed to offer this, but Lily felt so so happy!

"Yes! I will be down in a moment." Last summer they didn't sit down to watch Doctor Who together even once. Petunia always had something else to do. When Lily came down Petunia was sitting on the sofa. A hottie was lying next to her and she had chocolate out.

"Comfort food…" Petunia said and shrugged her shoulders. They didn't talk much more, but sat next to each other and just watched TV.

Lily smiled. Maybe it wasn't that bad that she got her period.

The next time Lily had her period; Sulfia noticed after half a day and looked at Lily like she had grew a second head, before dragging her to the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey gave her a potion to deal with it in ten minutes. When they then showed up late to Transfiguration, Sulfia claimed that she had been unwell and that Lily had took her to the infirmary.

* * *

A.N. Some things here. First I was really not sure if I should include this chapter for quite some time, because it is not really a comfortable topic, but I decided to do it, because this is a story about Lily growing up and how she changed in time and this is a change that happens to most bio. females at some point and it is important for a girl when growing up. Lily didn't welcome this change and I literally know no girl that did at first (and why should they). But I still tried to turn it into a somewhat nice moment for Lily, by letting her bond with Petunia over this. Petunia still cares, but she is maybe a bit afraid of magic and hurt that Lily in her mind chose Snape over her, but she can see past that when it is something 'normal' Lily is struggling with, like in this chapter. People often forget how difficult it is for siblings to really hate each other when you live together. Humans are made to recognize things that reminds them of themselves as good and nice. You see the same gestures and mimic in your siblings and all that makes you like them on a very fundamental level. It is a lot easier to hate them, when they are not around...

Second, I refuse to even consider the fact that such a potion doesn't exist in the magical world. There is no way that not at least a dozen witches make it their aim to deal with this and if there are potions to breath underwater and walk through fire there is a potion for that!

Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	30. Year 3 Chapter 30

**Lily Bud**

Year 3 Chapter 30

Birthday parties were always fun at Hogwarts. For Dorcas' last birthday the boys had smuggled all of them out to the kitchen. They nearly got in trouble with Mr. Filch when he caught them on their way back, but luckily he let them go scot-free just this once. Yes, since last year when Lily defended Mrs. Norris she noticed that he grumpy caretaker wasn't so bad at all. He always had a smile (even if it took Lily some time to recognize the grimace as a smile) for Lily and when she once had a detention because she got in a fight with a Slytherin girl that kept pulling her hair, he let her go early.

The Gryffindors nearly always celebrated together somehow. The boys would get cake and other food, while the girls decorated.

Sev's birthday was different. He never invited her over with his other new friends. They celebrated only with the two of them. Lily would sometimes sneak into the kitchen and get them muffins. When Lily asked why they didn't celebrate with his other friends he told her that he preferred to spend time just with her, that he liked it better than spending time with all of his other friends. Lily had grinned at that and hugged him. Yes, he had strange new friends, but he still liked her best! She gave him a new notebook. Lily often saw him, write in his and it started to fill up again. Of course she was curious what he wrote in there, but he didn't want to show her and that was fine. It was private.

Lily's birthday two weeks later was and Sulfia organized a surprise party for her. There was still snow outside and the teachers even secured a part of the Black Lake as an ice skate rim. The girls naturally decided that they would have Lily's birthday party outside.

The Marauders (they really stuck to that name) even managed to get warm butterbeer. It was a bit strange to have them at her birthday, but she was friends with Remus and while Peter was still a bit shy around her, she was paired with him this year in charms. He was nice enough when he was on his own. Even Potter could be tolerable when he wasn't picking fights with Sev all the time or played stupid pranks on her. He could be nice, sometimes. Dorcas swore he could. That left Black. Lily couldn't remember ever talking to him alone. He was always the boy next to Potter, that laughed the loudest when they played some prank or hexed someone. A couple of friends from other houses were invited. Emmeline from Ravenclaw and Marlene form Hufflepuff sat together with Gwen and Gunny.

Someone, Lily suspected Dorcas, invited Sev as well. Sulfia had an extreme sour look on her face when she first saw him, but pointing ignored Sev for the afternoon. The Gyffindor boys and Sev glared at each other most of the time, but it looked like Remus pleaded with them for peace.

"Please, it is Lily's birthday. Do you want to be the one to ruin it, James?" Lily heard Remus asked Potter. James didn't look happy, but he didn't say anything and went over to Dorcas. They talked about Quidditch.

Lily talked a little bit with Sev, but it wasn't long until Gwen and Gunny pulled her away to go ice skating with them. They all landed on their asses more often than not, but it was really fun. When Lily left the ice, Sev wasn't there anymore. But it was ok, he didn't like big groups of loud people, but he still came for her.

A.N. I want to give a little peek into the way I imagine Lily's friends group work. She has Severus and her other very good friends and then she has this group of Gryffindors, that while she isn't overly close with them, they still belong in the same group and they are the friends of her friends and so she is kind of friends with them as well. So of course Lily had contact with the Marauders before she dated James and she was aware that they were not just idiots or bullies. Severus is of course there as well, but he is not really social and Lily just can't and don't want to spend all her time at her birthday party with him. I don't think Snape would really try to reach out to any of her friends and because of that didn't have the greatest time at her birthday.


	31. Year 3 Chapter 31

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 31

More rumors, more whispered insults, more underhand compliments.

"Really it is so impressive that you overcame your handicap like this. You can really keep up with the rest."

 _'I can't just keep up with them. I'm better than most.'_ Lily thought, but didn't say.

"Really if all were as good as you, there would be fewer discussions about muggleborn."

 _'Oh, who is discussing the talent of all those pureblood idiots that nearly fail all their tests?'_

"I heard that two people died in that explosion. A muggleborn couple. Maybe they should have let real wizards and witches do the potion making."

 _'And what with the strange snake and skull symbol people saw in the sky over their ruined house?'_

"Mudblood."

 _'Pureblood-bastard.'_

"I don't see why the ministry makes such a big deal out of it. It was just some muggles and they were healed and forgot everything about it. So what if one of them miscarried. Muggle breed like rabbits anyway."

 _'They are humans! They were tortured and they lost a baby because of that!'_

"I tell you Voldemort finally has the right ideas. Really all those 'muggleborn protection laws' by now are just a way to prejudge against pureboods. I mean it is now even illegal to demand a family tree with the application."

 _'Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!'_

"Yeah, I heard Fiona's aunt is in St. Mungos. She is muggleborn as well. It's the eighth attack just this month."

 _'Was it? I lost count some time ago.'_

'DIE MUDBLOODS' 'YOU'LL BE NEXT MUDBLOOD SCUM' 'PUREBLOOD RULE'

This and other messages were found all over Hogwarts. Written in toilet stalls, burned into tables, smeared on the walls with blood red color.

Lily was so tired of it. Sometimes she just wanted to pretend that none of it had any meaning for her. That those were all problems so far away, that it made no sense to worry about it. That those were the same as schoolyard bullying. That she could understand and it made everything so much more manageable. Sometimes it made her lash out at Potter and his friends even more, because if it was the same as their bullying (the picture of Peter's burned face come up in her mind to remind her that it wasn't so simple, but Lily chose to ignore it) then she could lash out her anger and fear at what happened in the world at them, right? She knew she was wrong. It wasn't the same at all. Because it was save to lash out at them, when so little felt as save as shouting at Potter and his friends. It was so very very different, because Lily felt that it was something more. Something dangerous. Something hostile. Proof that she wasn't wanted here. Something growing. Sometimes she walked through Hogwarts and looked at the students and asked herself if one of them would become her murderer one day.

Sometimes when Lily felt really down and felt like crying she would watch Mary. Mary never gave up or held her tongue. She was always confronting those that did say stuff like that. She never confused who to be angry with. Lily couldn't even confront Sev about his new friends or the books he read, but tried to hide from her.

Dark magic. It crept Lily out. There was something off with the books themselves, as if you had to pay a price just to read them and learn their knowledge. Sev had this strange kind of gleam in his eyes when he read them. There was a passion in his eyes that was much stronger than anything he felt when they experimented on potions together. That was Sev's true passion and Lily didn't like it.

She told him a few times and he promised to spend less time on those books. But it was a lie, he just hid them better. Sometimes Lily wondered since when he read that kind of books. She tried not to think too much about it.

* * *

A.N. A look into how the war is creeping into Hogwarts. How this little everyday racism is slipping into the really dangerous kind of racism and how sometimes victims didn't say anything, because they want to keep the peace and how this holding back and trying to normalize all this is bleeding into the privet life was well. How Lily is unable to put her foot down with Snape and call him out on his lies, because that is how Lily has trained herself to be an accepted member of this society. But there is still this wish in her to be different, to be loud about her opinion and to no longer care about what people think and just stand her ground for what she really thinks and feels. For Lily, Mary embodies this standing up.

I know that this is a really depressing chapter and I know it is difficult to really enjoy topics like this, but I still hope you like the chapter and if nothing else make you think.

Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	32. Year 3 Chapter 32

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 32

The last Gryffindor game of the year was in a few weeks, against Slytherin, but that wasn't important yet. Lily sat together with Dorcas and Sulfia and they were for once not talking about fairytales. Muggle and magical once. It was nice so swap stories with them, because it was a real exchange. With Sev it was always so one-sided. He was never interested in any muggle stories, ideas or inventions. It made her feel stupid, as if everything she learned before Hogwarts was meaning- and worthless.

With the girls it was a give and take and they were really interested in the muggle way of dealing with things.

"So magic just happens in those fairytales and nobody questions it?" Sulfia asked. "Interesting there are quite a few magical fairytales where the solution is not to use magic."

"Why is the magic in the muggle fairytales so often bad?" Dorcas asked.

"If any of those ideas some students start to spread were around back then, does it really surprise you, if muggle didn't want to be hunted down?" Lily asked back.

"Hmm, I never thought about it like this." Sulfia answered.

Before they could talk about it anymore James Potter crashed their conversation. Literally. He tackled Dorcas to the ground.

"Dorky, Dorky, DORKY! I looked for you everywhere!" He shouted in excitement. "Get your broom, we need you right now!" Something hard to believe for Lily, because they were in the Gryffindor common room, the first place anyone should look for a Gryffindor right?

Dorcas looked a bit dazzled from his attack.

"Potter let Dorcas breathe!" Lily hissed at him and pulled him off her friend. "What is wrong with you?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh, hi Lily. You are here as well." He ran his hand through his hair, but let Dorcas stand up again. He looked around. "Hi Sulfia." Then he turned his attention back to Dorcas. "Go, hurry up. Get your broom and your flying robe. We don't have time!"

"What is even going on?" Dorcas looked confused.

"You have to play!" Potter obviously forgot that he had an indoor voice, because he was still shouting.

"Play? You mean Quidditch? But it's not Tuesday…" Dorcas replied. Tuesdays, both James and Dorcas had three hours between classes and at some point over the last year they came to the agreement to train Quidditch together. Potter claimed that next year Dorcas would make the team for sure and should start to train for that. Lily suspected that he just didn't want to fly alone, but Dorcas had fun, so who was she to spoil it.

"No, today is team training and we need you!" He was bouncing with every word. He looked like a bundle of energy without an outlet. When he noticed that his incomplete explanation didn't motivate Dorcas to move, but only made everybody look at him in confusion, he explained himself some more. "Lydia chucked it all in. Said that it was too much for her to keep up with training and NEWTs and stuff. So we are without a seeker and the game against Slytherin is in less three weeks. But I told the captain about you and our trainings sessions and he told me to get you! Now hurry!"

Dorcas looked dazzled again and stared at Sulfia and Lily with wide eyes. "Run!" Both of them shooed her up the stairs. Once Dorcas was up, Lily patted James shoulder. "Thank you."

After that Sulfia and Lily went upstairs as well to put on warm clothes, because really what friends would they be if they didn't support their friend at her first official training session?

* * *

A.N. The last chapter was a bit depressing, here is a more fun and uplifting one.

It shows some of the different friendships Lily have with Severus and the girls. The girls tell each other fairy tales and while that seems childish you can learn a lot about another culture by listening to their stories.

And we get a fun James here again that is so euphoric about Quidditch. He loves the sport and wants to see his team succeed and he is happy that Dorcas finally gets the chance he thought she should have get in the beginning. While Lily can be easily annoyed by James, she likes his passion and how he looks out for people. I really think that he often made the best impression on Lily when he didn't want to impress her.

I hope you like it. Please leave a review and have a nice day.


	33. Year 3 Chapter 33

Lily Bud

Year 3 Chapter 33

The year ended with the Marauders playing a prank on Sev and Lily shouting at them for it.

"You think you are oh so funny? You are not! You are just mean!" Lily shouted and stood in front of them.

"Oh learn to take a joke! Nothing happened to him!" James stepped towards her and leaned down.

"Singling one person always out for your jokes isn't fun! It's bullying!" Lily sneered back.

"Maybe Snivellus wouldn't be singled out all the time if he kept his ugly nose out of our business!" They were now nose to nose with each other. "Not only is he a stupid sneak who tattles everything to the teachers, but he has no business following us around or locking Peter into cupboards or hexing Remus in the back or insulting Sirius as a blood traitor or anyone with those blood supremist flobberwormshit! He does shit like that then yes we single him out!"

For just a moment Lily's anger fluttered. Surely Sev didn't do any of that, right? He wouldn't lock someone in a cupboard or hex them in the back. Her eyes shifted to Remus and Peter, who nodded along with Potter.

"What didn't your greasy friend tell you any of that?" Black added and stepped next to Potter. "Did you really think your Snivellus is innocent? He is up to his eyeballs in dark magic!"

"You don't know anything about that! So shut your mouth!" Lily knew that he had a point. Lily hated that Sev read that kind of books, but never would she admit that to Potter or Black.

"HA, oh please you are the only one that doesn't know what you're talking about!" Black laughed into her face. "So take your own advice and shut up!" Black

"Well if you know so much about it and you, Potter, allegedly hate dark magic so much, how comes that you hang out with Black?" She turned from Black back to Potter. A small voice in the back of her head told her that her argument didn't make much sense, but damn her if she let Potter win!

"Sirius grew up with that stuff and chooses to turn away from it, while Snivellus chooses to throw himself into that crap head first!" Potter growled at her. Before she involved Sirius in this fight he seemed more playful, now he was really angry. "Maybe you should try it! Judging someone for their actions and not just the pretty words they fed you!"

"Well I'm judging you for your actions and I found you lacking!" With that she swirled around and marched off.

* * *

A.N. I imagine Lily is as stubborn as the next Gryffindor and to admit that maybe the other side could have a point and that Severus wasn't all innocent is something she just refuse to see or worse admit to. Standing up to her when she sees something she didn't agree with is one of her greatest strengths, but admitting that she could be wrong or didn't know enough would be one of her greatest flaws.

James here likes arguing with her, that is until she attacked Sirius in a way he can't tolerate, by holding his family against him. James is mot looking at the peoples backgrounds, but at the people they present themselves to be.

This is the last chapter of the 3rd year and next is the 4th year up for Lily.

I hope you like this year and how Lily, her friends and relationships grew was realistic and understandable to you.

Please leave me a review.

Have a nice day


	34. Year 4 Chapter 34

Lily Bud

Year 4 Chapter 34

The summer holidays were stressful. Petunia always sneered at Lily when she went out with Sev and her mum always looked like she bit in a lemon for the same reason. Lily put on her shoe and went to say goodbye to her parents. They had never bothered to know Sev, like she did.

"Bye, I'll be back for dinner!" She shouted and ran to the door.

"Stop!" Her mum shouted back. She came out of the kitchen. "Where do you think you are going, young lady?" Her mum crossed her arms.

"I said that I would meet Sev at the playground." Lily answered.

Her mum looked unhappy. "No. Pull off your shoes, right now." She ordered her.

"What? No!" Lily protested. "I promised to meet with Sev."

"I don't care. We have visitors for tea and you will stay here. Now set the table." Her mum pointed at the table in the living room.

Lily pressed her lips together. "Petunia didn't have to stay when you have guests and she wants to meet with friends."

"Petunia isn't running of with her friends every day." Her mum glared back.

"You only say that because you don't like Sev!" Lily stomped her foot down.

"No, I don't like that Snape boy, but you will still do as I tell you." Her mum stepped closer. "Now set the table."

"You are unfair!"

"No unfair is that you always run of with that _boy_ , when you know we don't like him." Her mum said. "Unfair is that you play with somebody after they were nasty to your sister."

"My friendship with Sev has nothing to do with Tuney!"

"Doesn't it? Well, I know that my two daughters get along a lot better before that boy showed up and in all those holidays when that Snape boy stays at that school of yours!" Her mum shook with anger. For a moment Lily thought about the Christmas holidays and sure she and Tuney got along better then, but that was because of Christmas and not because Sev wasn't around, right?

"Set the table." Her mum repeated.

Lily stubborn stared back at her mum, not talking or moving.

"Or do you really think you don't have to listen to me because I'm not a witch, but a _muggle_." Her mum asked in a low voice.

Lily's eyes widened. "Wha-What? NO! I would never say that!"

"Well, that seems to be what _your friend_ thinks, right?" Her mum now stood right in front of Lily. "When he says that our opinion doesn't matter because we are _muggles_ , right?"

Sev had said that once or twice to her, maybe a few times more often. Lily didn't even bother to answer him if he talked like that. But how did her mum knew about that?

"Petunia heard you talk." Her mother answered as if she could read her mind.

"No, that wasn't- why did she even spy-he didn't mea-" Lily stopped herself, because, yes Sev did mean that, even if Lily didn't agree with him. "I'll set the table…"

She nearly forgot about Mrs. Stern during the year, but now she saw her again at the coffee table and Lily had to heavily censor her school stories because of her.

"Really Potter and his friends are just so annoying!" Lily huffed when the adults laughed at her story.

"You have to admit it is kind of funny." Her dad said and Lily looked at him with betrayal. How could her own father take side against her, well more like against Sev, but still! "Maybe your friend just needs to tough up a little bit." Lily of course noticed that none of her family ever said Severus, they all said either your friend, that Snape boy or that horrible boy. The last one was Petunia's name for him.

"It was not funny! They are my enemies! I hate them!" Lily crossed her arms. She and Sev often sat together and complained about those boys. Why couldn't people just agree with her?

"You shouldn't say things like that." Mrs. Stern still had this strange German accent that made everything sound hard, but her voice itself was so soft you nearly missed it. "Little schoolboys are not your enemies. Enemies are people that want to hurt you, that want to deny you your worth as a human being, that call you ' _Untermensch'_ , that take away your rights and freedom. Don't waste such strong emotions like hate on something as meaningless as a fight between classmates."

Lily stared at Mrs. Stern. She didn't know what to say to that. She looked to her parents and Petunia and they looked really timidly about Mrs. Stern's words. Lily felt constricted, as if somebody was squeezing her heart. There was something in those words that mean so much more and Lily wasn't sure she understood what.

"Oh…ok." Lily answered softly.

Later when they had to put away the plates, Lily asked Petunia if she knew what all this was about. Petunia just gave her a dismissive look.

"You know that she was a Jew in Germany during the war, right?" Petunia just said.

"Eh, no…" Lily answered.

"Well now you know." And Petunia said it in a way as if that should answer anything, but it didn't to Lily. Sure when she was younger she sometimes hear phrases like ' _Damn shame what they did to the Jews back then'_ or ' _Only true monsters could do what they did to them'._ But when she was younger nobody wanted to tell her what they did, only that the Germans did ' _very bad and evil things'_ in the war. Now she was in Hogwarts and nobody talked about the muggle war. But here in the muggle world people expected her to be old enough to know about it. For a moment she thought about asking, but she didn't dare to. It would be much more embarrassing that asking about the magical world. What else didn't she learn about the muggle world when she should?

Lily stayed quiet for the rest of the evening and when the next day Petunia was out with some friends, Lily decided not to run over to Sev, but sneak into Petunia's room and look at her history book. There were terrible things written in there about the Second Great War, World War II. Six million people killed for no other reason, but being Jewish. Millions more died along with them in those Death Camps for all kinds of reasons, religion, sexuality, disability, skin color or their political opinion. And even more soldiers died all over Europe. Tears formed in Lily's eyes. How could people do that?

A week later, Lily went over to Mrs. Stern's house. She needed to know about this. What happened there, how it could have happened.

Lily lied and told her that she wanted to know about it for a school project and Mrs. Stern nodded before inviting her in. She got tea and biscuits. Then they sat at the table and nobody talked. Mrs. Stern's hand shook when she refilled the tea.

"I… you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to…" Lily finally said.

"No, people should hear what happened and learn from it. I just need a moment." She replied in a shakily voice.

And then she told Lily, about the new laws, about the Jew star they had to wear, about the destruction of Jewish shops, about the growing insults, about the bans from pools and theaters, about the bans for students, doctors, lawyers, teachers, artists, about the destruction of synagogues, about the hope that it would all be better again soon, about the first people disappearing, about the burning of books, about the bans to travel, to own cars and bikes, about the forced labor, about having to mark their own homes, about the ban of newspapers, about more and more people disappearing, about the way neighbors became afraid to talk to them, to help them, about the marriage bans, about the Death Camps, about the burning chimneys, about the hunger, about the fear, about the hopelessness, about death, about her husband and son and mother and father and brother and aunts and cosines who she never saw again.

Lily cried with Mrs. Stern.

"How can a whole nation be monsters?" Lily asked.

"There weren't. Most of them were just people. Normal people that stood up in the morning and kissed their families before going to work." Mrs. Stern said. "They were just cowards. To afraid to fight against the wrongs committed against those around them. Pretending that it was not happening, that it were just rumors when people disappear, to afraid what would happen to their own families if they asked. So they let it happen." There was real hate in her eyes. Together with the pain, the endless pain. Her accent became stronger with her emotions. "They were not monsters. Monsters do terrible inhuman things and you can fight and kill them, but they were just cowards that feared the monsters. And because of that let it roam free."

Lily's whole body shook with fear and her legs nearly gave out under her when she stood up to say goodbye. Mrs. Stern walked to the door, but before opening it she grabbed Lily's shoulder and turned her around. She searched Lily's face for something and for the first time Lily noticed that her eyes were green as well. But hers were old and hunted by terrors beyond words.

"You have to respect yourself. Don't ever doubt your own worth. Don't let anyone tell you that there is a reason why you should be less than them, there isn't. If you can hold on to only one thing. Let it be that." Her voice was quiet and still a bit shaken by tears, but there was a hidden strength in Mrs. Stern's words that touched something in her. "I don't know what you are afraid of, but remember that."

Those were the last words the older woman said to her before opening the door and Lily practically ran back home.

Mrs. Stern's words hunted Lily's nightmare for days and weeks. In her night terrors the faceless monsters didn't scream 'untermensch' they screamed mudblood and the J for Jew was replaced with an M. And then there was the mass of people that just stood there on the sidelines and watched her turned away, but never did anything. People were able to do terrible things, by not stopping monsters from doing them.

Lily cried for nights.

She tried to talk with Sev about her fears, but he seemed to think that she was silly.

"What muggles did back then is nothing like what happens right now in our world." He told her. "There are just some people that protest that things are handed out to people that never contributed to our society before. The old families feel like they have to shoulder an unfair among in all this and nobody is grateful for that."

Lily asked herself how that 'gratitude' should look like accounting to those ' _old families'_. A life in servitude? Accepting that they were less than those of pureblood? Did he think he was part of those old families? What contribution did he or his mother pay that Lily and her family didn't?

"People disappear and are killed, Sev. Muggleborn disappear and are killed."

"Some people claim that some disappear or are killed, but did you hear about how many purebloods disappear or die at the same time?" Sev crossed his arms.

"But they don't disappear or die because they are purebloods." Lily now glared at Sev.

"You don't know if muggleborns disappear because they are muggleborns. It could happen for all kinds of reasons."

"That's rubbish and you know it. There isn't a week in which not some muggleborns are killed and that Dark Mark is seen. I can't believe you wouldn't fight against this!" Lily shouted.

"Well, I can't believe you see grims when there are none." Sev shot back.

He wouldn't fight the monsters. He would look the other way. Lily thought and was never more disappointed in her life. The next night his face appeared in the bystander crowd.

* * *

A.N.

This chapter is a bit longer, but it tackles a few different points at once. That Lily is a bratty teenager like any other teenager, that fights with her parents, how her friendship with Snape is staining her relationship with her family and how her family really sees that friendship (yes it was planned that all those bonding moments between Lily and Petunia happened in the Christmas holidays, when Snape could stay in Hogwarts. Lily has more time for Petunia and Petunia is only interested in dealing with Lily, if Snape surely isn't around.) and then Lily learned some more about WW II and starts to see the parallels between then and now her reality. I thought it is important, not only to write about the death camps and their terror, but all the time and things that lead there, how the Jews were dehumanized for years before that. I ended the chapter by letting Lily and Snape talk about all this and how he refuse to see that movement as evil. He picked up their talking points, even if it doesn't make that much sense. He refuse to see the terror they cause and is willing to look the other way. The friendship is falling apart for years before it ended with a bang.

I know once again a heavy chapter, but Lily just can't look the other way when her life is threatened like that. She is a child growing up in a war. While she can still enjoy life, because Hogwarts is somewhat save, there are moments when that reality is crashing down on her.

Please tell me what you think and have a nice day.


	35. Year 4 Chapter 35

Lily Bud

Year 4 Chapter 35

Lily made true on her promise to invite Dorcas and Sulfia over for a weekend. She was so very nervous. Both of them grew up in the magical world. What if they made the fight she had with her parents worse? They were meeting to buy their school books and then the two would come with her back home and stay for a long weekend.

Lily chewed on her lips the whole way to London. Her mum and dad were both with her. Nobody talked much on the way there.

Once there Lily was endlessly relieved to see her friends. She ran over to where Dorcas and Sulfia sat with their parents.

"I missed you two!" She hugged both of them tightly. Just now she noticed how much she needed this. It was like a weight was lifted off her heart.

"And we missed you!" They hugged her back. After a moment they let go and Sulfia straightened up and went over to Lily's parents.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Evans. I'm Sulfia MacEllis, one of Lily's friends." She held out her hand to both of them.

"Hello Sofia?" Her mum sounded a bit unsure.

"No, Sulfia, but many people get it wrong the first time." Lily was impressed. Normally Sulfia was really annoyed when somebody got her name wrong, but now she sounded patient and even amused.

"I'm sorry, Sulfia, yes Lily told us about you. It's nice to meet you." Her mum sounded friendly and open.

"It is nice to meet you as well." Then Sulfia pulled Dorcas next to her. "And this one is Dorcas Meadowes. She is a bit shy."

Dorcas greeted her parents as well, but much quieter and avoided longer eye contact.

"Is it alright if I introduce you to our parents?" Sulfia asked politely. "They would like to know where we will stay for the weekend."

"Of course, that is no problem." Her mum and dad now looked more sure and in control. That was normal parent behavior. There was no difference between muggle and magical parents there.

Lily and her parents introduced themselves to the MacEllis and Meadowes and soon the parents decided to drink a tea together while the girls went shopping.

After a few hours they returned to the grown-ups, who were still talking.

"I promise you, it's just normal teenager behavior. My Dorcas didn't want to hear to what I say either, but I can understand that you feel a bit disconnected with Lily. I'm muggleborn myself and it wasn't always easy to talk with my parents about everything. But then no teenager likes to talk to their parents, right?" Lily heard Dorcas' mum explain to her parents. They looked a bit relieved to hear that.

"Yes, maybe. It is just so different with Lily than with Petunia, our other daughter. She is normal and goes to the local school." Her dad said. It was strange to hear her father say something like this. Was she not normal to them?

"Yes, sending them away for so long is not easy." Sulfia's parents agreed, but there was something stiff in their voice. Soon after they said their goodbyes.

The following weekend was great. The three had a lot of fun together and Sulfia even got along with Petunia. Probably because the first thing she told her was that she liked Petunia's dress. They went swimming together and Dorcas and Sulfia even tried to learn how to ride a bike, with little success, but it was still fun.

When her parents dropped them off again at the Leaky Cauldron, her mum hugged both of them and invited them to come over whenever they want. Sulfia in return asked if Lily could stay over at their place as well and her mum whole heartily agreed. After that Lily and her parents got along better. They didn't seem to suspect that Lily was disrespectful with everything she said and she in return didn't meet with Sev as much as before and not without asking her parents first. Severus was angry with her because of it, but finally gave up complaining, when Lily made herself clear that she didn't want to fight with her parents.

* * *

A.N. I want to give Lily a little bit of an happy summer and to allow her a way to get closer with her family again, by letting them see more than Severus Snape as an example of a magical friend of Lily. I hope you like the chapter.

Please tell me what you think and have a nice day.


	36. Year 4 Chapter 36

Lily Bud

Year 4 Chapter 36

Boys. Lily was really sick of hearing about boys all the time. Dorcas and Sulfia were talking even more about them than last year and it made Lily sick at times. She really didn't see what was so great about dating. The whole dorm squeaked when Gwen came back one night and told them that she kissed the fifth year Hufflepuff prefect Morrion. For nearly two hours they asked her all about it. Really how long can you talk about two people pressing their lips together?

Lily tried to act interested, but it was difficult. They were all talking about who they wanted to kiss and Lily didn't know what to say. The idea to kiss anyone made her uncomfortable.

So when Lily shrugged her shoulders Sulfia looked at her shocked. "Please tell me you don't want to kiss Snivellus?"

Lily glared at her friend for using that name, but finally answered. "No."

"Good, because he is kind of gross and creepy." Sulfia replied. Lily wanted to defend her friend, but before she could Gunny talked.

"Yeah, he is really strange. I really don't know why you are friend with him, Lily."

"And he totally is in love with you." Gwen shouted. The other three shrieked in disgust. "Eck!"

"No, he is not. We are just friends." Lily mumbled, but she wasn't convinced herself. For the last couple of months she noticed how Sev always tried to sit or stand closer to her and that his hand more often touched her hand.

Lily didn't like it, it made her uncomfortable. She then pulled her hand away to grip her books or when they sat down next to each other pressed both her hands between her thighs. But Sev never said anything, so Lily didn't say anything either. Maybe it would go away soon and everything could be back to normal.

Part of Lily always felt uneasy when she was alone with Severus, because he always looked as her as if he expected something from her. But Lily wasn't sure what and if she would be willing to give it to him if she did. She still liked talking to him and joking around, but she tried to touch him less while doing it, because he did it more often.

"Not that it really matters if he is, as long as you are not in love with him. That would be really gross, you know." Sulfia said and the others nodded in agreement. "Really of you ever get together with him we will publically deny being friends with you, Lily." Sulfia joked, or at least Lily hoped that she joked. Sulfia really didn't like Sev, well none of her other friends really liked Sev, but Sulfia was the most vocal about it.

"I don't plan to." Lily just said and listened some more how Gunny admitted that she kind of would like to kiss Sirius. The others laughed and squeaked again, but none of them were disgusted by the idea of Gunny kissing Black.

Sulfia then admitted that if she had to choose one of the Gryffindor boys she would like to kiss James. Then she asked Lily which one she would like to kiss.

Lily shrugged. "None of them really…" Because really she didn't want to kiss anyone, nevertheless one of those four.

"Come on, you have to choose! Which one?" Dorcas agreed with Sulfia and pressed her for an answer.

Lily pulled a face. "I don't know. Remus, maybe?" Lily didn't like the idea to kiss Remus anymore than kissing Black, Potter or even Sev, but from the four Gryffindor boys she was most friends with him and he probably wouldn't tell everybody about it.

* * *

A.N. Teenage years are stressful and difficult and everybody develops at a different pace. In this story Lily is a bit slower when it comes to develop an interest in boys. There is nothing wrong or strange about that either way. But it is difficult for those friends around them as well. In too many stories only the 'unpairable' characters are slow in this way (mostly Peter in Marauder stories), but why can't this be another point Lily and James have to face before they can be together, that James is just a bit faster in that way than Lily at the moment.

Severus here shows the first signs of interest, but Lily just doesn't know how to deal with it or how to tell him to stop, so she just hopes that it goes away on its own.

I hope you like the chapter and thank you to all me reviewers. It is always lovely to hear from you.

Have a nice day


	37. Year 4 Chapter 37

Lily Bud

Year 4 Chapter 37

A first year muggleborn was in the hospital wing, because he was hexed by some older student. That wouldn't be so surprising. Students land themselves in the hospital wing all the time and often it was because older students made fun of them. But it was the fourth muggleborn in the hospital wing for being hexed by older students in the last two weeks.

There was restlessness among students, especially muggleborns. They started to group together. No muggleborn really walked through the halls alone anymore. The attacks got more and more brutal. Sulfia and Dorcas always stayed close to her when they went from one class to another and they never were very happy when she wanted to go down to the dungeons to experiment on some potions with Severus.

"You know, that's where ALL the SLYTHERINS are. I just don't think that it's very safe for you." Dorcas once told her.

"Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." Lily answered her and hugged her. But if she was honest with herself she was feeling a bit uneasy down there.

There wasn't a week going by without hearing someone mumbling "Mudblood," under their breath.

Things were getting tense. Even among friends. She heard how a big group of Ravenclaws that had always been tight, broke apart because they disagreed about these kinds of things. Hufflepuff switched a beater and rumors said, it was because he was dating a Slytherin girl, who insulted muggleborns or worse. One chaser on the team was muggleborn and allegedly the two had came blows during a training. The rest of the team voted the beater out. But all those things were hushed up.

Lily saw in the common room how Mary MacDonald was talking with the younger muggleborns and to cheer them up and warn them who to stay away from and to always stay in groups. People looked at her and felt hope. Lily felt hope. They wouldn't go down without a fight and Mary was the one that could lead them into that battle. Lily still hadn't really talked to her, but soon she promised herself, soon she would go over there and become friends with her.

No that time was now! Lily thought to herself and took the first step.

Lily took a deep breath and did it. She went over to Mary. Her hands were sweaty. Never did Lily want to be friends with somebody so much as she wanted to be friends with Mary.

Lily wasn't far. She could hear Mary talk to some younger students.

"No, don't ever be ashamed off your origins. You are muggleborn and you can be damn proud of it. You know how to live and learn in two worlds. We are the once that understood all of it, not just a fraction. We descended from muggle, who thrived in this world like nobody else. They are the ones that are rule this world just by being damn cleverer than everybody else. Muggles are adaptable and innovative in a way that even the magical world can't compare, because really everybody who thinks candle light is the way to go, is some centuries behind." There was passion and conviction in her voice and Lily wanted that. This unshakable believe that they would turn out victorious in the end. Listening to Mary made Lily believe in her, in a better future. Right in that moment Lily would have followed her into every battle.

Lily ended up not speaking to her that day, but thinking about how she showed her pride for her heritage. It wasn't that Lily hid the fact that she was muggleborn, but she wasn't really showing it either. She was still thinking about it when she was doing her homework later that evening.

A big drop of ink leaked on her essay and she cursed under her breath, really quills and inkwells were so unpractical, why couldn't witches use normal pens. Lily stopped. Yes, that was a great idea. She pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and wrote a letter home to her parents.

 _Hello mum and dad_

 _How are you? I'm fine. Not much happened here, but I miss you._

She didn't write about the attacks and insults against muggleborns. There was no reason to make her parents worry about things they couldn't change, right?

 _Can I ask you for a favor? It would be great if you could send me some pens and some notepads, maybe some files and some post-its. I'm a bit sick of the quills all the time._

 _Thank you and love you_

 _Lily_

 _Please hug Tuney for me._

Lily folded the letter and put her books and essay away. The rest could wait for tomorrow. Dorcas and Sulfia already went up to the dorm. Lily looked around. Remus still sat down with his friends.

"Hey Remus, could you do me a favor and keep an eye on my bag? I'll be back in twenty minutes tops." Lily asked him. She trusted Remus, enough that he would defend her bag against Potter and Black.

Remus looked up from his essay and frowned. "Where do you want to go at this time?"

Sirius snickered next to him.

"Only to the owlery, mama." Lily replied with a cheeky grin. Remus looked conflicted and bit his lip. His eyes wandered between Lily and his unfinished essay.

"Really? I needed to go to the owlery as well. I'll come with you." Potter declared and hastily stuffed his homework into his bag. Remus smiled at him.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I would prefer if you don't."

"Too bad, that it you can't forbad me where I can go." He just grinned and walked over to her. Lily thought about going later, but she really would like to send this letter today. Well she would just ignore Potter all the way there. But he didn't seem to get that memo and didn't ignore her back.

He had no problem with talking to her about all kind of stuff, even if she didn't answer him. Only directly in front of the owlery did she pay him any attention.

"So where is your letter, Potter?" Lily asked and pulled her letter out.

"I don't have one." He just asked and shrugged his shoulders.

Lily turned around and glared at him. "So you really just followed me here? What are you a creepy stalker?"

He glared back and crossed his arms. "First just because I don't have a letter didn't mean, I don't have something to do here and second, take it up with Dorky, she made us promise to not let you wander round on your own when it's dark."

"Dorcas asked you to?" Lily didn't know what to think about it. Sure Dorcas often went with her and was always worried when Lily went off on her own, but surely she wouldn't ask those boys to protect her. They were bullies themselves! But then Dorcas was friends with them and would trust them. "I'll ask her."

He just shrugged. "Do that. You are our only Gryffindor muggleborn in our year. We all watch out for you." That was kind of really nice. Lily felt warm at the idea that her house would defend her no matter what.

"So is there something you want do here or did you only follow me here?" Lily tried to change the subject because she really didn't know how to reply to James' words.

"Sure I have." He grinned at her and stepped into the middle of the owlery. A moment later a loud owl shriek came from above them and when a mostly black hawk owl dived down from the nests, only to claw itself into James' robes. It hit Potter with its wings and pecked at his face and hair. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry Bludger for leaving you all alone forever since the morning! I'm the worst, I know." James just laughed and petted the aggressive owl.

Lily stayed away and looked warily at the owl. "Is that yours?"

"Yes." Potter seemed ridiculous proud about owning an owl that attacked him. "This is Bludger. Isn't she beautiful and sweet?"

"That is one way to describe her…" Lily said diplomatically. Potter only grinned wider and pulled an owl treat out of his robe.

"Bludger, say hello to Lily." James told his owl and sent her flying in her direction. Lily took a step back and prepared herself for an attack, but the owl only gently landed on her shoulder and nuzzled itself in her hair. James laughed. "Bludger loves everything red. It's a good thing I was sorted into Gryffindor or I'm sure she would downright refuse to carry any letters for me."

"That's nice." Carefully she lifted her hand to stroke the dark feathers.

"She likes you." James told her and stepped closer. "You know you can borrow her to send your letter. One of the reasons she is always angry with me is because I don't send enough letters, according to her."

"I don't really want my family to be attacked by your owl. My sister is already afraid of them." Lily wasn't sure why she told Potter that. It was one of the reasons why Lily couldn't have an owl on her own.

"Oh, don't worry. She only does that with me and Sirius, but he always calls her demon bird and threatened to hit her with a beater bat not that I would ever let him, oh and Peter for some reason. But she adores Remus and you as it seems. She was still voted out of our dorm…"

"Oh, but I can't send her. She would have to wait for an answer and I asked my parents to send me some stuff, so it could take a day or two." Lily still petted to owl, that in return groomed her hair.

"Oh, a packet? Bludger do you want to carry a packet? Yes you want to!" James cooed at his owl that peaked up at the mentioning of the word packet. "She always feels important when she can carry a packet. The bigger the better. My parents sometimes just put stuff in a too big box only to let Bludger carry a bigger packet. It is really disappointing to get a huge box only to open it and find a note and your forgotten tie."

What really made Lily laugh was how funny he enacted this scene while telling her. Sometimes James could be funny, if he didn't pick on others for it.

Somehow this conversation really ended with Lily tying her letter to Bludger's leg with the instruction to wait for an answer. Three days later the dark owl landed in front of Lily with a packet from her parents and everything she asked for. Bludger got a sausage from Lily before she flew off to Potter to land on his head and pull on his hair.

* * *

A.N.

This chapter deals wit a few things. How the war and tension is growing in Hogwarts, how Lily notice more of it, how Lily admiration for Mary is growing and how she search for hope in Mary, how Lily deals with her identity as a muggleborn, how others around her worry about her and how there are moment between her and James that are nice and funny, how Lily can see that he is a caring guy. That there is a part of her that trusts him, how he can make her feel at ease, even when everything around them is falling apart.

And I wrote this chapter, because I had this idea of James' owl in my head and I needed to show her off. I hope you like Bludger. I like her and James will be very offended if you don't ;)

Please tell me what you think and have a nice day.


	38. Year 4 Chapter 38

Lily Bud

Year 4 Chapter 38

Lily nipped at a bottle of now warm beer and pulled a grimace. It had nothing of the sweet and comforting flavor of butterbeer, but had a bitter taste that Lily washed down with a sip from her coke glass. She must be a pathetic sight, sitting alone at a table with a beer and a glass of coke to wash the beer down. What a great way to celebrate New Year.

Around her people were talking, laughing and dancing. Petunia was still talking to the same boy. She hadn't paid Lily any attention since they came here. To be fair, Petunia didn't want Lily here, but their mother asked (more like ordered) her to take Lily with her to the party. She recognized some of the people here. She went to primary school with them after all, but really she never kept in contact with them. How would she even explain to them that her letters came with an owl? Looking around Lily knew that it was an excuse. The idea to belong to a new and so much more fascinating world had made it easy for her to forget about sandbox friendships.

Lily had tried to talk to a few old friends earlier and they had been friendly enough, but then they talked about school, the teachers and boys there and Lily didn't know what to say. She tried to tell anecdotes from Hogwarts, but each word had to be measured. Was what they did strange? How would you even pull such a prank without magic? Even her attempts to talk about school sport and call Quidditch football were difficult. You just couldn't translate a brilliant Quidditch move into football or rugby? How would you even try to talk about beaters? Sure she could try to talk about the people and how Potter was caught by Professor McGonagall how he made a list ranking the attractiveness of the girls in the class and how Sulfia bewailed the chance of learning more about his preference in girls when McGonagall destroyed the list after reading it. But talking about people that only you know is not very entertaining for the others. So Lily gave up and listened to their school stories. Soon after it got even more awkward, when they changed the subject to music and some new movies. For the first time Lily really noticed how much of the muggle world she was missing out on. Not just subjects like history and math and stuff, but just normal day-to-day life.

Because of all that Lily excused herself from them and now sat alone at a table. At least here she wouldn't risk accidentally telling muggles about magic, right?

Petunia danced really close with that boy. Did she have a boyfriend? Mum and Dad never said anything like that. Dorcas now had a boyfriend as well. He was a year older than them. If Lily was honest, she was a bit jealous how much time Dorcas now spent with Michael McKinnion. And while Sulfia often link her arms with her when some boys whistle after one of them and claim that they would wait for the best, Lily had the feeling that should Potter one day turn around and ask Sulfia out, she would see even less of her than of Dorcas. Boyfriends were a touchy topic to Lily right now. So she couldn't help but watch Petunia and that boy. He whispered something in her ear and took Petunia by the hand and leaded her somewhere Lily couldn't watch them.

The chair next to her scratched over the floor. "Do you wanna dance?" An arm slung around her shoulder without asking. A heavy smell of alcohol assaulted her when she turned her head. She knew the boy that sat next to her. He was a year older than her. Paul Newman, if she remembered it right.

"No thank you." Lily replied. The way his hand grabbed her shoulder made Lily uncomfortable and she tried to push his arm off.

"Oh come on. Don't be like that. I can show you a great time." He held on to her and leaned closer. With growing unease Lily noticed how he stared down at her chest. She just wanted to hide.

"No really, I don't want to." She tried to get up, but he held her down. Instinctively her hand drove into the pocket of her skirt that hid her wand. Her fingers closed around the polished wood, before she forced herself to let go. She could not hex a muggle for getting handsy with her in a room full of muggle. It was a strange feeling to know that she could deal with him with a flick of her wand, but still feel helpless because at the same time she couldn't.

"What is it? Goes off to a posh boarding school and now is too good for some old mining boys from back home?!" He was loud and sounded angry. People looked over to them and Lily skirmish in her seat. Everybody was only looking, but nobody said anything. "What? Are only some of those posh rich kids allowed to touch your goods?" He tried to pull her closer.

Was it self-defense if she knocked him off? Would she get a lot of trouble if all these people had to be oblivated? Some girls started to talk and look at her with pity. Lily saw someone hurry off.

But it turned out not everybody was only watching. A boy stepped behind Paul and emptied his beer over Paul's head. Paul let go off Lily and turned around with fury. "What the hell Bloomer!"

"It looked like you needed to cool down Newman." The other boy didn't look intimidated by the angry boy at all. "Now go outside or something. You made enough of a fool out of yourself for this year and we are not even half an hour in."

Paul was about to shout something back, but a couple of other guys appeared by his side and dragged him out. Both Lily and her rescuer sighed in relief. A moment later a flustered Petunia showed up.

"Lily is everything ok? Millie told be some boy wouldn't leave you alone." She first looked at Lily, then around and her eyes locked on her rescuer. "Jimmy Bloomer." Her voice was laced in venom and Lily was sure that even a manticore would hide away from her sister right now. He pulled up his arms and took a step away from Petunia.

"No, Tuney, everything is alright. It wasn't him. He actual got rid of that boy, Paul Newman." Lily hurried to correct her. Petunia looked unsure what to do next. She looked one last time at Lily, before turning around again.

"Well in this case, fine. Try not to get in trouble again." And off she went again. Petunia disappeared between the people and left Lily with Jimmy Bloomer. Lily looked at him and saw her own started expression mirrored on his face. They looked at each other for a second before dissolving into laughter. Jimmy Bloomer. The name was somewhat familiar. Lily looked at him closer. Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, a few spots on his round face, but not that many. She knitted her eyebrows.

"Jim-jim? Is that you? From primary school?" Lily felt a bit of excitement at recognizing one of her earliest friends.

"I sure am and those fire red looks can only belong to Lily Evans. Am I right?" He gave her a grin back.

"YES!" Lily clapped her hands once, before blushing a little bit because of how loud and shrill she just sounded. "Please sit down." She offered him the vacant seat of Paul Newman and Jimmy sat down. "I'm surprised you still remember me. With me always being away."

"Oh, nobody could forget the strangest girl ever, don't worry." He laughed before sobering up for a moment. "Not in a bad way of course. Strange in a good way, I promise. There just was something about you that told you that there was more to you. Does that sentence even make sense?"

"Yeah… It's fine. So how are you Jimmy?" Lily asked with a huge smile.

"Great, great, not studentship for a posh Northern boarding school great, but great." He didn't say any of this with the malice that Paul Newman had. No he sounded generous happy for her and didn't begrudge her the opportunity in any way. "And I actual now prefer to be called by my real name and not Jimmy or Jim-jim anymore. So it would be nice if you could call me James."

"James? Your name is James? Why didn't I know that?" Lily was seriously baffled at that revelation.

"Oh you know, my old man is named James too and he had a problem with calling me the same as his own name, so he and everybody else always called me Jim. But really I like James better." Jimmy, or better James, explained and Lily couldn't help but compare him to James Potter and pulled a face. "You don't like the name?" He asked at that.

"No, no! The name is fine, it's just that there is a James in my new class and he is a bit of a tosser." Lily told him.

"So I sure am the better James." He grinned and Lily couldn't help but agree.

"The best!" She grinned back.

They talked for hours and not once did Lily feel uncomfortable with James. He didn't check her out or looked at her chest when he thought she didn't see and tried to touch her more than necessary and never in a way that made her think, he was interested in anything physical. It was great and relaxing. They were still talking when Petunia found her and told her that they had to go home. Lily was really disappointed to leave James Bloomer behind.

"Oh, no problem Lily, I will come by tomorrow or so. Really you haven't seen the new James Bond movie. That is a gross negligence of your cinematic education. We will have to correct that!" James told her and Lily had to laugh.

"You just want to see the movie another time and all your other friends are sick of it already."Lily answered but still grinned at him.

* * *

A.N. I want to show here both Lily's growing enstrangement with the muggle world and a bit of hope to reconnect. Those other people and muggle don't just tell her to get lost, but Lily just doesn't know how to talk about things. All those that moved away from home and return for a short while probably know this feeling to be out of the loop and in the teenager years this happens so much faster. But I still gave her someone that reach out to her and let her back in. Please tell me what you think about this chapter. And we see this riff between Petunia and Lily. On one hand Petunia doesn't want to have her little sister always around and being forced to integrate her into her group of friends, but on the other Petunia is ready to defend her sister against creeps, like most big siblings would do, but then she is embarrassed about it in the next moment.

I hope you like the chapter. Please tell me what you think and a huge thank you to all my reviews.

Have a nice day


	39. Year 4 Chapter 39

Lily Bud

Year 4 Chapter 39

"I'm telling you they are up to something." Sev told Lily. They sat together in the library and worked on their homework. Lily rolled her eyes behind her book. Really, they didn't spend that much time with each other anymore and Sev wanted to waste that time talking about Potter and his friends. But to be honest the topic they actual did talk about got fewer and fewer. They never talked about his friends really even if Lily had quite a few things to say about them, but nothing nice really. When Lily talked about her friends Sev liked to mock them and it made Lily uncomfortable and guilty because she didn't shout at Sev as much as she shouted at her other friends when they mocked Sev. Sev didn't like to talk about anything muggle and Lily actual by now preferred other sources to inform herself about the magical world. With time Lily noticed that Sev often had a very dark or sinister way of looking at some subjects. So all this left few topics for them to discuss beside school, their new Potions projects and well that they didn't like the Marauders. But to be perfectly honest, the idea to bond about a shared dislike didn't feel good to Lily and she knew that they were not always idiots and all that. "They are always sneaking around. They even come here into the library sometimes."

"Maybe they are doing their homework?" Lily answered absent minded.

She scratched her head. Lily really tried to write into her dream journal, but sometimes she forgot or just couldn't remember any dreams. Sulfia and Black said that they just make some dreams up. Of course Lily could understand why, but she just really wished she wasn't forced to do that. Maybe she could write down an old dream, like the one she always had as a child, when she did accidental magic or something went wrong or her parents were fighting because they felt overwhelmed by it because they couldn't understand what was going on. Back then she often dreamed of a doe, that would stay with her until she calmed down.

"But they don't! I looked at the books they worked with. It had nothing to do with any homework!"Severus answered immediately. "They are hiding something, probably illegal." He sneered. Lily thought that Severus sneered far too often in recent times.

"What is it to you?" Lily replied. She really tried to pay Severus attention, but it was just annoying. Between Severus and Sulfia it seemed like everybody only talked about Potter. Even with quite polar opposite intentions.

"They get away with too much. Somebody should knock them down from their throne." Severus declared, but Lily couldn't understand why he thought it was his job.

"Sev, let the teachers handle those boys. They will always target you, if you don't leave them alone." Lily raised her hand to stop Severus' upcoming protest. "And yes I know, you follow them, because they go after you and they say they go after you because you tattle them out to the teachers. At one point one of you has to be the bigger man and walk away from this. If you stop paying them any mind, they will lose interest in you."

"But they would still be around and unpunished!" Sev got loud for a moment and the librarian shooed them up again.

"Of course they would be still around. What do you expect Dumbledore to do? Expel them for pranks and name calling? Then half of Slytherin would gone by now." Sev looked hurt at her words, as if she was unfair to him by comparing the bullying he received to what many of his housemates did to muggleborns. A small voice in the back of her head said that it was probably the other way round, unfair to the Marauders to be compared to the Slytherins, but she ignored it.

"There is something going on with them. Something is off with that lot. Just look at Lupin. Nobody is sick so often and so periodically and Potter and Black get all defensive when you try to look into it." Severus tried to change the subject.

Lily felt a shiver run down her back. Remus secret was hers to protect and as much as she would like to pretend that, her best friend, Sev wouldn't judge or harm someone over something they couldn't choose, Lily knew that she couldn't trust him with this secret. "Not that again! Remus never did anything to you. Leave him out of it. He is a sickly boy, so what? If you have a problem with Potter and Black go after them, but leave Remus and Peter out of it!" Lily now raised her voice. The librarian glared over to them and got out of her seat. Lily grabbed her books and got up. "Don't worry Madam Pince, I'm leaving."

* * *

A.N. From the memory of Snape it looked like it wasn't the first time they were talking about Remus and Lily wasn't interested in his theory at all. In my story that is, because she knew and felt like she had to protect that secret. Additional I want to show how their friendship is chipping away slowly. They are still friends and Lily still cares about him, but their shared interests are shrinking and the topics they are able to talk about. Lily didn't feel comfortable to unite in hate against somebody, not like Snape is. That is the main level how he connects with his other friends and the less he and Lily have in common with each other the more he tries to push for that connection, without realizing that it would push Lily away further.


	40. Year 4 Chapter 40

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 40**

Lily yawned widely. "Why again are we out here in the cold at a Saturday morning, Sulfia? Please remind me why I shouldn't turn around right now and go back to bed."

"Because we promised Dorcas." Sulfia answered. She was carrying her own broom, while Lily would need to borrow one. Both girls trotted towards the Quidditch field. On the way there a couple of younger students ran past them some with, some without brooms. "And because James Potter will be there." Sulfia added with a wink.

Lily rolled her eyes. "That is most definitely not why I'm here."

"But why I am!" Sulfia grinned and checked her ponytail one last time. "How do I look?"

"Ready for a game of Quidditch." Lily hoped that that was the right answer.

"Not as if I could knock somebody off their broom?"

"Nay, you don't have the right build for a beater." That made both girls laugh.

They reached the pitch and a wide assembly of first to fourth year Gryffindors were running around. It was loud. At the end of the pitch, Lily noticed Black, Peter and Remus. They went over to them.

"Hey, were you robbed into this as well?" Lily asked Remus.

"Yes, James put on his sad puppy eyes until we all agreed to help." Remus answered. He sighed and looked at Lily. "You don't have a broom either? Then let's go and get one, before all the good ones are gone."

"Dorcas promised me to save me a good one…" Lily looked at all the younger students that fought with each other at the broom closet.

"And how long do you think she can defend this broom from all these little monsters?" Peter asked with an innocent smile. He had his own broom. It's wasn't the news model or anything, but at least it wasn't a school broom.

Lily felt dread wash over her. She grabbed Remus' arms and pulled him with her. "Come on, we will get there!"

After a few minutes and threatening to hex a second year that tried to rip the broom Dorcas kept for her out of Lily's hands, she was finally in the air. Dorcas flew up to her and Sulfia and hugged both in mid air.

"Thank you so much for coming. I'm not sure if I would be able to handle any of this without you." Dorcas admitted and looked intimated at the prospect to speak in front of the younger students.

"Why again are we here, if _you_ don't want to be here?" Lily asked. It had been quite some time since she last flew a broom and she still felt a bit shaky in the air.

"James' idea. This year we didn't have free periods that let us fly, so he tried to book the pitch Saturday morning until ten or eleven, but McGonagall had none of it, until James declared that the time would be for all underclass Gryffindors and that he personally would coordinate some games with the younger students. He somehow managed to talk McG into it and now we have to do this." Dorcas explained and all three watched how Potter landed when McGonagall walked onto the pitch. They talked with each other and then the Gryffindor house teacher sat down in the ranks.

Potter casted a booming voice spell on himself and he started to order the students around. "Ok everybody up into the air! First years to the right forth to the left!"

It took some time for everybody to find their place.

"Ok, minions and following forth years!" He gave everybody a cheeky grin and quite a few people laughed at his joke.

Someone shouted back at him. "Why are the forth years not minions like the rest of us?"

Black's voice answered him, loud, next to Lily's ear. "Because Evans would hex him until he doesn't know one end of the broom from the other if he calls her a minion!"

"Shut up or I'm going to hex you until you don't know a quaffle from a bludger!" Lily shouted back.

"SEE!"

Some more students laughed.

"Ok, now that we all know that the redhead is the most dangerous person on the field." Lily glared at Potter, but he winked at her before turning back to the other students. "We will warm up a little bit, after that we will play some small games for the different positions and then finally we will play some quidditch!" Everybody cheered at his last words.

The warm up was flying some figures and fast turns in the air. Dorcas and Potter flew over everybody and watched them.

After that they played games. James, Peter and Sulfia played monkey in the middle with all those interested in chaser or keeper, while Remus and Sirius played something like tennis with the beaters with cricket balls and bats.

That left Lily with Dorcas and the seeker kids. Two days ago, Dorcas had begged her for an idea for a game to play with them and yesterday Lily found a few spells that could help them.

Five little snotty brats stared hopefully at Dorcas.

"H-hi." Dorcas swallowed heavily. "I'm Dorcas Meadowes." She gave a nervous laughter. "I- I'm the se-seeker on the Gryffindor team right now and I'll play a game with you."

Dorcas' normally dark face had a strange greenish tint to it when she looked at Lily with big eyes.

Lily flew next to her and pulled out a box with sweets. Lily mumbled a few quick spells and the sweets each were surrounded by a small glowing golden globe and hovered in the air. "I will send these sweets all over the field and you will have to spot and collect them. Who finds the most wins. Now all come here and heads together and I send them off."

Soon the kids were flying all over the quidditch field and looked for the small golden glimmers. It wasn't so much a flying test, but training for the eyes. Lily had packed enough that every kid should get at least two or three, even if some of them caught ten or so.

Dorcas flew next to Lily and squeezed her hand softly. "Thank you. It's terrifying, you know."

"You did great, Dorcas, don't worry so much." Lily looked around to all the kids playing. James was in the middle of it and explained some kind of maneuver to the excited younger students. He was surprisingly good at dealing with the younger students. "Potter really loves to be the center of attention."

"Hmm?" Dorcas looked down too and nodded. "Yeah, he loves it. But this is not just his craving for admiration, this is his idea of scouting players for the team."

Lily whipped her head around. "What? He is not captain or anything."

"No, not yet, but honestly it is only a matter of time until he is. Next year Darjeeling will probably get captaincy and that only because he is older. Terrible reason if you ask me, They got on the team the same year. James has better ideas for tactics and strategy than most." Dorcas explained and Lily couldn't help but feel a little respect for Potter.

"And he starts scouting now for in two years?" Lily asked. She would have never believed him to be somebody to plan ahead so far.

"Yes, he wants to do something like this regular and then he would be able to better judge somebody's flying abilities than just that one day at the try-outs and id nothing else gives potential players more time and chances to fly. James takes Quidditch really serious."

Lily looked back at him, only to see him watching Dorcas and her as well. A wide grin grew on his face and he held up on of the charmed sweets to them, before unwrapping it and popping it into his mouth. When and where did he catch that?

* * *

A.N. I want Lily to see some more of James, on his ground and a way for him to be in his element. Here she ha a chance to observe James in a friendlier setting and see more of him and things she can admire about him. How he is passionate about things he cares about, how he gives 100% for those things, how creative he can be to fulfill his aim and how he is a born leader, someone ready and able to take charge and someone that is willing to pull others with him in his fun.

On the other side James can see a more relaxed and fun loving Lily as well. Someone that doesn't take herself to serious for some silly Quidditch games. He needs as much reason to fall so head over heel in love with Lily as Lily. That is something I don't often see in stories about those two. He far to often just is in love with her and nothing can change that and while James is falling for Lily first, I still want there to be moments when he can see more than the screaming banshee that protects the future death eater. He sees more than that. He sees the girl that loves all her friends, that does silly things with them and who is clever and creative in her own right. But I already wrote that story with The Best, right? Still I want James to have as much chance to experience a nice Lily as Lily should have to see a nice James.

Little bonus, this chapter gives McGonagall a chance to see James in a leader role, I mean the school is handing over the head boy badge to him in 2 and 1/2 year. They should at least see some potential before that, right?

I hope you like the chapter. It is a bit fun and fluffy! Please leave me a review and tell me what you think.

Have a nice day!


	41. Year 4 Chapter 41

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 41**

(There will be some swearing in this chapter.)

People were killed. More and more people were killed. The aurors were fighting back and stories about raids were in the papers. Nearly no week went by without someone getting an owl that a family member was killed. One way or another. The tension around the castle was raising high. "All this is getting really out of control…" Sulfia mumbled to Dorcas and Lily. The sat in the common room and managed to get a table for three. She had a troubled look on her face.

"What is getting out of control?" Dorcas asked.

"You know the whole thing with-" Sulfia stopped for a moment. " _You-know-who_." She hissed through her teeth.

"What?" Lily looked at her confused. Sulfia rolled her eyes.

"You know," She jerked her head just so slightly in Holly Walkers direction. A few days ago the seventh year got a letter that her boyfriend was killed in a battle, allegedly from this Voldemort personally. Since then she always burst into tears as soon as she hear the name. " _You-know-who_."

"Oh!" Lily glanced over to Holly to make sure that she didn't listen somehow. "Yes, yes of course, You-know-who." Dorcas nodded as well. "So what is out of control?"

"The killings. Now half-bloods from even old and powerful families are killed. It shows that the ministry really is losing control over the situation." Sulfia pressed her lips into a thin line.

The last months, probably even those years since Lily came to Hogwarts, were intense with this underlying hostility and aggression and all this made Lily do something she would immediately regret. She lashed out against Sulfia. "Oh, so it was still under control as long as only muggleborns disappeared and died?" Lily could nearly taste the venom on her own lips.

For a second Sulfia recoiled, but only a second. Sulfia wouldn't be Sulfia if she would take something like this laying down. Her eyes lighted up with anger. "First! That's not what I was saying and you bloody know it! I was talking about the state of the ministry and not that I, of bloody course, find all of this disgusting, every single death!" Sulfia hissed back. "Second! Don't you ever dare to give me shit like this, when you are still friends with that slimy git Snivellus!"

"Don't call him that and he has nothing to do with this!" Lily really tried to keep her voice down, but she knew it was a losing battle. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw how a few people watched them with interested, while others fled the common room, Holly and her friends among them. She really wasn't up to any shouting anymore. "I'm sick of your stupid hate on Severus! You just mindlessly repeat what Potter is tooting around!" That was not true and Lily knew it. Sulfia didn't like Sev for a long time and it had little to do with Potter.

"Lily, please…" Dorcas' calming voice tried to stop her, but Lily ignored her.

"Oh shut up! You are the one that makes a fool out of yourself by pretending Snape is not a slimy dark magic git that is on his way to be a DEATH EATER! You know the guys that do all the bloody MURDERING!" Sulfia growled and bared her teeth. Her face was a mask of anger and disgust. "Oh don't look so shocked! Even you can't be surprised. You know that he hangs out with all those other bigots and laugh at their anti-muggle jokes all the time!"

"Sulfia, don't." Dorcas laid a hand on Sulfia's arm, but the other girl just pushed it aside.

"He is not like that! You just don't know him!" Why couldn't her friends just see that they were WRONG about Sev? Lily was angry and annoyed and it was strangely liberating to fight and shout like this. With Sev it felt like she walking on eggshells sometimes. "You hated him from the first day!" She accused Sulfia.

"Girls…" Dorcas sounded more and more desperate to calm them down.

"And for some bloody good reasons! He was always a creepy dark magic loving cunt and still is! Only worst! Because now he knows even more dark magic!" Sulfia was now on her feet and Lily jumped up as well. "But of course Lily BLOODY PERFECT Evans, couldn't possibly be wrong! Everybody else must be wrong!"

"Maybe you are!" Lily's voice turned shrill.

"I- WE'RE NOT! Maybe you should asked Susan O'Kelly about how delightful it is for other muggleborns to deal with him. She had some chosen words for him after she had to work with him in herbology! You are wrong and one day even your deluded ass will see this! And on the day you have to admit that you can't save a creepy cunt from being a creepy cunt, you'll cry your stupid eyes out and I'll stand there and laugh and tell you 'I bloody told you so!'!"

"That will never happen!" Lily snarled back.

"I won't bet money on that Evans, you don't have enough to throw it away and you're shit in Divination." With that Sulfia flipped her hair back and stalked out of the room up to the dorm.

* * *

A.N. After the fluff chapter a not so fluffy chapter. The stress is growing in the magical world and sometimes the pressure gets to high... Harry is described by Dumbledore that he has a lot of his character from his mother and I at least remember moments when he vented his anger undeserving at his friends. Why shouldn't Harry get some of his flaws from his mother as well and to be honest I think James is a too good friend to act like that towards his friends.

In the books it is said that Lily had to defend Snape from her other friends, this is one of those moments. I really don't like stories where an OC friend of Lily is kind and understanding towards Snape. No, her other friends didn't like him and thought he was bad news for Lily (and they were right). The Sulfia I created is far too sassy and confident to let Lily have the last word in such a discussion.

On another note, it was always really strange how people just stopped saying Voldemort's name out of fear. That sounds like a reaction a toddler would have. If I don't say it, it isn't there, but it always seemed out of place fore adults. But once you stopped saying his name it would be a lot easier to feel uncomfortable to start again. Here is my idea why they stopped saying his name in the first place; compassion. There were people that reacted really bad when hearing his name and others decided to take that into account and didn't say it. With time it then got more normal to talk about 'You-know-who' because you never know who is sitting close to you at breakfast or in the lunch break.

I hope you still like this chapter even if it is a huge fight. Please leave me a review and tell me your thoughts about the chapter and how the name Voldemort was replaced with You-know-who.

Have a nice day.


	42. Year 4 Chapter 42

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 42**

Lily and Sulfia didn't talk for over a week and Lily missed her friend. A part of her knew that she was unfair to Sulfia, but she had no right to talk about Sev like that, right? Sometimes Lily looked over to Sulfia in class. Sometimes she saw Sulfia looking at her as well. When that happened both of them looked away again immediately. It was like that all the time.

They were in their dorm and both got ready to go to bed while ignoring each other. Lily turned around when she heard a soft sniffing. Dorcas sat on her bed and her eyes looked teary.

"Dorcas, what is wrong?" Lily hurried over to Dorcas side and it didn't even matter that Sulfia did the same.

"I hate it." Dorcas said and the first tears began to fall.

"What do you hate?" Sulfia asked and rubbed her back.

"You two and your fighting. I hate it! I want my friends back…"

Lily winced at Dorcas words and looked over to Sulfia. She looked as helpless as Lily felt.

"I want us to hang out again and learn together again, I want to talk about senseless stuff and Quidditch. You are just stupid and stubborn, because you both miss each other. Why can't you make up again?" Dorcas continued.

"Eh…"

Lily and Sulfia looked at each other. Lily wiggled with her hands and Sulfia worried her lips.

"Sulfia-" "Lily-" They started at the same time. They gave each other a shy smile.

"Lily I don't want us fighting…" Sulfia started again.

"Me neither!" Lily agreed and nodded. Both laughed relieved. "I'm sorry that I made it sound like you could agree with all that bullshit."

"And I'm sorry that I went off on you like that. It must be so much more frightening for you than for us." Sulfia offered as her own apology. "Friends?"

Lily wanted to take her hand so badly, but- "What about Sev?" She couldn't help but asked.

Sulfia pursed her lips, and then she shook her head. "I'm not going to apologize for what I said about him." Lily wanted to protest. "I don't trust him and the people he calls his friends. They are the worst kind of pureblood idiots and I just can't see Sni- _Snape_ as innocent when he tolerates that in his friends… And no Dorcas, I'm not going to lie and tell her what she wants to hear. I don't want my friendships to be based on lies."

Lily's lips quivered. She wanted to defend Sev against Sulfia's words. He was her best friend after all, but she wanted to be friends with Sulfia again as well. Then again Sev's other friends didn't like her very much either. But…

"How about we don't talk about him? Ever" Dorcas said. She looked from Lily to Sulfia and back. "We know that you, Lily, don't think he is bad and you know that we think there is something off with him. We don't always have to repeat it and fight over it again. So we will stop complaining about Snape or correcting you when you say something about him." It wasn't really what Lily wanted, but she couldn't order her friends to like Sev, right? And if she was honest, if she would be only friends with people that like Sev… A shiver ran over her back when she thought about his friends. Lily nodded slowly. Sulfia crossed her arms. She didn't like being told to shut up. Dorcas held up a hand before she could say something and turned back to Lily. "And you in return will stop complaining about James."

"What? Why?" Now Lily crossed her arms. Why shouldn't she say something when he was unbearable?

"Because he is our friend." Dorcas replied snappish. She looked like she was losing her patience. She took a deep breath and calmed down again"We maybe don't get all worked up about your complains about him like you do with our comments about Snape, but it's annoying to us as well. We just know that he doesn't need to be protected by us. I know him since we were three or something and I know that he is not nearly as bad as you made him out to be. We don't expect you to be friends with him, but if we stop complaining about Snape, you stop complaining about James. That's the deal."

"Does that mean Sulfia can't talk about Potter either?" Lily asked. A small smile wanted to sneak on her face. Sulfia looked outrage at that idea and Dorcas just shook her head.

"No, she is not complaining about him and you can't forbid her to have a crush on him. It is something very different." Dorcas tried to mediate, then she looked at Lily with wide shocked eyes. "It is different right? You don't have a crush on Snape? Do you?" Disgust shone on both her friends' faces. Lily shook her head. "Good. So do we have a deal?"

Sulfia and Lily looked at each other for some time, before they nodded and shook each other's hands.

Dorcas clapped and bounced on her feet. "Great! What do you think about a sleepover to celebrate?"

"We're already sharing a dorm…" Sulfia rolled her eyes, but she couldn't hide her wide grin.

"Oh shut up you. I mean with snacks and chocolate cake from the kitchen and stuff!" Dorcas stuck out her tongue at Sulfia.

"Sounds fine to me." Lily grinned.

* * *

A.N. I thought about putting this chapter together with the last one, but I decided that the fight and the make up deserve a chapter each. The others are open about Snape with Lily, but they don't want to always fight about the same thing over and over again. But you can show your displeasure with something even without words don't worry. Both sides are very convinced of their position, but they still want to be friends even after everything.

I hope you like this chapter. Please leave a review and have a lovely day. I'm now playing with my puppies.


	43. Year 4 Chapter 43

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 43**

The pens she used were just dirt cheap promotional pens from the mine her father worked in. There was nothing outstanding about them. They were boring black and had a promotion slogan printed on them. They were not special, just some muggle pens, but that made them special in this magic school in some way.

Lily started to charm her pens in an especially boring history class. Her eyelids had been so heavy and she just couldn't stay away much longer if she didn't do something. That was when she first charmed her pen to change colors. Then the next time she made little stars twinkle on the black background. With time those spells got more and more complicated and Lily loved it.

Her friends not so much.

Lily of course knew that Severus didn't like her pens. Whenever she wrote with one he would frown and gave it a dismissive look. Lily learned to ignore this kind of behavior. It didn't mean anything. Sev didn't have to like pens. Right?

But this was not just dislike for them.

Lily still held the ingredients for their potion in her hands. She went to get them from the cupboard while Sev prepared their cauldron and workplace. But Lily's eyes were not on all the accurately prepared potioneer tools, but her broken pen on the floor.

"It fell down and broke." Sev said. "You know how shoddy muggle stuff is." He told her.

'It was just a pen.' Lily told herself. 'Just a pen. No reason to be angry or hurt.' She repeated to herself, but she couldn't look past the broken pen.

It looked crushed, like somebody stepped on it with propose, twisting his foot in the fragments of the plastic sleeve. Tears stung in her eyes, but she swallowed them back down. Carefully she sat the ingredients on the table.

"Here, I have an extra quill for you." He smiled at her, kindly, even benevolently, like she should be grateful for his offer.

Her fists balled in anger. "That won't be necessary. I have a few extra pens in my bag." She tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. Just to show him that she would write with her pens, she pulled not one but three extra pens out and carefully placed them on the desk. Severus' smile turned into a frown again. "You really shouldn't use that inferior muggle stuff, if nothing else it's embarrassing and people start to talk."

"Luckily I don't listen to people when they talk. Or I would have listened to everybody that told me it's embarrassing to be friends with a Slytherin." Lily knew she said it with more bail than needed, but she was no idiot and to be treated like one by her best friend made her angry.

How dare he to think he knew what was best for her? How dare he to attempt to bend her behavior to his will? How dare he?!

Neither Severus nor Lily said much else during that class. He didn't apologize for what he did and she didn't snap at him like she wanted. But Severus wasn't the only one that seemed to have a problem with her pens.

It was exhausting to discuss this over and over again. Dorcas was the only one that didn't say anything about her pens and Lily was grateful for it. Sulfia on the other hand had an opinion about everything, including Lily's pens.

"It's like you want to provoke those idiots by flaunting your muggle parentage in front of everybody like this." Lily knew that Sulfia didn't mean it in a bad way and that she was only trying to look out for Lily especially with all the new attacks in Hogwarts itself, but Lily couldn't help but be annoyed. Sulfia never had been someone to hide away or shy away when faced with conflict. Why would she now start to advice Lily to do it?

"You sound like Severus." Lily just told her and Sulfia screwed up her nose in disgust. It was a cheap shot, because of their agreement that Sulfia couldn't complain about Severus, but Lily didn't care as long as it shut her up. But that was not all Lily had to say. "And maybe I want to show my muggle heritage. Everybody here is going on about what some great-great-granduncle has done or something. Why should I hide or be ashamed of my family?" Lily crossed her arms and looked Sulfia directly in the eyes, daring her to disagree.

Sulfia didn't have a chance to because James Potter literally crashed the conversation. He somehow fell of the couch and to their feet. A fine blush crept on his face. "Eh, hey." He waved and ran his hand through his hair.

"Hey?" What had he planned this time?

"I think they are awesome!" James claimed loudly and some people in the common room turned around to him. "Your pens. I think they are awesome. I never saw you using an inkwell with them and that's really cool, because then you can't spill it everywhere. Just last week I spilled my inkwell on my bed, when I was doing some last minute homework. That won't happen to you and that's cool…" He trailed off.

"Eh, thank you." Lily mumbled. She was playing with her pen and her mouth and nose wiggled from one side to the other. Lily was started by his words. This was the first time somebody said something positive about her pens. She wasn't sure how to react to that. It felt nice.

"Yeah, that was all I wanted to say…" James stood up and turned around.

Lily watched him as he walked back to his friends. This was probably a terrible idea, but…

But he was the first to really support her with her pens. She reached into her bag and pulled one out.

"Eh, Potter?" Lily softly called after him. James immediately turned around again. She held the pen out to him. "Do you- eh- want one?"

Lily half expected him to laugh at her face, but he didn't. He looked at her with owlish eyes and took the pen from her. He held it like it was some great treasure. A smile spread over his face. Lily gave him one of her own back.

Maybe he was only entertaining her crazy ideas, but it felt nice to have somebody who supported her. The next days he wrote with this pen and he even took great care of it. Much greater care than Lily ever did.

Severus was so angry, when he saw Potter with the pen. First he accused Potter in the middle of the class of stealing the pen from her and when Lily corrected him he snarled at her. After the class he pulled her with him until they were alone.

"You give him stuff?!" His face turned red with anger. "Are you now cuddling up with the enemy!" In his fury a few drops of spit landed on her face.

How dare he? How dare he to accuse her of that? When he was friends with Mulciber and Avery! Her anger turned cold and Lily answered him with an icy voice. "Potter is not the enemy." The quiet voice of Mrs. Stern came back to her mind. Telling her about real enemies.

"He is!"

"No, I know who _my_ enemies are. My enemies think that my muggle parents are in the best case an embarrassment and in the worst case a reason to kill me. Potter is only a little schoolboy with a stupid sense of humor. I know my enemies and he isn't one!" With those words Lily turned around and stalked away from Severus and it felt good. How often had she listened to him talking about his enemies and how often had Lily stayed quiet to keep the peace?

It felt really good to speak her mind like this about things that really matter to her. Better than just shouting at Potter about some prank he played even.

* * *

A.N. Some of you already read a bit of this from James' pov in 'The Best'. Here we see Lily and why she felt motivated to include James for ones. James supported her in her ways when everybody else wanted her to lay low and assimilate even more. And for that moment they were allies. His way of acting gives Lily a boost of confidence in a time when she most needs it.

Now her other friends didn't have mean intentions. In the opposite, they are afraid for her and want to protect her. They don't want her to wear an even bigger target on her back than she already has. But in their attempts to protect her, they didn't give Lily as much say as she should have.

So Snape wasn't trying to be mean to her when he destroyed that pen, but the idea that he decides what is best for her and is trying to control Lily in that way, is not only condescending but insulting. We know that Lily does explode at Snape a little bit when he used the words 'I wouldn't let you'. You don't react like that if this isn't something that happened before, if it isn't something you noticed and hated.

Sulfia here actual feels the same need to protect Lily, but she didn't go so far as trying to force Lily to act in the way she wants her to. She is just trying to convince her.

Now the last part of Lily saying she knows who her enemies are, is important to me, because a character that grows up in a world that for years is at war about her right to live, that has to fear for her and her families lives because people are out there killing people like her can't just go around and call people like the Marauders that prank and bully her 'enemies'. Not without making her an idiot, the most naive person ever, terrible uninformed and again stupid, being completely brain washed or so deep in deny that she is lying through her teeth. I decided that my Lily is none of that, or at least not anymore. She grew up so since the summer holidays and her conversation with Mrs Stern. Her moral compass is developing and her blinders come off. She no longer held back her thoughts and ideas, no longer is keeping the peace the most important thing.

So this chapter has some fluff for James and Lily, some conflict for Lily and Snape and some character development for Lily. I hope you like the chapter and it would be lovely if you leave me a comment.

Thank you to all my reviewers. It is brilliant that give me your feedback.

Have a nice day


	44. Year 4 Chapter 44

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 44**

The school had erupted into chaos when Mary got in hospital wing and it was bad. Rumors flew around about a curse on her wand hand, that she would never be able to challenge magic through it. Black veins were supposedly throbbing all over her arm, slowly choking her or her magic. Some said they tried to steal her magic. Some claimed they succeeded. Some said Mary was in a coma and wouldn't wake up, fighting for her life and magic. Some said she was already dead and the school just wanted to hide it. Some claim she awake again. Some that she was unharmed and only played everything up.

It was as if somebody declared open war between the students. Gryffindor against Slytherin. Muggleborns against pureblood believers. Everybody mistrusted each other. There wasn't a day without some students dueling. The hospital wing had to be extended to fit all the students in. Some kind of invisible line had been crossed. Slytherins stood together and laughed about Mary's fate and Gryffindors would react to that with some jinxes. Some teachers even went so far and broke up classes that those two houses had together. In the fifth year, Mary's year, Gryffindors and Slytherins didn't have a single class together anymore. And in Lily's year only Potions, History and Divination was shared between the houses. Few teachers could control both houses in one room and if Lily was honest Slughorn wasn't one of them and a few times she had actual wished to break up the class. She wasn't feeling comfortable brewing dangerous potions, while a fist fight or wand duel was only one word away.

When Mary finally woke up again her first words were accusing Mulciber and his friends attacking her. The tension only got worse. A lot of people wanted him excluded from Hogwarts, but Sulfia told Lily that a couple of powerful families protected him and his friends, some of them on the school board. Mary had to stay in the hospital wing for some more weeks. The fighting didn't stop. It got worse.

Lily saw the Marauders as some of the first and loudest against the Slytherins and anyone talking about the whole pureblood rubbish or that Mary deserved it . And Severus couldn't help but antagonize them even more. It frightened Lily a little bit. Didn't Sev see that for once those boys were in the right?

Somehow that fight escalated in a terrible way. Severus had ended in the hospital wing and Potter as well. Lily had tried to visit him, but wasn't allowed in, but Madam Pomfrey assured a scared Lily that Severus was alright.

Lily was sure that Potter and Black had done something and Remus knew it as well. He wasn't talking to either of the boys. When Lily could finally see Severus he had only raged against the Marauders, but didn't tell her exactly what happened. Everybody involved was unusual tight lipped about it. Potter and Peter were trying to talk with Remus and ignoring Black. Black tried to get any of the three to talk with him. And Remus seemingly avoided everybody and their grandmother. But miraculously the fighting in the school got less. Lily had watched Potter actual talk some Gryffindors down from a fight. Everybody was still glaring at each other and the wand was quick at hand, but people didn't just attack each other anymore.

Lily searched for Remus. It took her nearly the whole afternoon, before she finally found him. He was holed up in a little study room close to the library. It had been over a week since then, but he still looked terrible. The dark rings under his eyes and ash white skin gave him the look of death heated up again. Lily wanted answers.

"Hey." Lily said quietly and put a chocolate bar down in front of him. Remus recoiled from her, but Lily ignored it and sat down at his table. "I have been looking for you."

Remus avoided her eyes.

"Remus what happened with Potter and Severus?" She asked him.

Remus went stiff and avoided her eyes.

"What had that idiotic friend of yours done to him?"Lily crossed her arms and trapped her foot impatiently.

Remus looked up with a start. "James did nothing wrong!" He said louder than he probably intended. Lily wanted to say something, but before she could open her mouth Remus continued. "He saved his life. He saved fucking Snape's stupid life and risked his own one for it. He nearly died! I nearly killed him..."

This confession shocked Lily. Severus had been so angry with Potter. It didn't make sense that Potter saved his life. Remus started to shake and shiver, before he broke down in sobs. Lily put an arm around him and rubbed his back. She was still confused what was going on. And Remus nearly killed him? That didn't make any sense. Remus was a kind and sweet person, if it wasn't- Oh… Her eyes widened. She realized what must have happened.

"I could have killed them. Just kill him. I didn't even recognize James. He is my friend, my best friend and I didn't recognize him. I was trying to kill him." He whispered in a broken voice, borrowing his face in his arms.

Lily didn't know what to say and a tiny part of her was annoyed that Remus cared so much more about what could have happen to Potter than Severus. But Potter was Remus best friend and no matter how much Lily disagreed with his choice of friends, of course Remus would care more about his friend.

"I can't look him in the eyes. I just can't. He saw the monster I am. There must be a part of him that is afraid and hates me now. I can't bear to see it." Remus whispered and Lily's heart broke for him.

"Oh Remus." She whispered and rubbed his back some more. It took some minutes for Remus to calm down again. But in the end her curiosity won out. "What exactly happened? How did Severus get to you and what does Potter have to do with it?"

Remus looked conflicted for a moment before he started to talk. It seemed like it was a relief for him to finally be able to say everything. "Sirius told him how to get to my hiding place." Lily was shocked. Black had just tricked Severus to face a full transformed werewolf? There must be something wrong with him. Remus continued. "Well, kind of. He talked with Peter about how to get to me, but he knew that Snape was following them around. Peter didn't know. Sirius just let him _eavesdrop_ on them." Remus sniffed again.

"He knew that Snape was sneaking around and let Snape know in that way. I know, that he was angry with Snape for teaching Regulus some of his rubbish dark magic, but I never thought… He said something later in the common room. I don't know what, but James understood him and went after Snape. What was he thinking? Why did he think he could do anymore against me than Snape?" Remus sounded desperate and terrified.

"But he did? Right? They both got out of there more or less unharmed, right." Lily both asked and reassured him.

"He made part of the tunnel collapse on me." Remus said. "The next day he stood next to my bed and apologized to me. To ME! I wanted to rip him apart and he apologized to me for defending himself."

"It doesn't sound like P- James hates you. He worries about you." The words tasted like ash on her tongue. Part of her wanted to tell Remus to forget about those boys and find better friends, but she saw that it hurt Remus, that he missed his friends and that Potter was a good friend to Remus. Even if Lily wasn't so sure about Black. How could that boy do something like sending someone to a werewolf? Anger simmered in her guts.

"Remus, why is Black still at the school, if he tried to have Severus killed?" It was one of the things that made her furious. Remus shrugged his shoulders.

"He technically was only talking to Peter, about how to bring me chocolate in the morning. They do that since second year. Claims that he didn't know Snape was eavesdropping on them. There is nothing that proves intention on his part."Remus was still shivering like a leaf. "I just don't know what to think. But it will probably end the same way Mulciber got away with his trollshit. Even if his parents hate him, they would never allow that a Black got expelled from Hogwarts. And Dumbledore just wants to keep the peace and not let it escalate further. As a kind of cosmic justice. One Slytherin and one Gryffindor get away with stuff and everything is fine again. If Sirius goes, Mulciber goes and the other way round, I think." Remus said in a joyless voice.

Two wrongs didn't make a right. Lily thought, but didn't say it. She just held Remus for a bit longer.

"I miss them." He whispered. So very quiet and lost, that Lily's heart broke again. "I miss them so much. I miss joking with them and planning pranks. I miss James blabbering on about Quidditch and yo- and stuff. I miss that Peter always has a dark chocolate bar in his bag he doesn't like, just for me. I even miss Sirius and his stupid jokes and that he would hex anyone that so much as breathe the wrong way in the direction of his friends. I miss fighting with them at breakfast about who gets the biggest waffle. I miss that they would fight anyone that says something like 'put down werewolves'. I miss them."

Lily watched her friend. "Then talk with Po- James and Peter. They will be happy about it and maybe after some time you can even try to forgive Bl- Sirius. They make you happy. Don't give that up. Do you want me to come with you if you don't want to face them alone?"

Remus looked at her before throwing his arms around her. "Thank you."

She was still angry with Black, but Potter had done the right thing and in the end she was doing it for Remus and not anybody else. And if that means that she would stand outside the boys dorm for an hour or two when Remus was talking to them so be it.

* * *

A.N. A few things about this chapter.

1) Lily and Remus are not the most interesting characters to look at when thinking about this problem, because both can only have second account knowledge about the whole thing. Lily because she just wasn't there and Remus because he is unable to remember. But in this case it made the most sense that Lily would be able to talk freely about it with Remus, opposite to anybody else in school.

2) I decided to put this whole thing near the end of the fourth year. We know that Lily and Snape were still talking with each other and that James went after Snape. That let me come to the conclusion that it most happen before the Marauders became animagi, because after that they were already with Remus when he transforms.

3)The whole 'werewolf prank' from Sirius always confused me.

Why would Snape just follow his directions? That doesn't make much sense. Why wasn't there any harsher punishment for Sirius? This is the version that makes most sense to me. Snape followed the directions because he thought he listened in on Sirius with him unknowing.. What clues in James was probably Sirius saying something like: 'Let's see how much that greasy git likes snooping around after meeting Moony." That is technically the only proof of intention and James is the only one that could reveal that to Dumbledore. And even if he is furious with Sirius he wouldn't do that to him.

4) The reason why everything was swept under the rug was for two reasons, first Sirius' family. Even if they didn't like Sirius, they still wouldn't allow such shame to befall them. Second, Dumbledore and the teachers were starting to lose control over the school. If a couple of hundred students start to fight each other, a few teachers can't do much against it and you better get everything under control before they realize that. The war took hold of the whole magical world and even Dumbledore couldn't shield the school against it. To Dumbledore this was a way to gain back control, by pretty much giving absolution to all those involved, if they other side keeps quiet too.

5) The Mary incident. I just can't imagine that that incident and the werewolf prank are completely unconnected. They have too many things in common for a writer to make it a coincident. We know that they happen around the same time. In one case a Gryffindor was attacked by a Slytherin with dark magic, in he other a Slytherin was threatened with a dark creature. We know that both incidents are talked down by their own side. Werewolf 'prank' and 'it was just a laugh'. Both things seem to have little consequences for those involved. You can't have so similar things happen close to each other and not make a precedence case out of one of the other.

6) Dumbledore connected the punishments. If one of the sides make enough noise that action have to be taken against one cupid, both would have to leave Hogwarts. It makes more sense for me that Snape kept quiet not for some strange reason like Dumbledore threatened him or he was told Lily wouldn't forgive him (he was confident enough in his friendship with her to hang out with people that saw her as scum of the earth), but because his social standing in Slytherin depended on it. Like this Mulciber, one of the big pureblood families owned him something or he could make an enemy out of him. Dumbledore does it because he believes in the greater good and that means personal justice has to take a backseat at times.

All in all this chapter is probably my masterpiece of looking at the few things we are told and make a story out of it.

I wanted Mary not just to be a poor little muggleborn that was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but a specific target. She was selected because she was loud and outspoken. Someone that challenged the pureblood ideas and was a leader of some kind.

I hope you still liked this chapter even with my far too long rambling at the end here. I know this whole things is a very controversial topic, so tell me what you think about it and how I looked at it.

Have a nice day.


	45. Year 4 Chapter 45

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 45**

Dorcas and Michael got in a fight and one word lead to another and somehow they broke up with each other. That was a real shock to everybody, including Dorcas who lay on her bed and cried. Sulfia was ranting about what kind of idiot Michael clearly was and Lily sat next to Dorcas and rubbed her back. To see her friend in pain over some stupid boy was terrible.

"Really, if he can't see that you are clearly the best girl he will ever find he is a huge idiot. And if he is that much of an idiot he will without doubt fail all his OWLs in a couple of months." Sulfia claimed with absolute confidence, but Sulfia was always absolute confident about the things she said, if she had any idea or not.

Dorcas sobbed again. "He said I was too clingy and that he needed more time to study…"

Sulfia looked unsure just for a moment. "Idiot like I say." She mumbled and sat down next to Dorcas as well. She pulled her up and Dorcas threw her arms around her. Sulfia rocked her back and forth for a moment. "You know what we need? Chocolate cake!"

That got a teary laugh from Dorcas and Sulfia sent Lily a look that clearly meant that she should somehow get this promised chocolate cake. Part of Lily wanted to stay and tell Sulfia that it was her idea and she should go, but the truth was, Sulfia was Dorcas' best friend and had been since Lily decided that Sev was her best friend in school. So of course Lily offered to fetch some.

"That is a great idea! I will get some from the kitchen." Lily smiled brighter than she felt and put on her robe.

"But it is already after curfew." Dorcas said, but there was clear hope in her voice that Lily would go anyway.

"Oh, don't worry about Lily. If Filch catch her, she will convince him not only to bring Lily to the kitchen, but back to the tower as well." Sulfia assured Dorcas, who then just nodded.

Outside of the dorm, Lily wasn't sure what to do next. Lily didn't want to be caught by anyone, not even Filch. Down in the common room she saw Gwen and Gunny. They did some homework, but really they just wanted to give Dorcas and them a bit privacy. They looked at Lily and she just shook her head. They shrugged their shoulders and turned back to their books. Lily was a bit nervous to go out after curfew, alone. According to rumors half of all muggleborn in school already spent some time in the hospital wing for being hexed this year. When she told Sev scowled and scolded her for listening to rumors because clearly that was rubbish. Still the bad feeling stayed.

She looked around the room some more. The Marauders sat in some armchairs near the fire, without Remus. But Lily knew that they made up. She had stood outside of the boys dorm for over an hour while Remus first talked to James and Peter. A week or two later the three boys allegedly had a duel or fistfight with Black and after that they had made up as well. Remus was still avoiding being alone with Black for any time. There was still some damaged trust between them, but they were good again. Black even stopped Lily one day in the hallway to hug her and thank her for talking to Remus. He had tears in his eyes.

Lily was only really friends with Remus, but she still went over to them. "Eh hello." She felt awkward standing next to the three boys. They all turned around to Lily.

"'lo Evans." Sirius answered in bored voice, but not unkind. Peter was waving at her and Potter stared owlishly at her before running his hand through his hair.

"Do you know where Remus is?" Lily asked them. Maybe he would come with her to the kitchen. He was good at sneaking around the castle, right?

"He, eh, doesn't feel very well and went to bed early." James answered and for a moment his eyes darted to the window where the nearly full moon slowly rose up.

"Oh, OH. Yes, of course." Lily felt even more awkward now. Should she just go alone?

"So Lily-Silly." Sirius started and wasn't bothered by her dark glare at the nickname at all. For some reason he had decided that, after that awkward hug, they were now friends. Lily disagreed, but that didn't seem to matter in his own little world. "What do you want with Remus and how can we, professional Remus-substitutes, help you with your problems?"

Lily stepped from one foot to the other. Asking one of them to come with her or go alone? "Nothing really, I just need something from the kitchen…"

"Oh we can help you." Peter piped up. "I'm hungry anyway-"

He was interrupted by Black. "What Peter here meant to say is. That getting us snacks is a brilliant idea, sadly Peter and I don't really have time right now, because I promised to help him with his essay."

"What-" Peter's question was interrupted again by a not so subtil kick from Black. Black just kept talking as if nothing happened.

"But James here has some free time on his hand. Why don't you take Evans to the kitchen and get us same snacks while you are at it."

"What? Ah, yes, of course!" Potter sprang into action and jumped up from his seat. "I'm back in a second. I just need to fetch something from my room. Don't run off Evans." With that he ran up the stairs only to return half a minute later. "We can go."

"Eh, ok."

Together they went to the kitchen. Neither talked much, because they listened for any kind of noise, teacher, ghosts, prefects, but from time to time he would look at her and ran his hand through his hair. They found the kitchen without any problem and only there did he really tried to speak to her.

"Soooo, what is this food raid for?" He asked and accepted a hot chocolate from the house elves that ran around them in an attempt to please them. "Are you having a sleepover with pillow fights and stuff?" His eyes lighted up in a strange way.

"No, we share a dorm every day. You can't really call it a sleepover." Lily got a cup of cocoa as well.

"But you are having pillow fights? In your underwear?"

"Eww! No! Dorcas had a fight with Michael and we want to cheer her up." Lily didn't know why she explained that to James Potter of all people, but he was friends with Dorcas as well, right?

"Idiot…" He mumbled in return. "Do you think it would cheer Dorky up if we play a prank on that jerk?"

Lily wanted to say 'No, of course not', but she wasn't sure about it. Dorcas always enjoyed the pranks of the boys. Even the once that Lily found stupid or mean. She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It probably depends on the prank, but you can better asked Sulfia that."

"We will think something up." Potter grinned at her before stuffing his face with a muffin. Lily had to grin a tiny-winy little bit.

* * *

A.N. You sometimes hang out with the friends of your friends and I just can't imagine Lily always acting like a fury. Sometime the friends of your friends are that people you can understand why they are friends with him.

I wanted to get back to normal teenage drama for a moment, something like break ups and comfort foot and yes something like teenage fantasies. They are fifteen and for at least a few days it's the end of the world if your boyfriend breaks up with you. I don't want to lose that part of their lives yet to the growing darkness and war.

The answer to problems still can be pranks. I hope you like this chapter. Please leave me a review if you do or have something for me to improve on.

Have a nice day.


	46. Year 4 Chapter 46

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 46**

"Hi." Lily felt a bit giddy and the blood was rushing in her ears. She was probably smiling far too wide as she stood in front of Mary MacDonald.

The other girl looked up. Her brows knitted. "Yes?"

"Well, I just wanted to say, that I think it's cool how you always stand up for what is right and don't back down even against older students." Lily rushed the words out. Lily felt nervous and excited at the same time.

Mary looked at her with an unreadable look. "Thank you, I think…" She looked at Lily some more before starting again. "Ok, what exactly do you want?" Mary's voice was colder than Lily expected and she felt more and more uneasy.

"Just telling you that you do some great work and that I appraise it." Lily shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Mary critically looked her up and down. "Maybe I could help you with it." Lily added with a bust of courage.

Mary's look got darker, her lips thinned. "I don't think that, _that_ is such a good idea…" Her voice was even colder and sharper than before.

"Why?" Lily was shocked. She had seen other muggleborn talk and work with Mary.

Mary stayed quiet for a moment, before sighing. "You hang out with that greasy Slytherin boy, Snape. I can't really trust you and that you wouldn't tell him anything or worst..." With that Mary packed away her things and left.

It didn't feel like a slap in the face. It felt like a punch in the solar plexus. It knocked the air right out of her. Her friendship with Severus made her untrustworthy in other muggleborns' eyes? In Mary's eyes. Lily started to shake. The critic she always got for being friends with Severus made her feel may things. Sad, angry, disappointed, tired, aggressive. But today was different. That wasn't about Sev, but Lily. Mary's words made her feel ashamed of her friendship with him, ashamed of herself.

Tears stung in her eyes and Lily ran up the stairs to her dorm. She pressed her face into the pillow and tried to suppress the sob that was building up in her throat. She felt terrible and crushed and hurt. A hand landed on her back and gently rubbed small circles.

"Hey, hey. It's fine." Dorcas whispered to her. "You don't need her."

Lily sat up Dorcas and Sulfia sat on her bed with her and looked at her with sympathy. They threw their arms around Lily.

"Don't you worry." Dorcas mumbled and petted her hair. "You are lovely and brilliant."

The reassurances from her friends were nice, but Lily was still confused about their care. She would have thought that they would be less sympatric about her being called out for being Severus' friend.

"Thank you…" Lily whispered. She couldn't look them in the eyes.

"Oh, don't make such a long face. We will find you a girlfriend!" Sulfia declared with absolute confidence. "A better one!"

Lily blinked at her. "What?"

"You are pretty and clever and just because she doesn't want you, doesn't mean that there are not lots of girls that would love to go out with you." Sulfia told her. "I kept my ear open and have list of girls we can introduce you to. There is Jenny from Ravenclaw. She is in the sixth, sure, but the youngest in her year. You could talk about all this theoretical magic stuff." Sulfia actual went over to her nightstand and pulled out a piece of paper.

Lily's eyes widened. "I'm not- it's- eh- I- you- no-"

"It's fine, you know. If you don't want to go out with boys, it's fine. We wanted to tell you that for some time now, but you never said anything, but it was quite obvious how you watched MacDonald so much." Dorcas added, while biting her lips.

"I'm not gay! Or lesbian or whatever. I think..." Lily busted out. Her face felt hot. "I never thought about kissing her or anything. I just wanted to be friends with Mary." Never did the idea to be with a girl cross her mind. Should it have? Was that why she wasn't as interested in boys as the other girls? Lily tried to imagine it, being with a girl, kissing a girl. Did she find girls more attractive than boys? It didn't feel right. But she didn't know for sure.

Now the other two blinked at her. "You aren't?" Dorcas asked.

"You never show much interest in boys and then you started to watch MacDonald and we thought, 'Oh, that's why'…" Sulfia scratched the back of her head.

"I don't really feel comfortable with kissing or touching anyone in that way, you always talk about. At least not at the moment…" Lily looked down to her lap. And it was true. Trying to imagine kissing Mary did feel even more wrong than to imagine kissing a boy. It wasn't that Lily couldn't recognize a cute boy, with how much Sulfia raved on about Potter's hazel eyes and dreamy hair and stuff it was downright impossible not to notice that he was handsome, for example. There were of course other boys that Lily thought were cute. And sure she could see when a girl was beautiful as well, but that was normal right?

"Hmm…ok." Sulfia said. It was a strange picture to see her lost at words. "Then we won't introduce you to the girls on the list, but you can change your mind, you know."

"Yeah… thank you, I think." Lily said.

"So you only have a friendship-crush on Mary?" Sulfia tried to explain everything.

Lily looked started for a moment and nodded. All three girls sat together and looked awkward until they looked at each other and began to giggle. Lily wasn't sure what was so funny, but it just was.

"So what was this about then?" Dorcas asked.

It sobered Lily up and she looked away from them again. "She said, she didn't trust me, because of, well-" Lily couldn't say it. Couldn't admit to them, that Severus was the problem. Was he the problem? Was Mary the problem? She just judged Severus and her, without knowing them. But she judged Severus by the people he hung out with, people that had attacked Mary and Lily didn't trust any of them either. And then judge Lily for hanging out with Severus. All this wouldn't be an issue if Severus would just stop hanging out with those people and their dark magic! An angry voice in her head told her…

Dorcas looked conflicted and Sulfia's face turned stony. She didn't have to say it, they knew.

"Well that is too bad…" Dorcas mumbled and avoided to look at her.

"Should we talk to her?" Sulfia offered. Lily was surprised, she expected Sulfia to agree with Mary. But Sulfia looked really angry right now. "I mean, they can't just say stupid stuff like that you whore yourself out for protection and stuff. We won't let that stand."

"She didn't say anything like that…" Lily said and watched her friends. Dorcas was still not meeting her eyes and Sulfia looked nearly embarrassed.

"She didn't?" Sulfia asked with surprise in her voice. "Good, because nobody should say something like that about you."

"Who is saying that?" Lily asked slowly.

"Nobody." They said quickly at the same time. Too quick. Lily raised her eyebrow. "Just some idiots that say, that you are the only muggleborn that isn't harassed by those wanna-by Death Eaters because you're ' _friends_ ' with _him_. Sold yourself to them in you know _ways_..." Dorcas explained. She avoided looking Lily in the eyes.

Lily's hands shook. That was what people thought of her? That was ridiculous! She wanted to protest, but could she? Other muggleborns were afraid to go down to the dungeons and Lily went there all the time for her potion experiments with Severus. She knew that just this year over half of the muggleborns at to spend some time in the hospital wing because they were hexed. Was she just lucky? It must look very strange to them. But Severus wasn't so close to those kind of people that he could protect her like that, right? He couldn't have that kind of influence on them, right?

"When we hear something like this, we tell them that you don't happily ignore what happens to everybody else, as long as you are save." Sulfia hurried to explain. She meant well of course, but it felt like somebody stabbed Lily with every word. "I mean we tell them that you are just trying to turn a troll into a veela." Somebody twisted the knife in Lily.

Turning a troll into a veela. One of the magical fairytales her friends told her. A young witch once met a troll in the swamp. He sat there and picked his teeth with a bone. The witch felt pity for him and wanted to save the poor creature from his dirty life in the swamps. So she transformed him into a beautiful veela and taught him how to be graceful and civilized. Many people warned her against it, but she didn't listen. The fairytale ended with the troll killing the witch and eating her as well, but this time instead of ripping her apart with his hands, he cut her in small pieces with silverware. A cautious tale how you couldn't change the inner nature of someone.

Was that what Mary meant when she said she didn't trust Lily? Either she was a traitor to her fellow muggleborns and sold her soul to the devil or she was too stupid and naïve to see what was right in front of her? Neither of those two persons sounded very trustworthy to Lily...

* * *

A.N. I got told by a few people that they like Mary and I like her myself and I really hope people don't start to dislike her too much because of this chapter. But let me say this, Mary doesn't know Lily like her friends do or as we do, with being in her head and seeing doubts and conflicting morals. Instead she sees what is open on display and her open friendship is Severus is very prominent on display. Lily keeps the moments when she critics and disagree with Severus very privat and so only the moments when they get along are seen by the rest of the school. Now I often see stories how Severus suffers with his people for his friendship with Lily, but I don't often see real consequences for Lily. Mary is strong in her beliefs and her fight for what is right and to her the way Lily acts feels treasonous. In the same way as I feel angry and a bit betrayed when I see a very strong and confident woman that excuses and enables the terrible behavior of an sexist and I can only imagine how someone from minority feels when one of their own hangs out with racists and become 'I'm not a racist, I have a black friend, BUT...'-friend for them.

In this story Mary and other muggleborns feel exactly that about Lily. She isn't trusted and at best she is seen as naive stupid and at worst like an open traitor. And there are few things people hate more than a traitor. Peter is not without reason one of the most hated characters and he is surely not the most evil bad guy in the books. I hope you can all understand a little bit how Mary and other muggleborns are feeling here.

To Lily Mary's reaction was a shock. In her own mind she was always a proud muggleborn that never hide this fact and that she was always on the same page as Mary, the girl she had this little bit hero worship for since third year, but now she got confronted that Mary didn't see her as an ally or anything positive really. Internal and external view on a character can be very different and to be confronted with other people that didn't think good of you is always hurtful. Lily never was really confronted with this before. In Gryffindor she is the only muggleborn that year and none of her closest friends are muggleborns. Never did anyone just tell her all this before. Sulfia and Dorcas, who are more involved in the gossip network than Lily (because she never agreed with the rumors about Snape) did hear this displeasure with Lily, but they don't know how to tell Lily that. This greater knowledge how muggleborns feel only showed itself once in this story, when Lily and Sulfia fought.

Other than that, sexual orientation is a difficult subject in that age. The fact that Lily as a late bloomer showed no real interest in boys the same way they did, let her friends come to the conclusion that maybe Lily really wasn't interested in boys at all. They were just kind of waiting for Lily to say something and Lily here is at least thinking about it for a moment, as many teenagers do in that age, especially when they don't develop in the same way and speed as those around them.

I hope you still enjoyed this chapter and please tell me what you think of Mary now and if you maybe can understand her point of view on Lily.

Have a nice day


	47. Year 4 Chapter 47

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 4 Chapter 47**

It was one of the last weeks in the year. The night sky was without clouds and the full moon covered the world in silver grey. It would have been peaceful to watch the sky if it weren't for the dozens of other students on top of the astronomy tower.

Lily felt a twig of guilt for admiring the beauty of the full moon so much, while Remus was somewhere tortured by horrible pain. Rumors were whispered between students about Remus in the last couple of weeks and Lily suspected that Severus was the root of them.

She knew that he couldn't downright say anything about Remus, but if he tried to drop hints about him with other students than Lily, she was sure at least some of them would pick up on them. Lily didn't know what to do about it. How could she protect Remus from all this?

Sulfia and Dorcas stood in a small circle with Lily and Sulfia was hurrying to copy some of Dorcas's homework before the professor could collect it. In a hushed voice she asked Dorcas some questions about the subject. Her handwriting was huge and nearly unreadable. "Wait what? Why exactly is _Aquarius_ an air symbol? That doesn't make any sense!"

"It just is! Now shut up and write." Dorcas hissed back and looked around for the professor. But the professor was still talking to some students and hadn't started the lesson yet. Not all students were there yet.

Sulfia was still writing when the lesson finally started. The professor ordered everybody to be quiet.

"Today we will measure some of the magical energy of the full moon. We have a really beautiful full moon this month. For that you will train your telescopes on the moon and then start the Luna-lux-magimeter on the right side of the telescope. Then you have to wait for around half an hour."

The students mumbled their agreement and pulled out their telescopes.

"Oh and please get out your homework. I will come around and collect it in a moment." The professor added. Sulfia's eyes widened and she scribbled away on her parchment fanatically.

She was saved for at least a moment, when the doors were pushed open and three laughing boys entered. Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and, Lily took a second look, Remus Lupin? That couldn't be right. Her eyes flickered from the full moon to Remus. Yes, definitely full moon.

What was going on? Lily knew she was staring at them, but she couldn't help it.

"You are late." The professor informed them with a hard glare. "That will be a night of detention for all of you." The boys were still grinning and shrugged their shoulders. "And where is Mr. Potter?"

Lily hadn't even realized that Potter was missing from their little group.

"He didn't want wake up." Peter answered.

"We hexed his feet backwards and now he is aimlessly wandering the castle unable to find the way." Black said.

"Oi!" Remus? said. "All wrong, he meets with a hot fifth year in a broom closet right now!"

The professor flared her nasal wings angrily. "Please inform him, that he will have the last two weeks of school detention."

Remus? grinned back. "Will do."

"Now go over to your classmates and let them explain to you want you are doing and I don't want any more disruptions of you."

Lily was still staring at Remus? and Dorcas poked her in the ribs. "What is going on with you Lily? Why are you staring at Remus like that? You didn't believe that stupid rumor the Slytherins spread, about him being a werewolf."

"What? No! Of course not!" Lily forced herself to laugh. "That is a really stupid rumor."

"Right. How did they even get that idea?" Dorcas giggled. "Then why are you staring at him like that? Did you change your mind about fancying someone?"

"No, of course not." Lily felt her cheeks heat up. She looked back to the boy.

Something was strange about Remus?, apart from the fact, that it was full moon and he was walking around normally. Each time Lily looked back, it seemed like another hair was fighting against gravity. One by one they started to stand up from his head. It looked a little bit like- POTTER! Of course! That was what was going on! Potter had transfigured himself to look like Remus.

Lily's face broke into a wide grin. It was thoughtful and selfless that Potter was ready to face two weeks of detention to make sure that Remus' secret was save. But maybe next time they should either use more Sleekeazy's hair potion or let somebody play the part whose hair didn't have its own mind. Lily grinned wider and winked at Remus-Potter.

* * *

A.N. I didn't want to end the school year so sad for Lily, so I gave this year a more lighthearted ending. Next up will be fifth year for Lily and her friends.

Snape tried to lead Lily to the conclusion of Remus being a werewolf in the books and who says that he doesn't try something else with other people, even with his deal with Dumbledore, But people noticing that Remus is always sick on the full moon is not something that can be traced back to him right? At least if he is a bit more sneaky than with Lily.

I feel like the other Marauders would see it as their job to do everything to protect Remus and giving 'Remus' a big outing on a full moon, would most definitely help with that. They all and James particulate seemed to be gifted in Transfiguration, so they let James appear like Remus with lots and lots of small spells. They don't use polyjuice, because they don't know what would happen if you polyjuice into a werewolf on full moon.

I hope you enjoy the chapter and if you like I would enjoy a review. I want to thank everybody for their reviews, especially the guest reviewers because I can't write a PM to you to thank you personally. I really enjoy your encouragements.

Have a nice day


	48. Year 5 Chapter 48

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 48**

Family dinners were strange. Petunia was glaring at her from across the table, while their parents tried to pretend as if they didn't notice how little the sisters liked being pushed together.

The reason why Lily fought with her sister and her parents were still all too often the same. Severus. When their mother made it clear that Lily should invite her 'nice friends' over and meant it as a why to say anyone but him, Lily had been angry and Petunia gleeful happy. It was unfair that nobody could recognize Sev for the person Lily saw in him. Severus was nice and kind, on the inside, he just had trouble to show it. _Or you are wrong and everybody else is right?_ A small voice in her head asked. It sounded like Sulfia and Mary and Dorcas and her mum and Petunia.

Lily had argued against her mother just to shut that little voice up, but with no success. It probably didn't help that Sev sometimes said quite misleading things. Like when she told him that Jim- James Bloomer, had invite her to a party and he acted like there was nothing interesting a muggle could ever tell her or that she was just wasting her time when she spend it with muggles. It had ended in a shouting match in which Sev accused her of being stupid and fancying Jimmy and Lily shouting back that James was a perfectly nice, funny and handsome boy, thank you very much! That Potter's face to her mind for a second was just because of the name. Really!

Lily just wanted to have a quiet night without thinking about any of it again. But it seemed like Petunia had other plans.

"Did you hear about the pile of dead animals in the woods?" Petunia asked with a too polite smile in a small talk tone. "Lots of rats and mice, some squirrels and birds, lots of frogs and stuff. All of them cut open and bleed to death."

"Petunia I'm not sure if that is the right topic for dinner." Their mother reminded her.

"It is just that I heard it from Tommy, whose uncle found them. They think it's some kind a Satanist. The animals were clearly still alive when they were cut open. They were footprints. Tommy's uncle thinks they are from a boy." Petunia kept talking and looked at Lily. Lily shuddered.

"Shame such a thing. Was it around this area? Then you girls should watch out when going out. You never know." Their father answered Petunia and earned a glare from their mother, who clearly thought nobody should say anything about Satanists or dead animals at the dinner table.

"They found them down in the woods at Spinner's End." Petunia now openly glared at Lily.

Lily balled her fists. "What do you want to say with that Tuney?" Lily asked through clenched teeth. Of course, Lily knew what Petunia was trying. She wanted to tell their parents some story how terrible Severus and magic and Hogwarts was.

"Nothing, I just find it particular that the same girl that once freed the hunter's lure animals is the same that could stand being friends with someone that could do things like that." Petunia said with a sickening sweet smile.

Lily remembered the incident Petunia was talking about. Lily had seen how the hunters had bond some rabbits and birds down and waited for other animals to hunt them. Lily had cried for the sweet little animals and finally Petunia had decided to help her freeing them. The hunters have called their parents and their dad had shout at them for tampering with things that didn't belong to them. They still giggled about it in the evening when Lily slipped into Petunia's bed. A few months after they met Severus for the first time…

It hurt that Petunia would use such a cherished memory to attack Lily. "Are you done yet?" Lily stood up and stemmed her hands on the table, glaring at her sister. "Done telling **lies** about Severus and me and what kind of satanistic bastards we are?" Lily's voice got louder with each word.

"How dare you to accuse me of lying?! And I never said you had anything to do with it, but now that you said it, do you?" Petunia stood up as well. Her face turned red with anger. "I saw those books of you, eel eyes and bat wings and frog tongues! Is that what you do at your school, cut open some small animals and watch them die painfully while harvesting them for their parts? Is that what the pair of you do when you meet up? You freaks!" Petunia looked at Lily with disgust.

Lily felt anger rush through her veins and how her magic reacted to it. The cutlery rattled on the table, like a wave the rattling crept from Lily's side of the table over to Petunia's. Fear shone in Petunia's eyes when the knife and fork next to her moved on their own and she pulled her hands away from the table close to her chest.

"You really are a freak!" She shouted at Lily.

"Quiet! Both of you!" Their father slammed down his hand on the table so hard it made everything jump up slightly. When it landed back down the rattling had stopped. "I don't want to hear another word from either of you! Go to your rooms, now!"

* * *

A.N.

A falling out between siblings is not easy and I really believe that both sides made mistakes in it. In Lily's defense of Snape, she is quick to turn against those that bring up stuff that Lily doesn't want to hear and to that her magical reaction when she was angry and you have a really scared Petunia. Things are falling apart between them and fast.

The friendship of Lily and Snape, didn't break in a day or over one word. It started to crumble long before that under both the outside pressure and the inside conflicting morals that became impossible to ignore with time. But Lily tries to in this chapter. With true Gryffindor stubbornness did Lily refuse any criticism of Snape from the outside.

To the topic of Petunia's claims. Snape is inventing a spell to cut people open and let them bleed out. I really don't think you can do something out of nothing. You have to experiment on it, you have to know wounds and how they act, how they heal to prevent that. You need to know stuff before you even start of the spell and then you have to create it in trail and error until you have a first idea and then you have to work on it. I refuse to believe someone could just sit down in a dark room and come up with such working spells without experiments.

I know, it's not a nice chapter, but we need to look how two relationships in Lily's life crumble and how she maybe didn't notice the damage she did to one of those relationships, by her way of protecting the other.

I want to say thank you to everybody that read and comment this story. It is lovely that people enjoy what I write. If you like, give me a comment and help me improve my writing or just let me know what you like or dislike.

Have a nice day!


	49. Year 5 Chapter 49

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 49**

She met with Ji-James a couple of times over the summer. He was fun to hang out with and didn't look at her strangely when she didn't know some pop culture reverence, but instead gave her a short explanation or showed her. Sometimes Lily would just go over to his house and they would listen to records. It was so relaxing. Never did his hand 'accidentally' brush against her hand when they walked next to each other. He never prolonged any hugs or other touches between them and it was just never awkward to be with Jimmy.

The only strange thing was actual calling him James, when everything in her wanted to say Jimmy. Would it ever stop feeling strange calling him James? It was just that Potter always seem to come to mind when she thought about James and the idea to do any of the things she did with Jimmy with Potter was strange.

Today he took her along to meet some of his classmates, many of them were her old classmates from before Hogwarts. Lily was nervous, even if there was no real reason to be. It was the last day before of August and before returning to Hogwarts.

It was in the evening and somebody had built a small fire. A few bottles were passed around between the teenagers and even something to smoke. It didn't smell like just cigarettes. It was easier to talk to them than it had been on New Year. Everybody just accepted that the posh boarding school she got a scholarship for, forbad everything that was fun, like movies, music and tv. They pitied her before moving on. She heard rumors about people she barely remembered and one of the girls was excited to become an aunt soon.

Soon after they were playing a game of Truth and Dare. It was Lily's turn. She didn't like to take Truth, because half the time she was forced to lie when they asked something about school.

"Dare." Lily said and threw the other girl, Jenny, if Lily remembered right, a challenging look. She giggled.

"I dare you to kiss James, for at least two minutes, on the mouth!" Jenny shouted and everybody laughed or wolf whistled.

Lily felt how she turned red and looked at Ji-James, who just shrugged his shoulders. After Lily shot a glare at Jenny, she took James' hand and pulled him with her out of hearing ranch of the others.

"We don't have to do it, if you don't want to." Lily mumbled and avoided his eyes.

"It's fine, I think." He shrugged again.

"I never kissed anyone!" The words rushed out of her mouth before she could think about it. "So I'm probably not very good at it." Lily felt like her whole body was on fire from the embarrassment she felt.

"Me neither." James whispered back. Lily immediately looked up at those words. They stared at each other for a moment, before starting to giggle.

"I'm kind of curious what all the hype is about…" James confessed to her after a moment. "And you?"

"Kind of…" Lily answered. "Everybody talks about kissing as if it's the greatest thing ever…"

"Do you want to try?" He asked. "It doesn't have to mean anything. Just to see what everybody is going on about…"

"That wouldn't be so bad." Lily bit her lips. "Yeah, let's try."

"Ok."

"Ok."

They stood in front of each other.

"Eh, should I touch you, or something?" James asked with an uncertain voice.

"No, maybe. I don't know… Where?" Lily asked back.

"Don't know…" He said and put a hand on her shoulder and the other held her hand in a loose grip. It felt heavy. "Is that ok?"

"Yeah…" Lily put her hand on his upper arm.

"So now we kiss…"

"Yeah."

Both squeezed their eyes shut and leaned forward and bummed their noses together.

"Ouch…"

"Ok, maybe more like this…" James lifted his hands up and genteelly took her face in his hands. He guided their lips together without anymore bumming.

They pressed their closed lips against each other. It was strange. There was no firework behind her eyes or butterflies in her stomach. It wasn't terrible or disgusting, but that's about it.

After a moment Lily opened one of her tightly squeezed eyes only to see him to the same. They started to giggle. That was interesting. It kind of tingled to feel the vibration of his lips on her lips. Carefully Lily moved her lips against his without opening her mouth. He did the same. That felt better. It was kind of nice. Nothing spectacular or something to brag about, but nice, interesting, new.

They stopped after some time. Slowly they pulled their hands away from each other. For a moment they looked everywhere but each other.

"That was nice, right?" James asked awkwardly.

"Yes, it was." Lily confirmed.

"So we are ok." He said.

"Yes, we are ok." Lily smiled at him and bummed her shoulder into his. "We are friends."

"Yes, friends." James looked as relieved as she felt.

"Let's go back before the others start to tell stories." Lily smiled at him and he smiled back.

* * *

A.N

So this is Lily's awkward first kiss. Nothing to write songs about, but it was with someone she trusted. But with the same name James is keep popping in Lily's thoughts. As far as firs kisses go this wasn't too good or bad, but just an experiment between friends. I didn't want Lily's first kiss with either James (Potter) or Snape, because with both it would mean too much to them and that is something Lily wouldn't want. James isn't that high on her list anyway and with Snape she suspects some feelings he has for her and just wants those feelings to go away not encourage them in any way.

And Lily deserves some meaningless fluff once in a while.

What do you think of this chapter and that I brought Jimmy back? Please leave a comment and thank you to those that did! You are brilliant!


	50. Year 5 Chapter 50

Lily Bud

Year 5 Chapter 50

It was always nice to be back in Hogwarts after a summer away from it. The feast was brilliant and it was lovely to see Dorcas and Sulfia back. Now they all lay in their beds. Gwen and Gunny were already sleeping.

"Look at my foot baby. Damn those house elves and their delicious cooking. So much for my diet!" Sulfia complained to the others two. Dorcas and Lily giggled.

"You don't need to diet and you know it." Lily said. Sulfia threw a pillow after her. "Yeah, very grown up of you."

"We can't all be the responsible Miss Prefect like you Lily." Sulfia shot back. "So how was it, leading those tinny first years to the tower with Remus?"

"Fine until the other three idiots decided to play a prank on us and made walls appear out of nowhere and made some of the suits of armor block the way, so that we had to take them on a huge detour and then they somehow switched the portray of the fat Lady with Sir Cadogan." Lily huffed. She was still annoyed with the boys. The other two just laughed at her.

"Come on. It is funny." Dorcas said between giggles. Lily now stuck her tongue out.

"Now who is the grown up?" Sulfia asked. "So what did you guys do over the summer?"

"I got back together with Michael." Dorcas told them. Lily felt like somebody had poured cold water over her head. She looked over to Sulfia, who seemed as lost for words. "He apologized for behaving like an ass last year and begged me for another chance. I said yes."

"O-kay… Did you tell him that we will tear him a new one should he messed up like that again?" Sulfia asked and Lily nodded along with her.

"Sulfia!" Dorcas shouted scandalized, but a small smile crept on her face. "I'm sure he knows."

"We will still remind him of it, right Lily?"

"Abso-bloody-lutely!" Lily sat up and nodded. It made her red hair bounce on her shoulders.

"Oh, shut up." Dorcas said, but a pleased look crossed her face. "How about you tell us what you did, that you couldn't visit us?" Dorcas replied and grinned at Sulfia. She clearly expected some kind of cool story. Last summer both Lily and Dorcas just got some letter telling them that Sulfia couldn't come over. It had been a bit strange, why didn't she just tell them if she was on holidays. Lily and Dorcas had already speculated about it, when Lily stayed at Dorcas' place for a bit in the holidays and when they were shopping in the Diagon Ally.

But Sulfia just looked uncomfortable.

"What? Sulfia? Is everything ok?" Dorcas was now concerned about her friend.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Just stupid." Sulfia didn't look at either of her friends.

Lily and Dorcas shared a confused look, before both got up and went over to Sulfia's bed.

"Hey, it's ok. You can tell us. No matter what it is." Lily told her and took Sulfia's hand in her own.

Sulfia looked at their joined hands and sniffed quietly.

"Hey, hey." Dorcas said and slid onto the bed next to Sulfia and put an arm around her friend. It only made Sulfia sniff more. "What is it?"

"They are cowards." Sulfia finally whispered.

"Who?" Lily asked and crouched down in front of Sulfia, still holding her hands and looking her in the eyes from below.

"My parents…" Sulfia sniffed again and tears formed in her eyes. "They are afraid because of all the attacks and everything and don't want me to spend time at any of your homes, because you, Lily are a muggleborn and your mother as well, Dorky."

Now that was a slap in the face to Lily.

"Your parents don't want you to spend time with us?" She asked, still shell-shocked from the revelation. "Just over the holidays or…?" Lily didn't finish the question. She couldn't bear to lose a friend because of this stupid war.

"As if some lunatic and his deluded circus troupe of followers could make me give up on my friends." Sulfia claimed. She tried to sound confident, but didn't totally manage to. Neither Dorcas nor Lily told her that. Instead both hugged her.

It was frightening. That the war out there could have real consequences for her right now was not something Lily ever really thought about.

* * *

A.N. I gave you and Lily fluff in the last chapter and now the war is back and catching up. Sulfia and her family are pureblood and are able to stay low and out of the way and lets face it, that is not the worst thing to do for parents that have to worry about their daughters in a time of war. Additional Sulfia is the only Gryffindor in her family right now. The others are Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws. But a little bit of pranks and fluff is in this chapter as well. And I fully expect the other Marauders to prank Remus on his first day as prefect.


	51. Year 5 Chapter 51

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 51**

Severus didn't look at her. They were crossing paths on the way to the greenhouses. The Gryffindors were just done and the Slytherins had it next.

Lily waved at him, but he was talking to his 'friends' again and didn't see her. They made Lily shudder. There was something nasty about them. She looked back at Sulfia and Dorcas and why they had stopped talking. They looked at Lily. Dorcas had a concerned look on her face and Sulfia's cheek was hollow. A sign that she wanted to say something, but forced herself not to, by biting on her own cheek.

"He just didn't see me." Lily said, but there was this nagging voice in her head the she could have sworn their eyes met for a second, before he turned around to his friends.

The girls didn't say anything, but looked skeptical. Merlin, Lily hated it. Why did she always have to justify her friendship with Severus. Lily picked up her pace and stalked away from them. Behind her she could hear how they started to talk again.

She was nearly at the gate when a voice called out to her. "He is embarrassed of you in front of his friends."

Lily turned around with fury. Who the hell dared to-? There stood Mary MacDonald, leaning against a tree with a cigarette between her lips. From there she must have had a great view on what just happened. Lily wasn't sure what to say. Part of her wanted to tell her to piss off; another part still thought that Mary was the coolest girl ever and the unofficial leader of muggleborns here in Hogwarts.

"Let's talk." Mary simply said and pushed herself away from the tree. She let the cigarette fall to the ground and borrowed it in the ground with her feet, before walking towards the school. She didn't look back to see if Lily followed her. For a moment Lily just stood there and watched, before she did follow the older girl. Maybe this was important somehow.

Mary entered one of the unused classrooms. She waited until Lily was inside and the door closed, before talking to her. She sat on the old teacher's desk, while Lily could only take one of the students chairs.

"You are the only muggleborn prefect in school." Mary said abruptly, after being quiet the whole time. She didn't look very happy about it.

Lily thought about her words for a moment. It seemed like Mary was right, all the other prefects were pure- or halfbloods. "Yeah as far as I know…" Lily answered.

"You are. I'm not going to pretend that you would have been my first choice." Mary said. Her words hurt. "But it would be foolish not to include you. You are the only muggleborn right now in Hogwarts with some kind of official power."

"And who would you prefer over me as a prefect?" Lily didn't know why she asked. Logically she knew nothing good could come from any answer.

"Honestly any other muggleborn. But it is like it is." Mary didn't care if she could hurt any feelings. "I talked with all the other upper class muggleborns, if we should invite you. Not everybody liked the idea, but especially the ones in the fifth were convinced that you're just naïve and not a traitor. We had a vote and decided to give you a chance."

Lily wasn't sure what to think. She knew the other muggleborns in her year. There was Roy and Olivia from Hufflepuff and Susan, David and Adam from Ravenclaw. They thought Lily was naïve? To what exactly was she invited here?

Mary didn't seem to care that Lily didn't say anything. "There are a few rules, you will have to follow. First and most important, you will not tell anyone, especially that Slytherin boy _Snape_ about what we talk about or do or anything really. We don't really want you to talk about it with anyone that is not us, but never him. Do you understand that?"

"What exactly are you- _we_ going to do?" Lily asked and a tiny part felt guilt for not immediately saying no to keeping secrets from Severus, but he did have his own little projects he worked on ( _dark magic_ , a voice whispered).

"We muggleborns meet up, talk about what's going on, who to look out for. Just keeping each other as save as possible in this time and war." Mary answered.

War. It was the first time Lily heard somebody call what was going on that. War. Everybody else called it terror attacks or unfortunate events or even celebrated those attacks. War. Was that what it was? Was this constant fear in the back of her mind war? Were the aurors in the Diagon Alley a sign of war? Lily couldn't remember them not being there. Were the black owls, with the heavy letters informing students about deaths, war? They arrived in the great hall along with breakfast since Lily first came here. War. The idea felt overwhelming terrifying and strangely liberating at the same time. There was a name for all this. War.

Lily stared at Mary for a long moment before slowly nodding. "I want to be in."

"You can't tell anyone, _him_. And you can't complain if you hear something you don't like. In there you don't have friends anymore, you have brothers and sisters in arms. Somebody tells the younger years to stay clear of all green snake gits and you won't breathe a word how you are friends with one. Most of us know and we don't like or understand it. You are not there to convince us of your ways. You are there because you have a unique position to help us." Mary looked at her with a challenging look daring Lily to disagree.

"Ok." Lily said and pushed any thought about Severus out of her head. This was no betrayal against her best friend. This was just taking a stand against what was wrong with the world. People often thought that Sev was on the bad side, but Lily knew him better. He wasn't. So Lily wasn't working against him.

Mary stayed quiet for a moment, before pulling out a roll of parchment from her bag. "Sign this" She ordered Lily. With shaking hands Lily took it read it. It was a contract about Lily agreeing not to tell anyone especially Severus Snape or any of his associates and fellow Slytherins anything and that she would do everything in her power to keep her fellow muggleborns save.

There is probably a jinx on the paper Lily thought, but grabbed a quill nevertheless and signed her name under it.

"What would happen if I break it?"

"You would show your true colors." Mary answered and took the contract back. "I will tell you when to meet up. Stay safe." With those words Mary left her in the old unused classroom.

* * *

A.N.

Mary is here to stay some more. And while she didn't want Lily around last year the fact the she is the only muggleborn prefect, did change things for her. She still didn't trust Lily, but is willing to give her a chance and what more can you ask for? Mary is open in her reservation towards Lily and Lily really wants to help and prove herself to Mary. Lily is stubborn and the idea that she is untrustworthy to other muggleborns must hurt her self-conscience and how the picture of herself clashes with the way others see her.

What do you think about this? Can you understand their positions?

Thank you for the lovely reviews, especially Amy, because I can't PM you like other reviews.

Have a nice day


	52. Year 5 Chapter 52

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 52**

"You are drooling Sulfia." Lily said while throwing a paper ball at her friend. Dorcas giggled next to them.

"Of course I do."Sulfia replied without shame. "Just look at those arms." She gestured over to the Marauders, who played dodgeball with an old quaffle.

It was the end of September and the summer had made a return for a couple of days. People were wearing t-shirts and shorts again. Even some of the more stuck-up purebloods had wiggled out of their heavy robes and admitted the utility of light muggle clothes. Everybody was greedily sucking up the last rays of warm sunlight.

"I mean, Merlin, really, look at those arms. You can see his muscles work. How could you not want to run your fingers over it and feel if they are as hard as they look?" Sulfia was licking her lips and didn't let Potter out of her eyes.

Lily looked over to the boys. They looked like they had fun. James and Peter against Sirius and Remus. James was dominating the game with ease. She had to admit that Potter looked good in the red tank top and that he did have nice arms. They were more defined than most boys their age had and that without looking ridiculous pumped. They just looked nice from the big hands with his long fingers over the lean and defined muscles to his wide and strong shoulders. Yes, Lily had to admit that Potter had good looking arms, not that she would ever say so out loud. The last thing that boy needed was a boost to his ego.

Sirius got frustrated with losing and ran off to pull some other people on the field. He had got a few Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws to play along and with the now superior force under Sirius' command of eight against two they even managed to put James under distress, enough for him to send of Peter to find some players on their own, while Remus did the same for his side.

They found Gwen and Gunny, who were merciless pulled apart into different teams. Peter spotted Lily and her friends first. He ran over, but Remus was hot on his heels. Peter made a mad last dash towards them and grabbed the closest two by their arms, Sulfia and Lily, while Remus threw his arms around Dorcas. All three of them were dragged along with the boys and for a moment Lily wanted to protest, but everybody looked like they had fun.

"I got two more!" Peter shouted at Potter, who turned around with a grin.

"Evans!" He sounded happy and excited. His hand jumped to his hair and ruffled it up. Not that it needed anymore of it considering how messy it already was. He looked her in the eyes and smiled widely and was nearly hit by the quaffle. He broke out of his stare and looked over to Sulfia. "MacEllis! Finally someone that knows how to throw a ball!" Sulfia had made it on the quidditch team just two days ago.

Sulfia grinned back. "Let's give them hell!"

"I like the way you think!" Potter grinned back.

The game went on for nearly an hour with more and more people joining in.

"Really Evans, you have the worst aim ever!" Potter sounded scandalized and even offended. Lily flipped him a two finger salute. "No really, is this the first time you hold a ball?"

"Shut up, Potter. Or I show you how good my aim is."

"Watching you right now that doesn't sound threatening at all." The cocky grin did make his eyes twinkle with mischief. It was the first time Lily noticed that he had hazel eyes and not just dull brown ones like she always assumed.

"Oh, I'm brilliant at aiming spells, just you watch." Lily bit back. Her face was flushed from running around and the warm sun and that was it! No other reason at all!

* * *

A.N. Let the fluff return! There is a war yes. And they understand that, but that didn't chance the fact that they are teenagers, that will have fun and enjoy life at times. And Lily even admitted to herself that James doesn't look like a troll ;) She is slowly developing a crush on James, like a normal teenage girl towards a handsome teenage boy. But a crush isn't something all consuming. It is just a crush. But it is a start. James and Lily see more in each other than we can see in Snape's memories.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you again for all the kind reviews. I love them.

Have a nice day.


	53. Year 5 Chapter 53

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 53**

"Lily I know that the professors all talk about preparing for the O.W.L.s, but we are not even two months in. Maybe you overdo it a little bit?" Severus asked her, but still dutifully carried her books to one of the tables in the library. "I'm pretty sure you are the first to review her old spells and stuff. Not even Ravenclaws are that concerned about the O.W.L.s at this time of the year and you are one of the best in every class."

"Not in transfiguration." Lily answered searched the books selves for another book from her list. "Potter and Black always beat me in it, sometimes even Peter." A painful expression crossed her face at this admiration.

"Well, yes…" Severus mumbled. They were always better than him as well, in most subjects, not in Potion of course. "But they are purebloods…" Sev said with some resistance as if he didn't like admitting that fact. And Lily just wasn't sure what to think about that. Was them being purebloods really an explanation for how good they were in school and if it was, what did that mean about her as a muggleborn.

As much as Lily wished those Marauders would just puff out of existence (well, maybe not puff out of existence, but at least to a place far away from her), she had to admit that they were good students, most of them. Potter was always one of the best in class, with Black close behind. At least Remus and Peter had to open their books and study. It made Remus an ace in Defense and Charms. Peter, on the other hand, wasn't really outstanding in any subject, but there wasn't really one he was failing as far as Lily knew. He was like Sulfia, a student that had lots of A's and E's, but no O's.

Lily found the book she was looking for and marked it off her list. "That should be enough for now."

Severus sighed in relief and once they reached the table he let the books fall on top of it with a lot bang. The librarian looked at them with a dark glare. Lily held up her hands and dug her head low in apology.

Lily sat down and Severus next to her. They opened some of the books and started to write out some of the first year transfiguration theory and the spells they learned back then. After some time Severus gently bumped his shoulders into hers.

"Do you remember that spell?" He whispered to her and pointed at the open book in front of him.

Lily looked over and playfully groaned. "Don't remind me… It took me forever to learn that spell. Turning a teacup in a mouse. Merlin for how long did I just manage to get some feet on the thing."

"And then it ran away and we had to spend a day trying to catch it again." Severus added with a grin. Lily giggled at the memory.

"Oh yes, we tried to lure it out of its hiding place and discussed if we should try cheese or tea as a bail."

A warm feeling spread through Lily's chest. Yes, this was the Severus she remembered, her best friend. That was the boy for who it was worth fighting for this friendship, no matter what everybody said. This was the real Severus, the one she remembered, not that boy that hung out with those 'friends' of his. This was a real friendship where they laughed about past adventures and discussed serious magical theories. Lily loved all her friends, but Severus was special. He was the one to show her this new world. All those years they knew each other were a much sturdier foundation for a friendship than the chocolate cake she always shared with the girls while exchanging the gossip of the day and plan big fantasy adventures they want to go on after Hogwarts. Right? Lily couldn't help but still wish for a piece of chocolate cake and the easy light feeling she got when she was with Dorcas and Sulfia. That by now the friendship between her and Severus was mostly happening between huge rows of books and hidden from most people's eyes didn't make it any less real.

Right?

* * *

A.N. There must be a reason why Lily held into her friendship with Severus for so long and not just stupid loyalty and stubbornness. There must have been some moments that reminded her of the friend she made. But even here things shine through. Here Snape used his blood believes to dismiss James and Sirius good grades, as if it wasn't anything special that they were as good as they were, because as old purebloods it's just in their blood and not anything more. That this shows that Snape believed that purebloods are superior is something Lily didn't want to think about too much. Another thing Lily didn't want to think about is that her whole friendship with him is grounded in the past, not the present or future.

Additional Peter is not stupid, just not brilliant like his friends. He is just outshone so much compared to the rest of the Marauders. Everything we see of him is a decent wizard that even pulls off some impressive things even if he has help for lots of them.

I hope you like the chapter even a little bit. This is part of Lily's character as well. That she managed to blind herself to all those tiny warning signs for too long.

Please leave me a review and lave a nice day.


	54. Year 5 Chapter 54

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 54**

It was at Dorcas' birthday party that Potter asked her if he could talk to her for a moment alone. Her first instinct was to say no, he had been in a fight with Severus just the day before. Lily wasn't sure what it was about, but both had to visit the hospital wing for a few hours. But Lily had sworn to Sulfia to be nice to Potter and if possible both she and Dorcas should try to make her look good in front of him. Really what did she see in him? ( _Apart from the nice arms and warm hazel eyes_ , a small voice whispered.)

"Eh sure Potter, what is it about?" Lily felt awkward about separation herself and him from the group.

Potter looked flushed and ran his hand through his hair a couple of times.

"Well, Evans-" Lily fowled her eyebrows. His voice was an octave higher than normal. He cleared his throat and started again. "Lily, it is just- you see- eh- there is a Hogsmeade weekend soon and I wanted to ask if you girls have anything planned for it?" He nervously bit his bottom lip.

Was he asked that because he wanted to know if Sulfia had any plans? Lily felt a bit excited for her friend. She didn't like Potter that much, but Sulfia deserved to be with the guy she had a crush on.

"No, not really. We haven't talked about anything." Lily couldn't help but smile. Would it be too much to tell him to go and asked Sulfia herself? There was a tiny part of her that felt jealous. About losing time with her friend when she had a boyfriend as well, of course. She was just a bit jealous about giving one her best friends to Potter.

"Really?" Potter grinned at her in relieve before rushing out his next words in one breath. "Wouldyougooutwithme?" He looked hopeful and nearly like a puppy.

"Eh, what? I didn't catch that, sorry?" Lily stammered. Her mind was racing. He didn't just ask what she thought he asked, right? He couldn't possible ask her out. Sulfia liked him!

He took a deep breath and repeated his words slower this time. "Would you go out with me? That weekend? To Hogsmeade? We could go get some butterbeer or eat something, or tea if you like that better. We don't have to get butterbeer if you don't want to. It's fine if you want to do something else. We can do what you want to do. Not that you have to plan the date, I asked so I should plan everything, but I don't want to do anything you don't like, so do you like butterbeer?" He rambled on after this first question and Lily wasn't sure she could follow everything he said.

This couldn't happen! Sulfia would be so mad at her!

"I like butterbeer." That was the first thing that crossed her mind she wanted to hit herself when she saw how hopeful James looked.

Merlin, how do you do this? She never had to turn anyone down before. Lily desperately wished Petunia was here to whisper the answer to her. Petunia always knew what to do in these kinds of situations. Lily couldn't deny that it kind of felt nice to have a boy paying attention to her like this, especially a handsome one like Potter. She shook her head.

"Potter, James, I'm sorry. I can't go out with you." Lily stumbled over her words. "I mean, maybe I'm not the right person for you to ask. There are lots of other girls that would love to go out with you, I'm sure. And yeah… I'm sorry." Lily tried to smile and him, but it felt more like a grimace. He looked so devastated at her answer. "Eh, see you around. Stay safe." She mumbled before turning away from him and flee back to the others, but she looked back one last time.

Potter still stood at the same spot with hanging shoulders.

Oh Merlin, she needed to talk to somebody. But who? She couldn't talk to Sulfia about this. She would hate Lily! Lily couldn't talk to Dorcas. Today was her birthday. She shouldn't be forced to listen to other people problems on her birthday. To talk with Severus about this was downright ridiculous.

After a few minutes Potter showed up again and he looked as uncomfortable was she felt. Lily excused herself a little bit after that and hid away in her dorm. There she started to write a letter to Petunia. The conversation with Potter hadn't even been five minutes, but somehow Lily wrote down four pages about it. When the letter was done Lily felt a little bit calmer and sadder, because as she looked down at the letter she knew she wouldn't send it to her sister. Lily grabbed it and hid it deep in her trunk.

* * *

A.N James didn't start asking her out like an idiot in front of people. He first tried it like a normal human being. Try to get her alone and ask.

But for a couple of reasons she turned him down:  
\- Sulfia's crush on him  
\- Lily not being ready for a relationship or dating  
\- his history with Snape  
in that order by the way.  
I don't think she just went off at him for asking the first time. She is described as kind and kind people don't just blow up at people for liking them.  
Something else happened in this chapter. Her relationship with Petunia breaks further. In this moment Lily doesn't reach out for her sister and doesn't show her volubility to her. Lily is giving up on Petunia.

I thank my reviews so much, it is lovely to read your thoughts about my story.

I would be great if you would leave a review and have a nice day.


	55. Year 5 Chapter 55

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 55**

Her first meeting with Mary's group was strange and Lily felt like she was under close surveillance by everybody. The older students looked at her with aloofness and the younger once watched her with curiosity. They were around thirty to forty students in the room.

For the meeting they all met once again in the old unused classroom, but this time Mary drew a few symbols on the blackboard and it opened in some other rooms. There were some beanbags and mismatching armchairs in a circle and some of the younger students fought over who sat where. The entrance closed behind them again and showed a blackboard as well.

Nobody but Lily seemed surprised by any of this. Lily looked a bit closer at the room. It looked like some unused teacher quarters.

Mary called everybody to attention and started the meeting.

"Hello. Is everybody here?" She asked. Mary seemed so much warmer here than Lily ever experienced her herself.

Some little second year Ravenclaw girl lifted her arm.

"Yes Annie and you don't have to put your hand up." Mary smiled at her.

"Oscar is in the hospital wing today. He was hexed by some older student, but Madam Pomfrey said he can leave tomorrow morning." Annie dutifully reported.

"Do you know who hexed him?" Mary looked angry and concerned. But Annie shook her head. "Well, then we have to asked him next time. Anything else?"

Everybody mumbled some form of denial and Mary took the word back again.

"Ok, then before we start I want everybody to welcome Lily Evans here." Mary pulled Lily next to her and everybody looked at her. "She is the only muggleborn prefect right now. So if there are some problems and you have to get in contact with the teachers you can call on her to help you, ok?" Lily gave everybody a small wave.

"Why weren't you here before?" A Hufflepuff boy asked. Lily bit her lip. What should she say? Mary didn't trust me because I'm friend with a Slytherin?

"She didn't have time before." Mary answered and waved the boy off. Some of the older students didn't look happy, but didn't say anything. Lily felt terrible awkward. A first year put her hand up. "Holly, you don't have to put your hand up either. What do you want to know?"

"Does that mean we can now go to Lily to drop us off at our houses when we get lost or it's late in the library?" Holly asked.

"Yes, you can ask Lily to make sure you don't walk around the castle alone."Mary confirmed.

Lily worried her lips. Was that what they were doing here? Was it really necessary to have other people around when wandering the halls of Hogwarts. Lily never worried about it. But then she had been lucky the she never had been attacked like other muggleborns.

Lily tried to smile and nodded at the younger students. "I like to be in the library, so you can always look for me when you need someone to escort you back."

Holly smiled at her. Soon the topic changed and everybody told the others about situations where they were insulted or attacked because they were muggleborn. A couple of names kept popping up. Avery, Mulciber, Parkinson, Lestange, Black and yes Snape. Not as often has other names, but he was named. Each time his name was said it felt like somebody was twisting a knife in her chest. Severus wasn't often the one in the front or even doing much, but he was in the group that intimidated the other students. Maybe Severus didn't want to have problems with his housemates. Lily told herself. He didn't believe in any of that. He just didn't have a way out. Severus was the best of the lot. Maybe he was just there, because he was making sure that it didn't escalated. Lily thought desperately. He was her best friend; she had to believe in him, right? Sev, what mess did you get yourself in?

Lily wasn't sure if she caught all of the meeting, when Mary closed with a reminder to stay safe, keep away from Slytherins, look for help, don't go anywhere alone, keep an eye on the list, and stay away from those people.

Mary dismissed everybody but asked Lily to stay behind. Some of the older students hesitated for a moment but finally felt the two alone. Mary stayed quiet for some time. The two girls just watched each others.

Mary clicked her tongue a couple of times before pulling out some paper. It was real muggle paper and not parchment.

"Here." She gave it to Lily. "This is the List. We write all the names of people on it you should avoid to stay safe. Not just in Hogwarts, but outside as well, as far as we know."

Mary watched her as she read over the list. It was a list of names and a short description of that person. Lily recognized a lot of the names. Most of them were people she expected on such a list. Some were actual surprises to her, for example this year Slytherin Head Boy. Sure Lily always had an uneasy feeling around him, but she didn't expect him to by dangerous. Lily read further.

Snape, Severus Slytherin, dark greasy hair, hook nose, dark magic, very dangerous, avoid at all costs

Lily's eyes couldn't move past this line. It was like her eyes were glued to the words, the name. Snape. Dark magic. Severus. Very dangerous. Sev! Avoid at all costs.

It seemed to be what Mary had waited for.

"I give you now exactly one chance to complain about it. It wouldn't change a thing, but you can say your part, because in this room, to those students, you will never breathe a word to defend him." Mary said in a calm but cold voice. Lily stared at the paper. Her hard grip made the paper tear, but Lily didn't care.

Lily only looked up when smoke hit her nose. Mary had lit herself a cigarette and watched Lily with a bored expression.

Her mind was a mess, but her mouth worked on its own. "You don't know him and judge him. You never gave him a chance only because he is Slytherin. Tell me how is that any better than what they do? Being Slytherin doesn't make him a bad person! It is just what some old hat decided for him. There is not much he can do. It's not like he can stop them or change their minds. He tries his best, but he is just in a bad situation!" Lily knew those words by heart. How often did she tell Sulfia and Dorcas those exact words, before they came to their agreement not to talk about Severus? How often did she want to shout those words at them since then when she saw their frowning faces when looking at Severus?

Lily stared at Mary with anger in her eyes, but Mary just looked down at her fingernails or took a drag. "Done?" That was all Mary said.

Lily didn't know what to say. "I- he didn't get along with his father. You don't know about his problems." Her voice wasn't so sure anymore. This confused Lily a lot. Sulfia had always shouted back, telling her that she was stupid and blind to believe that. Mary just didn't seem to care at all.

"It is unfair." Lily whispered. "It is unfair… I know him. I know him since before Hogwarts, before Slytherin and those insults and attacks and murders. I know the little boy that told me about magic and that told me it didn't matter if my parents are not magical. I know him…" Lily's voice broke in the end.

Mary just looked at her and stayed silent.

"You judge him without knowing him, only because of the house he was sorted in and you judge me for not judging him because of that." Lily wished Mary would react at all, but she just stubbed out her cigarette in an ugly ashtray.

"If that's all we can go now." Mary said and walked over to the blackboard. From this side there was a door handle.

"Are you not going to say anything?" Lily asked. It didn't make sense to her.

"I don't think you want to hear anything I have to say any more than I want to hear your side. Nor will anything I say convince you any more than your words convince me. So why bother with it?" Mary replied and cast a spell that revealed to her that to old classroom was empty. "Are you coming? I mean it when I said not to walk around alone."

Lily felt humiliated. Did she really give off the impression that she wouldn't listen to arguments?

"Say it. There must be something you want to say to any of this." Lily demented. "You say this is my only chance to defend Severus. So say it."

"I really don't have much more to say about him right now. You know all the reasons and didn't care before, so why should it be different now?" Mary shrugged her shoulders. "Oh wait, there is one thing. Don't be so full of yourself. You are not the only muggleborn to be friends with a Slytherin. There are fifty-nine names on that list, not all of them are even at Hogwarts right now. There are over two hunderts Slytherins in school at the moment. But you are the only muggleborn that is friends with someone on the List."

With that Mary pushed open the door and stepped out. Lily started to shake and shiver. Three-quarter of Slytherin wasn't on that list, but Severus was.

* * *

A.N. Lily isn't trusted. Her friendship with Severus feels like a betrayal to the rest of them. And let's face it betrayal feels worst than just those crazy fanatics. She should know better, but still is on his side. That is the same reason why we fans hate Peter so much more than other Death Eaters.

Additional I think that there had to be more good or neutral Slytherins, because war is not a good business model. But Snape didn't try to befriend them because they would not welcome his obsession with the dark arts and he is just an uncharasmatic person. I'm always a bit shocked what kind of bad kind of view people have of Slytherin, when they defend Snape's choice. There were good people in there as well and if somebody claims that Snape is the best of Slytherin, it makes me a bit sad, because no, that is not true and it is something Lily is struggling to admit as well. It is difficult to face the way others see Snape and what that means to her.

Mary is not a caring person to Lily and want to show how differently she sees Lily compared to other muggleborns. Mary is a hard kind of leader. She means well, but she isn't kind about it. And Lily just confuses her and because reacts cold and aggressive.

Thank you all for your comments and I work on my other story as well, but slowly, I admit. Please leave a review and tell me what you like or dislike about the chapter and have a nice day


	56. Year 5 Chapter 56

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 56**

Lily, Dorcas and Sulfia giggled together. Even Lily had to grudgingly admit that sometimes the Marauders could be funny, when they weren't mean or cruel.

Today they got it in their head to act like medieval noble men and challenge people to duels for honor. For reasons unknown to everybody, but those four (and Lily suspected they didn't even know for sure) those duels took place through dance battles. They had some music charm up that change with the dancers.

It was absolutely and completely bonkers and hilarious to watch. Peter's specialty seemed to be some Irish riverdance. Remus seemed to perform some kind of Russian folk dance and Sirius demonstrated an impressive flamenco. James Potter on the other hand jittered and flapped his long limbs around in the most ridiculous disco dance Lily ever saw. It had something contagious and Lily felt her shoulder move in tact with him. Sulfia looked a bit confused.

"What is he doing?" She tilted her head to the side and watched James. The song _Night Fever_ played for him.

"Disco I think." Lily managed to say between laughter, but this seemed to confuse her friends even more. "You know Disco dance? You don't know Disco?"

They shook their heads.

"Hmm, maybe that is just a muggle dance… But then how does Potter know about it?" Lily asked back. James Potter was a pureblood as well.

"Do you remember when you gave him that muggle quill last year?" Sulfia asked.

"Pen." Both Dorcas and Lily corrected her at the same time. But Dorcas kept talking. "He was really fascinated with it and decided he wanted to learn more about muggle. Apparently he spent most of last summer trying to integrate into muggle culture."

"Oh…" Lily didn't know what to say about that. The idea that a pureblood who had everything was interested in how muggle did things was strangely endearing.

"And he was terrible enough at it, that some of the muggle neighbors once told his mum when she was in town, how strong everybody thinks they are for taking care of their 'special' son so much and how lovely it was that they wanted him to feel 'normal'." Sulfia added with wide grin. The girls giggled at that idea once again.

A small second year boy stepped up to the boys. Lily recognized him from their muggleborn meetings. Jason was an energetic Gryffindor that never could keep still. He looked a bit nervous now and Lily decided to cheer him on.

"Go get them Jason!" Lily shouted and flashed him a grin. He answered it with one of his own. His teeth seemed blinding white against his dark skin. He took one last deep breath and then he stepped closer to challenge the Marauders. They made a show out of it before clearing the 'battlefield'.

Jason made a fast beat play before starting to dance. First he just some quick steps and hand movements. And then he started for real. He let himself fall on the back and spun around, again and again, on his back, shoulder and head, as well as his knees and hands. He jumped into handstands and back on his feet.

Potter and his friends stared at him with open mouths and Lily and lots of others cheered Jason on. Finally he came to an end and grinned at the older boys.

Potter went on his knees and bowed to him. "Teach me, Master." Everybody laughed, but Jason gave Potter a few tips how to do it himself. It looked uncoordinated, clumsy and stupid, but both Potter and Jason had fun. Lily stepped a bit closer and ruffled Jason's hair in congratulation.

"I knew you could do it. That was amazing." Lily told him.

"That's b-boying. I learned it when we still lived in New York." He gave her a cheeky grin in return. Right Jason had told her that his family moved to England shortly before his eleventh birthday and his family had first been very confused about the British humor when one of the teachers had shown up at their frontdoor to talk with them about magic.

Potter stood up again apparently spinning around like that left him dizzy. He stumbled over to them and crashed into Lily, who in return fell on her butt.

"Oh Evans, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to run into you. Let me help you with your stuff." He hurried to apologize and kneed down next to her.

Her stuff? Lily looked around and saw that the content of her bag was spread out over the floor.

"Oh, yes, thank you." She took the things he handed her and put them back into her bag.

"Do you have everything? Charms book?" He seemed really concerned and sorry about the mess.

"Yes." Lily answered.

"Homework?"

"Yes."

"Pen?"

"Yes." He started to overdo it.

"Another pen?"

"Yes."

"And another one?"

"Yes." Really this was getting ridiculous.

"Parchment?"

"Yes."

"A date with me to Hogsmeade?"

"ye- wait WHAT? No." Lily looked up at him in shock. Heat rose up on her cheeks from the anger and embarrassment from everybody watching and laughing.

"Tough luck, James. Maybe next time." Black laughed and clapped Potter on the back, who only shrugged his shoulders.

"It was worth a try. I don't give up so easily Evans."

Lily wanted to shout something at him, when she heard footsteps running away. She looked around and saw Dorcas, who stated at them with shock and Sulfia. Sulfia wasn't there anymore.

Damn. Lily hurried to put the last stuff in her bag and ran after her friend.

Stupid Potter. Not enough that he always made fun of Severus, no! Now he had to make her friendship with Sulfia complicated as well.

* * *

A.N. Thank you to everybody that reviewed! We see a little bit of James reaction to Lily's rejection. He hasn't give up on Lily and is still trying to get a date with her. Now he tries to be cheeky and charming, not nervous and rambling like the first time. But for now we didn't see much more of his side in this story, because this is out of Lily's pov and we see only what Lily sees and really what 15 year old boy would show his crush that their rejection hurts?

Some, if not most the marauders' pranks must have been funny and to me they seem like the guys that don't have a problem with people laughing at them. So they act silly, but have fun.

They are in dark times and sometimes everything you need is to laugh it all away. That is why they are so popular.  
b-boying is the 70s name for break-dancing.

Other than that I will say a bit more about Mary in the chapters she is in. But just to be clear she doesn't judge Snape because he is Slytherin, but because of the way he acts and the company he keeps and that not without reason. She was cursed in a terrible way by his friends and Snape even defended that as 'just a laugh'. But Mary is by no means perfect and she didn't have to be.

I hope you like this chapter. Either way it would be lovely if you leave a review. Have a nice day


	57. Year 5 Chapter 57

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 57**

It wasn't supposed to end like this. Sulfia's first Quidditch game should have ended in a furious victory, not here in the hospital wing. Sulfia was sleeping, but Lily could help but be scared.

Lily carefully brushed some hair out of Sulfia's face. The whole thing had looked gruesome. One of her ribs had pocked out of her skin, but Madam Pomfrey already healed that.

The door banged open and the rest of the Gryffindor team stormed in. They were loud and sweaty. Dorcas was the first next to the bed.

"How is she?" Dorcas asked. Her voice shook with worry and anxiety.

"Madam Pomfrey says that she will be fine in a day or two." Lily replied, but didn't take her eyes off her friend.

The rest of the team watched and there was a tension between them. Potter and the new captain were glaring at each other. Darjeeling, the massive seventh year beater, got on the team the same year as Potter, but now they look like a fist fight was quiet possible in the next couple of minutes.

Lily remembered the game, while the team was glaring daggers at each other. Gryffindor had been playing against Ravenclaw and it had been terrible frustrating. Whatever tactic they were playing at hadn't worked.

Potter stepped closer to the bed. Guilt and worry wrestled over his face. Part of Lily wanted to tell him to get lost, but he was a friend of Sulfia as well and if there was one good thing about Potter that Lily admired it was how good of a friend he was.

"Bravo, Potter. You really outdid yourself here." Darjeeling sneered at him.

Potter winched and balled his fist, but didn't answer to the taunt. Some of the other teammates were mumbling to the captain, but he didn't listen.

"That is why you shouldn't just do your own thing up there. People get hurt because of it."

Potter kept staring down at Sulfia. The other chaser, a girl in her seventh year and as new to the team as Sulfia answered instead of him. "Oh, shut up Wallis. We wouldn't be here if you and Letty would have done your stupid job and kept the bludgers in check!" She hissed back at her captain.

"Potter was the one that decided to take over the strategy and you girls decided to follow his stupid lead because he is a rich, cocky bastard that all girls fall in love with." Darjeeling shot back with a malice glee. Lily looked over to them just in time to see the other chaser slap him in the face.

"You're the only bastard I see here. And what strategy? The one that would us lose the game?" The girl spit back. Reed was her name, if Lily remembered correctly. "At least Potter is able to think up a new strategy if the old one isn't working!"

"I'm captain! Not him!" He shouted and aggressively pointed to Potter, who didn't react and only stared down at Sulfia.

"You didn't act like one!" Reed answered with a sneer. "And I know who I would prefer if anybody would bother to ask."

"You wouldn't even be on the team if he was captain! Right after the try out he was complaining how I should take some of the third or fourth years on the team instead. How he is sick of always training up new players only for them to leave after a year. How it is stupid that he still the youngest player on the team!" The captain walked over to Reed and towered over her. "Still prefer him as a captain?"

Reed's eyes flickered to Potter, but before she could answer the door slammed open again and Professor McGonagall stalked in.

"Can somebody explain to me what that was about?" She asked with a calm voice, but sour look on her face. Everybody was quiet for a moment and looked down at their own feet.

"It was my fault." Lily whipped her head around to Potter, who was talking for the first time since stepping into the hospital wing. "I decided that we wouldn't win with such a defensive tactic and convinced the other two chasers, Reed and MacEllis to play along with me." He turned around and looked directly at their house teacher. "I take full responsibility for what happened." He clasped his hands behind his back, but Lily could see them shake.

McGonagall was quiet for a moment and looked as James as if she saw him for the first time. She looked surprised and taken aback by his words.

"Nice that you see it yourself, Potter." Darjeeling cut in and sneered at his teammate. "You can turn in your quidditch robe right away."

"Shut up Wallis!" Reed interrupted. "You can't just kick him off the team. He is our best player. Dorcas you agree with me, right?"

Dorcas looked up with a start. Her eyes flickered back and forth between James, Sulfia, Reed and the captain. "Can we talk about this when Sulfia is fine again?" She pleaded. She sounded like she wanted to cry.

"See even his own friends don't think he should stay on the team." Darjeeling said with self-satisfaction.

"That's not-" Dorcas started again, but the captain talked over her.

"And like I said he wouldn't even have you and Jim on the team, if it was up to him." Darjeeling ignored Dorcas again and stared at the other chaser.

Reed seemed to have an answer for this argument by now. "Well, it is understandable that he would like to build a more constant team. With how many chasers did he play by now? Five?"

"Six." Potter answered. "I played with six different chasers and fourteen different teammates in total since I'm on the team. I had only two other teammates that stayed longer than two years. Dorcas will be on the team for more than two year once we finished the year, because she came on the team only for the last game in third year." He sounded nearly emotionless as he talked about the regular exchange of teammates. It couldn't be easy to play each year with a completely new team.

"And that is an excuse to just do your own thing? Not one my team!"

"Not so fast, Darjeeling." McGonagall interrupted him. She turned back to Potter. "You will not leave the team today or anytime soon."

"He mutinied my decisions in the middle of the game." Darjeeling clearly couldn't read McGonagall well enough to know when to shut up, or maybe he was just too angry to care.

The strict professor's lips turned into a thin white line. She turned her glare on the older boy. "Last summer, I had a choice to make between two longtime players and who to make captain. I based my decision on my impression that one of those two is just irresponsible and I wanted to give him a bit time to grow up. I thought I picked the one that would choose the team over personal glory. What I saw for the first half of the game today was terrible and then I see a change only for you, Darjeeling, to turn your back on your teammates and let them come to harm. I start to think I made the wrong decision."

Under the professors stern glare the loud captain got very quiet. All color fled his face as he heard her words. McGonagall continued. "Maybe we should wait for Miss MacEllis to wake up again and once the team is complete we could vote on the captaincy with the whole team."

The teammates looked unsure at each other as if trying to read each other's minds on the matter. Lily enjoyed the panicked look on Darjeeling's face.

"No." Potter said. He still was only looking at the professor. He shook his head. His shoulders hunched down, but he still was completely serious. "I made a mistake today. Yes, Darjeeling should have played along with us, but in the end I knew that he wouldn't and that we were on our own. I was frustrated and angry that he didn't follow my advice. I made the arrogant decision to change the strategy. I was cocky and knew that the other two would follow my lead there because they trust me. I didn't consider that they had nowhere near the experience nor the skill level to pull off something as risky as to play without beaters yet. That caused the injuries of my teammate. The moment I knew that Darjeeling and Letty wouldn't play along, I should have stopped, but I didn't."

Lily's eyes darted from Potter to McGonagall. Potter looked broken and devastated. And while McGonagall's face wasn't really moving, Lily still thought that her eyes looked softer, founder than before.

"Potter, I think that is the most grown up thing I ever heard from you." She said and Lily couldn't help but agree. Then her eyes turned hard again. "Darjeeling, Potter, you both have detention from tomorrow until I say otherwise. You will learn to play together again as a team before the next game and if I have to spend every single night bashing your head together for that, so be it."

With those words she stalked past them and up to Madam Pomfrey.

* * *

A.N. Growing up is not something that happens over night there is not one moment when James was an immature bully and the next a respectable head boy. It had to be a process that started when he still was an idiot at times. And that is fine. We grow up by recognizing our mistakes and are willing to learn from them. In my imagination this process took place in many small things, but Lily didn't really want to see all of them, but there are those bigger moments as well and she can't ignore them. James in the game was to arrogant and frustrated with the way the captain decided to play and how the team was managed as a whole. That leaded him to play in a risky way that he was rightfully confident that he could pull off, but he just didn't really paid enough attention to the fact that his two co-chasers didn't have the experience that he has. He is willing to face the responsibility for it and be self-critical enough to see that he maybe isn't ready to be captain of he makes mistakes like that. That doesn't mean that he couldn't do it, but seeing a friend hurt is something James isn't good at. The whole team made mistakes here.

Furthermore this gives McGonagall a way to see a more responsible side of James. I mean there need to be a reason why James became head boy, right?

I want to thank everybody that leaves me lovely comments. They make me happy.

Flight line: We don't know a lot about Slytherin in that time apart of course that a lot of the Death Eaters were once Slytherins, but that doesn't mean that all are and that wasn't what that list was about even. That list just contained those open hostile or aggressive because of blood prejudices. There are probably some more that silently agree to some extant and others that just are coward to fight in a war. Some more are probably able to see that fighting a war when you are already on the tops as purebloods are is an unnecessary risk, but yes there are probably some that are genius and completely against that way of bigot thinking even in Slytherin, because that is how people work, there is a good chance that they are not as outspoken about it like other houses.

Please leave me a review and have a nice day.


	58. Year 5 Chapter 58

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 58**

Hogwarts never felt so empty before. Had never been so empty. Lily always went home for the holidays and now she was here. She never felt so homesick before, not even in her first year at Hogwarts. It was even worse because Lily wasn't here because she wanted or even because of some great wizard party, like she told her parents in a letter.

The truth was, it wasn't safe to go home. The ministry got a hint that Death Eaters planned to attack the Hogwarts express on the way back for Christmas holidays and the school decided not to let anyone board the train. People could go home for the holidays, but only if they travel directly through floo network back home, which left all the muggleborns stranded in Hogwarts along with some other more or less volunteering residents of the castle.

There was Severus, who always stayed for the holidays and had been excited to celebrate Christmas together with her only to sulk when Lily just wasn't in the mood for it. Her first magical Christmas and she just couldn't enjoy it. The magical fairy lights and wonders didn't delight her or left her in wonder. They made tears well up in her eyes and Christmas Eve Lily spent in her bed crying. She missed her parents and how her father would hug her close and she missed the smell of her mum's biscuits and cooking and she missed Petunia and that Christmas had been the only time since Lily started Hogwarts when they got along with each others.

It was late, but Lily was still wandering through Hogwarts and pondered over the unfairness of the situation. She heard a crash down the next hallway and winced. She pulled out her wand and carefully rounded the next corner. Adrenalin was pumping through her veins.

When Lily finally saw the cause of the noise she sighed in relief and put the wand away. Sirius Black seemed to in a fight with a suit of armor.

"Oh, don't you try you stupid tin man! I'll kick your ass!" He shouted at the inanimate decoration. His words were slurred together. Drunk. He sounded drunk. Lily rolled her eyes. Of course Black would do something stupid like breaking school rules and get drunk and then cause a scene in the hallway. Lily wanted to turn around and leave him to be caught for it. She was already around the corner when she remembered that Black didn't want to stay here anymore than her. She had heard him and Potter argue about the fact that they wanted Black to travel directly to the Potter's house, but McGonagall had been firm about the rule that ever student had to travel to their own home first and for some reasons even five minutes at his parent's house were too much for Black and he stayed. Potter then claimed he wanted to stay as well, but apparently it was too late to change his mind.

The anger and irritation and homesickness all turned into defiance. Why should they be punished for breaking rules, when they should be home or somewhere else where those rules wouldn't even ably? Sirius Black should have the right to get piss drunk between Christmas and New Year, without being punished for it by school rules. Lily turned around again and matched back to her classmate.

"Ok, Black. I think that's enough. Let's get you back to the tower." Lily said and pulled him away from the armor.

"And don't you forget it." He shook his fist once more at the suit before turning to Lily. "Evans. What are you doing here?" He swayed back and forth before holding on to the wall.

"Getting you back into your bed." Lily asked and tried to put her arm around him to steer him in the right direction. Tried to. He pushed himself away from her.

"NO! Don't do that!" He shouted and Lily looked around to make sure nobody heard them. "I promised Prongs to never touch you like that. You can't make me do something with you!"

"Will you shut up you loudmouthed idiot." Lily hissed at him. "You're drunk and we need to get you back to the Gryffindor tower before you get into trouble for it and now come." Lily wasn't sure who Prongs was, but everything considered she assumed he meant Potter.

"You can't kiss me." He mumbled, but didn't fight against her help anymore.

"Trust me you are the last person I want to kiss." Lily told him and looked around the corner before pulling him with her.

"Hehe, that means you want to kiss Prongs more than me, good." He told her and Lily fought the urge to punch him.

The way back seemed ridiculous long. Really what did Gryffindor thought back then to build that tower? Black was still blabbering about something or another.

"You know, I'm hating Snivellus. He is a slimy little git and I don't know what you see in him."

Lily balled her free hand into a fist, but she didn't want to argue with a drunken Sirius Black.

"But then I realized something. Snivellus is your Regulus. He is the boy you remember and can't admit that you already lost him." Black laughingly explained to her and Lily tried not to listen to him.

"Don't talk rubbish like this." Lily hissed at the boy.

"You know what's funny. You are a loser, a loosey losing loser, and you didn't even know it." He giggled.

"I'm not a loser." Lily mumbled between clenched teeth.

"Oh yes, you are. A loosey losing loser that lives in Losertown." Black sing-sang happily. "Oh don't look like that." He poked her in the cheek. "You don't live there alone, Loser-Lily. I live there as well, but I know that I live in Losertown. I know that I lost Regi, but you just ignore it."

"I didn't lose Severus." Lily said. It wasn't far to the tower now.

"Yes of course you did. He is up to his ugly nose in the dark arts. You can't save him from that." He heavily leaned on her shoulder, but just two more stairs to the fat lady. Soon she would be rid of him and didn't have to listen to his rambling. Maybe it would be better to ignore what he was saying in his drunken mind. But Lily still couldn't help but disagree, because not saying anything would feel like agreeing even if only to herself.

"Knowing dark magic doesn't automatically turn you bad." Lily repeated the words Severus told her when she talked about it with him. She wasn't sure if she believed them herself. Maybe she just want to hear how someone like Black would answer those words. "You don't know what you are talking about."

"Au contraire ma Mademoiselle Prefect. You don't know what you are talking about." He corrected her with a giggle. "I'm a Black. I know so much about the 'dark arts' it's not even funny and I'm a Marauder we find lots of thingies funny."

One more stair. Her vision became blurry. Why? She freed one hand to rub over her eyes. It got wet. Was she crying over some stupid mumbling from Black? He didn't even say anything so convincing, right?

"You don't just learn to cast dark magic like that. You have to pay a price." Lily never heard Black being so serious. "It chips away at your soul and at your mind, your humanity. You lose so tiny, tiny pieces of it all the time that you don't notice at a time. Like you are carrying a sack of sand, but it has a tiny hole and sand is falling out all the time. But you only notice after it's too late. There is no saving from that and you are a loser for trying and failing."

Lily couldn't stop listening. It was morbidly fascinating. She could see the Fat Lady.

"It makes you commit the worst and first sin. You know?" Black mumbled on.

"And what is that worst sin?" Lily asked before giving the password to the portray.

"Seeing people as things. You know animal, creatures, people. You start to see them as things. Things that are there to satisfy your desires, your wishes, your fantasies, things that stand between you and what you want. Things you can use or discharge." His eyes started to drop close as soon as Lily pushed him on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. "Just things, tools, obstacles."

"I'm sure there are worst sins than that." Lily said.

"Nay, it all starts with seeing beings as things, from there it is a tiny step to everything else. My parents tried to teach me that, but I don't wanna be like that. I try to unlearn it. Prongsie is helping me with that. He is a good guy, a really good guy. Don't know what he sees in a loser like you. But then you help me now, right. Maybe you are not so bad, once you admit that you are a loser and cut yourself lose from that Snivellus git. Maybe then you will be good enough for Prongs. You know he doesn't live in Losertown with us. No, he lives in Winnercity."

Lily should have left him there and she couldn't explain why she stayed and listened to him further.

Black snuggled against a pillow and it got harder to understand him.

"But you live with me in Losertown and that is why I'll tell you a secret. One I didn't even tell Pongsie. I miss Regulus. Not the git he is now that calls people mudblood and that rubbish, but the little boy that bandaged up a houseelf and stuff. But that boy is gone and I have to accept that…" Lily could see how a lonely tear ran down Black's face.

"My Regulus is gone and I hate it and I hate the git Snivellus because he taught him even more of that rubbish. Tell him to keep his ugly big nose out of our stuff and away from Regulus. Because otherwise he'll regret it. I tried to make him regret last year, but it didn't work back then. James was furious with me for it. I will have to find another way to get him away from Regi. I'll make him regret being something that makes it harder to reach my Regi, even if he is gone." He mumbled and his eyes kept dropping shut. A shiver ran down Lily's back.

Lily thought he was done, but then he opened his eyes again and seemed surprisingly focused on her. "You know you are unfair to everyone by pretending he is the boy you remember instead of the git he is now. Unfair to us, because you act like he is innocent when we fight. Unfair to you, because the git can never live up to the memory and you will be disappointed. And unfair to him, because you refuse to look at him and see the person he wants to be and that is a git."

He fell asleep and Lily just stood there. She didn't know if she wanted to puke or cry or angrily shout and stomp. But she didn't do any of that. She avoided both Black and Severus for the rest of the holidays.

* * *

A.N. The war is closing in on them and there are just moments when Lily, as a muggleborn, would feel it more than other students. So here she has to stay for safety reasons in Hogwarts for Christmas.

Sirius is not happy to stay either,but I wanted those two to have some kind of conversation, because quite frankly Sirius is probably that knows the most about the dark arts and how they work and what they do to a person that would be honest with her. Severus of course knows more about them, but for one he underestimates them and second he doesn't want to give Lily this kind of inside to it, because he knows she is against them already. Aside from that there is a good chance that Sirius learned other things that are not so easy to learn for Snape, because Sirius grew up in the Black household.

Sirius is struggling with his up bringing and will for all his life. There are things you learn as a child that are difficult to unlearn, but he is trying to with James' help. Who in a way has to be the moral compass for both of them. A nearly impossible task for a teenager who has to find his own place in the world, but still James sets the lines that can't be crossed (again).

I hope you like this heart-to-heart between those two. I think Lily needs it.

Thank you all for your kind reviews and those that worry about Sulfia because she get the short stick a bit here, don't worry, she is a Gryffindor and though as nails. She is getting up on her feet and be only more angry than before.

Please leave me a review and have a nice day


	59. Year 5 Chapter 59

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 59**

"Lily, you are much more interested in this whole Runes thing than I am. I mean you practically read my schoolbook from cover to cover." Dorcas complained. With a sigh she fell onto the couch. "Really sometimes I think you would be better at this subject than me and you don't even take it! We should switch, I take Divination and you get Runes."

Lily grinned at her friend. "Oh I would never take away your runes from you. How else would you write your hidden little messengers with Michael?" Dorcas blushed and threw a pillow at Lily.

"You are stupid." Dorcas said in jest, before sobering up. "But I mean it. You could probably write the O.W.L. exam and ace it. Maybe you could ask McGonagall if that is possible."

"I already have so many subjects. It's not like I can keep all of them for N.E.W.T.s. So what sense would it make to write one more exam?" Lily asked.

"It could probably help you later with a job. It will probably not easy for you, with everything going on…" Dorcas mumbled.

It sobered Lily up. "Oh… Do you really think it would help?"

"I don't know, but it could be worth a try and if you don't make the exam, it's not like it would be a problem or anything. You didn't even take the subject. And the two hours you sit in that test isn't that much of an investment right?" Dorcas twisted one of her braids around her finger, like she always did when she was nervous.

"Dorcas, is everything ok?" Lily asked concerned. "Why do start to worry about my job prosperities after Hogwarts?"

"Nothing…" Something was off in her voice and Lily asked again.

"Dorcas."

"My dad wrote me. Mum lost her job. They didn't downright say it, but it's because she is muggleborn. The shop keeper said that some customers complained that they wanted a real qualified witch to counsel them and mum worked there for years…" Dorcas finally said. Immediately after she said that Dorcas looked guilty, as if she regret telling Lily that.

"Oh…" Lily still bit her lip. That was troublesome. Is that what Lily had to face? A world where it didn't matter how good of a witch she was. The only thing that matters was her blood. She felt crushed at first and then anger. She wanted to grab her wand and hex someone, anyone responsible for all this. Why did she had to worry about exams in classes she didn't even take, when so many others just needed their name as reverence to get by in life? She was angry at all those purebloods that don't have to worry like that. But the truth was there was nobody to hex for her.

"This war isn't going to last forever. It will be over soon and everything will be fine again." Dorcas hurried to say, but somehow Lily couldn't believe it. She had been judged for her blood since the first day she stepped into the magical world. Was it really possible that there would ever a time, where it wasn't the first thing people saw about her? Was that possible? Lily couldn't really imagine a magical world where the best compliment she could hope for wasn't that she was a good witch despite her heritage.

* * *

A.N. For teenagers joking around and stumbling into important conversations can happen fast and for those teens that life in war time, I assume it happens so much more often. Dorcas mum, as a muggleborn, is always someone Lily sees as the projection of her own future. That war was going on for eleven years when Lily died. She never saw a magical world at peace and to her this blood war and the importance of blood to lots of people was a part of that world so crucial sh couldn't really imagine the world she would later fight for and that is maybe the biggest tragedy of her character. I hope you like it.

Please leave a review and have a nice day


	60. Year 5 Chapter 60

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 60**

It was annoying. Potter was annoying. So so stupidly annoying. He had asked her out again and again. A couple of times and Lily was losing patience fast. Severus was glaring at her, as if it was her fault that Potter asked her out and her friendship with Sulfia was strange right now. Lily had tried to talk to her after that one time, but Sulfia had made it pretty clear that she had no interest in talking. They still hung out and did stuff together, but it was different. For the first time ever Lily felt like Sulfia was sizing her up and found her lacking.

And the worst part of all this was, that part of her enjoyed it, when Jame gave her attention. It felt nice that somebody thought so much of her. On those days when Lily stood in front of a mirror and look a herself critically, at her beast and how one was a bit bigger than the other, when she pinched the little rolls of fat on her hips or felt jealous on Sulfia's long blond hair that actually stayed in the intended form for the whole day or worried about the million freckles all over her body. Yes on those days it felt nice, when James paid attention to her over prettier girls like Sulfia. But at the same time, she didn't want him to pay attention to her at all. It was confusing.

Lily wanted to cry. She had too much to worry about for some boy to muck everything up some more. Why could it be like in first or second year, when boys didn't make everything complicated?

They sat in Transfiguration and Lily was struggling with today's topic. Partially Human Transformation. The aim was to turn their own hand into some kind of claw.

Potter by now not only transformed his hand into a claw and back, but his whole arm into different kinds of animals. Bear, lion, even a whale fin and a bird's wing. He and his friends had a lot of fun. McGonagall ordered him to help other students to keep him quiet. He arrived at their table.

"Trouble Evans?" He asked with a grin and hopped on top of her table without asking. Lily leaned back a bit and didn't answer him.

Maybe if she ignored him, he would disappear on his own. But he didn't, he just sat there and watched her. It was unnerving.

"Stop thinking so much about it and just do your magic." He told her and Lily wanted to punch him. Stop thinking so much! The worst advice in the history of advices.

"Here Evans look." He pointed his wand at his arm and it turned into a huge cat paw. Completely silent he bared his claws and pulled them back in. "Cool, eh. You know I could give you some tutoring. How about in Hogsmeade with a butterbeer? There are lots of things I would love to show you."

Something snapped in Lily, when she saw a tiny bit of hurt once again in Sulfia's eyes.

"Potter you know what would be a neat trick? If somebody would manage to turn your enormous ego into a functioning brain. You seem to lack one. Oh wait, I don't think anybody ever managed to transform something so massive into something so small. Now get lost." Lily glared at him and Potter looked utterly shocked. It took her a moment to notice that everybody was quiet and staring at them, that was until Black burst into a barking laughter.

"Oi, that's a good one Evans. I'm going to remember that one!" He shouted at her from the other side of the room.

Lily wished the ground would open and swallow her, until she heard a small giggle next to her. Sulfia was laughing at it and winked at Lily. Lily smiled back.

* * *

A.N. And here Lily starts to insult and turn down James with some creativity. Sulfia actual enjoys that, because having a crush on somebody and they don't notice you hurt and you are angry at that person and the person they have a crush on, but it is complicated if that person is your best friend. And somehow this joke from Lily makes it all feel a bit better, because Lily doesn't want him and he gets a bit of his own medicine and she likes to laugh with her friends. And in the end teenagers don't always have to make sense.

James here change his way of asking Lily out again here. He brags more and is a bit more arrogant and lily reacts worse to that way of asking her out.

I hope you like this chapter and I would love to hear your thoughts about it. And thank you to all those wonderful people that left me some reviews before!

Have a nice day


	61. Year 5 Chapter 61

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 61**

The meetings were taxing. They mostly all talked about when and where somebody attacked or insulted someone because they were muggleborn, before moving on to more fun stuff if nothing too serious happened recently. Things like this were so common that it made Lily sick. How could it be that she only saw the full extent of the problem now? Just Monday Lily had intervened when some Slytherins ( _some Severus hung out with_ , the little voice whispered) attacked one of the younger students. She had been so angry to see those boys that always planted this blood rubbish in Severus mind that she had not only insulted them but hexed them as well. She said something about why purebloods were the living proof that incest was a bad idea. She wasn't all sure, but the Marauders, who seem to have a foolproof instinct for all confrontations with Slytherins, had arrived at that time and found her comment brilliantly wicked.

But that was some days ago and today was an especially difficult meeting for Lily. Mary and some of the older muggleborns were still watching Lily like a hawk through the conversation.

Joshua, a third year Ravenclaw, was telling everybody about a terrible encounter with some Slytherins. He still looked shake talking about it a few days later.

"Josh, what happened?" Mary asked and genteelly rubbed his arms.

He sniffed before putting on a brave face. "They cornered me, outside. There were four of them." He sounded embarrassed that he couldn't defend himself against so many attackers, but that was rubbish. Nobody should be forced to defend himself against so many attackers, one of the reasons why Lily was so cross with the Marauders when they went after Severus and Josh's attackers had all been older than him.

"Do you know their names?" Mary asked.

"I'm not sure… But I could recognize them again, I think." Josh seemed very eager to please Mary.

"Very good." She waved at one of the other students and they pulled a stack of photos out. Lily took a quick glance at it and recognized a couple of Slytherins on the pictures. "Here look at them. Can you tell us who did it?" Mary spread the photos in front of Josh, who carefully looked at them. A seventh-year student Lily wasn't sure what his name was, Mulciber, Avery and, Lily's heart painfully clenched in her chest, Severus. The protest was on her lips, maybe he didn't do anything, maybe he just had been around, but Lily bit her bottom lip until it bled.

Mary turned her eyes on Lily. Her eyes were cold and there was a cruel satisfaction in them. "Evans, can you write that down. Crabbe, Avery, Mulciber and Snape." The last name sounded like she spat it at Lily.

Lily took a notebook and a pen. Her hands were shaking and she felt the sideways glances of the other muggleborns on her. Judging her, as if they expect her to be involved somehow like she had been the one to keep watch for them or something.

"Josh, what exactly did they do?" Mary asked. Her voice was kind and warm again.

"They were around me and laughed and called me a mudblood and said I'm not a real wizard." He told them, but his voice got softer with each word. "Then somebody asked if they should test it. Should see me blood for themselves. They pulled out their wands. Somebody cut me again and again. I'm not sure which one, because I held my arms in front of my face." He started to sob. "And then and then some- somebody said a spell and my blood really turned into mud and they all laughed. It hurt very much."

Lily could still see the cuts on his arms and even one on his forehead. They weren't really healed but had stitches in them. Like muggles did with wounds.

"It's alright Josh." Mary said and took him in her arms.

"Somebody shouted at them, but I don't know who, because every- everything turned black and then I woke up in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey said I was unconscious for two days and that the cuts can't be healed very well with magic." Lily had heard about that, she was a prefect after all. Not only the cuts and the inability to magically heal them was a problem, but the mud in the wounds had caused an infection.

"Thank you, Josh. That was very brave of you. Oh and the once that drop you off at the hospital wing were Remus Lupin and James Potter, they are in Gryffindor if you want to thank them." Mary hugged the younger boy once again before she turned to two of the seventh year Ravenclaws. "Can you bring him back to your tower?" They nodded and disappeared with him.

As soon as the boy was outside, Mary's face turned into an angry grimace. "Bloody bastards and they wouldn't even get anything more than a slap on the wrist for that." Mary pulled out her wand and lit the pictures on fire. Lily's breath stocked as she saw Severus' face burn. "I hate them!" Mary spat out. "I wished the Marauders would give them a lot more hell than they do."

Lily couldn't be quiet anymore. "And make them even more angry and militant?" Lily asked back. "Driving more people into the arms of those people?"

"Please stop kidding yourself. Nobody is driving them to be assholes. They are able to do that all on their own and yes, I prefer them being the laughing stock of the school instead of the feared untouchables and that our side is the one that wins here!" Mary shouted back. Her hand slammed down on a table between them. "We are at WAR and right now the battle for the next soldiers is fought here and now! And if we win it by our side outsmarting them and made sure that everybody that follows that kind of bullshit is an idiot and that everybody sees it, so be it!" She stared at Lily and there was anger, hurt, betrayal, mistrust and condemn in her eyes. "And honestly nobody cares for that asshole you call your friend. If the boys would pick on him so much that he offs himself I would send them a congratulation card." Her voice now was low and lashed in venom. "It would be one problem less to worry about." Those words earned Mary some chuckles from some of the older muggleborn.

"Condemning someone to die. I see how we have the higher moral ground." Lily hissed back.

"Watch your mouth. I don't have the tear, energy and time to mourn all those innocents that deserve it! So excuse me if I don't give a ratass about mourning the enemy!" Mary's eyes turn cool again and she gripped her wand for a moment before forcing herself to let go. "And now write down on the List. Snape, Severus, Slytherin, ugly long nose, greasy hair, dangerous, dark magical cutting curses that can't be magically healed, avoid at all cost, don't get near him, try to stray with Evans if you have to confront him."

Lily stared at her in shock.

"I don't see you writing." Mary said and crossed her arms. "I told you about this rule before inviting you in. I will assume you just need a moment to remember how to write."

"Josh wasn't sure who…" Lily's voice broke. There must be another explanation. Severus wasn't doing things like that. He maybe was there, but only as a bystander. Right?

For just a moment Mary's hard eyes softened and she gave Lily an explanation for her order. "And it's not the first time somebody has wounds that are difficult to heal and they are getting more and more difficult and there is one person that always seemed to be around at those times." She said the last part with a meaningful look and nodded towards the List.

No, it couldn't be him. There must be someone else. One of those friends of his. The pen in Lily's hand shook. Her eyes fell on the other older students behind Mary. They all watched silently, with hard looks on their faces. None of them doubt Sev's guilt in this even a little bit.

Finally, Olivia, the kind sweet Hufflepuff who hated to fight and always assumed the best of everything and everybody, broke the silence. "Does it really make a difference, if he is the one casting the curses or only the one always standing next to the ones that cast them and never does anything to help?" The Hufflepuff asked Lily softly and Lily didn't know the answer to that.

Everybody watched her, but nobody said anything when she started to write the words in a sloppy handwriting. They equally ignored it when salty drops fell down on the list while she wrote.

* * *

A.N. A few things, once again, I don't think you can create a spell like Sectumsepra just theoretical. You have to test it, again and again, and in this story, he does it in a way that gives him to benefits. One, he gets to complete the spell and two, he gets prestige with his fellow dark Slytherins.

Mary here is hard and a few people wrote in comments that they don't like her very much and I can understand that. Mary is a complicated character, she isn't black or white, but she sees the world like that. Why she has this worldview is something she didn't trust Lily with just yet, so you will have to wait as well, but she was attacked by Mulciber last year and spent quite a bit time in the hospital wing for it. She does take a grim satisfaction in forcing Lily to see Snape in a different light here. Mary doesn't trust Lily and doesn't even like her very much. Someone said that she isn't a good leader, but I disagree, she is a very good wartime leader and it is wartime right now in the magical world, but she would make a poor peacetime leader.

And last but not least, Lily. Lily in this chapter has to face some uncomfortable truths about Severus. First, there are good reasons why people don't like him and it isn't for something superficial like that he is a Slytherin, but the way he acts. And Lily has to face the fact that he is a bully himself and not just some poor victim of other people. When writing Mary's words down, she accepted that and it broke something in Lily.

I know that it is not a very uplifting chapter (to be fair the whole year is not very uplifting for Lily), but I hope you enjoy it never the less. I want to thank all those that wrote me comments and XavierFyre for helping me out with this chapter.

Please leave me a review and have a nice day


	62. Year 5 Chapter 62

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 61**

They stood next to each other in the potion lab. It was comfortable to work with each other. They didn't have to say much but understood each other without words. The otherwise empty classroom had become a hideaway for both Severus and her. Nobody was around to judge them, _her_ for their friendship. Nobody gave them strange looks. This was where they could just be friends. Or at least it had been.

Today it seemed nearly impossible to concentrate on the cauldron in front of her. She was thinking about their friendship. Best friends. Big words for something that felt so shrunken into one little room.

" _Does it really make a difference, if he is the one casting the curses or only the one always standing next to the ones that cast them and never does anything to help?"_

The words wouldn't stop ringing in her ears. Severus was not like that. He was just confused. He needed to get away from those friends and those dark magic they dwelled with and everything would be back to normal. Lily tried to tell herself.

 _What was normal? Before going to Hogwarts? Because he had those friends since second year and he had been fascinated by the forbidden arts since first year. Something they fought over since first year. Something she could never understand._

NO! Those thoughts wouldn't help.

"-so what do you think? Should we try?" Severus' voice pierced through her fog of thoughts.

"Eh, what?" Lily looked up started. What were they talking about again? "Sorry I had something on my mind." She tried to smile at Severus, but it felt like a grimace to her.

"I asked if we should boil down the juice into a concentrate," Severus answered and watched her. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just stuff…" Lily answered in a soft voice and avoided looking at him. She bit her lips. _Coward_. The little voice in her head called her. _You are nothing but a coward_. She wasn't sure if the voice meant Severus for standing next to bullies and not doing something or herself for not confronting him about it.

She stared down at her notes without really seeing them.

"If you are sure..." Severus answered and turned back to the blackboard to write down their next experiment.

"You can't keep doing this." The words tumbled out of Lily's mouth without her really deciding to say them.

"What?" Severus turned around and looked confused. He held up the bottle with black root juice.

"Hanging out with those friends of yours. Dealing with Dark Magic. You can't keep doing this. You have to stop." To say those words felt like a heavy weight was lifted off her and like somebody punched her in the guts at the same time.

Severus stopped what he was doing. A dark look settled on his face. He crossed his arms. "You don't know what you are talking about." Lily hated that sentence. Everybody kept telling her that.

"There is something wrong with them." Lily replied stubbornly. Anger grew in her chest and trying to claw its way out, making it difficult to keep her voice down.

"Oh, yes because your friends are angles that would invite me to tea." He sneered back. "I don't see you giving up on those hags."

"My friends don't hurt other students! Nevermind cutting them open with dark magic! What kind of sick weirdo would ever do something like that?" Lily shouted and stomped her foot. "People start to talk that you are the same! That you cut open younger students! That you're evil as well!" She hoped desperately for the same disgust she was feeling to show up on his face. It didn't.

"Are those the lies they keep telling you about me! Maybe you should stop listening to such rubbish! You would think that nearly seven years of friendship would make you a least a little bit loyal to me!" He looked at her with disappointment, and while that look had often made her feel guilty in the past, now it only made her angry.!

"And what is with your loyalty to me?" Lily's hand wanted to creep to her wand, but she balled her fists instead. "Where is your loyalty when you pretend not to see me when you are with your friends? Where is it when you tolerate that kind of talk that kind of acts against muggleborns like me? When you talk and act like that?" Her voice broke just a little bit at the end.

"Who is telling you this slander? Is it Potter and his groupies?" Severus spit the name out and in his anger, he didn't notice how some drool ran down his chin.

"He has nothing to do with this!" Lily shouted and at the same time asked herself why everything came back to Potter with Severus. Of course, Lily knew that Potter could be a right prat to Severus. Just last week he had transfigured Severus' nose and mouth into a pig snout, to 'match his personal hygiene', but this wasn't about Potter, but Severus!

"No." Severus became still for a moment. Something strange and fanatic gleamed in his eyes. "MacDonald." He said the name with disgust and Lily involuntary took a step back from him. "She got her claws in you. Telling you fairytales about the mean Slytherins and evil purebloods, while she is the one that is the true warmonger. And you eat her lies up."

Severus stepped closer to Lily, much closer. She could smell him. Their chests were nearly touching. He loomed over her. The fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She could smell him and it wasn't a good kind of smell. It was only just so faint, but it demented your attention and made you look for its source. It was strangely metallic and sickly sweet. Did Severus always smell like that and she just didn't notice before or was it new? Part of her couldn't help but imagine that this was how dark magic smelled like. Her fingertips stretched to touch the polished wood of her wand, but she didn't grab it. This was Severus, her friend! Right?

"Mary is the warmonger? Mary? The one, that just wants to keep all the muggleborns save here in Hogwarts and didn't want us to buckle down to some bullies, is the warmonger? Not the people that kill and torture people? Not the ones that whisper how we are unworthy of magic and that we will be the next to suffer and gruesomely die? That think we are less worth than the dirt under their feet?!" Lily pushed him away from her. It was a relief to have him out of her personal space. "I think you are the one eating up lies and shit!"

Lily snatched her books and notes up in her arms without even putting them back in her bag and stormed out of the room.

Once she was far away from the dungeons, Lily stopped. She leaned against the cold stone wall and asked herself what was happening, to the world and her friendship with Severus. How could she save him, if he didn't realize he needed to be saved? Sirius' words from the winter holidays came back to her. _Loser_. _Refusing to see the person he became instead of the person he once was._ Why was everything so complicated?

* * *

A.N. Things are building up in Lily and it had to be let out. She calls Severus out, finally, but he is not going to just change for that. At times I made her sound naive in her defense that Snape would be nice again once he is away from his friends, but in a way that is the little naive girl from before Hogwarts trying to defend her friendship. Other than that, this chapter is about those two coming to heads about the different sides they get information from and how those perspectives shift they way they experience the world around them.

I know that at the moment I write a lot about Snape and Lily's friendship and not that much about her relationship with James is changing, but at that moment in her life, this crumbling relationship with Snape is taking up more of her time and mind. So please bare with me and Lily.


	63. Year 5 Chapter 63

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5Chapter 63**

Gryffindor won against Slytherin yesterday in Quidditch. They still didn't win the cup, but they at least prevented Slytherin from winning. Instead, Ravenclaw had the honor this year. Potter had made a show out of gifting the cup to the ravens, but only until he could claim it next year so they better take good care of it. They laughed and told him that Gryffindor should have a better team next year if they want to take that shine cup away. Apparently, McGonagall had succeeded in her attempt to make Potter and Darjeeling work together as a team again.

With his characteristic arrogant smirk, Potter told the Ravenclaw captain, that he planned to do exactly that.

Severus didn't like Quidditch, but he still raged about Potter's arrogance when it came to this subject, but for once Lily didn't care. If she was honest with herself there were a lot of things Severus was saying nowadays she didn't care about. She was happy Gryffindor won the game against their archrivals and enjoyed the victory party that technically happened in both the Ravenclaw and the Gryffindor tower. All night students and especially the players sneaked back and forth. It was actually a lot of fun and Lily was convinced that the teachers had turned a blind eye to everything. Lily herself had stayed somewhat sober, not completely but at least two or three prefects should always be clear-minded with parties like that.

Yesterday Lily had been annoyed that she couldn't get drunk, again, by the way, she thought with a glare towards Remus that somehow never got the short stick when it came to being sober. But today she was kind of grateful as she sat cheerfully between her hung-over classmates.

She hummed a little melody while filling her plate with food under the heated stares of everybody around her. Sulfia looked at Lily's full English breakfast and how she dipped her toast in the soft boiled egg with mock repulsion.

"You disgust me." She said while nursing a blank cup of tea.

For some reasons, all hungover potions had been unfindable in the morning. From the amused twinkle in his eyes, Lily suspected Dumbledore, as some kind of life lesson to face the consequences of one's actions. But however this happened it meant that nearly every single Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and a fair share of Hufflepuffs from fourth grade up looked at the house tables without much appetite.

It didn't get any better when Gryffindor and Ravenclaw both crawled their way into the Transfiguration classroom only to be faced with a displeased Professor McGonagall.

Lily made detailed notes, as the really only one in class that day. The professor was getting more and more annoyed with the class, even if Lily tried to follow everything she said and answer her questions.

A little piece of parchment landed on her notes. Lily hesitated for a moment before opening the note.

 _Ask one of your theoretical questions nobody cares about._

It said.

Lily looked around and Sirius Black gave her a lazy wave before nodding towards McGonagall. Lily felt embarrassment color her cheeks red. Lily always had a list of questions that she wrote in the back of her books. Lily was well aware that her other classmates and even some of the teachers were annoyed by Lily's questions. Professor Flitwick had once told her that he loved her thirst for knowledge, but that her questions were at times to specific and that they confuse her classmates. He, of course, invited her to stay after class and ask her questions then, but that seemed like a bit much even to Lily. Since then she wrote most of her questions down and searched for the answers later in the library.

Lily tried to ignore the note. A second one landed on her desk and she ignored it. Somebody started to throw parchment against her head. Lily turned around and Black once again looked at her and gestured to McGonagall. Lily gave him a two finger salute and intended to ignore him again.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Black, what are you two doing there?" The stern voice of their house teacher called both of them out. Lily blushed in anger and embarrassment. She was the only one that paid attention and she was called out? That was so unfair.

"Nothing…" Lily mumbled.

Black, on the other hand, wasn't quiet.

"Minnie dear." He grinned at her and earned a glare for it. "We, that means everybody here, thought that maybe today is the perfect opportunity for Lily here to ask all the boring and stupid questions she always wanted to ask you about Transfiguration. You know all this nitpicky rubbish."

Lily turned around and glared at him, just in time to see Potter hit him in the back of his neck.

"Hey you berk, her questions aren't boring or stupid." Potter berated his best friend.

Black didn't seem to care much for this. "See, we even throw in Jamsie here who will try to pay attention in an ill-fated attempt to impress Evans."

Both Potter and Lily now glared at him.

"I don't just give this class to Miss Evans." McGonagall answered back.

"But you kind of are right now. Minnie, you know as well as we do, that right now only perfect prefect Evans has any idea what you are talking about, so why don't you reward her by actually letting her asked the questions she wants answers to?" Black leaned back in his chair and grinned at the professor.

McGonagall glared first at Black and then at the rest of the class before sighing heavily. "Ten points from Gryffindor for your insolent behavior Mr. Black and two points from everybody in this class apart from Miss Evans." She said before turning to Lily with pursed lips. "Miss Evans, what are your questions?"

Lily was unsure at first but then she started to ask her first question with a shaking voice. "Where does the energy come from to transform one element into the next? Every element has a very specific potential energy level."

McGonagall massaged the brick of her nose before answering. "This question is on a theoretical research level and far above what you should learn in school." She pressed her lips together for a moment until they nearly disappeared. "Miss Evans, please get your things and come to the front." A small thin-lipped smile appeared on her face. "You are the prime example of overthinking magic until you are no longer sure how it works."

With that Lily hurried to the front and McGonagall conjured another chair to her own desk. Then she turned to Potter. "Mr. Potter, do you wish to join us or not? It sounded like your follow students offered you as a tribute." Whoever said McGonagall had no sense of humor clearly had no idea.

Lily wanted to groan but didn't as Potter first looked panicked for a second before packing his bag and while throwing it over his shoulder 'accidentally' bit Black once more and joined Lily and their teacher in the front.

Lily had to admit that when he managed to really pay attention, Potter wasn't so stupid and actual had interesting ideas.

"So why do you need to know where the energy comes from?" He asked as he sat down the wrong way on his own chair, with one leg on each side of the backrest. He leaned his arms and head on it.

"The laws of thermodynamics are very strict on these kinds of things. Energy can't be created out of nowhere. In general, energy can't be created or used up in a closed system, only transferred into a different kind of energy." Lily explained and looked at her teacher and classmate.

"Thermo-what?" Potter asked with an honestly confused expression.

"Thermodynamic, it's muggle science. No, it is _science_ , just one of the fundamental laws of nature. It is one of the rules that make the world, well, _**be**_ **.** " Lily desperately tried to explain. Lily couldn't even tell why this was so important to her, but it just was.

Ja-Potter blinked at her. "Oh?" He looked over to McGonagall as if asking her if Lily was telling the truth.

The professor thinned her lips again before answering. "Modern research operates under the thesis that the laws of thermodynamics apply to transfiguration as well. But how exactly all this works together is still unknown today."

"Oh…" The idea that the laws of physics somehow still apply to magic had a strangely calming effect on her mind, but only for a moment, before new questions sprung to her mind. "But then how can we conjure things up? That should violate the first law of thermodynamics?" Lily asked and looked at their professor with wide eyes.

"Wait, what?" Potter interrupted the conversation. "I thought this thermodynamo-thing was about energy? What does conjuring things have to do with it?" He looked from Lily to McGonagall and back.

"Thermodynamic. Mass is a form of energy or at least you can create energy out of mass." Lily hastily explained in the hope he would shut up and McGonagall would answer her question.

But Potter was having none of it. With big eyes, he stared at Lily. "Muggle can do that?" He pondered over this idea for a moment. "How do they do that? Do they just take some stuff they don't need anymore, like a broken chair, and put elecitity in it and boom more energy?" It was funny how he stumbled over the word electricity like that, but he seemed genuinely excited by that idea.

Lily felt a bit embarrassed when she had to correct him. "Electricity. No, such a nuclear fusion is very difficult and the only place this happens so far is in the inside of stars, like the sun."

"Oh…" He seemed a bit disappointed by that information.

"But they are researching on it, to recreate it here on Earth." Lily hurried to add.

"Ok, so what is the worst that could happen if we would actually break this Thermodynato laws with our magic?" He asked again.

"Thermodynamic." Lily corrected again and thought about the answer. What would happen if the basic laws of physics would be broken like that? Lily wasn't really sure. "I don't know exactly, but worst would probably be that the mass of the Earth increases and because of that higher gravity forces would pull the Earth closer to the sun out of the habitable zone and kill all life in a sea of flames." Lily knew that this was probably a tad overdramatic, but she didn't know how else to justify her need for the rightfulness of muggle science. She half expected him to laugh at her, but he just blinked a couple of times and stared at her with his hazel eyes.

"No wonder they want to burn us at the stakes." He looked owlish at both Lily and Professor McGonagall. "Maybe somebody should explain to them that we are not doing that." Then he looked started and he turned completely to their teacher. "We are not doing that right?" He pleaded.

Lily had to giggle at his stressed and panicked face.

"No." Professor McGonagall said with a sure and convincing voice. "There are some different theories on how magic follows those natural laws, but we do follow them. The most widely spread theory says that magic is just a layer of reality that muggle can't access or observe and that exists in a dual form of energy and mass at the same time. In that way, magic is already included in the earth mass and gravity."

Now both Potter and Lily looked at the professor as if they saw her for the first time.

"But as I said, those are questions the Unspeakable and high level theoretical magical researcher try to solve, not something students that are about to face their O.W.L.s should worry about."

After that, they talked about some other things, mostly about any spells or theories that are important for the exams. Potter was surprisingly helpful and when Lily just couldn't understand McGonagall' explanation he would try to explain it in a different way. Lily had to admit that she enjoyed the lesson together with Potter.

So much in fact that when the class ended and Lily turned around for the first time, she just saw Sulfia as one of the first out of the door and a nagging guilt spread in her belly. Was Sulfia angry with her for spending (enjoying, the little voice in her head whispered) with Potter?

Lily said a quick thank you to the professor, but not Potter, grabbed her things and hurried after her friend. She shouldered past a couple of students and mumbled some apologies she didn't really mean, because, really did they have to be in the way right now?

She saw Sulfia disappear into a bathroom. Lily followed right behind. With wide eyes, Lily looked around for her friend. She couldn't find her.

"Sulfia?" Lily called out, her heart still thundering and twisting with guilt. "Can we talk?"

"Lily?" She heard Sulfia's voice from one of the stalls. She didn't sound like she was crying. Good, good, very good. "What's the matter?" She walked out of the last stall and pass Lily to the sinks. "You look stressed Lily." Sulfia was a bit pale herself.

"I'm sorry." Lily rushed out.

Sulfia turned around to her with a raised eyebrow. She still had the soap in her hand. "Ok." She watched Lily for a moment. "For what?"

"For today. The lesson, when I talked with Potter and so…" Lily looked down at her shoes. She just couldn't look Sulfia in the eyes. At least not until she heard a short snorted laugh from Sulfia.

"I'm pretty sure we, the class, offered you up to McG so that that rest of us could sleep." Sulfia turned away again to rinse her hands clean.

"It's just. I know you like him and I don't want that to cause any more problems between us." Lily mumbled and looked at Sulfia from under her lashes.

Sulfia's shoulders got stiff and she pursed her lips in a mix between displeasure and something else. "It is not a problem." She answered to short and stiff to be completely honest there.

"Sulfia," Lily pleaded. For what or why she wasn't really sure. "You know if I could I would hand Potter and his stupid pick-up lines over to you." Lily told her with as much conviction as she could while ignoring the small part in her that was flattered that a handsome and popular guy like Potter had singled her out to be the most desirable girl in school.

But it was the wrong thing to say because Sulfa's eyes turned dark and angry for the first time in this conversation. "I don't need your pity or the leftovers you don't want." Sulfia replied in a harsh tone.

"I didn't mean it like-" Lily protested.

"Of course not." Sulfia looked bitter for a moment. "Lily Evans would never mean it in the consenting way she sounds like." Anger and resentment shone in Sulfia's eyes and Lily's heart clenched in her chest.

"I'm sorr-"

"Of course you bloody are!" Sulfia huffed through her nose, before closing her eyes and took some deep and loud breaths. "It hurts, ok?"

Sulfia continued to open and close her mouth a few times without saying anything, but when Lily wanted to say something she held up a hand to keep her silent. Finally, she started to talk again. "I talked to him yesterday. Or at least tried to." Sulfia looked away from Lily and out of the window. "He didn't even get it. He just tried to talk with me about you and if I could give him any hint about how to get you to like him."

"Oh, Sulfia…" Lily whispered. Her shoulders dropped down.

"I didn't say it in the end… It was too humiliating."Sulfia was quiet once again for a moment before turning back to Lily. "I want that."

"I would give it to you-" Lily started, but was interrupted again.

"I know, but it is not yours to give." Sulfia had a sad smile on her face.

"I'm sure we can find a way for Potter to finally-" Lily tried to find some solution to this mess.

"I don't mean James. Even if he is a bloody dream of a boy." Sulfia shook her head. Her voice was low. "I mean, that I want this feeling. I want someone to be so into me that he couldn't even see anyone else. I want to be Number One for somebody like that. So no, I don't want to somehow get James and always ask myself if I'm his Number Two because he just had to give up on you. I won't be able to live with you or with him or with myself if it ever came down to that."

A lone tear was running over Sulfia' face, but she stood there with her back straight and her chin up. She was the perfect picture of a wellbreed and sophisticated pureblood that never in her life doubt her own worth and place in the world. Lily stepped closer and hugged her as close as she could.

"There are dozens of guys, to who you are the most precious and desirable girl they ever are fortunate enough to see in their lives." Lily whispered against the shoulder of the taller girl.

Sulfia gave a short sobby laugh at that. "Only dozens?"

"Hundreds, thousands. Millions! But you will be too good for all of them. Expect the right one." Lily corrected herself.

"That sounds more like it." Sulfia hugged her back.

The girls stood there for a moment before a group of giggling third-year girls walked in.

"Let's go, Lily. You have to help me who of the millions of boys I will give the first chance to prove himself to me." Sulfia was grinning, but there was still a little bit of hurt in her eyes, but one that she would confront and grow past, Lily was sure of that.

* * *

A.N. This chapter is a bit longer and brings the Quidditch storyline and Sulfia's story to an end and gives us a little bit of interaction between Lily and James. I hope you like it.

Lily here is desperate to bring her muggle understanding of the world she grew up with in line with the magic she sees and feels every day. And James is just a bit clueless how muggle see and understand the world, but is curious and willing to learn.

And the last part about Sulfia. I honestly think that we lack a really healthy way of handling rejection in the HP books and especially the Marauder time. I love James and Lily, but to keep going after someone after they reject you, isn't the most mature way, but then they are teenagers and feelings at that time are even more complicated than when we are grown up. And Snape is, to me, the prime example of unhealthy behavior after a rejection. So keep being so obsessed with someone after they made clear that they are not interested at all is not romantic, it is creepy and unhealthy.

I wanted to show another way to handle rejection or unrequited feelings here. She recognized that James wasn't interested and had too much self-worth to stay fixated on someone that wouldn't be good for her own mental health and friendships. She isn't fighting a lost battle but makes the decision to move on, even if it hurts, but she knows that being with James wouldn't be worth it for her. She would have to give up friendships and possible be never secured in such a relationship.

I hope you like this chapter and it is a positive chapter, even if there are tears in it.

Please leave a review and thank you to all that left me a beautiful review in the past. It is lovely to know that people enjoy the story I write.

Have a nice day.


	64. Year 5 Chapter 64

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 64**

Lily was studying with Gwen and Gunny. The library was packed with people, mostly fifth and seventh years. The O.W.L.s were getting closer and everybody in their year was feeling it. Lily found it impossible to talk with any Ravenclaw in their class without talking about one subject or another. The Marauders played more pranks than ever.

Sulfia was in a state of mind where she either studied fanatically or completely ignored the looming exams and shut out everybody that even mentioned anything about school, exams or homework. Dorcas' tactic mostly involved hiding from any responsibilities on her broom. And Lily had a plan. A very carefully planned plan, that involved timetables and booklists.

People like joining her plan from time to time, like today Gwen and Gunny. For the last hour they had all slaved over Aritmancy number tables and now were discussing the most magical number.

"How could any of you even argue for anything but the three?" Gunny asked with pure disbelief written over her face. "Everybody knows magic happen in threes."

"Three is just a carrying wheel and a way to stabilize your magic," Gwen dismissed Gunny's earlier claim. "Now seven is an interesting number. It is unpredictable and can be good and bad at once."

"That's just a gambling number, you know the most likely number you get when you roll two six-sided dices. The seven is a number you can use in risk-taking gambles, but it's pretty useless in anything else. You are never going to make anything bigger than that with a seven." Lily argued and opened the book on another page. "Now eight, on the other hand, that one is pure magic. Just looking at it and you can see the magic. It has no end and no beginning and is able to mix different schools of magic together without losing control. I mean eight is the key to any time control attempt ever, with it hourglass form and you just pock it a little bit and you have infinity." Lily drew some of her explanations on an already chaotically full piece of parchment.

"But that just works with the Arabic numbers. Any other writing system and you are lost with your theory." Gwen crossed her arms and was unwilling to admit defeat.

"Since when do we involve other number systems? I mean we don't avoid the number four because it is the Death Number in Japan right? Of course, we talk about our Arabic numbers." Lily just waved the argument away.

Before Gwen or Gunny could say anything else a small voice called Lily's name. "Eh, Miss Lily?" She turned around and next to her stood a small Hufflepuff girl. She wiggled her hands and worried her lips. Lily recognized her from the muggleborn meeting.

"Yes, Flora?" Lily turned to her and smiled. The little girl looked scared enough.

Flora looked at Gwen and Gunny before taking a step closer to Lily and whisper. "It is already late and I don't want to go back to my common room alone."

"Of course. Just sit down here for a moment. I have to finish something really quick and we can go." Lily pulled out a chair out for her. Gwen and Gunny looked a bit surprised but didn't protest against the addition to their table. Flora sat down and watched the older girls with a shy look.

"Ok, girls, let's finish this homework and we are done for today." Lily told her classmates. They were still a bit confused, but shrugged their shoulders and finished up.

It didn't take long until Lily was ready to go. "See you two later." Lily waved and stood up.

"Wait a moment. We wanted to visit the kitchen anyway. We come with you if that's ok." Gunny said and put her stuff into her bag.

Lily looked to Flora, who just shrugged her shoulders and nodded. All four left for the Hufflepuff common room. They were nearly there when few Slytherins appeared from the other side of the corridor. It was a group of five. Why did Slytherins always travel in packs? Nasty, unfriendly, bigot packs of concentrated rude arrogance. It was an automatic reaction that Lily's hand flew to her wand. She didn't pull it, but it reassured her to have her fingers touch the smooth wood.

The Slytherins eyed the girls up and screwed up their noses in disgust. Lily put her non-wand hand on Flora's shoulder and pushed her genteelly along the way. But Lily never took her eyes off the other students. They were sixth-year students. Three guys and two girls. Some of the pureblood snobs Severus sometimes hung out with but wasn't really friends with. He

"Really what is that caretaker doing all day here?" One of the girls said. "Look at how dirty this castle is. How filthy. It's terrible." She pulled her nose up in the air and the others laughed around her.

"Oh, don't be so hard on the poor man." The other girl disagreed with her. "There is some filth you just can't clean against. For that, you need a cleansing." She threw an arrogant smirk in the direction of Lily and her companions.

Lily felt anger rise in her but walked on. She, no, all of them, would not show fear or nerves in front of them. They would hold their head high. Flora stiffed under Lily's hand but followed her lead.

Lily couldn't say which one stuck their leg out to tip Flora up, but in the next moment the little girl stumbled and fell down. The group of Slytherins laughed and Lily turned around with her wand drawn.

"Get lost." Lily growled. Her hand was still and she had an absolute clear aim with the wand.

"Who do you think you are to point a wand at real witches and wizards you little filthy mud-" One of the boys started, but another grabbed his arm. For a short moment, she was shocked over herself. Since when was her first instinct to go for her wand instead of taking points as she should as a prefect?

Then the other one whispered. "Don't. That's Snape's little toy and Slughorn's pet to show of the impressive tricks he taught her."

The first one sneered at Lily, before marching off with the rest. Lily never felt so humiliated before. Severus' toy? Slughorn's pet?

Flora stood up and looked at her with a puzzled look.

"Let's get you back to Hufflepuff." Lily forced herself to sound cheerful. Meanwhile, her legs felt like lead. Finally, they were at the entrance of the badger's house and Flora thanked Lily a lot before disappearing.

Lily wanted to just flee from all of it. The words of the Slytherins still rang in her ears. But before Lily could turn back towards the Gryffindor tower, Gwen and Gunny grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her to the kitchen entrance.

"Come on. We need chocolate." Gwen said.

"Or cake." Gunny added. They turned to each other and grinned. Those two really always knew what the other was thinking.

"Or CHOCOLATE CAKE!" They shouted together.

Lily had to smile at their excitement and let them pull her along with them. And she sat down in the kitchen with the house elves falling over themselves to please them and with a brilliant chocolate cake and soothing cup to tea in front of her Lily did feel better. They sat there for a few minutes with sweets and laughter before Gwen blurred out.

"I think it's great that you extend your protection to other muggleborns." Gwen clearly meant it in a good way, but to Lily, it felt like a slap in the face.

Lily forced herself to ask. She just needed to know.

"Do you think that I'm Severus' toy and Slughorn's pet as well?" Her voice was soft and shaking.

"Of course not!" Gunny hurried to assure her.

"I mean whoever thinks that Snivellus is the one keeping you around and not the other way round is stupid." Gwen added and nodded strongly.

But Lily couldn't help but doubt their words. Wasn't Severus the one to hang out with people that thought she was a magic stealing worm and repeated their words at other muggleborns? Who stood by when students were attacked for being like her (in the best case he stood just by)? And she was the one that forgave him all that in a desperate attempt to save their friendship. Didn't that prove that she was much more pathetic in this friendship? Or was it some kind of punishment Lily accepted for not returning his feelings and hurting him like that? But she didn't deserve punishment for that. Even if he was hurt by it, she wasn't hurting him, right? She wasn't required to return his feelings for her. It doesn't make her a bad person or friend! She was so lost in thoughts that she didn't even protest against the mockery nickname.

She nearly missed it when Gunny started to talk again. "And you are a bit of a teacher pet. Not just Slughorn, but Flitwick as well."

"McGonagall too if you asked me and be it just because you can make James shut up!" Gwen agreed. "You are the golden girl. The one she never has to apologize for and who earns all those points the boys love to lose."

Lily had to chuckle at that. Maybe there was something true about that. The other two relaxed again

"And I didn't mean them when I said that. I was actually talking about James." Gwen said while talking past the cake in her mouth. Lily head snapped back to her.

"What?"

"You know how he likes you and once he hears somebody causing you trouble; he takes his Merry Men and pranks them crazy." Gwen explained and finally swallowed before continuing. "I'm pretty sure Dorky actual set him up to it a couple of times after they finished training. Well, James doesn't call it protecting but teaching some manners to the pureblood society. To be fair he goes off at anyone that talks dragoncrap like that not just those that talk about you. Sees it as his duty as a Gryffindor."

Lily blinked. Sure, she did sometimes notice that many of those bigots were high on the Marauders' prank list, but she never thought that she had anything to do with it or that they put much thought into who they prank. She wasn't sure what to think about that. But it felt strangely warm and soothing. Then she stopped on her path. Was she really more ok with the Marauders stepping up to defend her than Severus doing it? Or was it the fact that Severus had that kind of sway over people like _that_ , that was just so much worse? Since when did he have that kind of influence?

* * *

A.N. Sorry for the long break. I was on a holiday with some friends. I hope you like this chapter.

I wanted it to contrast the last chapter in showing that Lily has as much interest and understanding in theoretical magic as she has in muggle science and that to her it is not much of a difference. She belongs into both worlds. Other than that I want to show how the younger muggleborns do trust Lily, unlike the older ones. And I wanted to show that Lily is very much part and product of the war as well. She and her opinions are formed by the war as well. To her Slytherins are threatening as well, but like she is the exception to muggleborns for Severus, he is her exception when looking at Slytherins. But even there, the friendship is falling apart and part of her is embarrassed to show that friendship or that others see and talk about it. The idea to have Gryffindors fight against bigot thinking is more comfortable than the idea that a friend is using his influence to shield her.

I hope you enjoy the chapter and we are near the end of the fifth year now. Please tell me what you think and if this shift in her friendships and relationships feel natural to you. Thank you to everybody that left me a review and who enjoy this story with me.

Have a nice day.


	65. Year 5 Chapter 65

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 5 Chapter 65**

 _Mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood_

The word kept ringing in her ears. Nothing else from that afternoon at the lake was so clear as that word. It wasn't the first time she heard that word of course. There wasn't a week when she didn't hear it at least a few times mumbled under someone's breath or shouted out loud or written on a bathroom stall. She heard that word so often, that she had convinced herself that it lost its bite and terror. It had become nearly mundane to hear it and not the ever-present reminder that people were brutally murdered for the way they were born.

Or so she thought.

 _mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood_

But it hadn't lost its bite. It was still there and stronger than ever. It hurt like it never hurt before. Lily couldn't get Severus voice out of her head.

 _mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood_

Like a broken record the word kept repeating itself in her mind. Deafening everything else. To hear it from Severus hurt so much more than anything anyone else ever told her. No threat, no insult came close to this. To him, she wasn't an anonymous face. He knew her and was still able to see that in her. Her worth measured blood purity.

 _mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood_

Lily was hiding her bed. She was hurt and angry, so so angry, she couldn't find the words to describe it. She felt humiliated and grieving. That was it? That was how seven years of friendship ended? Just like that? It didn't feel right, didn't feel real.

 _mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood mudblood_

Lily had avoided everybody until now. She heard Dorcas and Sulfia outside her bed. They  
whispered to each other. At one point they went away only to return a bit later.

Finally, the curtain of her bed was opened by the pale hands of Sulfia and Dorcas' dark ones pushed a plate with chocolate cake on her bed, before letting the curtains fall close again. Lily stared at the cage and it hurt. How often had she fought with those two because of Se- Snape? And they still got her chocolate cake. How often did she call S- _him_ her best friend and overlooked that those two were ones that really were always there for her?

Shouldn't they laugh at her? Lily felt terrible and grateful at the same time. The voice got quieter and dull in her head.

She plucked a piece of the cake with her fingers into her mouth. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe a piece of chocolate cake now was a better foundation for friendship than memories long gone? Lily loved them for the persons they were now and not the one she remembered from a childhood, _before_. Before Hogwarts, before the war, before…

How often had she pushed those two aside in her quest to find the small boy with who she caught tadpoles with, searching for the one who told her about magic, chasing the memories of a childhood from _before_? Where did she go wrong with Sev? Should she have tried harder? Should she have done things more his way? Hiding and pretending? Should she have demented him to stop hanging out with those people the first time she saw them together? The first time she noticed what type of people they were? When had she first decided that it was too tiring to argue with Severus about the important things? To convince him what was right? When did she stop caring who her friend was when she wasn't around him? When did she decided that closing her bubble off and ignoring everything she didn't like would make those things disappear?

Lily was so deep in her thought that she only noticed Mary's arrival in the dorm when she heard her shout at Sulfia or Dorcas or maybe both.

"Give her some time?" Mary's voice was spiked with disbelieve. "We gave her the whole year as time, and from what I saw you gave her even **five** , to realize that she is friends with a disgusting asshole. How much longer should we give her? The summer holidays so that she could talk herself into forgiving him?"

"Lily wouldn't-" Dorcas' soft voice started, but was interrupted by Mary again.

"Evans act like a retarded puppy when it comes to Snape. Let her think about it long enough and she will find a way to bullshit herself into excusing his behavior. She has years of practice in that. Oh don't look so shocked, you know as well as I do that she was quick to blame anyone but him for his shit." Mary answered in her cold and determined voice and Lily could hear Dorcas gasped at the harsh words. In the next moment, Mary ripped open her curtains and stared down at Lily. "Did anybody already tell you ' _I told you so_ '?" Those were the first words Mary directed at her. Lily could just shake her head.

"Why not?" She turned to her friends for a second but didn't wait for a response from them before focusing on Lily again. "They should have."

"We didn't think it was necessary." Sulfia said even if the older girl wasn't looking at them anymore. Lily couldn't see her, but she could practically hear the scowl on her face. "Lily knows that without us telling her." This made Mary laugh and Lily embarrassed.

Mary looked at Lily again. "Evans, we need to talk. Care to send your guard dogs out for a moment."

"We are Lily's friends and we'll stay when she is down like this-" Sulfia started and Mary just talked over her.

"It is about time that you really listen to me about what type of person _that boy_ is." Mary didn't wait for Lily to answer and sat down on her bed. "You have to make a choice, and quite frankly we are sick of waiting."

Lily swallowed, before turning to her two friends. "Could you give us a few minutes?" When she saw them about to protest she added. "Please." Her voice was shaking like she was about to cry. This was embarrassing.

Dorcas bit her lip and looked at Lily for a moment and nodded. Sulfia opened her mouth, but Dorcas stopped her by pulling her with her out of the room. Lily worried her lips once she was alone with Mary.

"You have to make a choice, Evans." Mary repeated before explaining herself. "Either this is the cut from that Snape boy or you are out." The words had something final there were no renegotiations. "I don't want to ever see you again at a meeting and I would inform anyone to thread you like anybody else that hangs out with wannabe Death Eaters." It was like somebody kicked her in the chest. She would be one of the enemies.

It hurt, but then Mary's face got softer and it lights up with hope. Mary continued and took one of Lily's hands in her own. "But you can make a choice now, Evans- _Lily_. You can now choose to see how you had been an apologist for him for so long and that he used you as an alibi for far too long and you can choose to fight back. I don't mean going around and hex people, but to fight with words, with actions back against them. You can become a shield for the younger ones." Mary smiled at Lily. Something that Lily wasn't sure happened ever before. "It is your choice. Do you want to fight for what is right or be a little coward that hides behind her Death Eater master like a good little sex slave? What is the future you want to create for yourself?"

Lily's lips quivered and she opened her mouth a couple of times without a sound. Finally, some faint words left her mouth. "When was I his alibi?"

Mary's eyes lit up and she kicked off her shoes to sit more comfortable on Lily's bed. "For example last year Olivia had to work with him in herbology and when she complained because he called a mudblood-" The word made Lily flinch slightly, but if Mary notice she didn't care about it. "-she was told that it was surely a misunderstanding because he is such good friends with a muggleborn and surely wouldn't use such language. Things like these were when you were his alibi. When teachers don't really think that he would be part of the attacks, because Lily Evans wouldn't be friends with him, if he was, right?"

Lily started to shake. She remembered that story, kind of, she remembered how Olivia and her friends had glared at her for a few weeks, how they made a show out of shuning Severus and Lily with him, how she always quickly changed the subject when somebody wanted to talk to her about it, how Sulfia had brought up Olivia in their big fight. Lily felt bail rise up in her. She could taste it already. Lily swallowed it down again and waved at Mary to continue. And so Mary did. For nearly an hour she told Lily of every single incident when Se- Snape called someone a mudblood, how often he stood with the group that intimidated other muggleborns, about the times he was seen using dark magic, hexing people. And Lily listened, really listened, without trying to find an excuse or to deflect her thoughts to something else. She listened and didn't see a friend in those stories, she saw a stranger and realized, if she heard any of those things about anyone else…

How could she have ignored all of that?

"He is the one always around when this damned cutting curse is used and it gets more and more difficult to deal with it and from what I heard about today, he did cut open Potter's cheek with a non-verbal curse, didn't he?" Mary finished and looked at Lily for clarification.

The memory of how Potter mostly avoided a flash of light, that still made a fine line of blood trickle down his face, reappeared in her mind. But in her mind, she did hear Petunia's voice talking over the memory, like some movie or documentary.

" _Lots of rats and mice, some squirrels and birds, lots of frogs and stuff. All of  
them cut open and bleed to death."_

" _The animals were clearly still alive when they were cut open. They were footprints.  
Tommy's uncle thinks they are from a boy."_

" _Down at Spinner's End."_

Lily jumped up from her bed and ran out of the room, past Dorcas and Sulfia that sat against the wall opposite their dorm. They scrambled to their feet, but Lily didn't care. She pushed the door to the bathroom open with enough force that it banged against the wall. She fell to her knees in front of one of the loos and threw up. She hadn't been to dinner this evening and her stomach was mostly empty. She wanted to cry, but the tears didn't fall. She sat there for some time gagging on bail. At one point Dorcas and Sulfia crouched down next to her.

Dorcas held her hair back and talked soothingly with her, while Sulfia rubbed her back, but looked in another direction, looking a bit ill herself. Lily whipped her mouth clean.

"Done?" Mary asked in a bored voice. A glance over her shoulder showed Lily how Mary leaned against the door frame and watched her. "Good. You know, he is sitting outside and threatens to sleep down there. Take care of that would you?"

Sulfia was the one that answered. "Can't you see that she isn't up for it right now?" She glared at the older girl, but Mary looked unimpressed.

"I didn't say she has to go right now. She can take a shower or read through Hogwarts a History first, for all I care. But I don't want him to torture the password out of one of the younger students or see him first thing tomorrow morning. Really I think that would have some devastating effect on everybody's appetite." With those words, Mary turned around and left with a lazy wave over her shoulder. "It's up to her now."

Lily stood up and went over to the mirror. She was already in her nightgown, but she had nothing on her clothes or hair. "I'm going down now." She said and wasn't sure if it was for the leaving Mary, for her two friends with her or for herself. Maybe for all of them.

"You don't have to…" Dorcas said, but Lily shook her head.

But she had to. This was her choice and she had to make it. It was already late and he must have been down there for some time. Each step down the stairs hurt and strengthened her resolution at the same time. He had made his choice and now it was Lily's time to make hers. A choice for what future she wanted to fight for and Severus had proved that he wasn't worth fighting for anymore, hadn't been for a long time, but Lily had refused to see it. In front of the portray, she stopped, just for a moment, before stepping out. She could feel Dorcas' and Sulfia's eyes on her, probably Mary's too.

It was he pleaded with her that he never meant what he said, at least not to her. Seeing him beg hurt because part of her wanted to do nothing more than forgive him, wanted to forget this whole day and hid in the little world she created for years, but it was time to face reality. Standing in front of him, outside of the Gryffindor tower Lily took the time to really look at him, at the person he was and realized that she didn't really know him.

It was a lot easier to a make this choice than she always thought. She knew what world she wanted to build and Severus, well he decided he wanted to destroy that same world.

When she turned around and walked away from him every step made her feel lighter. She made her decision. She chose her way. There was no longer any reason to only half committing to what her conscience told her to do. There was no reason to sit between the chairs, to dance at two weddings at once. She chose.

She met the eyes of all four of her dormmates as she stepped back into the common room, as well as Mary's and out of the corner of her eyes she could see the Marauders whisper with each other. Well, mostly Potter and Remus. From the looks of it, Potter tried to push Remus in her direction. Other people were watching as well. Lily recognized lots of the muggleborn Gryffindors.

Lily locked eyes with Mary and nodded to her. She didn't need to say more. Mary understood and nodded back, with a soft and proud smile growing on her face… Lily walked past her and everybody else up to her dorm. Dorcas and Sulfia were next to her in a heartbeat. Lily wasn't sure what she said, but it was some along the line that she needed some time alone.

As soon as she closed the curtains around her bed the first tears started to fall. The tears that had refused to fall all day long finally broke through.

She cried for the friendship she ended, for the boy she once met, for sunny days they spent building a treehouse with magic before Hogwarts, for summers sharing ice cream.

She cried for the boy he turned into, the one that made her feel uneasy, the ideology he started to represent. The person he chose to be and that he became a person so unrecognisable to her.

She cried because of the way the world was, because of the war, because of the fear that always grew inside her.

She cried because she felt humiliated and stupid for trusting and ignoring everything she didn't want to see.

She cried out of anger because how long he had played her the fool, she let him play her the fool, anger at him for the way he turned out to be, for his audacity to make her his exception. Anger at herself and her own stubbornness to face reality. At how she threaded her real friends in defense for him.

And finally, she cried in relief. It was over. Done. A weight was lifted off her heart. It felt like she could breathe freely for the first time in a long time. She felt like she could fly. No more explaining away his behavior. No more excusing him. No more doubting herself. No more looks of condemn or worse pity in the eyes of her friends. This friendship had tuned a burden some time ago without her noticing and now she was free. This break had built up for so long that it was just a relief that it was finally over. Everything seemed a bit more possible now. The fighting and the future she wanted. It all seemed more real and reachable. This was a new start for her.

Then she cried some more because she felt guilty for feeling so relieved. What kind of person was she to be relieved to lose her best friend?

* * *

A.N. And this is the last chapter of year 5. I didn't want to rewrite the scenes from the books, but what happens between those moments. The scene by the lake was not a time for Lily to make a decision, she was just reacting at that time, but it was Snape's worst memory because from that moment it was up to Lily to decide. Here I wanted to show what went through her as she made that decision and what was the choice she had. Because in the books that phrase always left me puzzled. That she chose her way. What choice did she have as a muggleborn in that war? To accept that she is worth less than others and should be thankful not to be killed or not wanting that? She at that time was 16 and while Dumbledore invited young people to fight with him, not that young. But in my story, Mary gives Lily this choice. A way to fight back, an active choice instead of passive or coward ones. Mary and Lily are still not friends, but closer than before. Mary now is really willing to give Lily a chance, she is for the first time ready to really trust her, not because she has to, but because she believes Lily will make the right choice.

This decision and end of friendship were growing for some time in Lily and that is why, in the end, it was so easy for her to let go. Yes, she cried and grieved, but she never fought it or putting the blame where it didn't belong. The grieve she felt wasn't the sharp and uncontrolled grieve you feel when somebody dear to you dies in a car accident, but more the grieve when your very sick grandpa dies, it is sad, but not surprising. I hope I managed to create this feeling that from Lily's point of view this friendship was breaking and dying for a long time now and that, in the end, such a break is a relief.

I want to thank all my readers and especially my reviewers. I love to hear from you on new and old chapters. Please tell me what you think of this one as well.

Have a nice day


	66. Year 6 Chapter 66

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 66**

Tuney and their dad were looking at some flats in London for Tuney while Lily met up with Dorcas and Sulfia in the Diagon Ally to buy her school supplies.

"How are you even allowed to meet us here?" Lily asked Sulfia while they sat at Flortescue's Ice Cream Parlor and looked at the menu. Her parents were afraid for Sulfia to meet up with muggleborns like Lily with everything that was going on.

"I told my parents that I'm at James' place playing Quidditch." Sulfia answered as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

"You lied to your parents? Don't they know the Potters? What is if they ask them about it?" Part of Lily felt like a déjà-vu. Once again she was the secret a friend kept from others. And yes, Lily was aware that it was unfair to Sulfia to compare her with Seve- Snape. Sulfia always made it pretty clear that she wanted to stay friends with Lily, in front of Hogwarts and her family.

"Sure I lied. Sometimes you have to, to uphold your more important principals. That is why I showed up at James' house, explained everything to him and he is now happily flying with Sirius somewhere and will swear I'm with them if anybody asks. I even left my broom with him." Sulfia replied. She wasn't looking up, but her eyes jumped between two choices on the card. "Vanilla with caramel and chocolate chips or chocolate with caramel chips?" She mumbled to herself.

"You left your broom there? Are you not afraid he will do something with it? You don't let me even touch that thing?" Lily's eyebrows shut up and she stared at her friend with an open jaw in a mix between outrage and bewilderment.

Dorcas just started to giggle. "Of course she can leave her broom there. James is captain now and he is set on winning the cup. He would never mess with the broom of his players. I fully expect that broom to be in better shape than before when she picks it up again."

"You say it!" Sulfia agreed and laughed loud and open.

"Oh…" Lily wasn't sure what to say about this. It was strange not to immediately suspect the worst of Potter.

"You should give him a chance, you know." Dorcas said and looked at Lily as if she could guess her thoughts. Lily felt herself blush.

"Yeah, he is not nearly as bad as you like to pretend." Sulfia agreed after finally choosing the vanilla ice cream. "You just hate that he was right and you wrong about Snivellus." Lily shifted uncomfortably in her chair at that name but didn't protest. Se- Snape didn't deserve her protection anymore. "And we all know that you despise being proven wrong."

"That is not true!" Lily protested loudly and some of the other patrons looked around and glared at her. "Sorry." She mumbled before turning back to her friends. Both had their eyebrow raised and said in one voice.

"Point in case." They laughed and after a moment or two, Lily sighed and joined them in their giggles.

They spent some more time like that before Lily had to leave to meet with her dad and Petunia again. They hugged each other and said their goodbyes. In the last moment, Sulfia ran out of the pub after her and stopped her.

"Just think about it, Lily, ok?" She said and looked at her with compassion.

Lily was honestly confused by that. "About what?"

"Giving James a chance." Sulfia explained.

"I thought you were over your crush on him." Lily answered in she couldn't explain why the thought that that maybe wasn't true made her so uncomfortable.

"I am, but he still is a good friend. I don't say that you have to go out with him or anything. But you let Snape poison your mind about him for so long and James is a good person and a brilliant friend. I hate if you miss out on that, just because you are too prideful to admit you are wrong." With that Sulfia gave her one last half-smile and a shrug of her shoulders, before waving her goodbye and disappearing back into the pub to Dorcas. "Stay safe."

Lily stared after her and felt her lips quiver. She felt terribly confused and shaken. Why was this pity from her friends so much worse than when they shouted at her for being an idiot all those years? Everybody was treating her like she just overcame a terrible addiction and they were afraid that she would fall back into it.

Lily still was lost in her thoughts when she met up with Petunia and her dad again to go home. On the way back to the parking lot her dad turned to her and asked.

"Hey Tiger-Lily, what is on your mind?" He asked her with concern and put an arm around her shoulder. Petunia walked in front of them and acted like she wasn't listening, but Lily could see how she walked just a little bit slower to stay in hearing ranch.

Lily's first instinct was to wave it off, but she cracked under her father's gentle worry.

"It's just there is this boy in my school." Her father got stiff beside her. But before he could say anything, Lily continued. The words just poured out of her. "Dorcas and Sulfia are really good friends with him, but he was always horrible to Se-Snape and they asked me to give him a chance and try being friends with him."

"So no dating, right?" Were her dad's first words.

"Dad!" Lily protested. "Not the point!"

That was the moment were Petunia stopped pretending not to listen. "I like him already at least he has the good sense to see that disgusting boy for who he is. I don't see what your problem is." Her sister's voice was haughty and she flipped her long blond hair back.

"Severus was my best friend! It feels like I'm betraying him." Lily bused out. It felt good to say it.

"Lily-dear- " Her father started.

"That wasn't a problem for you before." Petunia interrupted their father snippy.

"What?" Lily stopped in her tracks and stared at her sister.

"I don't know why you exactly fell out with that boy, but you didn't have that problem back when you decided to become friends with him, after he attacked me." Petunia looked over her shoulder when they arrived at the car.

"What? No! It wasn't like that!" Lily tried to defend herself. That situation had been a completely different one! She had been so unsure of herself and what was happening, why she was so different and finally she had found someone that could explain it to her.

"Oh, really? So he didn't attack me with a huge tree branch and you decided to run back to him the next day and be his best buddy?!" Petunia's voice turned shrill. She balled her fists and anger drew her face into a grimace. "And then you did nothing but run to that disgusting boy again and again! YOU left me for that boy! YOU decided that I wasn't good enough anymore if I don't have magic! That none of us were good enough for you anymore!"

"But- I- I-" Lily stuttered. Her mouth opened and closed uselessly.

"Get in the car, girls." Their father ordered them and he seemed tried about their fight already.

Petunia stared at Lily a moment longer, before pulling open the passenger door in the front, while Lily crawled into the backseat.

Their dad started the car and pulled out.

"I didn't mean to make you feel like that." Lily said quietly. She felt ashamed. Is that really how she made her sister feel? "I just wanted to understand why I'm so different."

Petunia didn't answer and just blow air out of her nose loudly.

"We can be friends again." Lily pleaded. "We can make it right again."

Petunia turned around in her seat and glared at Lily. "No thank you! I have no interest!"

"Tuney, please…"

"Don't you call me Tuney! You lost that right long ago! I'm done with you! You always chose that boy over me, over your own family! You still do it! You still consider his feelings more than you did mine back then or ever!" Petunia's face was red with anger and in her fury she spit her words out. "I'm done with you! I'm done. I know one thing for sure, you turned into a worse person since you met that boy and I don't want anything to do with you anymore! With the person you became!"

Lily just stared at her sister. She couldn't say a word.

"I'm so happy that I no longer have to live with you once I have my flat here in London!"

"Petunia, that's enough!" Their dad ordered, but neither girl spent him any mind.

"You became an as terrible person as him." Petunia sneered at her and turned around.

"Petunia, be nice to your sister!" Their father barked at his eldest.

Lily was shocked. There was no noise in the car. Be nice to your sister. Not that is not true. The words he didn't say ringed deafening loud in Lily's ears. The car stopped at a red light. In a split second Lily opened her seatbelt and threw the door open and ran. Just ran away. Back to the magical world. Back to her friends.

Lily couldn't see anymore through her tears when she finally busted through the door of the Leaking Cauldron. She fanatically blinked and searched for the faces of her friends. She didn't see them, but they saw her. They hurried over to her.

"Lily is everything ok?" They asked. Dorcas hugged her close and Sulfia looked around in panic. Lily shook her head.

"Is your family ok?" Sulfia asked in worrying looked at the door. "Do we have to call aurors?"

Lily looked up from Dorcas' shoulder in confusion. It took her a moment to understand Sulfia's thought process. She shook her head.

"No, I just had a fight with them." She managed to say. Both Sulfia and Dorcas relaxed at her words.

For a moment Lily felt silly. Here she was crying over a fight with her family while people were killed and tortured. Her friend led her to a secluded little table and smoothed her some more until Lily was finally ready to talk.

Lily told them about her fight.

"She thinks my friendship with Severus made me a worse person." Lily sobbed. "Not only did I mindlessly fight with you and apparently alienated my family because of this friendship, but I became a worse person because of it."

Was that really the price she had to pay for befriending that strange, lonely boy all those years ago? That was so unfair! How could she have known that he was never worth it?

Dorcas hugged her close. "Oh Lily, no no no…" She mumbled against Lily's hair. "That's not tr-"

At the same time, Dorcas had started to talk Sulfia did as well and she said something very different. "Don't worry Lils. It's not too late to change that."

"Sulfia! How could you?" Dorcas bellowed. But Lily just looked up to her friend. Her tears stopped and it felt like she was slapped in the face. Her friends thought she was a worse person because of Severus as well?

"What?" Sulfia defended herself against Dorcas. "It won't help Lily if we just smooth her and tell her what she wants to hear."

"Lily is not a bad person because she- "

"I never said she is bad." Sulfia interrupted Dorcas. "But it is not like _that friendship_ brought out much good in her." Her friends were now glaring at each other and didn't seem to notice that Lily was even there to listen. "She attacked us in her frustration, she turned a blind eye on all of Snape's flaws and how he terrorized the younger students with his little death eater club friends, she was quick to blame anyone but him for all the shit he pulled and she defended his use of freaking dark magic!"

Dorcas looked uncomfortable at those words. "But still a good person. She does good and kind things all the time." Dorcas didn't even try to argue against Sulfia's claims, she just tried to not focus on it.

"Of course she is nice and kind. I'm friends with her too and I wouldn't be if I think she was terrible or anything, but her friendship with him wasn't exactly her shining moments, were they? And if we see that, her family has to see that too and if she normally hung out with him even more in the summer holidays…" Sulfia replied and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm really a worse person because of Se- Snape?" Lily whispered.

Dorcas avoided her eyes and Sulfia looked uncomfortable as she stood in front of her rubbing her own arms and shrugging her shoulders.

"I defended him when he was bullied." Lily said. What she wanted to achieve with those words she wasn't sure, maybe she just wanted to assure herself that those years of friendship were not a complete waste of time.

"Ok, once and for all he had it coming." Sulfia declared. She never like Se-Snape to begin with. "And he gave as good as he took. The other four just never whined so much about it. But I saw them break freaking dark curses because of him."

Dorcas rolled her eyes at Sulfia before turning back to Lily with a kind smile. "You were ready to fight a whole group of older students for Filch's cat as a second year. That is not something you got because of Snape. You are a good person who stands up for what she believes in." Lily looked hopefully up to Dorcas, but those feelings were crushed again by Sulfia.

"Apart of course against Snape." Sulfia mumbled under her breath. Dorcas sent her a dark glare.

"What?! It's the first time Lily is actually listening to us, I mean really listening and the first time she is maybe willing to really accept what we say because how much is on the line if she doesn't." Sulfia fired back before turning to Lily directly. "You want a chance to make things right again with your sister, right?" When Lily nodded Sulfia continued. "Then you have to face those things and really confront your own behavior in all this. You were very quick to defend him from everything, even to the point where everybody just saw you as a hypocrite that you would defend a bully by turning against your own house and those that share your values. You just didn't want to see how rotten he is for so long and instead accused everybody that attacked him of being biased and lying and being unfair and all that." She watched Lily, who was biting her lips until it hurt. "And if you were like that with us, maybe you were the same with your family and to them, it must be even harder. I mean, you and Snape are pretty much their only contact to the magical world really and if you turned against them in your defense of him…"

Lily remembered all the fight she had with her mother and with Petunia about Snape. How often did she tell her mother that she didn't know anything? How often did she accuse Petunia of lying?

"What have I done?" Lily asked herself. Her voice was hoarse and uneven. "I destroyed my relationship with Tuney for him?! Oh Merlin."

"Hey, hey-hey hey." Sulfia stepped closer and hugged her. "It is not too late. You have time, lots of time to make it right with her again, now that you see what you did wrong you can work on it and apologize and be better. You have years, don't worry, she is your sister, sooner or later she will remember that she loves you and we will help you."

* * *

A.N. I know it was a long time and I'm sorry about that. I'm not done with the 6th year yet so updates will have some time between them, but I hope you still enjoy them.

Now about the chapter, is that an unfair way of seeing Lily's relationship with Snape? Yes, but those characters don't have to be fair. They're teenagers and they saw Lily fight with them over Snape and that doesn't mean Lily's flaws are rooted in Snape, but to them, it must seem like this. They like Lily and it is easier to push these flaws off to someone they don't like to begin with. But did Lily's friendship made her relationship with others and her family more complicated? I hope I showed that in the story so far. I always imagined Petunia to have a silent count in her head where she compares how often Lily choose them or magic (and Snape) and in Petunia's mind that count was off too much and she decided to cut ties, because it was heartbreaking for Petunia as well and the last nail in the coffin was how even after their friendship ended Lily seemed to care more about Snape's feelings than she did back then when they had been best friends before Snape came around. Of course, you can't really compare those situations, because Lily was so much younger than and confused about her self and desperate to understand. Now Petunia is the most outspoken about these feelings in her family, but I imagine that her parents actually struggle with these kinds of thoughts and doubts as well.

So is this unfair towards Snape? Yes. It is unfound to confront Lily about her behavior at times and the way she ignored Snape's flaws and attacked others in her stubbornness to keep that friendship going? No. Do **I** think Lily was a worse person because of her friendship with Snape? No. Do **I** think at times Lily's worst got out to protect Snape? Yes.

I personally think character flaws that are a character strength taken too far are far more interesting than just unrelated gimmicks because character growth is not out getting past that characteristic, but learning to balance it and to reflect their own behavior critically.

I hope you like the chapter and have a nice day


	67. Year 6 Chapter 67

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 67**

It was the first day that Lily was out of the house after being grounded for two weeks after she jumped out of the car. Her father had been furious with her. But now she was out and meeting up with Jim- James Bloomer again. He had called her some time ago to see if she had time.

Lily actual hadn't expected her parents allow her to meet anyone this summer anymore, but they seemed nearly relieved that she wanted to meet with a 'normal boy'.

Her mum even helped her to pick out a cute shirt. Lily felt a lot more nervous than she normally did when meeting with Ji- James. Something felt different. Maybe it

They decided to meet in the park. Lily was a bit early and she wondered if she should take a walk around the park first when she saw him at their meeting point apparently he was early as well. Lily had to giggle for a moment before walking over to him.

"Hey." Lily greeted him and he looked up with a start and like a deer caught in headlights. "How are you?" Lily leaned down to hug him. He returned it, even if he was a bit stiff about it.

"Hey, Lily, great that you could make it." He seemed nervous as well, maybe even more than her.

"Of course I made it." Lily smiled. It felt nice to talk with somebody that really didn't know a thing about her trouble with Se- Snape.

"Good, good." Bloomer said and couldn't keep his hands still.

"Is everything alright?" Lily worried her brow. What was going on with him?

"Yes, of course." He hurried to say. "I just- just want to ask you something. You can, of course, say no and I hope this didn't make it too awkward between us."

Lily tilted her head to the side. He took one shaky breath.

"Would you consider going out with me?" He said in a remarkably calm voice all things considered, but wouldn't look at her.

He was so different in his approach than Potter and for a moment Lily wanted to laugh that the only guys that consider asking her out are Jameses. She had to smile at that thought. Then her mind returned to the situation at hand. Her first instinct was to let him down, but then she thought better of it. Why shouldn't she date her friend that never made her feel uncomfortable? Why shouldn't she date a muggle from back home? Why shouldn't she enjoy this? They kissed already and it wasn't terrible or anything. It should be fine.

"Ok." Lily finally answered. Bloomer laughed and Lily joined him. "And now?" She asked.

"I don't know. I guess we are together now." He answered. "Want to see a movie tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that sounds fun."

That was three weeks ago.

Their relationship wasn't the most spectacular one. They pretty much did the same things as before, listening to music, going to the movies, meeting with other friends. They sometimes held hands or kissed each other on the cheek. He never pressured her in any way and Lily was grateful for that. She had heard stories about pushy boyfriends, but she and James didn't even kiss that often. They did, of course, a couple of times, but his hands didn't wander under her shirt or up her skirt. They slowly, very slowly tried to get comfortable with each other.

He was attentive and looked out for her but not more than before really. He wasn't looking after other girls and they had fun together. It should be a great relationship and it was, kind of. But...

But there was no passion. She didn't miss him when he wasn't around or they couldn't see each other for some time. And whenever somebody said the name James the first face that sprang into her mind was Potter's and not his. Whenever somebody said that she and James were a nice couple, or that she and James would have beautiful babies, Lily blushed at the idea to have Potter in her life like that. That was why she called him Jimmy at least in her own head. Soon she would leave for Hogwarts again and then she would have to explain to him why they had to send their letters over her parents and why they couldn't phone each other or why he couldn't even visit her for a weekend like he once offered. To continue this relationship seemed so exhausting.

Still, Lily hesitated to end it. For one there was nothing really wrong with it. And there were her parents. They seemed so happy when she told them, even her father seemed relieved. Her mum didn't show that much honest excitement at seeing Lily's OWL results than about the news that she was dating 'such a nice boy from the neighborhood'. Lily got the feeling they were just happy that he was a 'normal' boy, someone that could ground her in the muggle world.

It took her some time to think about it, but Lily didn't break up with Jimmy. It was save with him. He even accepted that he had to drop and pick up his letters from and for her at her parents' house.

But today he was just a fleeting thought in her mind, because today with September 1st and once again, like every year, hectic took over the morning. Lily was running through the house like a headless chicken looking for forgotten books, homework scrolls, and all those other small things.

"Mum, have you seen my orange skirt?" Lily shouted and carelessly searched to the piles of freshly ironed clothes.

"I don't know. Did you put in in the laundry?" Her mum shouted back from upstairs.

"Yes! Three days ago!" Lily stood up from the now untidy clothes and went into the living room, where her father sat and read his newspaper as if nothing was wrong.

"Then it could be in the machine right now!" Her mum's answer didn't make Lily happy at all.

"But I need it!"

"You could have started a machine three days ago, then it would be done now!"

"Arrgh!" Lily was frustrated with this and ran her fingers through her hair.

"We will send it to you with your first owl." Her mum told her as she came back down. She held out a charms book to Lily. Lily took it and nodded.

"Are we done yet?" Her father asked and folded his paper. "Do we have everything and can go now?"

"Yes…" Lily answered and flung her bag with all those small last minute found trinkets around her shoulder. The book didn't fit in anymore. She would repack it on the way to London. All three Evanses stepped out of the house. Just at the same time as Jimmy came up the driveway. Panic shot through Lily and she clenched her schoolbook closer to her chest, hiding the title.

"Eh, hi." She greeted him.

"Hey." He answered. For a moment they just stood awkwardly in front of each other.

Her dad cleared his throat. "I will put that in the car." He informed Lily and lifted her suitcase.

"So you are leaving again for your school, right?" Jimmy asked and then answered himself. "I mean of course you are, you told me about it and yeah… I'm here to say goodbye." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I have to catch the train in London." Lily answered and silently prayed that he wouldn't pay attention to the book in her hand or to anything that could poke out of her bag.

"Yes, of course." Jimmy said. "I have something for you."

"Oh, you shouldn't have to." Lily felt bad now because she didn't have any goodbye gift for him.

"I know and it's nothing too big." He reached into his own bag and pulled a small packet out.

"Oh." Lily still had her hands full and couldn't take it. "Wait a second." She hurried to the car and put her bag and book in the backseat before closing the door again fast and went back to Jimmy. "What is it?"

She asked at the same time as she carefully took the present from him.

"Open it." He grinned at her and watched her as she ripped the paper of it.

In her hands, she held a vinyl album of The Beatles.

"I know you said you can't really listen to music a lot there, but maybe you find a record player." He grinned at her and Lily grinned right back. Even if it was unlikely to make it work in Hogwarts, it was a very nice present. Lily hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, it is lovely."

"You are welcome." He answered and hugged her back. See this felt natural with him.

"So that is goodbye until Christmas, right?" He asked after they stepped out of the hug.

"Yeah." Lily answered. How do you say goodbye to your boyfriend, when your parents stood just a few feet away? "So see you in a few months?" Lily bit her lips. In the movies, they always kissed one last time.

"Yeah." He smiled at her, but didn't move.

Lily took the initiative and grabbed a handful of his shirt to pull him down and kissed him right on the mouth. He was surprised at kiss didn't last long, but it was nice. Once they broke apart again, they both grinned at each other. but her bright smile fell. A cold shiver ran down her back and she looked around for a source. She didn't see anything, but she felt watched and uneasy.

"Is everything ok?" Jimmy asked with concern.

"Yes, it's nothing. Until then and stay safe, ok?" Lily put the smile back on her face, but something was off and she couldn't pinpoint it. "We have to go now. You never know with the traffic and everything."

"Yes, of course." For a moment he looked at the car as if he hoped to be invited along. Lily, of course, didn't react to that and just said once more goodbye.

She and her parents got into the car and Lily turned around in her backseat to wave at Jimmy, who waved back at her.

The drive to King's Cross was fasert than Lily expected and she had some time left before the train would leave. She hugged both her parents close and made them promise to stay safe as well. Lily hadn't explained everything to them, but there was always a lingering fear whenever she left them behind.

"We will and have a nice year. Write us a lot. We love to hear from you." Her mum reminded her. "And James as well." She winked and Lily blushed again. Before bidding her goodbye and ran through the barrier.

The scarlet red train was already waiting and Lily claimed on looking for her friends. As she wandered down the train somebody grabbed her arm from behind. Lily instinctively grabbed her wand and turned around. She came face to face with the angry dark eyes of Severus. Lily felt a sharp pain in her chest at seeing her once best friend, but that pain was subdued by the painfully grip he had on her arm.

"You didn't answer any of my letters or met me at our usual spots." He accused her as if she did something wrong. As if she was at fault for the fact that they weren't friends anymore. As if nothing happened.

Lily glared at him. "Of course not! I thought I made it pretty clear that I want nothing to do with you anymore _Snape_." She spat out his last name. He flinched just a little bit and Lily felt a grim satisfaction at that. "Get your hands off me."

"Lily, let us talk. It was just a word, we had too much to throw it away like that." He pleaded but didn't let go.

"Let go!" Lily shouted and some second years looked at them with fear, but she didn't care. She vaguely recognized one of them as a Ravenclaw muggleborn. They ran away.

"I made a mistake and I said sorry for that, what more do you want?"

To be sorry. Sorry enough that you change. That you turned against that thinking because you realized that you were wrong. That you never touch the dark arts again, Lily thought but didn't say. Because it wouldn't mean anything if he just changed to please her. She once thought that he was a good person, but she had been wrong and she didn't want to be the exception anymore for him. He had to change because he needed to change to live with himself.

Lily didn't say anything and just glared at him.

"I know I hurt you and you are angry and that's why you start dating that muggle right? You wanted to hurt me and that is fine. We are square again." He carried on talking. "We will just forget about all that and start anew. Maybe even something better." He stared at her with wide, nearly fanatic eyes. He started to rub his thumb across her arm and her hairs stood up in fear and disgust.

Lily felt sick hearing his words. Was he really thinking that? That she would date someone because of him? That he had that much power over her?

"Let go and don't talk to me again." She said in a dangerously quiet voice.

"Lily, no!" He shouted. He turned really angry right now. "I'm not going to let you throw yourself away for that _muggle_! You are worth more! You are just being difficult to spite me!" He accused her and before Lily could react he reached into her bag and pulled out the Beatles album. He finally let go of her arm, only to break the record in two. Lily took a step back. Why did he-? He was the one watching her! Fear flayed up in her. Who was that person in front of her? She couldn't recognize him? When did he change into such a person or had he really always been like that, like everybody says and Lily really just had been too blind and stupid to see it?

She got her wand out and pointed it at him. "Leave. I don't want to ever see you again. I don't care for you and your opinion on what I do and who I see isn't worth a flubberworm shit to me." Her hand was surprisingly steady as she pointed her wand at his face. "And don't worry. I will never end like your mum. I'm a lot more talented than her and I will never let anyone control me, especially not a Snape."

His face twisted even more and he tried to get a hold on her again.

"Depulso!" Lily shouted and Snape was throw away from her. At the end of the wagon, he crashed into the door and fell down.

Somebody started slowly clapping behind her. Lily twisted around to see Mary lean against the windows behind her. Lily looked at her in confusion.

"One of the little ones came running to me that one of us was in a fight with one of the nasty Slytherin. I thought it best to let you sort this out on your own as long as you had it under control. Good to see that you didn't have a relapse of bad judge over the summer. " Mary explained. Lily wasn't sure what to say, but she didn't have to because a second later the wagon doors were thrown open and Sulfia and Dorcas stormed through with raised wands.

"I'm going to dismember that creep if he so much as hurt a hair on her head!" Sulfia shouted while Dorcas looked as ready for a fight as she ever did. Close behind them Potter and Black ran through the door and Gwen, Gunny, Remus, Peter and even Marlene from Hufflepuff and Emmeline from Ravenclaw followed behind them.

Lily had to smile at all of them, as they looked around for any attacker. Black spotted Snape first when he tried to pick himself up from the floor.

"Oi! Are you already done here?" He asked Lily but didn't wait for her answer before turning to his friends to complain. "We are too late! Lily already blasted him off! See she never shares any of her fun with us!"

Peter joined him in his complaining. "See you didn't have to throw away my cauldron cake like that." He pointed his finger at James, who rolled his eyes, but a fine blush appeared on his face.

"It was an accident. I'll buy you a new one." James assured his friend and only gave Lily some sideways glances.

"You better!"

Remus shook his head at his friends' antics.

"Are you alright Lily?" Dorcas asked her with a worried once overlook.

"I'm fine. More than fine really. Thank you." Laughter bubbled up in Lily.

* * *

A.N.

So I hope you like this chapter and are not to confused about Jimmy and James. Please tell me what you think about him. Other than that we have Snape and how he desperately tries to reconnect with her when she just wants to move on and is done with him, but in his mind, they are still connected and he believes that her behavior is as influenced by him, as his is by her.

Other than that we see how her support network around Lily works and that there are people ready to storm in to defend her.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I would love if you leave a review.

Have a nice day.


	68. Year 6 Chapter 68

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 68**

Her sixth year was different than her other years. Not just that Lily didn't have to worry about splitting her time between Se- Snape and her other friends, but she felt more alert about so many things. The blanket she had tried to hide under was ripped away and she could see clearly and could feel clearly. There was no longer this stone on her chest, this doubt in her mind how she felt and reacted would reflect on her friendship with him. She could be unapologetically outraged about things, without worrying that the next thing somebody tells her was that Severus was in the middle of it.

But there were other things as well. Small things that she just missed before. Things that hurt now.

"Oh hey, Miranda. Great to see you." Lily greeted an old Ravenclaw friend of hers. They weren't best friends, but they hung out sometimes and often studied together in the library. So far Lily hadn't seen a lot if her this year. "I wanted to ask you if you want to meet up in the library this week. I'd love to look into some charms theory together."

Lily smiled brightly at her friend and even hugged her for a moment, but let go when Miranda wasn't returning the hug and just stood still. Lily pulled back and looked at her confused and hesitated. An uncomfortable feeling spread through her. A knot formed in her stomach.

"What is wrong?" Lily asked slower, more cautious.

Miranda looked around them and at the people that were watching them,

"I don't really have time this week." The slightly taller girl answered her but avoided Lily's eyes.

"Oh, ok…" Lily wasn't sure what to think about that. "How about next week?"

"No, I really have a lot going on this year." Miranda said in a dismissive way. "And now I have to go. Bye."

Lily looked after her and the uncomfortable knot tightened.

She had noticed something like this before. Some people didn't greet her like they used to or only talked to her when nobody was around.

It started to make her angry and helpless at the same time. She just wanted people to be honest with her.

That was why when a week or so later she stopped Miranda from leaving the library when Lily entered. She grabbed her by the arm and pulled her behind a row of books.

Miranda looked part shocked, part nervous and part annoyed.

"Lily.", she whispered even more quiet than normal in the library and before that she looked around that nobody was watching them. " I'm sorry. I don't really have time right now."

"I saw how were in the middle of an essay just right now. You never stop just like that." Lily answered back. She crossed her arms. "You are avoiding me." Lily accused her. Her voice showed more of the hurt she felt than Lily wanted.

"No, it's just diff-" But Miranda stopped herself at Lily's glare. She crossed her arms as well. A sour look crossed her face. "Well times are changing and it gets dangerous to associate with people like you."

"People like me? You mean muggleborns? It was never a problem for you before…" Lily hated that her voice showed her sadness and not just her anger for a moment.

"Well before you didn't make such a thing out of it. Being friends with Snape and all that. You know…" Lily just stared at Miranda as if she saw her for the first time. "But you had to make it into such a thing because of that one stupid word."

"One stupid word?! It was more than-" Lily started angrily, but stopped herself. She took one deep breath and calmed down a little bit. "You know, it's not worth it and you are right. We shouldn't hang out anymore. Over this summer I realized I like to finally reconnect to my self-respect and I'd hate to compromise that again, for somebody like you."

Lily turned around and stalked away. If she blinked much faster than normal nobody saw that. Lily looked for a quiet table alone and took her books out.

Charms.

She should do Charms.

Lily told herself.

She just had to concentrate. It wouldn't help to think about any of this. It would only make her angry about how stupid this whole war was, that it divided people like that. How stupid the people were that followed that bigot way of thinking.

Angry that some of the people that believe in that kind of thinking weren't troll level stupid. At that, a small pain ran through her and Lily pushed that thought aside as fast as possible.

Angry about the way people decided to look away rather than fighting for what is right. Lily rubbed her arm and she could feel the phantom pain of a needle tattooing numbers into her skin.

Angry at all those she mistakenly called friends for being so two-faced and cowardly.

Angry at herself for not seeing any of it. Angry she had let herself become an exception for anyone, an alibi that they were not as bad as the others. Angry that she had been the poster muggleborn girl that kept her mouth shut. Angry that she didn't notice. Angry that she ever doubt that other muggleborn suffered more than her and that she was the lucky one in school. Angry that Severus thought he had any right to protect her.

The pen in her ripped a hole in her parchment. Lily cursed quietly and looked for her wand.

" _Reparo._ " A voice said behind her and a wand appeared next to her. The rip sealed up again.

"Thank you." Lily said while turning around and looked into the smiling faces of Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew.

"No problem." Sirius replied and sat down on a chair next to her the wrong way around. "Now what kind of offense did this vail essay deal to you?" He asked.

Peter stood next to them unsure for a moment before following Sirius example.

"Nothing. Just some stuff." Lily answered and a small part of her was annoyed how the boys sat down without even asking.

"Stuff. Yes, I know stuff. Stuff is terrible, really." Sirius told her and leaned his crossed arms on the backrest of his chair.

"And what are you two doing here without your better half of your little gang." Lily asked. Why she was even talking to them and not just leaving as she normally would do, she wasn't sure.

Peter snickered next to her. "Prongs will be excited to hear that you think he is part of the better half of the Marauders."

This motivated Sirius to let out a barking laugh at the same time as Lily felt herself blush.

"That's not what I meant…" She mumbled.

"Don't worry. It'll make his day." Sirius said. "But to answer your question, Remus is feeling under the weather again and James is where your two companions are. On the quidditch field. Really until this year I never thought James could be more obsessed with quidditch and there McG goes and makes him captain." Black shrugged his shoulders. "But enough of our wayward dorm mates. I mean we will have to smell their return in a given time." Lily had to smile at that. "We are in the library and should do some learning I suppose…" He shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care in the slightest. It angered Lily for a moment how careless he appeared about school. When it was maybe the only thing she could do to improve the very dark future she had in the magical world.

But the two boys didn't seem to notice or care and got out their homework. The same Charms homework Lily was working on.

"Do you think Frynd or Joisy is the better book for this?" Peter asked after a few minutes. That was a surprisingly well-informed question, but before Lily could answer Sirius did.

"Neither. While they have some good ideas about cheering charms and that stuff, they can't hold up about social charms. Try Amigosa for that. Should be in the advanced charms section, second row somewhere left side." He didn't even look up or sound smug about it.

Neither he nor Peter acted as if this in deep knowledge about charms theory or the layout of the library was surprising or note worth. Maybe her assumption that only Remus ever set foot into the library was a wrong one. Maybe their good grades and over the top pranks didn't just fly to them in their sleep, maybe they really did put work in those things.

Lily watched them discuss some more. What was she even doing here with them? A part of her just wanted to collect her things and leave, but for some reasons, she stayed where she was. Lily heard some whispers and looked up, just to see a group of students that she just last year studied for the OWLs with. Now they glanced over to their table but looked away when they saw Lily looking their way.

'Cowards.' Lily thought and glared at them. Then she looked back at her two rowdy classmates. They hadn't even hesitated before joining her, they weren't afraid of being seen with her. They weren't even people Lily would have called friends, but they were more loyal than most people Lily had carelessly bestowed that title too.

She smiled at them and decided to join the conversation. "Actual Grumpies is probably the best author for this essay."

Sirius and Peter looked at her for a moment, before Sirius' eyes widened and snapped his fingers. "That's a brilliant idea! I see you are more than good looks!" Sirius claimed with fake-surprise and winked at her.

* * *

A.N. People are difficult and often try to keep their heads down in difficult times and a war like the one going on in the magical world is as difficult as times get. And the closer they all get to finish school the more this gets into focus for people.

but Lily had been a safe bet for those people. In the collective mind of people she didn't make a fuss about that ideology and was ready to keep quiet to keep the peace, otherwise, she couldn't be friends with Snape, right?

It is a heavily flawed way to look at things, but in a way, you can't hold it against them that they want to stay safe. Lily here has to deal with this secondary outfall of the end of her friendship with Snape and how it changes the way people see her, but she never regrets these changes only that she never saw the foundation for them earlier.

I let her bond a little bit with Sirius and Peter and how they don't shy away from the fight. Yes, even Peter, who follows his friends lead and doesn't yet know how terrible it is to be active part of the war.


	69. Year 6 Chapter 69

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 69**

Muggleborn meetings weren't always so dark and depressive. There were meeting when they would just sit together, talk about the latest movies and music. Tonight, for example, they played a game about mimicked iconic movie scene. It gave everybody a place to relax. They could talk with people that understood what they were talking about, that didn't give them confused or amused looks, that didn't think how something of their muggle life was adorable.

Laughter fillen the room and some of them reenacted something from Star Wars.

They all tried themselves at wandless magic to levitate something with the force. One third-year had his tongue stick out of the corner of his mouth while he stared at a stone. It moved! If through his wandless talent or because someone bumped into the table was for anyone to guess, not that it made him cheer any less euphoric.

Lily and some of the other older students actually manage to move and levitate their rocks with wandless magic. Everybody had fun and some long sticks were charmed to look and sound like laser saber. Mary and Lily were in a play fight with each other.

"Not bad, Evans." Mary before pulling her own sword down. Lily hadn't expected that at all and the pressure with that she had pressed against the other sword made her own sword uselessly pushed to the side. Mary used that moment so swing her sword up and hit her arm and chest before Lily could block the attack. "But not good enough." Mary grinned at her.

Lily fumbled for a moment about the taunt but started to watch Mary again. Some of the other students watched them and their little fight.

"Don't waste energy in pushing against the sword, it makes it too easy to use your own strength against you." Mary explained. Lily nodded. "Keep your sword in a position from that you can easily maneuver your sword anyway." Mary demonstrated it for a moment and waited until Lily copied it.

Mary attacked again and Lily managed to block, "Better." There was a ghost of a smile on her face. She watched Lily and waited for an attack.

Lily did, but Mary just stepped out of the way and let Lily's attack came to nothing. Instead, Lily was hit in the side. "But best is not to waste time with defence so much and just avoid the attack be getting out of the way. Not rolling on the floor or such rubbish, but duck and step aside. You can use your time a lot better attacking instead of blocking."

There was something so serious in her voice and Lily knew without a doubt that Mary wasn't just talking about a pretend sword fight, but about any kind of fight, about a duel. She was giving lessons about defending yourself and fighting in this war.

Lily looked around and saw the younger students watch them carefully. Some silently repeated Mary's words to remember them better. They were just little kids!

They shouldn't prepare for war! Anger rose up in Lily and for a moment this anger focused on Mary. What right did she have to decide that the childhood of those kids was over?

She glared at the older girl and grabbed her lightsaber harder, before attacking Mary again.

She took a step closer with each time she swung her sword, forcing Mary to retread. But Mary managed to step out of the way or block each time, but Lily was faster this time and each swing of Mary's sword only hit air or her own sword.

Lily leaped forward and swung only to have her sword knocked out of the way. Lily tried to step back and swing again, but she knew she would be too slow. Mary just had to flick her wrist and hit her down the shoulder. Still Lily desperately tried to fight back.

Mary flicked her wrist and the sword would come down any second, when her movement stopped and Mary flinched her arm closer, loosing the grip on her sword. The next second Lily's sword hit her against the downside of her arm and Mary let go of her sword completely. Real pain was drawn on her face and she held her arm, but not exactly where Lily had hit her.

Some of the other students grasped for air, other congratulated Lily on her victory.

It didn't feel like a victory.

Lily looked at Mary, who forced herself to smile.

"See anybody could be bested if you train hard enough and attack fast and listen to what I tell you." She told the others. It sounded hollow in Lily's ears.

The other students chatted excitedly, but Lily just waited until they were back to their own fights and activities. Once everybody's attention was elsewhere again, Lily carefully but determined pulled Mary away from everybody else.

"What is up with your hand?" Lily asked in a quiet voice.

Mary pulled herself free from Lily and crossed her arms. "Nothing." She said with a stone face.

"You flinched!" It was difficult to keep her voice down. "And then you played it off as if nothing happened. What is going on?" Lily wouldn't, couldn't let this slight. Why was Mary so stubborn?

For a moment she saw the old mistrust is Mary's eyes and it hurt. Did she still not prove her worth in Mary's eyes. Did she still think that Lily would turn around and run back into Snape's arms? A shiver of disgust ran down her spine at that thought.

"I'm not going to tell anyone. Just- Let me help, please…" Lily pleaded now. She had to get Mary to trust her. She had to be able to move past the idiotic person she was last year and the years before that. If she couldn't convince Mary that she changed, how could she ever convince anyone else? Like Petunia.

Mary's eyes flickered for a moment. Her stone face screwed up and she tinned her lips with a displeased huff, before turning around. For a second Lily felt crushed, but then Mary called over her shoulder. "Are you coming or what?"

Lily hurried after her into another room. She closed the door behind her and watched Mary. For a moment the other girl hesitated before pulling up the sleeve of her shirt and showed Lily her right arm. The veins stood out more than they should and they were a sickening purple color. They weren't moving or anything, but there was something strangely alive about them like the stillness was just the one of a snake waiting to strike its prey. Lily felt sick just looking at it.

"Is that from the curse Mulciber-?" Lily's started to ask the glaringly obvious thing, but only in this awkward halfway way.

"Oh isn't black magic something funny?" Mary noted with sarcasm dripping from her every word. "Aren't our own little hobby death eaters a creative bunch? Neither Madam Pomfrey nor the healers of St. Mungos or the curse breakers of the ministry have ever seen something like this before and are still trying to figure out how to get rid of it for good." Mary looked down at her own hand with disgust.

Lily wasn't sure what to say until she remembered something. "Isn't that your wand hand?"

Mary scowled. "It was. But now it is pretty uselessly in casting spells." Mary limbly shook her hand around as if it was some useless thing, instead of the hand with which she cast her first spell. "Had to relearn quite a bit of things last year before the OWLs."

"Why did you never say anything?" Lily asked. She was not sure if there would have been anything she could do that all those professionals that were already treading her couldn't, probably not, but still.

"And risk you telling it to that Slytherin? No thank you. I prefer it if the enemy doesn't know how hard he hit me." Mary didn't even sound spiteful towards Lily and that made it even worse. To her it wasn't an insult to suggest that Lily would have given such information to Se-Snape, it was just what she assumed would happen. Maybe it would even have, Lily admitted to herself, maybe she would have told him, in her delusion that he just had to realize what terrible people his friends were.

"I'm sorry…" Lily said in a quiet voice. What else could she say?

"It's fine. You grew past being an idiot. I like non-idiot-Lily. Never thought so, but you actually have a good head on your shoulders." Mary gave her a proud smile, like a parent whose kid finally learned how to use the loo and flush shit down. Or maybe she really was just happy for Lily. "Hey, don't look so down. We all have our leaps of insanity, I'm pretty sure that is the definition of Gryffindor. There is no reason to hold you back now that you realize your mistake. We need to stick together to win this war."

And back was Lily's discomfort with Mary's ways from earlier.

"Does everything have to be about the war?" She dared to ask. "Can't we just let them enjoy an afternoon of games and muggle pop culture? They are so young…"

Mary crossed her arms.

"Not get me wrong. I understand we have to be prepared, but I just wish we could let them, let _us_ be kids you know..." It was reasonable to think like this, to say this, but still, Lily felt like a coward, as if the fact that from time to time she didn't want to focus on the war made her weak.

Mary looked displeased for a moment. Her shoulders dropped a little bit. "I can understand you. And I too wish that it wasn't necessary. But we live in a world in which the best we can do to give them a childhood is to teach them how to protect themselves in games. They- we will always live in a world that is out to kill us."

"You don't think that this war will end soon." Lily asked quietly. Everybody else was always talking how all this would be over soon and that they didn't have to worry about it.

"Not if we don't end it…" Mary answered. "This war is going on for years and too few people fight it. I have been there in the Diagon Ally when it started. It was my first day in the magical world. I saw how a muggleborn was dragged out of her shop and her dead and bloody body was displayed for the sin of owning a shop for old magical artifacts. How the Dark Mark was seen for the first time. I was there. And I was there when people started to relativize it again. Hear people push it aside with the words that they just felt provoked by a muggleborn touching and owning such old things. How she had no right to them." Mary shook a little bit and her eyes glazed over for a moment. "And you think that those people that let all that become worse every single day for the last six and a half years will now start to fight it?!"

Mary shook her head. "No! And the older muggleborns are all taught to be as unthreatening as possible, just try to blend in. They never learned to fight. Never realized how important it is to fight. To force this world to give us our place in it." She looked at Lily and placed a hand on her shoulder. "We have to make this change. We and the other ones in the next room. We have to teach them to fight because nobody else will. We have to look out for ourselves."

Mary smiled at her now. One filled with trust and affinity and Lily tried to return it, but it was difficult. To have this responsibility placed on her made her feel heavy, but at the same time it was like the clouds in the sky opened up and let her see an aim and future.

"Let's go back to the others." Mary said and offered Lily her hand.

"Yes, let's go." Lily answered and took Mary's hand. They both held on tight for a moment before letting go again.

* * *

A.N. This is a small window into Mary's character and what formed her to be the hard and unforgiving person she is in this story. And Lily and Mary needed this heart to heart to learn and understand each other better. This year Mary is willing to try to trust Lily. They all prepare for this war and they even begin to teach the younger students how to play war. Lily would like to shield the younger students from this war, but she can see Mary's point and feels helpless in this situation.

I often read stories of how James was the one that was hot for a fight and he pulled Lily with him, but that didn't seem as realistic to me. She doesn't need to be convinced to fight by a pureblood. For her the war is unavoidable for him it is a choice.

Have a nice day and please leave a review about what you like or what I could improve.


	70. Year 6 Chapter 70

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 70**

Lily discreetly tried to look at her watch. Potions had already started. Her knee restless jumped up and down. Normally she wouldn't worry too much about being a bit late to Potions. Slughorn would surely understand that prefect duty took her a bit longer. But today they would choose the partners for a longer project and since the start of the year, the head of Slytherin had pushed her to reconcile with Snape. Surely he would take her absence as an excuse to pair her off with Snape, to force her to work the next two month with him.

But instead of fighting against that she sat here, dealing with younger students and the judging glare of her fellow prefects.

"Now I know we are all very emotional about this, but we should all calm down a bit, yes?" The high pitched voice of Professor Flitwick tried to calm everybody down.

"Now how about we hear what happens, slowly and without fighting?"

"He hit me! With his fist! Like some muggle or animal!" The little Slytherin shouted immediately, pointing at his classmate from Ravenclaw.

Who shouted back: "He called me a mudblood and that I'm not a real wizard!"

"Now, now, I said slowly and without fighting." Flitwick reminded them again.

Both boys looked gruffed up with a bloody nose or lip and apparently, Madam Pomfrey wasn't asked yet to heal them up again. Alfie the second year Ravenclaw stood close to Lily. She hadn't expected this from him. He always seemed like a levelheaded boy, but then again, everybody had their breaking point and Lily knew this better than most.

It took some time to calm the boys down. Not that they were the only problem in the room. The Slytherin prefect had this stuck-up scowl on his face that Lily always assumed to be part of pureblood preschool education.

"I know we have to sort this out, but the number of people here seems a bit excessive considering the matter at hand." He said and his eyes trailed over Lily, before focusing on their teacher.

"If it's too crowded for you, you can always leave Flint," Lily replied with a fake smile herself.

"One of the students of my house is involved. Can you say the same?" He shot back.

Lily opened her mouth, but Professor Flitwick interrupted her. "We are not here to fight more, but less."

Everybody tried to calm down a bit and focused on the two second-year students again. "Explain once again what happened between you."

For a moment both boys were quiet and shooting each other glares. Lily gave Alfie a little push against the shoulder. He should try to direct the narrative of the situation.

"It was after class. I was walking with my friends when he and his bunch stalked past us. We were just standing around and talking and half of the hallway was free, but he brushed past me and told me to get out of the way." Alfie started to talk. His voice was strong and even. There was some defiance in his eyes and face with how the stuck out his chin. "I told him to get lost and then he said that as a mudblood I have no place in Hogwarts and should go back to the muggle world. _That Hogwarts was for real wizards_."

"And then you punched him in the face?" Flitwick asked.

"Sure I did," Alfie claimed and crossed his arms in front of him.

"We don't use violence to solve problems here." Judy, the Ravenclaw prefect in her year, reminded Alfie, who just hardened his lips before answering.

"Well, it wasn't working without it, thought I'd give it a shot."

Lily masked the small laughter that bubbled up in her throat with a cough. Flitwick looked flustered by this answer.

"That would be a bit extreme, don't you think now?"

Flitwick seemed ready to unleash a well-meaning monologue and Lily injected herself in the conversation before he could start

"I think, now would be a great time to ask why Mr. Greengrass here thought it fit to use such language." She thought it would be important to put the two wrongdoings on the same level in the discussion.

Flitwick looked confused for a moment before turning to the young Slytherin. "Yes, yes, good thinking. Why did you call your classmate such a foul name? I remember that last year you even worked together in class quite well."

They had been friends? Lily hadn't known this. She felt herself get stiff and memories flashed through her mind. She forced those memories away. But she couldn't help but watch the boy more closely. Why did he turn his back on someone he was friends with before?

The boy blushed under the professor's eyes and looked down at his shoes. The professor encouraged him some more before he mumbled something.

"I only got second best in class, after him." He shot a heated glare at Alfie. "And my pa was freaking angry with me to be being behind some mud-ggle in class. He shouldn't even be here!"

Lily felt kind of disappointed by the answer. It didn't help her understand Se-Snape's decision to turn to those people. This was just a boy getting grieve from his bigot father that passed it on.

To everybody's surprise, it was actual Flint that scowled him first. "I'm sure your father meant to tell you to get better than him, not to make some kind of embarrassing show out of the fact that he beat you."

"I would prefer if you boys could get along with each other. You both will serve detention for two days, together," order Flitwick before sending everybody out and asking Alfie to stay behind. He turned his eyes on Lily and silently begged her to stay and she did at least until the professor send her out directly. Flitwick seemed a bit taken aback by her staying but didn't say anything.

"I know it is not always easy for you with the way things are, but picking fights in the hallways wouldn't help, my boy." It looked a bit comical how the small teacher stretched to pat the boy's shoulder. "But remember, the wiser head gives in."

Even before he finished the retort jumped out of both Alfie's and Lily's mouth. "But if the wiser ones always give in the world has to be ruled by the stupid ones." It was one of Mary's phrases why they had to fight and they both heard it at least a dozen times. They shared a small grin between them before looking back at the professor that looked with wide eyes from one to the other.

"Oh, ah, well, that- that is an interesting way to see things."

"Can I go now?" Alfie asked. He was getting impatient and Flitwick just nodded and waved him off, but looked at Lily as if he had something else to say, so she stayed.

"That-I I wasn't expecting that, I mean, are you sure that is the right way to deal with the situation? You're a prefect. You shouldn't encourage such behavior."

Lily crossed her arms at those words. "How many muggleborn students did you tell saying?" She asked back. "Probably all of those that made a scene out of it." She didn't wait for him to answer. "How many of those old students are dead by now?"

The shock and hurt in his face made Lily pity him. She hadn't intended to hit him so hard with her words, but she couldn't take them back either. "I'm sure you mean all well, but we live in a world right now, when those kinds of words were accepted unchallenged for most parts. Muggleborns were told just to ignore the words and smile them away and those half- and purebloods that didn't agree with them, didn't think it was worth the trouble to say do something about such talk. But those words built up to the actions that are happening right now. Maybe the wise head that gave in weren't so wise at the end and just cowards that feared the fight. Please don't keep telling the young ones to stay quiet and just take it."

The more she said the more the words burned to get out. This was important and it had to be said. Once she finished her passionate speech she looked down at Professor Flitwick, who looked at her with a mix out of respect, sadness, guilt, and pity.

"I see. I think it is time that you return to your classes as well, Ms. Evans." He nodded at her and left the room deep in thoughts.

Lily took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. This had been strangely exhausting. She looked at her watch and noticed that she was twenty minutes late to Potion. She ran all the way down to the dungeons. On the way there Filch saw her and first shouted at her not to run and when he recognized her just runted and told her to be more careful. Lily slowed down for a moment to nod at him, but once she was around the net corner ran again.

Out of breath she arrived in front of the potion classroom and still panting for breath knocked on the door and entered a moment later.

"I'm very sorry, but there was some prefect business I had to take care of. You can ask Professor Flitwick…" She trailed off when Slughorn good-natured waved her explanation away.

"Don't worry about it, Ms. Evans. We were just about to start. Just sit down at your place and we can begin." He gestured to the front table next to S-Snape. Lily stood rooted to the spot. Her mouth was dry and she couldn't find the words to protest, but the idea to work for the next weeks to come with him made her feel sick. She couldn't go back there. Slowly she shook her head. At that moment Sulfia's loud voice pulled her out of her shrinking mind.

"We just had a ten minutes long discussion that Lily had promised Peter to be his partner this year with Lupin gone from the class."

Lily tore her eyes away from the front row to first look at Sulfia and Dorcas. She had done no such thing, but she felt unimaginable relieved to get a way out of this partner work with him. Sulfia was glaring at Slughorn and Snape, while Dorcas smiled at her and nodded behind them. Lily's eyes followed her to Peter. He sat alone at a table one row in front of his friends. He gave her a shy smile, while Sirius behind him gave her a grin and a thumbs up. Only James wasn't looking at her and instead intently sorted their equipment on the table. Lily was surprised by how much that bothered her. She looked away from the boys again and back to Slughorn who seemed frustrated with Sulfia.

"Ms. Evans, would you sit down." He told her again, but without pointing to the chair next to Snape.

"Of course," Lily answered cheerfully and walked over to Peter's table. She put her bag down and whispered a short thank you to him.

Peter smiled back and after a moment added. "It was James' idea, but he didn't think you would want to work with him and Remus isn't taking Potions anymore so I needed a new partner anyway."

Lily couldn't explain why she felt so pleased with his words. "I think we will be a great team this year." She grinned at him and held out her hand for him.

"I'm sure we will." He agreed and shook hands with her. "And I'm excited to get better grades than those two imbeciles behind us."

And just because she felt so cheerful because how things worked out and because she just had to deal with the whole conflict between muggleborns and purebloods she cheekily corrected him. "Did you mean to say inbreds?"

They both giggled.

* * *

AN.

I know it was a long time, but I was struggling a bit with this chapter, which maybe seems strange to you, but there are some things here that I think are very important for Lily's development. One is that I want to show how Lily takes more responsibility as a prefect for her fellow muggleborns and not just as a higher classman and than she gets vocal even in front of authorities.

The other thing is her relationship with Peter. He was not just James' friend, but Lily's as well. James and Lily decided to trust him with their and Harry's lives.

I hope you like this chapter and I would enjoy any kind of review and concrit.

Have a nice day.


	71. Year 6 Chapter 71

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 71**

Sulfia had a new boyfriend. And that was nice and Lily was happy for her. That it was the third in two months didn't matter. The last one had been an idiot anyway. So what if Sulfia was trying herself out a little bit. That was all fine for Lily.

Dorcas was always around Michael because they somehow got it in their heads that they had to savor this last year in school together before he graduates. And Lily understood that.

And they had Quidditch. Both agreed that James Potter was a slave driver. They also both agreed that he was a better captain than the last year captain as well, but that didn't stop them from cursing him for every sore muscle. Of course, being on the team took time. Like right now they were at a tactic discussion. And Lily knew that.

She just wish Sulfia and Dorcas had a bit more time for her. She felt lonely. Sure they often spend hours late at night talking, but through the day, Lily often felt alone. Part of her even wished for S-. Part of her wanted things to be as before. Sure Lily now did more with Mary and other muggleborns, but it wasn't the same. There was always this tension of the war in the background.

She sat alone in the library and worked on some essay. Someone rustled next to her and a bottle of pumpkin juice was set in front of her. She looked up with a smile, but it froze on her face.

"Snape, what are you doing here." She asked coldly.

"Just… I'm sorry. What I said last year and how I acted on the train. I'm sorry for that all it was stupid." He looked at her pleadingly. He pushed the bottle closer to Lily. "Let's move past all that let's get back to normal. Like in old times."

Part of her wanted to say yes and be less alone. But then she remembered, not what he said to her, but what he said to others, other muggleborns, the dark curses he worked on, the students he and his friends put in the hospital wing, the ideology he was following, the person he turned out to be, when she was ignoring all the warning signs everybody told her about, how she became the biggest fool to ever walk these halls. She wouldn't be fooled again. She wouldn't fall for his false promises again.

Her eyes hardened. "Leave me alone, Snape."

"Please, just- I'm sorry, really, can't we go back to normal? How we used to be before we got other people's opinions mixed into our relationship. We shouldn't have ever let others in. If it weren't for them-"

"No, it is not just about your disgusting Death Eater wannabees or Mary and the others. It is about dignity and integrity. I should have listened to all my friends a lot sooner and I won't repeat my mistake again. You are no different than all your terrible friends. All the time you whispered insults and cursed someone, you were part of the evil in this world and I tried to look away, but once I saw it, I can't and don't want to unsee it, again." Lily's voice was cold and more steady than she felt. "And take that with you." She nodded to the bottle between them.

"It's a peace offer." He whispered, making another attempt.

"If you think I will drink something a death eater potioneer gave me, you must really think I'm very stupid. But then that is what you always think about us 'mudbloods', right?" Lily flipped her wand and her stuff was packing itself away. Maybe she was running away, but she couldn't be there with him anymore.

"No! I would never do or think something like that! You know me! You know me…" His voice was a whisper in the end.

"I thought I knew you, but last year was a powerful demonstration to me and the whole school how wrong I was. Apparently, I was the only one around here that was blind to your true nature, So no, Snape, I don't think I know you or ever really knew you. Just someone that looked like you and was like I imagined him to be, but you aren't that person and I'm not sure if you ever were."

Lily got up with those words and stalked away. She wasn't that lonely that she would ever consider rekindling with Snape just for that reason.

"It is save! I swear!" The Slytherin shouted after her and hurried to keep up with her. "I'll prove it!" He opened the bottle hastily and took a sloppy glup of it. Some was running down his chin. He then held the bottle out to her, but Lily just gave him a cold stare and walked off.

Even if he didn't give her bottled poison, Lily had no intention to fall victim to his toxic words again.

* * *

AN. A small chapter about how Snape tried to reconnect with her again and Lily closing herself off to him, even when there is a part that misses her once best friend, especially because she never notice how her other best friends have a life that didn't include her at times. But she stands by her decision that she would be better off without him.

I hope you like it and would consider leaving a review to help me improve.

Have a nice day


	72. Year 6 Chapter 72

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 72**

The Gryffindor tower was buzzing with excitement. It was the first Quidditch game of the session and everybody was waiting impatiently. Lily concentrated on decorating the common room with tiny roaring lions. Nobody could accuse the Gryffindors to lack faith in their team. Soon after the red and gold mass of Gryffindors matched down to the field already singing their songs.

The game was great and the Gryffindor team worked well with their new captain Potter. The new team members were all fifth year or younger, but very talented. When the young second-year chaser managed to score James was celebrating and cheering as he himself scored, or like a proud parent. He hugged the girl tightly before flying off again. It was a fast and exciting game and everybody was screaming in joy when Dorcas finally catch the snitch and won the game with 290-110 for Gryffindor.

The party at the tower was something else. Gryffindor always knew how to throw a quidditch party, but this one was organized by the Marauders. Of course, the whole time team was celebrating and were celebrated, but James Potter was the center in a strange and subtle way. People gravitated to him. He had a way about him that made people seem more carefree and easy going around him. Just last year she would have laughed with S-Snape, how easy people were fooled and how dumb they were to fall for this swallow charm, how they didn't see that life was so much deeper than jokes, games and all that. But now she saw something else something more. She saw how even Mary and other muggleborns just sought the prankster out and for just that moment they seemed younger and more carefree. Part of her was jealous. So many people just went over there and were able to leave behind their worries for a moment to laugh at his foolish antics, while Lily sat rooted to her spot. She couldn't just go over there as well. She had shouted and screamed at him so much to protect Snape in the last years. How could she just go over there now, especially after he made it pretty clear that he had no longer any interest in her? Since that day at the lake when she shouted at him and compared him to someone willing to join the death eaters, he hadn't really talked to her. Sure they nodded at each other when the two groups of friends meet and then there were Peter's words back in potion, but he never sought her out or tried to talk to her.

Right now he was laughing with Dorcas. Dorcas who hated it to be in the center of attention was so comfortable with him. He hugged her and proclaimed her his 'golden snitch girl'. Lily watched and nipped on her glass with Firewhiskey mixed with some juice, not pumpkin juice, thanks for the small things in life. Lily liked pumpkin juice and pie and stuff, but sometimes it seemed like the magical world forgot about all the other kinds of fruits out there.

Sulfia sat down next to her and bumped their shoulder. "Hey, you drink!" She sounded more exciting than necessary for this fact.

"We sometimes go out and drink firewhiskey together. It is not the first time you see me drink." Lily mumbled back, but a blush crept up her cheeks when some others looked over to them and raised their eyebrows.

"I know, but you normally stay sober at quidditch parties." Sulfia reminded her and stole a sip of her drink.

"I just happen to have terrible luck when drawing sticks with the other prefects last year." And it was mostly true, it was only the first party when Lily had volunteered in her naivety and excitement to be named prefect, since then she had honestly lost every drawing and worst even Remus had won, every single time! This started to be ridiculous! Sulfia just laughed at her and her past bad luck.

"Then let me be your guide for a drunk quidditch party!" She laughed and pulled her in a tight hug.

"Oh shut up." Lily berated her but couldn't suppress the grin on her face. She playfully pushed Sulfia aside.

Lily never planned on getting drunk, just a bit tipsy maybe, but it didn't turn out that way.

Mostly because apparently you couldn't escape the war anywhere and every time she heard some other students talk about it, Lily took a deep slip on her drink and to be honest she took a shot of some kind whenever she heard Snape's or one of his friends' names pop up and to really nobody's surprise never were they mentioned in a good way. No saved kittens, but lots of cursed younger students. Lily hated herself a little bit for how much it still hurt and she was angry. With him for being such a rotten person and with herself for being too blind and stupid to see it.

Lily was quite drunk when she fell back on the couch next to Sulfia. She cuddled against her friend's shoulder.

"Hey, Lily-Willy. Everything good?" Sulfia asked while petting her hair.

"Yes." She answered before looking up to the other girl. "I love you. You know." Lily said and Sulfia just had time to raise an eyebrow, before Lily kept talking. "You and Dorcas. I love you so much. I don't want to ever lose you."

"Don't worry. You won't get rid of us so easily." Sulfia laughed.

"Good, you know, because I was right about you at least. You are good people, great people! I wasn't so rubbish with people when I chose you." Lily blabbed. She knew she blabbed but could do nothing against it. "Because apparently, I'm rubbish at it. People, you know. I just always get it wrong."

"Oh, don't be like that. You're not that terrible at it." Sulfia told her. She twisted Lily's red hair around her fingers. It felt nice and Lily closed her eyes for a moment and enjoyed the feeling before answering.

"Nay, I'm terrible. I thought Potter to be rotten to the core and that Sev was the good one. That's pretty stupid." Lily answered. Her words started to blur together. But why? She hadn't that much, right? Only like 3 drinks and a few shots of firewhiskey. Hmm, maybe more than she thought.

"Well, true." Sulfia agreed. "But that's what you got Dorcas and me for. You should listen more often to us." She brushed her gold blond hair over her shoulder. With a confident smirk, she added. "Like when I tell you to give James a chance to be friends."

Lily looked down and let the firewhiskey swivel in her glass. "But he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore." He hadn't tried to get her attention since they got back to school. Didn't ask her out. Didn't go out of his way to make her laugh. It wasn't that he ignored her or something, but he didn't pay her much more mind than a small nod or stiff smile when they cross paths. She kind of missed his attention. No that was the firewhiskey talking, right?

"Oh snap out of your pity party. This is James we are talking about. There is nothing he loves so much as making new friends. Just go there and tell you're sorry for screaming that him like a banshee because of Snivillus, that it was stupid and you now want to be friends." Sulfia declared. "And you were the one to tell him to leave you alone last year. He does. If you want to change that again, the quaffle is in your hands now."

Of course Lily knew that Sulfia was right, but the idea to just go over there to Potter-, it made her stomach turn and her hands sweaty. She could not just go over there. She had thought about talking with him a lot this year, but she couldn't.

"I'll think about it. But now let's dance!" Lily claimed and pulled her friend with her to the small dancefloor.

They laughed and danced and drank some more and Lily's eyes kept wandering over to James Potter. Everybody seemed to have fun with him. He threw his head back and she could hear him laugh from across the room. He was friendly with everybody. Everybody seemed to be his friend, but her. Why wasn't she friends with him? He had been friendly with her, but no, she had to know better and decided that stupid Severus Snape, the two-faced snake, was a better friend. What exactly made her think that she was so much better at assessing people, compared to apparently everybody? And who did she choose? An evil Death Eater murder cult wannabe. That's who she chose!

Lily wasn't sure how much she drank in the next two or three hours when she fell back down on the comfortable red sofa by the fireplace. Sulfia was already there. She talked with some seventh-year boy, ruffling her hair and smiling at him. He was nice looking with blond hair and a dimple on his chin. Was that her new boyfriend? She could have sworn that Sulfia was dating a Hufflepuff the last week or two. Not that she cared much and snuggled up to her best friend.

"Hey."

"Hey." Sulfia turned away from her new boy wonder and snuggled Lily back. The boy sworled at her and tried to get Sulfia's attention back, but she just waved him off. HA! Take that what's-your-face!

"You are right. About Potter. kind of." Lily babbled. "thought about it for a time now. I'm sorry that I'm not friends with him, with all of them. They seem nice, in a not-giving-murder-cult-bigotry-waves-off-way. I'm sorry I wasted so much time hating them. It's like I missed out on so many things because I thought it, _he_ , was worth it. It wasn't. I want my time back." Lily hid her face against Sulfia's arm.

"Then go there and tell him, silly. And first, you owe him an apology." Her friend told her.

"Can't, too drunk. Wouldn't remember it tomorrow." Sulfia laughed at Lily's answer.

"Now that is the stupidest excuse I heard in a long time. You let Snivillus dictate how you interact with your fellow Gryffindors far too long. It has to stop. NOW!" Sulfia rose one eyebrow in that annoying elegant way Lily couldn't. For a moment Lily asked herself if it was part of the pureblood pre-Hogwarts education. She giggled at the thought of lots of baby purebloods sitting in a classroom and training to lift one eyebrow.

Owning an apology. She did compare him to somebody that was chummy with people that support the genocide on people like her, no with somebody that supports that genocide himself. _He_ had shown quite clearly that he wasn't different from his friends like Lily had tried to pretend for years.

She nodded once. She was a Gryffindor, so she would be brave and face this head on. Now she only had to find James. Ah, there he was, talking with Lorelei Nymph. She was a 5th-year prefect. Why was she hanging into him so close?

It didn't matter. She would go over there and be confident and brave, like a true Gryffindor. Ups, she nearly fell down but managed the catch herself on the backrest of the armchair opposite of James. Well, that wasn't very cool, but James wasn't laughing so maybe he hadn't notice. She sat down on said armchair.

"I need to talk to you, Potter." There she sounded in control and cool. Very good.

Lorelei looked darkly at Lily, but James didn't seem to notice and just sent her off. "As I said, you should look into getting a Cleansweep. But you should test a few brooms first to see which works best for you." And then his full attention was on Lily. Lorelei lingered for a moment, but seem to realize that the conversation was over for James.

"Ok, let's talk." He leaned back, but his eyes didn't leave her.

Lily opened her mouth and closed it. Nothing came out. This couldn't happen. She grappled at the air between them as if she hoped to plug some words out of thin air. She wanted to apologize and she is going to do it. Yes, there was a burning sensation of humiliation in her gut, but wouldn't it far more shameful, not to say what needed to be said?

"I'm sorry." The words finally tumbled out of her mouth. "There I said it." Part of her wanted to immediately get up and run.

Lily wasn't sure what kind of reaction she expected from him. But not for him to stare at her like a deer caught in headlights. "Eh, for what exactly?"

Well, that was fair Lily supposed. She had probably unfair to him on more than one incident. So she started to talk. "For shouting at you and screaming and cursing and being nasty to you, because you saw and told me what everybody saw and told me." Once she started to talk the words streamed out of her. Words that she had kept in for too long. "That Sev is a twit and dipshit and I was only too stupid to see it. So you were right and I was wrong and stupid and I'm sorry for that…"

"It's ok. And you were not stupid. You just believe in the best of people." James' voice was soft and smothering. Lily felt tears well up in her eyes and tried to blink them away.

"No." She shook her head. "I was stupid, for five years I was stupid. I mean, for five years I stood next to him and defeated- no, defended him and listened to him complaining, when I instead could have been friends with you guys and it would have been probably a lot more fun than with him because you are funny guys, you know." James had to grin at her words. "And if I had been friends with you, none of my friends would have decided to follow a death cult terror group set on killing me, right? I mean, you wouldn't have done that right? Or I'm such a terrible friend that I make people want to join death cult terror group set on killing me and everybody like me?"

Lily felt the regret for her wasted time and never before did she wanted to go back in time and redo things as she did at that moment. Not just denying to become friends with the Gryffindor boys, but every time she decided to spend with him over her friends, every invitation over the summer she didn't take to go to that stupid park with him, every afternoon she listened to his stories instead of playing with Petunia. And what did he do? Deciding that she and people like her were unworthy, less worthy of magic than he was. It felt like darkness was eating her up alive. Why couldn't she have seen any of this before? She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt a warm hand on hers.

"No, it's not you. He is just an idiot." At his words, she looked up and saw him smile. Not his bright grin, but a soft one. After a moment he continued to talk. "And we could still be friends, you know if you want to."

He still wanted to be friends with her. She could kind of do at least one thing over. Get back some of the things she missed out on. If she could fix things like a missed out friendship, maybe she could fix other things, other relationship she had let fallen through because of Snape.

 _Petunia, Petunia, Petunia…_

This was a chance and she had to do this right. But she was a bit drunk and what if she forgets any of this. Well, if she wanted to remember something in class, she made notes, writing it down. Yes, it was genius! She is going to make friends with James and write it down and signing it, in a contract, a friendship contract. Yes, a contract, that was a very grown-up thing to do. There you can write down rules, like not joining murder terror groups!

She just needed some parchment and a pen. Lily jumped to her feet and up the stairs to her school bag. A wide grin was blooming on her face. James still wanted to be friends. He would talk to her again and wouldn't ignore her anymore. Finally, she had everything she needed and hurried back.

She looked around, James wasn't on the couch she left him on. Did he change his mind already? Her eyes searched the crowd for the tall, messy head of Potter to stick out. There he was. That the table with the drinks. Lily breathed out in relief. He hadn't changed his mind, he was just thirsty.

She walked up to him and waited for him to finish. Once he turned he nearly let his glass fall but caught it before it was too late. "Evans."

"Potter." Lily wanted to giggle but stopped herself. No, they first have to be friends to joke around with each other. She grabbed his arm and pulled her towards a table. Somebody was already sitting there and they wouldn't even stand up when Lily told them that they needed the table. Not even when she puffed out her chest with the shiny prefect badge on it, that she wasn't wearing as a look down showed her. They did get up when Potter pulled the Quidditch captain card. Really people had strange priorities!

Finally, they both sat down when James asked what this was about. Strange, wasn't it obvious? But ok maybe she should explain a little bit.

"I'm drunk." Lily got out all the things she needed for the contract.

"I have noticed." He replied with one of his lopsided grins. He better took this serious, or Lily would… Lily wasn't sure what she would do then, but something.

"And I don't know if I'll remember all of this tomorrow." James nodded at her words. "So we are going to do it right and write it down." Lily declared with a proud grin.

"Eh, what?"

"Everything!"

Wasn't that obvious? Why only write half of the important stuff.

Lily started to write, this was important after all.

 _I, Lily Josepha_

"Josepha?" James interrupted her.

"That's my grandma's name." Really couldn't he concentrate for a minute here?

"Ah…"

… _Evans, apologize to James_

Lily stopped and looked at James. Did he have a second name? Should she know if he had a second name? Do friends need to know this? Why wasn't he answering her? Finally, he blinked and answered.

"Fleamont."

"Fleamont?" Did she hear him right? Was that even a name? Maybe she misheard him?

"Fleamont." He repeated. He really meant that.

"And you question my Josepha?" Lily shook her head but started to write again. Fleamont, really?

 _Fleamont Potter for being nasty to him for the last five years._

She looked at him. Was he ok with this? He didn't protest.

 _He, James F. Potter accepted my, Lily J. Evans, apology and forgave me._

Very good, very clear, no wiggle room.

 _And from this day on we, James F. Potter and Lily J. Evans, are friends._

Yes, very good. That is how grown up do friendship right? There was a slight doubt in her mind, but she pushed it aside. It was probably only the firewhiskey talking. Did they need to add anything else to their contract? Oh, YES, of course, there was something else.

 _But he, James F. Potter, has to promise to never join any killer death cult terror group that wants to kill me and/or everybody like me, Lily J. Evans._

"I'd never join such people!" He sounded outraged. And Lily could understand because he didn't seem like someone who would do that. But then she thought the same thing about Se-Snape.

"You still have to promise it. Every new friend I'm going to make has to do that. So if I'm such a bad friend that you want to kill me-" Lily hammered down on the table between them. Never again did she want to feel like this again.

"That's never going to happen." James interrupted her, but Lily keep talking. She had to make her point.

"- you have to do it on your own and not with any murder terror killer cult friends and only me and not everybody like me." This was important. She couldn't let herself be fooled like that again. James looked at her with a grim expression, before slowly nodding.

"Ok. Do you promise the same?"

Lily blinked. Where there any groups that wanted to kill purebloods? "Are there any death murder terror cults out to kill you?"

"They are not fond of blood traitors, either." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. That standing up against all that, even at the risk of his own life, was just so obvious and natural that he didn't even have to think about it. She wasn't alone in this, because there were people, who wouldn't let her fight alone.

She picked up the pen again before she embarrassed herself by crying or something.

… _I, Lily J. Evans, promise the same._

"Anything to add?" Lily asked and was answered with a wide grin.

"No, sounds great to me." Lily smiled back at that answer in relieve.

Now she only had to have another copy of this and they could sign it. She pulled out her wand and made quick work out of it. Now she held two perfect copies in her hand. Carefully she signed both of them with her name and date, before pushing them over to James to sign as well. He chuckled to himself and for a moment Lily was afraid he would laugh into her face and tell her that he, of course, wouldn't sign this, that she couldn't correct her mistakes, but then he picked up her pen and signed both of them in a by far neater handwriting than she expected. Lily picked both copies up and checked them one last time. Yes, everything as it should be.

She rolled them up and gave James one before they shook hands on their new friendship.

"So we are friends now?" James asked one more time. A completely unnecessary question if you asked Lily. That is what they just signed the contract for. Really. But she answered him anyway.

"Yes, very friendly friends, with no murder cult things involved."

"Perfect."

Well, at least he agreed, not that he could unagree because he signed a contract and all that. But now she had to show this to Sulfia. She would be so proud of her.

She sat down next to her and snuggled against her friend, old friend Sulfia, not her new friend James.

"Hey." Sulfia greeted her.

"Hey, I'm now friends with James," Lily told her.

"You are?" Sulfia sounded amused and a bit curious. "How did it go?"

So Lily told her all about it and maybe strayed from the topic a couple of times only for Sulfia to remind her what they were about. In the end, she held out the friendship contract to her. Sulfia raised one eyebrow and read it.

While Sulfia was reading Lily laid her head on Sulfia's lap. She closed her eyes just for a moment.

"So let me get this straight. You marched over to James, telling him 'that whole compare to a wannabe death eater wasn't your greatest moment either and now sign this contract that we forgive and forget'? And he actually did that?"

"Hmhm," Lily hummed her agreement, but couldn't open her eyes.

"Unbelievable." There was something strange in her voice. As if Sulfia was amused, incredulous and a tiny bit sad.

"You think he shouldn't?" Lily mumbled.

"Nay, it is fine. I was talking about myself that I ever thought I could get his attention away from you last year. That boy is whipped." Lily couldn't answer anything to that. Maybe tomorrow. Now she just wants to lay here and let Sulfia run her hand through her hair.

* * *

AN. Now a longer chapter, but one people that read The Best already know from James' POV. I hope you still like it and enjoy Lily's reasoning for acting this way. While Snape and their failed friendship is a motivation to her, he is not really something she considers when forming these new friendships. She didn't try to get revenge on Snape by becoming James' friend now, she doesn't make him the focus of her actions. It is more the regret she felt for the chances she missed out on and she resents the time, energy and friendship she put in him and want all this back together with the chances she left behind. Because that is how teenagers act. They cry for some time, they miss the other person, they resent the other person and move on. We all have friendships that didn't last and some even end nasty and we don't do around missing that person for the rest of our lives, especially if it ends as their friendship did from Lily's perspective. While Lily maybe was Snape's life's focus, Snape most definitely wasn't Lily's. She had other friends, she founded a family, she fought a war for what she believed in and I really don't think she missed Snape in that life she made for herself (aside from maybe hexes on the battlefield later on).

She tries to reclaim power for herself by trying to redo things, she doesn't give him the power to still direct her actions. I hope I managed to show that in this chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would love if you leave me a review, so I can know what you like or dislike and become a better writer. I want to thank all the guest reviewers that I can't send a PM to thank them personally.

Have a nice day.


	73. Year 6 Chapter 73

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 73**

This may come to the surprise of nobody, but being friends was a lot harder than declaring yourselves friends with a piece of parchment.

When Lily woke up the day after the quidditch party to a gleeful Sulfia and an insufferable amused Dorcas informed her of her newly made friendship.

They loudly read out the contract to Lily, who did the only sensible thing a sixteen-year-old could do in her situation. Hide under her blanket and hope to die in shame. What had she been thinking? No normal human acted like that!

"Now stop being a drama queen and get ready. Breakfast is waiting." Dorcas laughed and fell down on the bed next to her. Carefully battling the banket away from her.

"And by getting ready she means, take a shower, you stink," Sulfia added, before smirking at Lily's misery and helped Dorcas to rip away her safe haven.

"Charming." Lily gave back but still sat upon her bed to face the day.

"Yes, nearly as charming as you smell." Of course, Sulfia needed to have the last word. So Lily did the mature thing and stuck out her tongue before grabbing a towel and taking a long hot shower.

Part of her hoped that the other two had already left when she returned from the bath and Lily could crawl back into bed, but of course, they waited for her, but thankfully changed the subject on the way down to breakfast. Or at least until they arrived in the Great Hall. Once they spotted the four Gryffindor guys in their year they immediately started to walk in their direction. Lily tried to hold them back and hissed to them.

"Is that necessary?" This would be so humiliating.

"Yes, you decided you wanted to be friends with James for a reason and I actually would like to sit with them," Sulfia said and waved at the boys. Making sure that they knew the girls saw them.

"Don't worry. They are fun to hang out with." Dorcas assured her and lightly squeezed her arm.

"Oh, you know those boys. It's probably not even the most ridiculous thing happening to them this week." Sulfia agreed once more and then stepped closer to the boys and greeted them. "How are you? Did we miss any good laughs?" She slighted down opposite of the boys at the table and made room for Dorcas and Lily.

Dorcas sat down as well but left enough space between Sulfia and herself for Lily, who just stood there for a moment. Should she sit down? Or sit by herself somewhere else? But it would be much more awkward to walk away now. With that thought, she sat down but was very interested in her own plate.

But from the few glances she took at the boys, they looked surprised. Peter was shifting in his seat and ducked at Remus' robe, before mumbling something to him. Remus in return just shrugged his shoulders. Sirius was silent and mustered Lily before turning her attention back to Sulfia.

"Oh, Sulfia, you light of my life. To see you with me fills my heart with joy!" Sirius dramatically proclaimed. "Now that we are no longer pulled apart by warring companions, we can finally find our way to each other."

Lily felt herself blush at his words and looked at James, who looked down at his plate as well. Lily didn't really pay attention to the banner around her. Was he just uncomfortable with her here? Did he think it was just a drunk idea and was now regretting ever playing along?

James in total didn't say much more than Lily. This was so terribly awkward. But apparently, the others didn't notice, because they were all chatting and joking with each other. Even Lily had to smile at times, for example when Remus and Black fought over a waffle and Remus outraged look when he finally won the battle and victoriously lifted the fork with his price into the air only for Peter to take a bite from it.

Obviously, she took the first opportunity she could make an excuse to leave a little bit early. Back in the bathroom Lily splashed cold water in her face and looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure how to deal with the situation. But she had to face this anyway. She took one last deep breath and stepped out again.

A bit before her she saw the Marauders walking. They hadn't noticed her coming out of the bathroom. Lily followed them quietly and couldn't help but hear them talk with each other, because apparently none of them knew how to talk quietly.

"-really, how you just froze up was so funny," Sirius claimed and threw an arm around James' shoulders. He tried to shrug it off.

"I know. But I just didn't know what to do or say." James sounded quite dejected.

"So you decided to just stay still and hope that Lily is some kind of lizard that only notice things that move?" All three of James friends laughed at Remus' question.

James' shoulders sacked down. "I know, I just don't want to mess up again. I really want us to be friends. I just don't know how."

Lily had to smile at those words. Maybe there was a chance. She gathered all her Gryffindor bravery and speeded up to caught up to the boys.

"Hey, wait up!" The four boys looked around and James looked started. "You have Transfiguration as well right?" Lily asked unnecessarily. Of course, she knew that they had the same subject as her. But she just wanted to start a conversation. Peter elbowed James in the ribs when he didn't say anything.

"Eh…"

"Yes, we do." Sirius saved him from stuttering some more.

"Great. Then we can walk together right?"

"Sure," Remus added, but leaned his head to the side, looking slightly confused. Lily smiled at him before turning to face James and smiled at him as well.

"Brilliant. You see, I, of course, made my homework for today and I may or may not copied part of it from the book without understanding it. But I thought, now I'm friends with the top Transfiguration student I maybe could ask him to explain something to me?" Part of her wanted to run away right now, but the bigger part decided to stay.

Now both Peter and Sirius were elbowing James and he managed to find his words again.

"Is that so?" He sounded more nervous than she heard him in a long time. "Maybe we could do something about it."

"Great! Everything works as planned." Lily grinned up at him while falling in step with him, after Peter made room for her and switched from James' side to Sirius, leaving Lily to walk between Remus and James.

"Ui! Are you just trying to be friends with me to use me as a Transfi-tutor?" James declared in outrage and for a moment Lily was afraid he meant it and was really hurt by her teasing, but the twinkle in his eyes told her that he was faking it. He was just relaxing and acting more natural around her.

"Of course! What else is there about you?"

"The pain of being reduced only to your brain powers." He pretended to tear up. "You know, I have a Quidditch sculptured body as well!"

Lily couldn't help herself, she started to giggle. "Oh, boys and their outrage. If they don't want girls to focus on their brains, they shouldn't do so well in class."

James and the other boys started to laugh along with her and when they all arrived at the classroom Sulfia and Dorcas looked at her slightly confused but proud at the same time.

She kept the totally embarrassing friendship contract out of everybody's, but save in her trunk.

* * *

A.N. Being friends is more difficult than signing a paper. You have to reach out and really try to understand the person, especially if you had been at odds with each other like they had been. Of course, it would be a bit awkward at first but once both really see that the other wants to make an effort too it gets easier and soon they see that cam joke with each other and enjoy spending time together.

I hope you like this chapter and maybe leave a review. I'm always very happy to get them from all of you.

Have a nice day


	74. Year 6 Chapter 74

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 74**

Lily sat in the library and pulled her robe closer around her. She pulled her hands into the shelves and hugged herself. In front of her laid an unfinished astronomy essay and an open book about the southern stars. She had an ambivalent relationship with astronomy at the best of times, but now nothing seemed to make sense. Her head was throbbing and she felt hot and cold at the same time. Her body ached all over.

Dorcas was sitting next to her and biting her lips while watching her with worried eyes.

"You know, you should really go to the hospital wing, Lily. You don't look too good." She said.

"Nay it's fine. Just a little cold." Lily assured her but wasn't really feeling it.

"Come on, you are not getting any studying done anyway. I will drop you off there." Dorcas kept pressing.

"Nay, really, it is fine. I can't go yet, I hav- it didn't matter."

Even if Lily really wanted to go and just sleep, she was on baby-duty, as the other older muggleborn call it. It meant that it was her responsibility that the younger muggleborns got back to their common rooms save when the library closed.

This didn't seem to convince Dorcas at all. Lily felt bad, because not only couldn't she study, but she kept Dorcas from it as well. But she couldn't leave. This was important.

Dorcas looked helpless for a moment before she focused on something behind Lily and her eyes lit up. Relief drew itself on her face. Lily blinked a couple of times and tried to make sense out of it. What was going on? But she felt too tired to look behind her, but that wasn't necessary. Because in the next moment Sirius, Peter, and James sat down at their table.

"Don't even think about eating that chocolate frog here, both of you." James censured his friends. "I'm not going to kiss up to the librarian because one of you ruined some fancy book, AGAIN!"

"First, it was probably less your charm and more the humongous donation your parents made to the library that did the trick. Second, you were as much involved in setting that thing on fire as we were!" Sirius claimed.

"I had to do two months of library detention in which I convinced her that we could be trusted with books again. And I wasn't even there at that time when you guys got all of us banned by association!"

"There you see it! If you would have been there you could have stopped us. Clearly, you are as much to blame as we are." Peter argued along Sirius against James.

Lily couldn't bring herself to care and dropped her head down in her arms. Maybe she could close her eyes for a moment.

"Hey Lily, everything alright?" James asked her. His voice sounded worried and she felt someone brush aside her bangs and carefully placed a cool hand against her forehead. "You are hot and I for once don't mean it in a flirty way. What are you doing here? You should be in the hospital wing or bed."

"She doesn't want to go." Dorcas answered for her. She sounded frustrated.

"Can't…" Lily mumbled against her arms. The cold hand disappeared from her skin and a small whimper escaped her lips. She heard her friends talk quietly, but she couldn't understand them.

"Come on, Lily. It is not like you could do much to protect the kids in your state right now. What do you want to do if the mini-Death Eater club attacks? Sneeze on them?" James told her.

Lily head jolted up. She had never told the other ones why she wanted to stay. "How do you know-?" Her vision was kind of blurry.

"You are not so subtle about it." Sirius replied.

"Please Lily, you're sick. Let Dorcas take you to Poppy and we will get the midgets back to their rooms." James pleaded with her. Dorcas looked at him with wide eyes first before nodding along with him.

"But…" Lily weakly protested.

"Yes Lily, we solemnly swear to protect them with everything we have and make sure they get to their dorms safely!" Sirius claimed and stood up, placing his right hand over his heart. Peter followed his example swiftly and James as well, but he kept his worried eyes on her.

"What?" Lily looked at them confused.

"That is the highest oath a marauder could take." Peter explained to her. "Really Lily, leave it to us three."

"Do you even know who the muggleborns are so that you don't accidentally leave anyone behind?" Lily asked as a last protest.

"I'm sure Peter here knows who we have to worry about. I know lots of stranger stuff about people." Sirius said and pushed Peter lightly. "I mean he has a list of the different shoe sizes of the students and who owns what rare choco-frog card."

"Hey! Don't make me sound weird!" Peter answered. "Those infos are useful!"

"If you want, we can take a small walk around the library and you can tell some of them that you are leaving and we cover for you tonight. I'm sure they are able to pass it on to each other." James added.

Finally Lily nodded. James and Dorcas signed in relief and with a swing of her wand, Dorcas packed away Lily's stuff and helped her stand up. Peter and Sirius sat down at the table instead of them and James followed them to the door of the library. On the way, they met Jason, a third-year Gryffindor muggleborn. James recognized him first because he was a reverse chaser for the quidditch team and once last year beat him in a dance-off duel.

"Hey buddy, how are you doing?" James greeted him and the younger boy grinned up at him with a bit of hero-worship in his eyes.

"Great. I'm getting this essay done today and then tomorrow I have some time testing some Quidditch moves." He puffed his chest in pride.

"Sounds brilliant, send me a word when and I will try to drop to give you some tips," James said, but a slight impatience was in his voice when he didn't wait for Jason to answer anything. "Can you do me a favor? Lily here, is sick tonight and on her way to the nurse. I and the boys are covering for her tonight. Can you get the word around and make help us collecting everybody and make sure they get to their houses save?"

Jason looked at Lily for a moment and probably saw that she wasn't up for it and nodded to James. "Sure, I will help you."

"Great. You're a lifesaver." James answered and patted him on the shoulder and hurried to catch up with Dorcas, who had pulled Lily along already again.

Finally, at the exit of the library, James stopped following them like some overgrown mother hen, but not before instructing Dorcas to take good care of Lily.

"Thank you, James. I owe you one." Lily mumbled when she turned back to him one last time.

"Nay, you don't. Just go and get better. We will take good care of your ducklings."

The next day Lily felt much better. She had drunk a potion and slept until noon. But now she felt ready to take on the world again. She stretched in her bed and looked around. The white of the hospital wing was slightly blinding, but the sun was shining through the window and made everything less harsh on the eyes.

Soon enough Madam Pomfrey showed up and declared her healthy again, but that she should stay in bed a bit longer before leaving again. Not long after Sulfia stopped by and her face lit up when she saw Lily awake.

"You look a lot better today." Sulfia informed her and walked up to her. "I got you some cherries."

"I feel a lot better as well." Lily grinned and made some room for Sulfia to sit on the bed and popped some cherries into her mouth. They tasted as fresh as freshly picked from a tree, even in the middle of December. Magic was brilliant. For a moment Lily chewed and thought about last night. The memory how the boys offered to escort the younger students if Lily would go and see Madam Pomfrey came back to her. "Was everything alright yesterday after I went here? I mean did the boys…"

"Bring back your minions to the tower?" Sulfia asked with an amused smile. "Yes. They did and they all seemed to have lots of fun. Jason was named over-chaos-sergeant by them apparently." She grinned at Lily and stole a handful of cherries only put those back that didn't look perfect. Lily swatted her hand away for that.

Lily felt relieved and reassured at Sulfia's words that she went to the muggleborn meeting with a smile and high spirits.

Once there some of the younger students came up to her. They had bright smiles on their faces and in their excitement stumbled over words, when they told her how James and the other boys had given them ridiculous nicknames and showed them some secret path around the castle to their common rooms. It sounded like a fun adventure. One Lily felt a bit miffed that she missed out on it. The kids were chatting so happily and loud that Lily didn't even notice how quiet Mary was the whole time.

It was only after the younger students were escorted back to their houses and only the fifth to seventh-year students were left did Mary turn to Lily or better on her.

"You just handed over the kids to somebody else? It was YOUR responsibility!" Mary growled at her.

This actually caught Lily by surprise. She staggered a step back. She didn't know how to react to that.

"You put them in danger! What if they had been attacked?!" She got louder but wasn't shouting exactly.

"I was sick and wouldn't have been able to protect anyone." Lily finally answered when she found her voice again. "And they were protected, by those boys! They wouldn't have let anything happen to those kids!"

"They are purebloods. How would you trust them to stay and fight? Or even turn on them themselves?" Mary shot back.

"They are the Marauders! I didn't hand them over to some Death Eaters or even Slytherins! I don't think there is anyone on this castle who are itching for a fight with Slytherins!" Lily's voice got stronger now and her volume rose to match Mary's.

"We do this system for a reason! We have to look out for ourselves! And they made it a joke! They play around instead of watching! We can't just trust anyone! You of all people should know that." Mary's voice was laced with venom. "I thought you had learned from your past mistake. That you got wiser. And you think a Sirius Black would fight for you? That he kills his own brother for you if it comes down to it?"

"I don't know… I- We are still in Hogwarts and they were trying to make it a bit less bleak. And the chance that he has to actually kill his brother for me or any of us to survive is very very small. And while I don't know if he would kill his brother, I know he would fight him. We are still in school." Lily felt her voice shake a little bit at the end.

"Not for much longer." Mary replied. Her cold eyes made Lily shiver. "Soon we will be out there and be hunted down like some animals. We all are in the same boot here, we all can trust each other. But they- They have no reason to fight. They could decide that they want to step back or even switch sides. How could we just trust them? We are fighting for our lives. We can't be so careless."

"We have to learn how to trust! We can't win this war alone and yes we are fighting for our lives so losing is not an option. We literally have to win and we are not going to do that with just us few muggleborns. So you asked how we could trust them? We have to... We have to trust someone like James Potter that he really is believing in another kind of magical world. One where we are all equals and not defined by our blood. We have to believe that people like him are so convinced of those morals that they would fight and die for them. We have to trust them. We have to give them a chance." Lily balled her hands into first to stop them from trembling. "We have to… And I do. I do trust him and I even trust Sirius, even if I don't know if he would kill his own brother for me. But I trust him that he is willing to fight for us, for a magical world that he wants to live in."

Lily had looked straight at Mary for the whole fight, but now she let her eyes wander to the other 5th to 7th years around them. This fight reminded Lily so much of all the fights she had with Mary last year about Severus and the worst part had always been not only Mary's words but the looks of the others. The anger and mistrust in their eyes. They had looked at her like she was a traitor. She expected to meet those looks again. And there were some that did look at her like that, but not all. Some were looking down that the For the first time ever, some of the other muggleborns were on her side and not Mary's.

Lily wasn't sure how to react and neither was Mary, apparently. Because after she looked around the room, she gave Lily one last dark glare and left without another word. An uncomfortable silence settled in the room and some followed Mary out immediately others stayed behind for a moment. They looked as they wanted to say something, but thought better of it and finally left Lily alone.

Lily opened her fist and it was still shaking.

* * *

A.N. It was a bit since the last update. This chapter has some different terms in it. From Lily's friends worrying about her and helping her with those tasks and responsibilities she is faced with, to how Mary and Lily have different ideas for the future and how to face the war. Mary isn't always the easiest character to write. She has many rough edges and not always the best at communicating, especially with Lily and she needs time to accept new ideas. But those discussions and fights are important as well. And while Mary is a hardhead, Lily's standing in the whole group is slowly shifting. And yes Peter was part of the group to drop the younger students off to show that Mary's worries are not all unfounded.

I hope you enjoy the chapter and please leave a comment.

Have a nice day


	75. Year 6 Chapter 75

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 75**

Christmas holidays were strange this year. With both girls out of the house their parents had started to renovate the house a bit and against their wish Petunia and Lily had to share a room those days. They normally ignored each other as much as possible. It helped that Petunia was out of the house most days, seeing old friends or meeting her new boyfriend.

Surprisingly it worked better than Lily expected. Petunia enjoyed it when their parents asked her about everything going on in London like they normally do about Hogwarts with Lily. This time they didn't ask that much about Hogwarts or even the magical world. Maybe it was because Lily had told them less and less each year. She knew with everything going on she was unsure what to think about it herself. So how should she explain it to her parents?  
What they did talk about was James, well Jimmy Bloomer.

"I was over for coffee last week. James is really such a nice boy. Charming really. His mum says that he is going to start working in his father's garage soon." Lily's mum told her with real benevolence. "Maybe you could help him with the filling station for a few years if you want. I know how independent you like to be."

Lily blinked. She wasn't sure what shocked her the most. That her mother seemed to assumed that she and Jimmy were a done thing and that they should plan their future together, that she would leave the magical world once she finished with Hogwarts, that she had no ideas what kind of thing Lily would like to do with her life or that she thought 'helping out' at your partner's business was a form of independence.

Lily stared at her mother and tried to from her thoughts into words, but the words that fell from her lips weren't about herself. "After A-level, he wants to go to London and get a job to pay for university." Her mother looked at her in surprise. "He wrote me that in his letters."

They did write to each other a couple of times.

"Oh well, plans can be changed." Her mother answered and Lily wasn't sure if she meant Jimmy's or those of his parents for him. "Whatever his mum told me, that they have some relatives over at boxing day and that you are invited." It sounded like a done deal to Lily as if her mother had already agreed to it.

Lily nodded and looked down.

"I'm going to celebrate New Year with some classmates. I'm going over at the 30th and will be back at the 2nd." Lily told her mother. If she could make decisions for Lily without asking then Lily surely could make some for herself as well.

Her mum's lips got thin.

"What classmates? And at which house?"

"James Potter's house and just some other friends from school."

"At another boy's house? I don't think your boyfriend will like that very much. You don't want the people to get the wrong ideas." Her mum warned her.

"Well, it's not up to him or _the people_." Lily replied forcefully. Not that Lily ever had the feeling that Jimmy was very jealous. When she wrote some (heavily edited and muggle friendly) anecdotes about the four Gryffindor boys or any of her male friends home to him, he always seemed amused or outraged about them as Lily thought reasonable. Never did he seem uncomfortable with her having male friends.

"If you think so…" There was something very snippy in her mum's voice that reminded Lily a lot of Petunia, but Lily ignored it. She seemed to sense that her daughter wouldn't change her mind and instead changed the subject. "Oh and please remember that Petunia is bringing her boyfriend over at Christmas Eve for dinner, maybe you can bring James as well."

"Are you sure Petunia would be ok with that?" Lily didn't want to give her sister the feeling that she wanted to steal the spotlight away again.

"Oh, I'm sure she will be fine with that." Her mum had a small secretive smile on her face like she knew something Lily didn't.

"I'll ask him."

It turned out that no, Jimmy didn't have a problem with having dinner with them on Christmas Eve and it made Lily nervous. She wanted to rebuild things with Petunia and taking her spotlight would only make it worse. So Lily tried to explain her worries to Jimmy, who was surprisingly understanding.

Lily brought Jimmy over before Petunia and her boyfriend would arrive so that they couldn't cut Petunia's introduction short by an untimely arrival. It wasn't long until Petunia and her new boyfriend should arrive and Lily couldn't do much, but fidgeting with her hands. Jimmy took her hand in his for a moment to still them and held them for a moment. It gave Lily some comfort.

As soon as Lily heard the knock on the door she became stiff again, she didn't know what to say, but thankfully Jimmy was able to carry a conversation for her. He somehow managed to laugh at some of Vernon's unfunny stories when all Lily could think was how her sister deserves someone better, someone, more interesting and exciting. The evening wasn't without some small bumps on the road of course.

"And you both live in London?" Jimmy asked with real curiosity this time. "I always wanted to go there for at least some time. I think it is great and brave that you decided to live there on your own." He smiled at Petunia, who blushed at his words.

"Well, thank you." She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's not that impressive."

"Oh yes, it is." Jimmy answered. "Really maybe you can tell me some good places to get a drink or somewhere with good music?"

But before Petunia could answer Vernon in his far too loud and far too rude voice. "You shouldn't go out in London. Only good-for-nothings hang around in the bars there. Full of poofers and other riff-raffs. A real shame that they no longer put them in jail. Nothing good, hardworking men like us want to associate with."

"Ah, yes. Of course." Jimmy hurried to agree but he looked put out and more closed off after this. Her parents seemed too absent-minded agree or at least didn't disagree. Lily herself felt confused. Sure, she knew what those terms mean. Those were some rude ways to call gays. In Hogwarts, those kinds of things didn't really matter, at least not in Gryffindor. People normally cared more about the color of the tie. She remembered how Dorcas and Sulfia thought that she was interested in girls. It didn't seem much of a deal then.

Thankfully dinner was nearly over and they somehow survived everything. And while Lily was happy to have Vernon out of the house again, she was sad that would be able to talk with Petunia some more. Of course, she knew that she wouldn't rebuild her relationship with her sister in just one evening, but she had still hoped for more. The disappointment crushed her and maybe it was because of that did Lily care so much about the last words Petunia said to her before leaving.

"Your boyfriend, he is normal, nice. I- well- goodbye."

"Maybe we could hang out together, or something…" Lily asked. Her voice tampering with hope. But Petunias expression got cold again.

"I don't know if that would be a good idea." Petunia replied through thin, pressed together lips.

"Oh, okay. Well, stay save then."

The door closed and Lily intervened her fingers with Jimmy's. She was grateful to have someone by her side who had her back. When he said goodbye the hug they shared felt much more meaningful than the kiss on the cheek he gave her.

"Thank you for everything tonight." Lily told him when they stood outside her front door.

"Don't worry you will get a chance to return the favor very soon." Jimmy laughed, but it looked strained in some way. "My aunt and father always have lots of things to criticize about me, but with a girlfriend they have at least one thing less, right?"

Part of Lily was unbelievable relieved that Jimmy didn't have a perfect family either. "Don't worry, I got your back!"

"Good. See you."

"Yes, stay safe."

* * *

A.N. Well Jimmy is back in this chapter and Lily is trying to use him as a way to reach out to Petunia and he is fine with it. Lily's relationship with her parents is tense. They don't really understand the magical world and they have a mindset typical for people their age at that time. Feminism still had a long way to go in the muggleworld while it seemed to be much more natural in the magical world for a witch to be equal to a wizard.

Poofers and riff-raffs are old insults for gays. The rights of gays had improved a lot in the UK at that time, 1967 it was decriminalized for over 21 year olds to be gay in England and Wales, but all gay sex was still illegal in Scottland and Northen Ireland until 1980/81. So Vernon going on how 'those people' destroy the morals of their country was something that happened a lot and people were still sentenced to jail for being gay, even if London became this gay cultural centrum at the same time.

I hope you like it and maybe like to leave a comment.

Have a nice day.


	76. Year 6 Chapter 76

**Lily Bud**

 **year 6 Chapter 76**

"The party is smaller than I thought it would be." Lily wasn't sure why exactly she was telling James this.

"Are you disappointed?" James looked unsure of himself as he opened her a bottle of butterbeer.

"No, I just assumed that a party you and Sirius throw would be bigger and wilder." She took a slip. Less than twenty people had been there and most had already left or had been picked up by their parents. Just the 6th year Gryffindors would stay the night. The night had been filled with dancing and singing offkey and had ended with a beautiful firework by James' parents and Sirius, but not a grumpy James, who at sixteen was still too young to perform magic outside of Hogwarts. "I like it, I actually know the people here and you don't have to shout to talk with each other." Lily gave James a small smile.

"To be honest Sirius and I thought about it, but mum and dad are getting old and while they said it would be ok, but still…" James trailed off. He looked sheepish as if it was embarrassing to downscale a party out of consideration for his parents.

Lily thought it was kind of sweet.

"Are you two declaring your undying love for each other?" Sirius just appeared between them and threw an arm around each of their shoulders. "If the answer to that is no, whatever you're doing is boring and you can join me and the rest in a far more interesting game of truth and dare."

With those words, he pulled them with him towards the living room, where the others already sat down on the floor with some pillows and blankets. Sirius pushed them down into the circle, before sitting down himself between Gwen and Gunny. Lily gave Remus a small smile who made a bit room for her on her other side.

"Remus explain the rules." Sirius ushered an order to Remus, who raised an eyebrow.

"We have rules?" He questioned him.

"Just think something up."

Remus rolled his eyes and started to talk. Apparently, there were some rules he could think of. "We play truth or dare. Someone spins a bottle and the person it lands on can choose between those two. The spinner has to think up a dare or question. Everybody drinks a potion that turns you nose Slytherin green when lying, it's not forcing you to tell the truth, the rest of us are!" The boys howled in agreement. "For dare, if it involves another person here you have to spin a bottle to see with you. Like 'Give a piggyback ride to-', for example, spin the bottle and see who. If you lie or can't do a dare you have to drink, if not a ⅔ majority decides it is undoable, then the task giver has to drink." He waited a moment if someone wanted to protest and when nobody did, he got out a small bottle and removed the cork. Before he could drink from it Lily interrupted him.

"Who made that potion?" She asked and couldn't banish the nervousness out of her voice. Remus really wasn't known for his achievements in potion, if you don't count most melded cauldrons in a week (four for those that wonder, with only two classes that week), and Lily didn't. So the idea of drinking a potion Remus made didn't fill her with confidence.

"We did." Remus answered before he backtracked his answer a little bit. "Well those three." He pointed at his friends. "Thought it up and created it back in the holidays between third and fourth year. Don't worry Mr. Potter checked it and it is safe and works like intended."

If Lily remembered correctly James' father had been a potioneer himself before retiring. Lily gave Remus a small smile, who now finally took a slip and past the bottle on.

"And remember we will all tell a small lie once the potion got around to make sure it works." James added and maybe, just maybe it motivated Gwen to take another sip from the bottle.

Soon the game was on and they were drinking and laughing. By now Sirius was only allowed to talk in questions. The more he drank the more difficult it got. He spun the bottle. It landed on Sulfia who decided to take dare.

"So aren't you a pretty one Sulfia? How would you like to become even more pretty?" His wide grin made Sulfia visibly shiver in fear.

"I don't think that is necessary?" Her voice shook with every word.

"Are you not curious who is going to give you a new make-up for the night, that you would have to keep wearing?"

Sulfia's eyes jumped from the girls to the boys in the group. The girls smiled at her while the boys grinned between themselves. James held out the bottle to her.

"I have a 50:50 chance here. How bad can it be?" She said and spun.

It landed on Remus. The boys howled and cheered with laughter. They clapped on his back and a wide grin stole itself on his face. Sulfia on the other side turned a bit white and leaned slightly away from him.

"I warn you Lupin." Sulfia tried to intimate him, without success. He just laughed and giggled, yes giggled not matter what the boys said, with the other boys.

James and Sirius had jumped up and raced the stairs up, only to return a short while later with all kinds of makeup. Not some joke makeup but real makeup. Good makeup, not the stuff you buy just anywhere.

"Is that your mum's stuff?" Gunny asked, but Gwen gave her a small nudge that went unnoticed by the boys.

"Of course it is, who else would use makeup in this household?" James answered without hesitation.

Remus had far too much fun with this. With a mad gleeful grin, he put so much color on her face that every clown would tell her to calm down a bit. The other three boys egging him on all the time. Finally, he was finished and the boys were literally rolling on the floor laughing while the girls only managed to give her a painful half-smile.

"Mirror.", demented Sulfia and held her hand out to the girls.

"Are you sure?" Dorcas asked. Sulfia rose one of her elegant eyebrows, but some of the normally intimidating effect was lost because it was now reddish-pink and the whole eyelid below bright green and blue. "If you are sure…"

She looked into the mirror and made a sound between a gasp and a scream. It made the boys topple over with laughter. She glared at them, before focusing on Remus. "You will pay for this. I will get you."

"What about those two? They helped!" He pointed at Sirius and James.

"Oh, they will get their payback as soon as Mrs. Potter notice that they let you ruin nearly a hundred worth of make-up for this." Sulfia had a cold nearly predatory smile on her face as she watched the color drain from the boys' faces.

"You're lying!" Sirius accused her and belated remembered his only question rule. "Right?"

"Do you see me turn green?"

"She nearly never uses it."James said, his voice was a bit more high-pitched than usually.

"Because she saves it for special occasions." Sulfia fixed him with her far too colorful face. James looked at the other girls and Gwen und Gunny shrugged their shoulders and nodded.

Dorcas just gave him a pitiful smile. "Don't ask me. My mum doesn't wear much makeup and I don't think she could afford that stuff."

James gathered the makeup together and looked through it to see what kind of damage was done. He waved Sirius close and they started to whisper.

"And if we buy some of the stuff new? Mum wouldn't notice too much." Lily could hear him mumble.

"With what money? Oh no… come on! That was for the concert! We planned to go since forever." Sirius whined and Lily thought about reminding him about the question rule but decided against it. He seemed stressed enough already.

"We will see how much the stuff is…"

They mumbled some more between them and Sirius sent Sulfia some dark glares who just blew a kiss his way. Finally, he nodded to James and they returned to the game. It was kind of relieving and satisfying that even someone as rich as James had to worry about such amounts of money. Some things they all learned in the next half hour was that Peter had a surprisingly pleasant singing voice, James couldn't juggle four quaffles in the air, the meanest thing Gwen did was breaking something because she knew her brother would get the blame and Dorcas and Michael didn't actually have sex yet, much to everybody's surprise.

When the next time Peter spun the bottle it landed on Lily.

"Truth." Lily decided before Peter could even ask.

"Ok, uh, well, let me think…" Peter scratched the back of his head and Lily saw how Sirius rolled his eyes. And while that was a bit rude, Lily could understand, because Peter always took very long to come up with a question or dare. Lily leaned back and opened herself a choco frog because really she didn't expect to have a question to answer for quite a bit.

Peter was thinking for nearly a minute before finally. He looked a bit desperate. "I know it's not my best, but did you ever date anyone?"

Lily felt heat rising to her face and nodded.

"Excuse me, WHAT?!" Sulfia shouted. "When the hell did you ever date someone and why did we not know about it?" Sulfia stared at her with owlish eyes and Dorcas nodded along with her and added.

"I mean, you are not really trying to tell me, that I know far to much about that guy Sulfia met in Italy a couple of days ago and you didn't even tell us that you have a guy!"

After a moment Sulfia's eyes widened some more and she continued. "Please tell me it is not Snape! You always said you weren't interested in him that way!" Lily could see the disgust in the curve of her lips.

"No!" Lily claimed, then quieter, "No…" She would never live down that rotten judgment to befriend him, it seemed. She hurried to change topic. "We are dating right now. James-" Someone was gasping for air and everybody looked between her and, well, James. Oh Merlin, this was going poorly! "Bloomer! A boy out of my neighborhood!" Lily rushed to explain.

Everybody looked awkward between her and James. The smile had slipped off his face and he looked like something crumbled inside of him. Lily immediately wished to take her words back. Where was a time-turner if you need them? Why, Merlin why did she think this was a good idea to tell anyone. She hadn't bothered to tell anyone at Hogwarts before. Everybody was quiet or took awkwardly long sips from their drinks. Peter looked nervous as he watched James. Finally, James reacted. A wide grin appeared on his face that didn't reach his eyes.

"Well, so much for the theory that it was my name you couldn't stand. Sorry boys, looks like renaming myself Fleamont is put on hold.", he joked and laughed at his own joke. Remus and Peter joined him. Lily forced herself to giggle with him. If he managed to joke about his own feelings for her sake, the least she could do is to laugh along with him, right? Sirius didn't seem to share that opinion as he shot her a dark glare before Remus kicked him and he replied with banter.

"As if Fleamont would have got you any better chances. No sane girl would ever date a Fleamont."

"Oi! My mum even married a Fleamont, thank you very much!" James stated with theatrical outrage.

"Her name is Euphemia. That is equally terrible and they bonded over it!"

James did the mature thing and stocked his tongue out at Sirius. Now Lily giggled for real. Remus and Peter now made sure to continue to game again and try to dispel the tension. Right now they were insulting each other with reims.

Lily looked back to James but saw how his fun expression had slipped again. He caught her watching him and looked down at his hand before excusing himself by mumbling something about snacks. Lily didn't hesitate long before following him to the kitchen.

James' back was to her and before Lily could announce herself, he smashed his fist down on the table so hard that some of the bowls he got out with snacks shook or even jumped a bit. A surprised squick must have left her lips as James turned around in the next moment. His eyes widened and he flushed red.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. That there was, well stupid, yeah…" He ran his hand through his hair, but not in his boyish-grinning-ruffling kind of way more like the frustrated-and-stressed-hair-pulling way.

"No, no, it is fine." Lily hurried to say.

"Uh, can I help you?" He asked, still looking embarrassed.

"No, I mean yeah, I mean.." Lily tried to remember what she wanted to tell him only to realize that she hadn't thought of that before following him. She would have to wing it. "I'm sorry, for, you know, making you feel- shit- I mean, I didn't mean to tell you like that, at your own party… yeah."

His eyes widened. "No!", he interrupted her. "Bloody hell. I'm more of a prick then I thought- Shit." He seemed to search for words. "You don't have to be sorry for not feeling, well, you are not hurting me with your feelings and I hope I don't hurt you with mine. Not that you have to think about my feelings or not more than any friend, they are my problem, not yours, you know. I like being friends with you and I always knew that you would one day find someone and I'm happy for you if you are happy. I want you to be happy even if- never mind! It was just the name. I didn't expect that. The idea that you say something like 'I love you, James' but to someone else is just- What I want to say is, please be happy and don't worry about me too much. I just need a moment to sort my head straight, you know…"

It was strange to see the normally so witty James so at lost for words. Lily ran her tongue over her dry lips.

"Jim or Jimmy." She said and James leaned his head to the side in confusion. "I normally call him that. It doesn't feel right to call him James." His eyes widened again but in a more pleasant way. Lily finish in a soft voice. "And we never said, you know, _that_ to each other." She wasn't sure why she felt the need to tell him, but not the others.

"Oh. Ok."

If James had anything else to say, Lily would never know, because in that moment Sulfia busted into the room, still in her colorful glory.

"How long does it take you two to get snacks? You are missing out on stuff, like that Gwen just turned green when she denied being in love with someone in our class and she isn't saying who."

* * *

A.N. So this is the NewYear's party or the after-party at least. And to those that asked themselves if her friends knew about her boyfriend, not until this chapter. James' reaction to this was difficult to write because I wanted him to be out of his deeps and still show that he had grown to respect and like Lily as a friend and was truly happy with being friends, just hurt at the same time. James loves his friends and he values Lily as a friend and not just his crush.

I hope I got this feeling across and that you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review to motivate me or to help me improve.

Have a nice day.


	77. Year 6 Chapter 77

**Lily Bud**

 **Year 6 Chapter 77**

There was a completely reasonable reason why exactly Lily was getting a piggyback ride from James, while Sirius was carrying Sulfia on his back. She and Sulfia were sending some harmless jinxes at each other between their uncontrollable bursts of giggles, while the boys were racing each other 'FOR HONOR AND THE RIGHT TO THE FLUFFIEST PILLOW!'. As they had loudly declared earlier.

As Lily said, it all made sense and was completely reasonable. You see, Remus and Peter were at the gobstone club meeting and Dorcas was hanging out with her boyfriend. So that left James, Sirius, Sulfia, and Lily to fight this important battle between them.

Being friends with James and the other Marauders was different than Lily expected. They were surprisingly thoughtful at times, worrying about each other, especially James, who the other mocked for being a mother hen. Then there were moments when they got into a nerdy excitement over something or another when they volleyed ideas off each other like rapid fire. It reminded her a bit about how Severus and she had worked on potions in the beginning, but part of that joy had been lost for them on the way when their friendship started to crumble. Not that Lily would ever tell anyone of that comparison. Other times Lily and the girls just turned away from them because they were doing something stupid and or disgusting, like finding out who was best had making fart noises with their armpits. And for those that want to know, the official unofficial armpit fart king of Gryffindor was Sirius. There were times when Lily would sit down with James for hours and just talk. She never thought he would be so insightful and curious in her and the world outside his pureblood bubble. She was grateful that things didn't get awkward after he found out she had a boyfriend. She had expected things to be strange or for him to act differently, but he still smiled and joked carefree with her.

And then there moments like this when they did something silly and stupid and fun.

Lily giggled, before being hit with a color-reversal-jinx, who would have thought that the opposite of her skin color was blueish?

"Ui, watch out Evans!" James reminded her because he nearly lost his step because of the hex.

"Hush you, now keep running my noble steed! Or I have to use the whip." Lily reminded him and lightly hit his shoulder to motivate him.

"Kinky, I like it." James claimed and squeezed her tights a little bit to lift her a bit high on his back.

"Get your mind out of the gutters and focus here." James laughed at her words, but in the next moment he burst into a sprint and caught up to Sirius and Sulfia again.

Lily aimed her wand and hit Sulfia perfectly. Immediately Sirius started to struggle and curse some chosen swearwords. James ran past them and up the flight of stairs that would lead to the finish line.

"What did you hit her with?" James asked. His breath was labored. "I didn't recognize that one?"

"A little invention of myself. A reversed featherlight charm. Makes everything five times heavier." Lily answered and a wide grin stretched over her face, not that James could see it.

"Devilish!" He sounded excited at the idea. "You have to teach me that one!"

The last part of the track was the trickiest, mostly because contrary to the rest in a part of the castle that was used by quite a few people. James tried to find a way through the masses of first and second years, while Lily was shouting apologizes and warnings out. Most of the little ones jumped out of the way and stared at them with big eyes.

The path was clear when one little one shrieked and jumped away from the stature she was leaning against, right into James' path. To avoid her James nearly crashed against the opposite wall and Lily had to cushion the impact with her arms and push them back on track.

Lily looked behind her to see what had caused the girl to jump and saw Sirius and Sulfia dash out of the stature. Sulfia seemed a bit annoyed by the spider webs that had entangled themselves in her hair. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed unaffected by the dust on his clothes.

"They used a hidden passage?" Lily wondered out aloud.

"Oi!" James shouted. "That's cheating!" But didn't look back.

Lily could already see the library doors, the destination of their little race. She cheered James on while turning around and shielding them from Sulfia's jinxes and hexes. Lily didn't dare to fire anything back because she was afraid to hit some innocent bystander. Finally, James crashed against the doors and shouted in breathless cheers that reminded Lily of his Quidditch cheers. Lily slid down his back and threw her arms around him and cheered with him. He twisted her around one or two times. By the time Sirius and Sulfia arrived as well, Lily had let go of him and he leaned against a bookcase and slowly slid to the ground. He gave the other two a big grin and it was the first time Lily really notice a small gap between his front teeth. Nothing big, but it was still there and made him look boyish and cute.

Sirius tried to look grumpy, but the fact that the corners of his mouth always twitched up, destroyed that impression. "Next time you will go down!" Sirius promised.

"Never!" James answered.

Lily sat down next to him and giggled some more. James leaned against her. They watched how Sirius and Sulfia quarreled over whose fault it was that they lost.

James lightly pushed his shoulder against hers to get her attention. When she turned to him, he smiled at her. His big and goofy smile that made her feel carefree. She bit her lips before smiling back. James opened his mouth to say something, but before he could make a sound somebody else's voice rang to the air.

"Slut!"

Lily and James' heads both turned around immediately. Steven, Sulfia's current boyfriend, stood in front of Sulfia and had apparently pushed her away from Sirius. Sulfia looked hurt and confused and Sirius just stunned.

"I should have listened when people told me you're nothing but a slut." He shouted at Sulfia. People turned around to see what the tumult was about. "With me, you act all coy, but you literally jump Black here the moment you can?"

Sulfia opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, other voices joined her.

"How dare you?" Lily asked and got up to her feet again.

James next to her jumped to his feet as well. He stepped between Steven and Sulfia. He stood up to his full height and puffed his chest out to glare down on the Ravenclaw.

"What the hell is your problem?"Sirius barked at him while taking a step forward as well to shield Sulfia.

"My problem is that my girlfriend is embarrassing me by basically making out with you!" He snarled back.

"Are you blind or stupid? We were just hanging out as friends? Do you know what that means? It means people like spending time with you because they like your character. I could imagine that it is an alien concept to you." James lent just a bit closer with these words and was now nearly looming over the other guy, who involuntary took a step or two back. Sadly it didn't shut him up.

"Oh, friends my arse. As if all this isn't a way for you Potter to get into Evans' pants. Who would have thought that you're really that desperate that you actually want to go after Snape's leftovers?"

"You little-!" James' hand flew to his wand.

Lily for a moment debated with herself if she should do something, but Sulfia spock up before she could make a decision.

"I'm sorry." She said and Lily's head turned to her immediately.

"No, no, why would you-?" Lily started at the same time as Steven.

"If you think a lousy apology is going to make anyth-." Lily glared at him when he dared to say those words. But Sulfia interrupted both of them.

"Obviously I would never apologize to you." She sneered at Steven. "I'm apologizing to my friends here. So if you could get lost, I don't think I have anything to say to you anymore and you said more than enough already." She flipped her long blond hair back and Lily felt a proud grin growing on her face.

Sirius and James started to chuckle and turned away from him. Now it would be great if Steven would have understood when he lost.

"You stuck-up-bitch, if you think anyone in this school would ever hang out with you for any other reason but to get into your pants, apart, of course, Potter, who use you to get into-" He spat at her. By then Lily just had enough and pulled out her own wand.

"Silencio." She lazily flicked her wand and then went over to Sulfia to link her arm with hers. "Let's get out of here."

Sulfia walked away with Lily with her head held high, but Lily could feel the tension in her arm that took hold of her whole body. It felt like Lily had her hands on a steel cable that was under so much strain that you could hear the fibers creak, There was this anticipation that it could snap any moment and turn into an uncontrollable, violent steel whip.

They walked with confidence or at least they seemed to, but as soon as the halls around them became empty, Sulfia stopped.

"Do you think so too?" Her voice was quieter than normal and she avoided Lily's eyes.

"What? No! Of course not!" Lily answered immediately.

"But you know what I'm talking about?" Sulfia's voice was shrill and accusing.

"Of course, I do. I was there with you when he started to- to talk about this rubbish."

"Calling me a whore." Sulfia added.

"Yes, and you are not." Lily felt frustrated. Why did Sulfia seem to attack her about all this? "And nobody that is worth your time would ever think that."

"Easy for you to say. Little, perfect, virgin Lily, that everybody just has to like." Lily could feel the misdirected anger and hurt, but that didn't make it hurt less. Sulfia shook of Lily's arm.

"Yes, because I never was insulted and hurt by someone that should know better." Lily replied with dry sarcasm.

"Oh, shut up this isn't about you. Even the bloody betray you have suffered is greater than everybody else's, even if it was the most obvious thing to happen and literally, everyone was telling you about it!" Sulfia bit back before stopping in her motion. She pulled a face for a second and answered in a calmer voice. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. It is just sometimes so frustrating to stand next to you and feeling like I could never measure up. Like you are brilliant in school, people like you and you are pretty as well. I mean, I know that I look fine, but the last year, when I was just invisible next to you, hurt and now it just felt brilliant to be seen and to be wanted. But once again I'm less than you. I'm the whore and you are the perfect innocent darling." Sulfia looked down, but Lily could still see her eyes shimmering. "I hate feeling like this. I hate it."

"I always envy you."Lily said softly. "Whenever someone calls me a mudblood or doubts my place in this world. Says how I'm inferior, I compare myself to you. You have this perfect posture, like naturally perfect, you don't have to remind yourself to sit straight you just do. You are easy-going, but everybody respects what you do and say. You just know everybody and you are the life of any party, people just enjoy being around you. But you are witty and stand up for your beliefs." Lily didn't reach out to touch Sulfia. She just stood next to her and looked down as well. "I envy how confident you are and how sure of yourself and your place in the world you're. I feel like I have to learn everything and be perfect in every subject and all that to justify my presence here like I always have to prove myself to myself and others and no matter what I do, I will never measure up to you. And I hate that as well."

It was silent for a moment before Sulfia started to huff and finally giggle. She took Lily's hand in hers. "We are both idiots, hm?"

"Seems like it." Lily squeezed her hand back. "But you are really definitely not a whore or slut or anything. You are brilliant."

"Thank you and you belong and fit into this world as much as I do."

Lily slightly pushed against Sulfia's shoulder with her own. "Yeah, I know, kind of. But let's agree that boys are stupid."

"Sounds about right."

* * *

A.N. Just a little look into Lily's new friendship with the Marauders and that Lily managed to stay friends even after that awkward conversation at NewYear. Sulfia got some backlash for dating around, even if she shouldn't, but at least she has friends who stand with her, but this kind of double standard is widely used even today. Sulfia is one of my favorite OCs and while I enjoy to write her as a confident queen bee, she is a teenager as well and often insecure, but both Lily and she grow up and learn to talk about their feelings with each other.


End file.
